Out Of Order


This is my self-portrait at the moment. I genuinely wish I had more to offer today, but my pain levels are sky-high and my doctor has decided that he won’t be treating my pain after all. This agitates me to be told one thing and have another thing entirely occur. It also means I will have to search harder for someone who is willing to take my suffering seriously.

My body is laughing at the Tylenol I have been taking in an attempt to take the edge off. Let’s face it; it’s a placebo effect. It isn’t meant for chronic pain. I’m thisclose to becoming a day drinking champion the moment we include Kombucha and other organic beverages (like the green tea lemonade I’m fond of.). It’s safe to say my body, mind, and soul are completely burnt out. Pain of any kind will do that to a person. 😦

Plus, as we glide into may tomorrow, it’s a reminder of how much pain a month delivers to a person. I am determined to get through it the best way I know how. Clearly, I can’t do anything I want to do since we’re all under stay at home orders, but I do need to drag my ass through the month, no matter how I feel. I wish I could say I’ll be doing it with the support of loved ones, but that isn’t the case. Nearly everyone has their head up their ass, and I’m not a fan of one-sided relationships, so I’m doing what I feel is right. This whole quarantine situation has brought everyone’s true colors to the forefront. So for now, I’m going to lay low and pop up when I have something meaningful to say.

Wash your hands and wear masks. There’s nothing like “mugger chic” to bring out the weirdness. 😉 My mask has paw prints on it. Yes, paw prints. Personally I think it’s a lot better than Red Sox, Patriots, Celtics, and Bruins logos, but that might just be the New Yorker in me. I’ll be back.


Not My Vibe, Not My Tribe


“Politeness is wiped clean. Good manners; washed away with the high tide. When you allow anger to fuel you, it is YOU who #LevelsUp. It is you who says, “Fuck you.” to those who hate you because of how strongly others love you. It is you who doesn’t become ugly, bitter, cruel, evil, hateful, or alone. Because YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. You’re better than the bullshit, the lies, the unfairness. You’re superior. You still have the ability to grow and to put a stop to things that do NOT serve your soul.”

©2020 by Lisa Marino and Blackbird Serenity, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Minipress (Prazosin) for Stress Nightmares in PTSD


The other day, a woman started a fight with me over this drug. Yeah, I know; it was completely obnoxious and she acted as if I was forcing it down her throat. Obviously, that was not the case.

Her major issue is that it didn’t work for her, so she was blasting it and claiming all kinds of things that simply aren’t true. Your experience and the experience of thousands who take it is not the same. Please don’t bash a drug that helps people.

This drug was created for combat veterans so that there was an inexpensive option to help with nightmares and flashbacks, major side effects of PTSD and Complex-PTSD. Every person’s body is different and requires a different dose, providing it works for them. 19 to 20 mgs in my norm, but I am currently on 2 mgs and building back up to the higher dose. I would not do that if it didn’t offer some relief.

I’ve taken this medication for almost three years. I have zero side effects, except a slower wake up period in the morning if I’m on a higher dose and haven’t given myself an additional thirty minutes to fully wake up and shake off the sleepiness. For me, that is no big deal. It has not made me more depressed, more suicidal, or any such thing this person was claiming “That’s all it does.” Untrue. If it works for you, it will work, period. Your dosing may be different than mine, but that’s a discussion to have with a highly trusted psychiatrist. Period.

I’ve said it before; I am grateful for my doctor. Out of the handful I am forced to deal with, he is the most stress-free individual to talk to. He often e-mails me back within 10-15 minutes of a question. He calls to check on me when he has spare time and hasn’t heard from me in a while, especially when he knows I am struggling. I’ve never had a doctor who actually cares, so I firmly believe that all the horrible shit I went through for so long lead me to the right doctor. I am extremely grateful for that.

When he first presented me with this medication as an option, he let me know that if it didn’t work, no harm, no foul. He also didn’t force it on me; it was my decision completely to start taking it and give it a chance to work. He let me know that it leaves the system quickly (within a few hours) and could not harm me. Who am I going to trust? Some psycho who is attacking the drug or my doctor of three years? Yeah, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that one out.

This medication helps me, but it is not an exact science. If you are suffering from either form of PTSD, or both, talk to your doctor about it. I endorse it, but obviously, I am not shoving it down anyone’s throat and forcing them to take it. And I am NOT paid by Mylan or Teva Pharmaceuticals to say I stand behind this medication.

Current Mood: Disturbed


It’s disconcerting to know that the state of Georgia has decided to reopen and force people back to work, in what will almost certainly be an issue with mass casualties. Just because your state hasn’t seen New York, Los Angeles, Boston, Washington State, Italy, Spain, or China numbers does NOT mean you are safe and that it will pass over you. No one is immune here. The ignorance is beyond astounding.

A nurse mentioned to me the other day that one of her patients is still testing positive seven weeks later. My doctor’s appointments this month are all via phone. I don’t know if my treatment next month will be rescheduled or if I’ll be allowed to go in, and naturally, it is a medical building and I have my concerns. If it’s not canceled, I can show up close to my appointment time and leave immediately afterwards, but I’ll still question the safety level of doing so. Unfortunately, once you’re in treatment for something this painful, you try very hard to stick to the schedule. I do not believe the hospital would intentionally put me at risk, but they’ve done damage to me before, so I am hesitant. However, a quick appointment is VERY different from DragonCon and letting people into hotels, restaurants, etc. I feel like it’s way too early for any of that and quite frankly, you could not get me to do it. I hope everyone participating uses common sense and gets this canceled. If ComicCon is canceled, then so should the smaller conventions (Boston and New York acted immediately to postpone theirs.). It is most assuredly not safe.

In other news, I’m still alive. Sort of.

Be well, folks.