Nearly $300,000 of medical school education (more or less), and this is what they’re being taught. This explains A LOT about certain types of doctors. As a woman, I KNOW I’m not taken as seriously as my male counterparts. I find that disgusting and disrespectful. I’ve also found, over time, that female doctors are a lot less compassionate and caring, and genuinely don’t listen to me as well as they should. Obviously, some of that might depend on other factors, but overall, this is an important article.
I showed up for my doctor’s appointment today and the office staff, who I can only describe as idiotically incompetent, something I don’t normally say about this particular office, waited about ten minutes before informing me that my insurance had been terminated. To say I was outraged is a vast understatement.
When they ask you to confirm a week prior to your appointment THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO RUN YOUR INSURANCE. Every office is supposed to do this to avoid people showing up for appointments without coverage. Apparently, they’re too fucking lazy to do their jobs. Instead of doing their due diligence, they get me up early on a Friday morning, I arrive on time, and I get handed a huge pile of horse shit shortly after trying to gear up to be seen. I stepped out to find out what was going on because you don’t have private conversations in a waiting room.
I called my insurance company and they immediately passed the buck, claiming it “wasn’t their fault and they didn’t know anything”, thus leaving me to call the “parent company”. After being on hold for nearly twenty minutes, “the parent” made claims that I was notified of termination in March. I didn’t even have my insurance for a full two months in March, and I’d know if I had received a letter requesting information. I open everything they send me because if they need something, I make sure to handle it right away. I can’t afford to be without coverage. They told me they’re “missing a document”, but the document in question is one I provided them with before I was approved for insurance in the first place. How did it suddenly “go missing”? How is it that they waited until July 29th to cancel me?! They told me they sent me a letter on July 14th to notify me that they needed this document by the 28th. I would know if I’d received such a letter, but I didn’t. I have only received a few pieces of mail in the past few weeks and none of it was from them. The only thing I have received from them recently involved open enrollment for this Fall; which gives me the opportunity to change the secondary company and try something new out for three months, and either keep it after that for a full year or switch back to the current “child company”. Why would you send that to me if you were going to terminate me? It makes no sense.
I called them at the end of June to ask a question and I was assured that I was active with zero issues regarding my insurance. That would have been a good time to say “Hey, did you get the letter we sent you in March?”, or at least one would think so. I’ve spoken with the “child company” a handful of times and not once was this mentioned to me. Instead, the “parent” told me I did not have to do anything until the end of my first insured year when they ask you to verify your address and other information for the umpteenth time, “to keep everything current”. Their words, not mine. I don’t know about you, but I call and change my address with companies if need be, I don’t wait until they ask me to verify.
Being told “Please write a letter verifying your address and fax it to us immediately.” pissed me off because I missed out on two appointments I’ve had planned for the past month as a result of this idiocy. Even better, they told me to call them Monday (I’ve already faxed them the document.) to “make sure they got the fax”. These are the same people who, for months, told me they were handling my application and in the end, I was forced to re-apply because they’d somehow “only gotten one page” of a twenty plus page fax. I find this very hard to believe after being told “You’re in the system, we just haven’t processed you yet.”. I was told it would take 48 hours for the fax to be processed, but up to two weeks for me to be reinstated. I nearly lost it. I have appointments pending this month and I NEED to be seen. I cannot imagine going to the ER, something I had planned on doing due to my pain escalating, and being told I was not covered. I’m so outraged, and yet I am told this “happens all the time”. How is this acceptable? If I don’t receive notification of something, then I cannot provide you with a ridiculous document I’ve already given you.
