Tonight is a Blue Moon. The Blue Moon occurs when there are 2 Full Moons within the same month. The name Blue Moon comes from an ancient word which is “Belewe Moon”, meaning Betrayer Moon. Monthly Moon phases were each given names to prepare for various types of weather and crop rotations, so the extra Full Moon in a month would confuse people, thus giving it the name Betrayer Moon.Tonight’s Full Moon is rising in the constellation of Aquarius. There is so much happening around this Moon in terms of once-in-a-lifetime type chances. It’s as if we are all on the edge of something so big and we have to make the decision to take the path we’ve always taken, or jump into the territory of new possibilities.
This Full Moon in Aquarius is about celebrating our individuality, our little quirks that make us different from everybody else. Let your creativity come out. Do something a little different, dress a little differently, wear your hair a little differently, rebel against the norm. Take a walk on the weird side of life.
Our minds will be clear and uncluttered, we will be able to see things as they really are, we can take off our rose-colored glasses and take a good look at ourselves and the world around us as it is, not how we want it to be. This will also have us asking ourselves if we are happy with where we are and what we’re doing.
As amazing as this Moon will be, and necessary, it’s going to be one that challenges us on every single level. In the build up to this lunar event we may have been feeling restless, or have had an excess of nervous energy. Our pulses may have been racing, and it may have been harder for us to relax or fall asleep at night. Our spirits can sense that we are on the verge of something big, but it’s up to us to initiate change. We are on the threshold of having massive pieces of the puzzle collide.There may be big changes or upsets in the status quo during the next several weeks. We may find ourselves acting in ways that only a few weeks ago, we never thought possible, but Aquarius is lighting a fire inside of our hearts and daring us to break the boundaries that have held us back for far too long.
While we may feel anxious at all of the possible changes being presented to ourselves, know that the universe won’t bring us anything we aren’t ready for. The truth of it is there is no such thing as the perfect time, so now is as good a time as any.
Everything that we have been going through the past year has been leading up to this Moon. It’s the time of infinite possibilities, of desires bubbling over and manifesting themselves in our lives in ways we never thought possible. No matter what has come in or out of our lives in the past few years, once in a while we are given the chance to have everything we’ve always wanted, we just have to make the choice now to not let it go.
Because certain chances only come around once in a Blue Moon.
“The Imagination merely enables us to wander into the darkness of the unknown where, by the dim light of the knowledge we carry, we may glimpse something that seems of interest. But when we bring it out and examine it more closely it usually proves to be only trash whose glitter had caught our attention. Imagination is at once the source of all hope and inspiration but also of frustration. To forget this is to court despair.” ―William Ian Beardmore Beveridge
I was checking voice mail messages a little while ago. I find it oddly disturbing that there is a message from 3:09 a.m. No, it was not a booty call. It was actually from my brother, which would make the whole “booty call” thing extremely bizarre, but I’ll leave that one for an episode of Maury. There was noise in the background and him saying “Oh, no problem.” to someone and then he says “Hello? Well, if you get this message can you call me back?” He could have been calling anyone, there was nothing definitive about who he might be talking to. There was no “Hey sis…” or anything normal. Granted, nine out of ten messages I leave for him sound parental and stern. They usually involve the words “Rude”, “Asshole”, “Un-fucking-believable!”, and/or “Call me back immediately!” That’s what happens when you ignore text messages, e-mails, and phone calls for 3-6 hours and were supposed to be here for dinner at 7:00. It could also just mean he’s being a moron.
Message #2 was from a health insurance company. I changed my phone number five months ago and yet, I am constantly getting calls for the family that had the number prior to me. I called my phone company within a few hours of having the number and said “I’m being flooded with calls and haven’t given my number to anyone yet, what the hell?!” I was not happy. Their response was “Give it a week and if it doesn’t stop, we will change the number for you for free.”
I have told this health insurance company no less than four times that “Eric” is not at this number because it is now MINE. They told me each time that they’d “reflect that in the system”, and yet I’ve received two calls in the past 24 hours, for “Eric”. I am determined to tell them to stop calling here the next time I catch them in the act. How often does a health insurance company obsessively try to track you down these days? They’re not calling for any Eric I know, and I can glean that from the last name they used.
