Tomorrow is September. My brain can hardly comprehend this fact. But I am leaving one month for another, on a high note.
“We rest; a dream has power to poison sleep.
We rise; one wand’ring thought pollutes the day.
We feel, conceive, or reason; laugh or weep,
Embrace fond woe, or cast our cares away;
It is the same: for, be it joy or sorrow,
The path of its departure still is free.
Man’s yesterday may ne’er be like his morrow;
Nought may endure but Mutability!”
―Percy Bysshe Shelley
“We live in a world that is beyond our control, and life is in a constant flux of change. So we have a decision to make: keep trying to control a storm that is not going to go away or start learning how to live within the rain.” ―Glenn Pemberton
Things can change in the blink of an eye, especially if you’re not paying attention.
I am trying to get some things written for all of you (and in general), but I am recovering from a medical treatment that was performed yesterday afternoon. I currently feel like someone whacked me in the head with a sledgehammer. Between that and the neck pain, it’s not fun. Sometimes my body has autoimmune responses to certain things and it makes recovery harder. I know I’m supposed to give myself up to two weeks to fully recover and go back to my “normal life”, which would be funny if anything about me was “normal”, but I’m still trying to process a lot of things. Some days you just have to respect the fact that you got out of bed.
“One of the great liabilities of history is that all too many people fail to remain awake through great periods of social change. Every society has its protectors of status quo and its fraternities of the indifferent who are notorious for sleeping through revolutions. Today, our very survival depends on our ability to stay awake, to adjust to new ideas, to remain vigilant and to face the challenge of change.”
―Martin Luther King Jr.
It’s been over five months and I’ve missed you all SO MUCH. I wish I was in the perfect head-space for my return, but I’m not. Things have happened, and not happened. Things have been said and cannot be taken back. Things have been done, and subsequently, not done. People have come and gone, and I’m still pretty fed up and angry, which is justified. I’ve been bottling it all in this entire time, which has been difficult for me since I am a communicator, but I’m thrilled to be back here where being my authentic self is appreciated, respected, and dare I say, valued.
Health-wise, things have been rough. There’s been a lot of medical neglect from doctors who are seemingly both too arrogant and “too busy”. I am now under the care of a new primary care physician, so I’ll see how that goes long-term. At the end of this month, I go in for another round of treatment for chronic migraines. They have had their ups and downs. Summer was nightmarish for me with them, and I’ve recently begun getting regular headaches and tension headaches. Yeah, I know how that sounds, but when you suffer from migraines, you have to be certain what you have and how to treat it. A regular headache responds just fine to an OTC NSAID. Migraines do not.
Thanks to one of my best friends and my brother for gifting me a laptop for my birthday. It was the only gift I received in terms of the physical. It was also my only material goal for said birthday, and I’m immensely GRATEFUL to be back, even though this laptop is temporary and there’s a learning curve since the keyboard isn’t like my last two laptops, where I could type perfectly in the dark with zero errors. When you type as fast as I do, you can wear out the keys. This one is pretty solid, because the keyboard is completely different, but I’ll be okay. I still have software to buy, files to transfer, etc. I will get there slowly over the next few months. For now, just being able to talk to all of you is what I need.
I will continue the Black & White Photo Challenge until I hit two hundred days. I think that’s reasonable, and I’ve enjoyed doing it. Perhaps next year, I’ll do an HD color photo challenge. 🤷 We’ll see.
There will be add-ons and big changes over the coming year. I’ve had plenty of time to decide which direction I want to take this in and how big I want this to be. It’s time to expand and take some leaps of faith. Especially since so many people are supporting the expansion. Support doesn’t hurt.
I’ll be back with something more in-depth soon. For now, I need to get my head on straight and finish up my cleaning for the day. The fact that I went to bed early, woke up early, and did nearly all the cleaning I set out to do is miraculous. My body will either pay for it later or tomorrow, but pay for it, it shall.
I hope everyone gets the opportunity to enjoy their weekend. Have a good one, folks!
“Because even in trying, even when it seems like absolutely nothing is happening, it’s happening.
Close your eyes & feel the slow edging of truth, of change, of who you really are.
Feel it all wash over you.
The old scabs & demons, feel them, too.
As so much flies and swirls all around you.
Let the past be gutted out of your bones; let it crumple, and be but a whisper of a distant, echoing memory.
So that only truth,
May fill & crash like the infinite ocean of beauty that is waking up inside you.
Let it spill into every crack and crevice and reservoir of your existence.
That’s how big you really are.
That’s how beautiful.
For change, it’s not always pretty, like they say it will be.
Let it be messy. Wild, too.
And know it’s okay—
Even as white hot tears and fear and sweat and pain and confusion comes to the surface to make itself known.
Even when it seems too hard.
Because you are doing it.
Sometimes, it may not seem like much, but it’s everything.
Bend and sway with these wild currents of energy, of emotion, of release, that run up & down your spine like uncoiling snakes–and trust it.
The old fear that kept you so small, it snaps and rips and peels, leaving your skin and heart raw enough for your soul to peak through.
The breeze, a hug, a breath—never felt so magnificent.
Because as you change, you won’t ever feel less.
You will only feel more.
The strong softness embedded in the fierce humanness you are.
Surrender to softness.
Come home to yourself.
For change is the invitation to embody ourselves in an entirely new way.
Don’t care about external pressure, about circumstances, about how it will look, or what people will think.
This time, you have to do it for you.
Be that bold.
Be that hungry to radiate from your soul.
Be that unrelenting in your thirst to be truth.
To be the love and stars and pain and hope, and all that you are.
And this time,
It’s different than ever before.
–Sarah L. Harvey