The doctor’s office tried to get me to sign a waiver to be seen, claiming my insurance would “back date” me. My insurance company said “We don’t do that; don’t sign anything.” The woman in the office was asked twice how much one appointment was without insurance, just to get in and be seen, and she actually said “$800.” Did your jaw just hit the floor? She can’t possibly know what she’s talking about because that is so beyond unrealistic, it’s not even funny. Who the hell made up such nonsense? That she repeated it with a straight face more than once was truly appalling. Why can’t you just say “I honestly don’t know.”? Why lie and claim it’s “high because it’s billed through the hospital”? Trust me, that is NOT what you bill the insurance company and if you do, that is laughable because you’re probably lucky to get $80 from them. I know how this shit works.
The main reason I was there was to meet a new doctor and get medication. After dealing with the insurance and feeling like an absolute moron for not canceling when it’s genuinely what I wanted to do in the first place, the doctor calls me into her office, ostensibly to discuss what she is going to do, etc. It went from “I’ll give you a one month supply of your medicine.” to “I can’t prescribe that.” She was rude, dismissive, judgmental, and then tried to back-track with me and pretend to be nice after she’d already judged me for medication I’ve taken for fourteen years and insulted my intelligence. For the record, I hadn’t said a word to her before she started in on me. When I give you direct eye contact and it’s an icy look, and I’m being deadly silent, I am giving you the opportunity not to dig yourself a deeper hole. She kept digging. I immediately knew she was NOT going to work out. I may have to see her in a month, just to be prescribed the medicine, but I’ve already asked someone else in her office to “find me another doctor”, and I explained why in the shortest way possible.
My former doctor hasn’t actually left, which did not shock me at all. His name kept coming up in conversations to me and I nearly walked into his office and left him a note about the Oxford English dictionary definition of “I’m leaving on July 7th.” (I’m legitimately going to offer to pack his office for him. He is WAY too good for that place.). I haven’t spoken to him in a month, so he’ll know something is wrong if I’m calling. I both want to call and don’t want to, because I’m really unsure what he can do at this point. I am not sure what he was thinking when he recommended her, saying she was “really warm and caring” (I couldn’t warm up to this woman if we were cremated together. I can’t wait to hear his reaction when I tell him that. He knows me well enough to know I am not joking around.), but I hope to G-d he’s got someone else in mind because I will NOT tolerate someone like her ever again. Her behavior is the precise reason I started seeing male doctors almost exclusively. I don’t need bullshit from a doctor simply because she’s female. I’m a woman, too, but I don’t have anything to prove simply because I’m female.
I walked out of her office politely, but being told to “call my primary care physician” for medicine she was too afraid to prescribe pissed me off. It wasn’t merely what she said, it was the way she said it and how disrespectful she was overall. The one thing my PCP did do right is prescribe it without argument. I was shocked. I can make a month’s supply last about six weeks or so, but I shouldn’t have to, and that’s the point. This doctor was beyond rude and then tried to pretend like she was a good person. That sort of behavior doesn’t fly with me. This is a medication easily called into my pharmacy, so it’s not a serious drug (not in my eyes, any way), it’s just not prescribed as regularly as it once was. My former doctor didn’t have enough experience with it to prescribe it or to try tapering me off of it because he wasn’t going to be there much longer, so we simply discussed my taking a lower dose of it whenever possible, and I have done that. I take it as needed, but I don’t take the entire prescribed amount each day.
Walking out angry from a maybe five-minute conversation is not a good first impression to make on ANY patient. Being rude, dismissive, condescending, refusing to listen and actually hear me, and being passive-aggressive are not qualities one wants in a doctor. You only get one chance with me. There is no way I can have a working relationship with someone like that. And sadly, I knew I didn’t like her the second I saw her. My intuition screamed “That’s the new doctor. Get out while you can!” You aren’t going to get anywhere with me using the “bitch card”. If that’s how you want to make your first impression, so be it, but I do not have to allow you to be a treating physician in MY life.
Hopefully this gets straightened out soon and I can move on to a different doctor who isn’t a rude snit. I am fine going elsewhere if they don’t have someone who can handle themselves in a professional manner.