That’s just my landline.
I’ve had my cell phone number for seven months. The new number came with the new phone my brother gifted me for Chanukah. Nine out of ten calls that come in are NOT for me.
At least three times a week I get a recorded call letting me know I have won A) a cruise, B) a free vacation, or C) Some material item. I think it was an iPad this week, it’s usually something along those lines. Less than eight seconds into each call, I delete the message.
I’ve “won a free honeymoon” twice. One was back in 2008. Not only am I not engaged, but I never entered any of these contests. One of my old wedding magazine subscriptions enrolled me in a contest I knew nothing about, so when a relationship ended and I “won a free honeymoon” a few months later, I was sorely tempted to grab my nearest male friend and say “Let’s go honey!” I didn’t because fraud is fraud, but I was tempted. Now the idea of going to certain places makes me nauseous. Curacao? Nope. Aruba? Hell no. The Bahamas. No, but by all means, send me a postcard.
The messages that most annoy me aren’t the ridiculous ones though, they’re the ones from friends and family that forget they’re A) Not talking to an answering machine and B) Act as though I have no idea who they are. They often start with “Hi sweetie, it’s so-and-so.” I.know.who.you.are. I promise. My brain is not addled. My Great-Aunt Alice used to call (very rarely) and would always say “Do you know who this is?” She did it when I was little, so to hear it when I was in my 20’s really wasn’t cute. Don’t think for a second I wasn’t tempted to A) Hang up on her or B) Tell her “No, who the hell is this?” I didn’t though because I was raised with manners. Factor in Caller ID and unless it says Unknown or is a number I truly don’t recognize, I know exactly who is calling. No need to be formal; leave a message, I’ll call you back.
A month or two before my Uncle passed away I called to see how he was doing. He answered and after saying “Hi Uncle Bobby, how are you?” he said “Who the hell is this?” Mind you, he had exactly ONE niece, so I didn’t feel the need to follow the hello up with a name to give him assistance, but when we got off the phone I sat and thought “At least when I call my Aunt, she doesn’t need to know who I am.” I once told someone in her office, upon leaving an emergency message, that “She only has one niece, I think she can keep track!” It didn’t sound snippy at the time, but hindsight is 20/20. Most people know my voice, so they don’t need to be told who it is. Plus, they can look at their Caller ID too, it’s not rocket science.
Do you get any weird phone calls or voice mail messages that amuse or annoy you?
1) You’re a woman without any real female friends.
Despite claims that “women are dramatic” or “every woman is a bitch” or “Men are so much easier to get along with.”, it just goes to show me that there is something fundamentally wrong with you.
Yes, women can be lots of negative things: Catty, bitchy, back-stabbing, fake, unpleasant, miserable, disrespectful, fat-shamers… The list goes on. Ultimately they can also be incredibly FABULOUS, LOYAL, GENUINE, LOVING, NURTURING,SUPPORTIVE, and empowering to have in your life.
I love a good man, I appreciate and respect the few that exist, but I’m not going to drop the incredible, inspirational women in my life simply because men exist. Good friends don’t grow on trees. Don’t throw away a quality friend or you might never get another one again in your entire life.
2) You’re an iPhone user…mainly because you follow trends.
Only one person is excused from this statement, and that’s because I love him (and I’ll pretend to ignore the other Mac products that cause me to roll my eyes on the daily). I will also excuse some of my friends from this statement because they’re my friends and I’d take a bullet for them. However…
The majority of iPhone users simply do not know how to put the fucking phone down. Yes, some Android users are just as bad, but I’ve done a head count over the last five years and it’s predominantly iPhone users that are unbelievably obsessed with their phones.
If you happen to be one of these people, take a good, long look at your phone habits. If the phone is constantly in your hand and you cannot live without it (i.e. It’s the first thing you reach for when you wake up in the morning.), try turning it off for a week. Throw that fucker in a drawer and lock it. Quiet, isn’t it? It’s amazing how nice life is without a phone for a week, or longer. You might actually find yourself doing something productive, like calling a person and hearing their voice instead of texting them.