I know a lot of people who only want to deal with female doctors, and by all means, have at it. I’m a girl’s girl to the core, but my experience with most female doctors has been horrible. This one was exactly how I thought she’d be, and that’s sad. I had zero hope for her when I made the appointment to begin with, and now, I am sorry I didn’t push harder for someone else.
Ultimately I will do what I have to do to take care of myself and prioritize MY health, but I’m not going to do it with anyone who cannot be respectful of me. Note to self: Listen to your intuition, and don’t ever take shit from someone simply because they’re a doctor.
copyright © 2017 Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
I have just spent nearly seven hours trying to prove to Facebook that I’m a REAL person and not a computer in India. No, I am not kidding about that last part.
This is one of those ridiculous problems people have been dealing with for several years now with this crap-ass version of social media that people are obsessively addicted to.
At first, I was simply pissed off. Then I did a little research, mostly because I vividly remember someone else mentioning this recently happening to her where Facebook up and decided that she couldn’t use the name she has always used because “it’s not her legal name”. As far as I’m concerned, as long as you’re not spewing hate, terror, bullying, party to a serious crime, doing something truly illegal, and/or pretending to be a member of law enforcement or our military, you should be left the fuck alone. If you want to post as Donald Duck, go for it. And as a general rule, if you want your privacy, but still want to be a part of this crap, I truly do not care if you post a photo of yourself or not. It’s not necessary.
Overall, I’m not a social media fan. I do use Facebook for my professional career and for this platform. I am able to keep in touch with people I want to keep in touch with, and remain involved with things that are immediate and/or important to me. Beyond that, it’s not necessary.
Demanding that people provide you with their driver’s license, Social Security card, passport, birth certificate, etc., as “forms of I.D.” is BULLSHIT. On top of being a major invasion of privacy, you’re turning your users into even bigger morons.
You’ve risen because this world is full of followers, but I assure you, you’re preparing yourself for a major fall. If it was 2008, I’d still be with MySpace, which never once invaded my privacy or questioned my honesty as a human being.
If this is not resolved quickly, I will officially part ways with Facebook. There is no way in hell I am going to rebuild what it took me four and a half years to establish. Screw that!
copyright © 2015 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
Some days, I am utterly appalled by the audacity of others. There is a fine line between offering to help someone as a form of empowering another woman, and then dealing with the opposite side of the coin where someone wants you to do a job, but then wants you to lower your rate.
When I work with someone for the first time on a novel length project, or something larger (like a trilogy), I respectfully ask for 30-50% up front as a down payment. This protects me if the person eventually backs out. If they do, I’ve at least gotten something for my hard work. When a person jumps on my schedule and then tells me the down payment is “too high” (By my standards, it was actually too low.), but already admitted she was going to pay a hell of a lot more to another editor who could not take her until the end of next month, it grates on my hard-working nerves. I don’t like being screwed with.
Just like everyone else, I have bills to pay. They come every month, like clockwork, and none of them are willing to negotiate with me. Sometimes, you don’t eat because someone wants to wait two weeks to pay you. It sucks.
I’ve discussed my philosophy before about hiring an editor and it still stands solid: COME TO PLAY. Expect to pay. Yes, you can “shop around” for someone less expensive, but inevitably, you do get what you pay for.
I cannot tell you how many times I’ve done thousands of dollars worth of work for little to no money. It’s terribly insulting to someone with 20 years of experience, but a job is a job. I will take a proofreading job if it will pay a bill or put food on the table. I will beta read for someone if that means I’m being paid. It’s not fun, but it is what it is.
I truly wish every aspiring writer knew how to use spell check, understood that commas are crucial, and didn’t have a negative attitude towards having to pay someone for WORK. Lets face facts, no one goes to work for free. You may love your job (I know a handful of people that do.), but ultimately you love your paycheck as well. Even a shitty paycheck can pay the rent/mortgage, pay for food, keep the lights on, etc. As a woman that has to do it all herself, I find myself less and less amused by the greed of others.
Alas, I’m simply venting. I have a migraine and because I’ve had terrible struggles with sleep of late, I know it will be a long time before my head hits the pillow. On the plus side, I have several hours all to myself tomorrow afternoon into the early evening. I am FINALLY going to change my hair color after saying I would do so for the past month. That might seem silly, but a company did send me a product to use and write reviews, and that’s one of the fun things about having a beauty blog on the side. I really think going back to that for a while and allowing myself to be creative would be beneficial to my health. I’m sure no one wants to read my bitching. God, please grant me the Serenity not to murder all of these idiots.
Here’s hoping tomorrow is a superior day for us all. 🙂
copyright © 2015 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
Writers can be an incredibly quirky bunch, but occasionally you come across someone SO incredibly ass-backward and unprofessional that you find the entire situation utterly unbelievable. You almost expect hidden cameras to be shown to you at any given moment.
Long story short: A potential client contacted me over a manuscript he’d like to have edited. Eventually the listing closes, and even after saying he wanted to hire me, I hear nothing. I continued to follow-up. In the meantime I take another job, because I am not about to wait for this guy to get his act together. A few days ago he leaves me a new message, asking me to call him. I do, and I leave him a voice mail message. I specifically detailed in the message that he could call me back when he was ready to do so, and I followed it up with another written message. No response. No return phone call. I am not about to call him every hour on the hour until he calls me back. One message is enough. The e-mail message was more than I’d do for most people who have yet to sign on yet.
I come home tonight after a long day and he has re-listed the job. I had suggested that he re-list it, but I also told him I would still take the job and adhere to what we had previously agreed upon as far as what I would do and the original price I’d quoted him. Instead of listening to me, I had to submit an entirely new proposal, but this time I made sure to state that we’d already agreed upon this job and he had never gotten back to me. Why would you even bother asking someone to call you if you’re now accepting offers from other people for the very same job that, several weeks ago, was “mine”? This truly makes no sense and it annoys the crap out of me.
Unless I hear from him within the next few days, I am washing my hands of the situation entirely. I’d rather deal with someone professional than someone who can’t get their shit together.
Little things like this TRULY annoy me. I saw the job re-listed and my jaw nearly hit my laptop keys. I could not believe the stupidity and immaturity of it all. Mind you, he had the option of inviting me into the job, so clearly he can’t even follow simple instructions, which I detailed specifically in my last message to him. I cannot imagine what that manuscript looks like and now, I could not care less. He’d have to pay me triple to touch it.
copyright © 2014 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
“There are two kinds of friendship: the beneficial friendship and the erroneous friendship. The erroneous friendship balances on the principle of “The closer we are, the more okay it is for me to say anything I want to you and for me to treat you any way that I want to, and for me to disrespect you and take advantage of you.”, while a true friendship is rooted in this principle: “The closer we are, the more respect I have for you, the better I will treat you, the higher I will regard you, the more good things I will wish for you.”
You will know someone is a true friend by basis of observing their actions towards you as the friendship grows deeper. A true friend will continue to hold you in higher and higher regard, while the error of a friend will see your goodwill and newfound fondness as basis to do and say whatever he/she wants, that is disrespectful and non-beneficial to you.” C. JoyBell C.
Believe It Or Not, I DO Have Boundaries
Generally I say what I mean and I mean what I say, but when you push my buttons and you keep pushing, you’re going up against the wrong woman. You cannot win, you will not win, and here’s why.
I am not so comfortable with the people in my life that I will over-step my boundaries intentionally. However, yesterday someone SERIOUSLY over-stepped with me, and unless I write my feelings out, I won’t ever speak to this person again, so I’m sorry for involving my readers in something they may not fully understand.
As a friend, and as a person, I am incredibly devoted. Loyal to a fault and “Ride or Die” are the usual terms used to describe the type of friend I am. What I am NOT, is inconsiderate, thoughtless, selfish, rude, bitchy, disrespectful, unappreciative, or a habitual line-stepper. It’s okay to tell me to back off, so long as you do it politely. It’s okay to say “I can’t talk about this now.”, I’ll keep my mouth shut. Basically, it’s okay, so long as you communicate with me properly.