Also, please stop taking calls at the nail salon, hair salon, and/or spa. No one (and by no one I mean me) wants to hear about your STD’s (Yes, this happened. The woman was sitting in a pedicure chair. I actually watched the nail tech put on a second pair of gloves, an absolute FIRST.) or any other private matter. It can wait. And please, DO NOT TEXT AND DRIVE.
3) Your stories don’t add up.
Sometimes people tell me stories, but over time, the story changes and changes and becomes nothing like the original story. Eventually, my sixth sense starts to tingle that even the original story is nothing but bullshit, and that’s providing you somehow got past it to begin with.
4) You lack the ability of keeping your word on the most basic of things.
Does this really need an explanation?
5) You have no sense of humor and do not laugh or smile at anything, ever.
If you don’t get MY sense of humor, you’d best move along before you hurt yourself. If you can’t laugh, be it at yourself, crazy situations, a cute baby, or the puppy down the street doing tricks, then you either need a good cry or a good kick in the ass. Life is difficult without laughter.
6) You make every situation solely about you.
The world does not revolve around you. Use something other than the words “Me, Myself, and I”. When someone is suffering, it ISN’T about you. It’s about helping the other person.
7) Nothing about you is real, and it shows.
Some people fake everything: Laughter, orgasms, happiness, accomplishments. The list is endless, really. I don’t care if you have breast implants, or if you’ve had a nose job, just don’t be a fake person. Yes, it’s that simple. I can accept you if you accept yourself and you’re genuine, even if you’ve been getting Botox for non-existent wrinkles since you were 20.
8) You’re bothered by the success of others.
It is NOT beneath me to tell my friends and loved ones when I am proud of them. If someone tells me about a book being published, an article being published, a radio interview, a new job, cutting out negativity from their life, etc., then I am one of the first people to say “I am SO happy for you.” or “I’m proud of you.” And I mean it, genuinely. What I say to your face is precisely what I say to others, which means you don’t ever have to question my role in your life, however little or much. Ask my friends if you don’t believe me.
9) You’re blatantly selfish.
It’s an unattractive trait. It doesn’t matter if you’re male or female, it’s ugly.
10) You’re a know-it-all.
There is nothing wrong with being intelligent and knowing your shit, but no one is right all of the time. Get over yourself.
11) You’re an epic douchebag.
Some people are assholes. I’m not talking about your average, every day asshole. I am talking about the kind that can shit out a watermelon with ease (Justified Writers, I do not appreciate the lack of royalties for using my line during the series finale. Cut me a check!). Please, DON’T be an asshole and even more, don’t be an epic douchebag. Only an idiot thinks it’s acceptable. I find it reprehensible when a woman behaves as badly as a man, or worse.
12) You’ll cut someone off just to sit at the same red light as everyone else.
Honestly, I’m amazed you haven’t been beaten to death with a tire iron. That is fucking DANGEROUS. It’s easier, not to mention safer, to change lanes and go behind a person, as opposed to behaving as though life is a NASCAR race.
13) You openly claim to “hate” an animal.
We’re not all born animal lovers. That’s okay. However, saying that you “hate dogs” is a very strong statement, especially since I’ve discovered that most people are simply afraid of the animals they claim to “hate”.
I’m not a dog person, but I don’t hate them. I do, however, find some of them noisy and invasive, and I am not walking any animal at 3:00 a.m. in single digit temperatures.
I’m a cat person, but I don’t love every single cat I meet, or I wouldn’t be able to see a thing in my home except litter boxes and fur. I’m not a fan of snakes, but unless it’s venomous or about to harm someone, I’m probably going to 1) Remove it or 2) Leave it be.
I don’t want to be stung by a bee, but I’m not going to kill one unless it poses a threat to someone who could go into shock by being stung, or my cats start jumping the walls to chase it (This only happened once and the person on the other side of the door WOULD have gone into shock if she’d known I was on a ladder killing it to protect her because she was deathly allergic.).