Here’s what is, under no circumstances, NOT EVER okay: Attacking me, accusing, and/or assuming. If you intend to provoke me, do so solely at your own risk, but be forewarned: It might very well be the last thing you ever say or do to another living being.
I do not have the time, patience, or inclination to babysit everyone’s egos. Yes, I have more than one friend in my life. Get.Over.It. I once had a friend who would say “Don’t worry about it, more Lisa for me!”, because she didn’t like to share me with other people. Where is she now? I’d answer, but just in case she stumbles upon this, I will simply say: “ALMOST FIVE YEARS, what are you waiting for? God to say go?!”
I don’t need anyone to pat me on the back for a good deed. You say thank you, and we move on. However, if you’ve done, or are doing, something for me and then you throw it back in my face every opportunity you get, we’re going to either throw down or I am going to throw you right out of my life. I don’t need the drama or the bullshit. Again, I don’t have the time to babysit egos. If you’re feeling “unloved”, hire a hooker, but don’t insult the very kind, respectful, genuine things I say to you, especially after I have just praised you and told you how wonderful I feel you are. When given a compliment of the highest order, say thank you, take it to heart, especially since you know me, but do NOT attack me to the point where I ask myself if you’re worth it any more because I have been betrayed enough to know that walking away from someone is the absolute healthiest choice I can make at times.
Yes, I am angry. Yes, I am pissed off. I’m not going to accept this kind of attitude and behavior from anyone simply because they have been in my life for a long time. I have learned that not every relationship in life will stand the test of time, and while it saddens me to feel this way, maybe saying goodbye (Okay, that would be if I were feeling polite. I don’t feel polite.) is really the best thing for everyone involved.
I have found that people are much more apt to say shit to me via e-mail or social media, than they are to ever so much as consider saying it to my face. There’s a reason for that. Once my tone of voice changes, you might as well just lay down and die, because you will wish for death by the time I’m done with you.
I understand that part of this issue is genuine jealousy and insecurity, and I have no words in ANY language to respond to that. I think the best thing I can say is that I will NEVER understand the way other women’s brains work. I understand myself just fine, but the basic female psyche alludes me. They say that “Men are simple creatures.” (Whoever “they” are.), but the fact of the matter is, men are often a lot less complicated. I say this as a total Girl’s Girl. I have maybe a handful of laid back, easy-going friendships with women, but the rest of them are SO incredibly complicated that it gives me a fucking headache.
Ultimately, I think it is perfectly acceptable to be open about your needs in any relationship. However, your delivery has to be flawless. This is a sad truth. If you say the right thing to a person at the precise right time, you both win. If you say the wrong thing to a person at the wrong time, I don’t expect them to just accept that and say “Okay.” Maybe some people do, but I do not. I’ve been calling people out on their crap since the day I was born, and today is no different.
There is a person in my life who really needs to decide if they are going to “shit or get off the pot.” But make no mistake, once I make the decision that I am done with you, I am truly done. There is no revolving door in my life for bullshit, drama, negativity, childishness, or stupidity. If you go from friend to enemy, you do not go back to friend, not EVER. I do not suffer fools. If you’re going to be a bitch or an asshole, please, do so on your own time, and with someone else entirely. I value my time. Next to my name on the Tree Of Life it says “No time for idiots.” So mote it be.
copyright © 2014 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Here’s something important you all need to know about me. Above all else, I am supremely professional. However, if you’re antagonistic and you push my buttons right out of the gate, I will remain professional until the job is done, but I won’t ever be anywhere in the vicinity of nice ever again.