One of my next door neighbors loudly declared that she “hates cats” (The very same neighbor who I haven’t spoken to in over a year because of the crap she pulled with me.). Her husband told me that she’s terrified of them. Well, that explains why she’s a bitch and pets every puppy and dog that comes across her path. It also explains her behavior towards her husband. However, I’m not responsible for every outdoor cat that comes around and terrifies her. I would, however, like to walk a hungry leopard down the street, just to show her the difference between a wild animal and a domesticated cat. I would have said tiger or lion, but in all fairness, she’s prey and leopards aren’t complete savages.
14) Manners elude you, and some of you think your manners are exemplary.
How hard is it to be polite? Hold a fucking door for the person behind you, say “Good Morning”, let someone ahead of you on-line at a store, and unless I am visibly 90 years old, don’t ever call me “Ma’am”. This is not the deep South.
15) You can’t cook (This doesn’t apply to people I know really well.).
I understand if no one ever taught you. I also understand if you have absolutely no interest whatsoever, or no time to do so. BUT, let me know in advance and try to pay attention to the little things I do because you’ll learn something and be able to throw together a really nice meal if ever someone suggests you “cook for them” OR you ever decide to make something nice just for yourself.
It’s okay to cook a nice meal for yourself and enjoy it. For the record, no one has EVER complained at my table. They’ve asked for seconds, or thirds, but they’ve never complained (possibly for fear of their life).
I was not taught how to cook, but I watched my mother when I was little. She showed me all the safety measures, but always told me that if there was no “tam” (That means ‘taste’) to what I made, then I would be useless in the kitchen. Turns out, I inherited my Great-Grandmother’s cooking genes. Every time I close the kitchen for the night you will hear me say “Damn, I’m a good cook!” It’s not ego, it’s the ability to impress ones’ self.
I have made plenty of things for others that I was personally dubious about. In turn, I waited for their reaction because I refused to so much as taste the final product. The first time I made Tortilla Soup, it got rave reviews.
My best friend Stefanie thinks it’s sexy when a woman has knife skills in the kitchen. 🙂
16) You get offended that someone doesn’t “love” your favorite color.
How old are you?!
17) You actually had the audacity to name your newborn the same thing your best friend/sister/cousin has had picked out for her child/children, or the name they’ve already used.
This is a big one folks! I have seen families get into epic battles over this. I have seen people never speak to their best friend again for this sort of slight.
Selecting a name for a new life is a big decision, though if you look at most names in Hollywood, you’d think someone just vomited the name out, which is the only reason some of those horrific things get put on a newborn’s birth certificate. That or the parents are on something, and I’m not talking about a “kale high”.
I have a list. If you screw with it (and I will say that an ex took three of the names on my list that he was well aware of and named his children those exact names. I was LIVID. Yes, all three names have since vanished from “the list”.), don’t speak to me ever again.
When considering a name for a baby, make a list in advance. If that baby is born with your mDNA, give the kid a fighting chance and don’t break out anything that will torment your child as he or she gets older.
18) You “hate America”, but you’re more than happy to make your money off of Americans.
I’m talking to you, Ariana Grande. I’m also talking to people who aren’t American, but make a damn good living here. If you don’t like our culture, our patriotism, our food, or our people (liking our President is not mandatory. Hell, I don’t fucking like him!) then I strongly suggest you shut the fuck up, get on a plane, and not return.
19) People who drive with the sticker price still attached to their car. A car they’ve been driving for more than an hour, which let’s everyone know it’s not an error in judgment.
Really? Are you aware how infantile that is? There is not a single car on the road that is not an over-priced hunk of paint. I mean that from the bottom of my foreign car loving heart. You need not worry about impressing me with a vehicle. Impress me with who you are and how you treat me. That Audi…okay, the Audi can stay in my driveway. 😉 Please God, do NOT let it have a vanity plate.
20) You’re a writer who doesn’t read.
I don’t think that requires an explanation, do you?