Some clients, generally the ones I don’t work with, want a LOT for NOTHING. I am doing a read-through. I was asked to make notes of corrections that need to be made, and I did that, in red. Since I wasn’t asked to edit, I simply provided notes. They were detailed. “This is missing a comma.”, “There is a spelling error.”, “Revise this for grammatical errors.”, “Look this over and add some necessary material. The sentence and/or thought is just hanging.”, stuff like that. Unless you’re a moron, that means you re-read the fucking paragraph and make the corrections. There are children that can follow these very simple instructions, why can’t you?!
I respectfully asked the client if he’d like the work back as I go through each file, and he said yes. I sent back the first file, which contained one chapter. ONE. I then receive a message hours later saying my notes were “cryptic” and that he’d like a “higher level of feedback”. Mind you, I’d only sent back the first chapter. It was fine and I provided feedback, but how much needs to be said about 6,000 words unless it’s really bad?
This was enough to make me want to say something vile and unprofessional. This made me want to say “You’re not paying me to do anything more than a read-through, yet I provided notes. Find your own fucking errors!” If I had submitted the entire book back and only gave 2-3 lines of feedback, that would be one thing, but I’d only submitted back a chapter, which he’d asked for. I included notes at the end and my thoughts. Sometimes, when you’re reading something new, you don’t have a lot of thoughts after a prologue or even after reading that and chapter one. Sometimes it takes 3-5 chapters before you feel like you know the characters and have a feel for the story. I don’t know a single author/writer that will disagree with me.
However, this son of a bitch pushed my buttons. I am sick, so I probably should wait until I feel better to deal with douche bags, but man, I hate idiots. If you’re asking me to do a job, I will do it thoroughly. It is certain that our styles may or may not mesh, but don’t disrespect me or act superior. You’re not paying me enough to give me attitude, and I will never take it, because I don’t give a fuck who you think you are.
Treat your editors, beta readers, and agents with respect. Don’t expect them to do every single thing for you, because it doesn’t work that way. The first time you treat me like your professional toilet cleaner will probably be the last time I ever work for you again, and you can put that in a pipe and smoke it!
copyright © 2014 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
It’s Official, I Lack The Ability Of Dumbing Myself Down
A few weeks ago I officially signed up with an on-line Freelancing service that allows you to submit proposals for a laundry list of writing jobs, as well as other creative endeavors. Every single job that I am 1000% perfect for has either been A) Canceled because the entire project was scrapped or B) Given to someone else. I guarantee you that anyone who got a job over me dumbed themselves down in order to get it.
I’m not saying that a person that got a writing job over me is stupid. I don’t know them. However, I know that the low bid is always the one that gets the job. People can say a lot of things about me, but I’m NOT stupid.
I’m not going to apologize for placing my actual worth and value into a proposal. I have 27 years of writing experience, 19 years of editing experience, an incredibly vast array of knowledge, and if I wanted to be paid by the hour, I’d look into becoming a hooker (I’m kidding, I’m too tired to seriously consider that.).
Truth be told, if Fibromyalgia wasn’t killing me each day, I might contemplate a “normal” job at someplace like Sephora where my knowledge of fragrance, skin care, make-up, and all things beauty would be appreciated, albeit at an hourly rate. The only reason I’ve never done it is because I know I can’t get out of bed nine days out of ten and show up at a job like that. No company wants an employee that can only show up once or twice a week, that’s simply not going to fly.
Being a writer is one of those professions where people either assume you’re loaded because “J.K. Rowling made millions.”, or they assume that with magazines folding constantly and eBook sales up (Want to know how much you can be paid to write an eBook for someone else? Between $10-$125, and in many instances, your name will not be the one credited for writing it. I find it insulting beyond words. If you want me to write a book of 50 recipes and you want it in a week, you cannot come to the table with scraps. A high school student or a freshman in college might take a job like that, but an experienced writer is going to laugh at you.), you’re either okay or a step away from being on the street. People accept “Writer” as an occupation without questioning it too much, unless they don’t know a lot about what it takes to be a writer and make a name for yourself.
Since my sign-up date, I have done nothing, but write job proposals. Placing a price on your hourly rate, or your rate per 100 words, or your per job rate is tough. Like any other creative being, I want to pay my bills, put food on the table, provide for my health, and be able to breathe. If I have a rough week, I want to know that I don’t have to write my ass off this week in order to make ends meet.
So, after writing all of these proposals, I finally got a response. It seemed promising, until a little while ago when my original quote of $300 is now being asked to go down to $30-$45 a month. I understand it’s a newish business, I respect that, but here is what I am being asked to do: Monthly blog posts, creative marketing, and some creative PR packages to get jewelry into fashion magazines. That entails a lot of work, and truth be told, $300 is not my normal rate. The more we go back and forth, the more she seems to want out of me, and I have to wonder if I am simply up against the eight other people that also bid on the job, or if she really thinks that is what my time is truly worth. Regardless, she has received a sample of my work and can decide for herself. If you want quality work, don’t insult me.
After handling that, I was then sent 15 pages of a novel for another job. I have to say, I was annoyed when I got to the end because even with all the mistakes and changes that would have to be made, there was an awful lot of potential in there and I wanted to keep reading (and correct everything, because it’s force of habit!). I bid on the job. I gave a very decent price for editing a first novel, well within the person’s budget, and I will see how it goes. However, I am sick and tired of the bullshit involved.
If you want something done professionally, don’t insult the professional you’re trying to hire for the job. If you want someone experienced and intelligent, don’t expect them to waste their time if you aren’t willing to properly compensate them. Never have I tried hiring someone for something on a creative level, and then insulted their intelligence and effort by countering their quote. It’s hard enough for me to put a price on myself, but when you insult me, it makes me want to respond by letting you know how unprofessional you are.
You want something done right? Come to play, or get the fuck out of my way.
copyright © 2014 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Have You Ever Had A Day…
We’ve all had days where we’d like to call into work or life “dead”. For me, today is one of those days. I’ve reached a breaking point. It started yesterday, when I had to walk away from a very serious look at suicide. No, I am not seeking attention with my honesty, I am simply being forthcoming. Why do so many things have to go wrong all at once? Why does every single thing in life revolve around money?
Money equates security, and it also equates greed, depending on how you look at it. Some people are so greedy for “stuff” that they never realize they could be helping someone in need. It doesn’t even occur to them. No matter how bad things get in my life, I always look at where I came from and if a small donation to charity will make a difference, then I will do it. If helping someone with a problem, or simply being a good person is what is needed of me on any given day, then I don’t even think about it, I just do it.
For me, money is about security. It’s about making sure the bills are paid, there is a roof over my head, and food on the table. It’s also about providing for my overall health. Yes, I like nice things, what woman doesn’t, but if it comes down to buying something shiny and buying food, I am going to choose food. If it comes down to paying my bills or buying something fancy, I am going to pay my bills. In this, I feel like my priorities are in check. Someone suggested to me that during my struggles, I get rid of my cat. I was LIVID. I would rather STARVE than surrender a precious little life that trusts and loves me into the hands of a shelter. Who else will cheer me up with her insane antics and ankle biting?!
Some days though, I simply don’t know how I survive, or why. These past two years have been a terrible struggle for me with my health, with family, and life in general. When you’re suffering, finances dwindle pretty quickly. As my health worsens, I am faced with the very real possibility of being homeless, of requiring a pain pump to help manage the Fibromyalgia, and possibly a wheelchair. I assure you that I am far too young for the last two, and yet, these are all very real possibilities. Moreover, they’re terrifying.
If you believe in a Higher Power, today I ask that you say a little prayer for anyone and everyone suffering and struggling. I will do the same. I believe strongly in the power of prayer, and I also believe that sometimes the best things comes out of the absolute worst things.
Today I find myself desperate, humbled, and scared for so many reasons. I have nothing left, but to believe that God has answers, and that they will soon show themselves in unexpected ways.
copyright © 2014 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED