“Your truest friends are the ones who will stand by you in your darkest moments–because they’re willing to brave the shadows with you–and in your greatest moments–because they’re not afraid to let you shine.” ―Nicole Yatsonsky
Anything That’s Human Is Mentionable
“Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone.” ―Fred Rogers
I would love to sit down and write hearts and flowers nonsensical prose, but right now, it isn’t where I am. Also, if I ever DO write anything remotely like that, please send men in white coats to do a psych eval.
Life is crazy at the moment. My primary care doctor is leaving, so even though I will be handed off to another physician during the remainder of Covid (Someone to authorize three of my prescriptions a month and handle a few referrals.), I will still need to find a new doctor for post-Covid care. 😦 This sounds like no big deal, but could take 6-18 months in total. I’m talking from experience. It will be my fourth primary care doctor, too. If you’ve been lucky enough to never have to change doctors, kudos to you, but I have lived in many different places and in each place, I’ve needed a new doctor. In Massachusetts, primary care physicians aren’t very good, so this should explain why I am extremely nauseated at the idea of a fourth one since moving here.
I’ve been dealing with self-induced stress, because I am always in fight or flight mode. It’s not a good place to be, but it’s how you survive, sometimes with (or without) lasting damage. I am doing my best to pull myself out of the quick sand. I’ve asked no one for help, nor have I discussed this with anyone. My independent streak about many things is taller than I am, but at the end of the day, no one else can credit themselves for digging me out of my own pain and suffering.
I’ve made some important decisions over the past six months. “Invest in yourself” is the best advice I can offer up to anyone, at any stage of their life, and I am proud of myself for following through on this, and continuing to make investments as I move forward. A few more steps and I’ll be sharing a whole new venture with all of you. One I know will be better at maintaining connection. 🙂
In the past year, I’ve realized connection, in all forms, is quite important to me. I can’t express enough disgust at those who’ve not even bothered to check in or ask if I’m okay. That’s doing less than the bare minimum in a friendship, and I don’t need friends like that. I am not a surface level friend in any way, shape, or form. I like depth, partly because I can talk about anything, but have no patience for small talk. I catch myself tuning out the second the subject matter isn’t of a higher level. It’s sad, really, because far too many people prefer to stay surface level. It’s boring.
When all of this craziness began last year, I reached out to everyone I consider a close friend or family member, and I included a few people I’m not the least bit close with anymore, because it doesn’t mean I’ve stopped caring. It was disheartening to watch, as the year came and went, very few people remain connected. It must be nice to live in your own bubble and not care about anyone else (Yes, that’s sarcasm.). I can’t relate to that kind of behavior because, as a writer, I live inside my head, but I do come out to check on those in my world. I don’t pretend I’m too busy or that a text or a few lines of an e-mail is too much work for me to fit into my day. That would be bullshit. I can track how much time I spend promoting on social media, and I can always reduce that time, or multitask.
I am learning that it’s perfectly okay to move on without closure. I am learning how to do this because I don’t aim to come off as a bitch. It isn’t who I am, but am I ending friendships which, if you follow the Marie Kondo philosophy, aren’t bringing me joy? HELL YES. Especially if there’s nothing to hold onto.
Friendship, and all relationships, are built on a foundation. If both of the people involved aren’t doing the work, why should one person alone carry all the weight? They shouldn’t. I will not allow myself to feel guilty for cutting people off. Clearly, no one cares enough to even realize they’ve been cut off, so it goes.
I have to thank all of the new subscribers. It is such a joy to reach out to you and realize I AM connecting with a broader audience. I appreciate all of you. Every time I log in and see new subscribers, I feel proud of what I’ve been doing with this site. Many readers have been with me for YEARS, and I feel blessed knowing I still keep you reading. I’m never 100% sure why, but I do feel that people relate, and therefore, they connect to the things I talk about.
Of late, my time has been spent in rewrites. I am trying to complete a novel for sale. Not because I have to, but because I want to establish growth. I read plenty of fiction (The darker, the better.), but writing it is different. My entire career has been based on truth, and I feel confident in the things I have written which have made an impact on others. I’m not good when boxed into one category, because I know I can do more than that.
I remember, quite vividly, shredding years and years of fiction before I moved away from home. If I think back to those days, I remember trying to develop compelling characters. It was, quite frankly, a never-ending story that I eventually saw for what it was. Thus, the shredding. Coming out of that experience shuddering, and embarrassed, I knew any fictional work I might do in the future would have to grab the attention of the reader immediately. I’ve already got editors breathing down my neck for this novel, so I’ve thrown myself head first into rewriting and developing the characters into multifaceted jewels.
I am confident in how the process is going. Instinctively, I know when something is working and when it is not. I trust my own judgment. Someone recently told me that because I trust my judgment, I don’t seek approval from others. They were accurate in this assessment. I will only ask questions if I’m unsure about something, and this rarely pertains to what I write. I write specific material, but I know a lot of my personality shines through. Sarcasm, humor, and wit, can all be involved in serious subjects. If you lose those things, you lose the individual voice.
Other things are happening, too. I am looking at almost all of it as positive. Sometimes, things occur and I am reminded of my strengths and how much I can achieve. Those are good moments, but we all have to take a step back at times and remind ourselves to achieve without feeding the ego, the superego, or the Id. I have watched people, over the past few years, truly feed their superego and it is such an immense turnoff. I choose not to say anything to them because you can’t talk someone down from that level. It slowly becomes a disease and I’m not trained to deal with everyone’s disease-feeding. Factor in that we all know someone who has reached this level of narcissistic behavior, and they now feel free to share their hideousness with the world. Over time, it is shown for the cancer on society it truly is. Add in closet racists and it’s very easy to see why many people choose to fully back away from society at large.
Wishing you all a wonderful week ahead. Mine involves some stress. I am meeting a new doctor this week (a specialist) and have had the appointment for five months. Before I got an appointment, I waited eight months just to get the phone call! Here’s hoping it goes off without a hitch. Fingers crossed.
copyright © 2021 by Lisa Marino & Poison In Lethal Doses, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Written work by author may not be shared or posted anywhere without express written consent from the author. Excerpts and quotes from the material also require consent. This authors’ work and personal photos are protected under U.S. and International copyright laws. Further protection is under the Digital Millennium Copyright Act. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
Anyone who has read my work for more than a month or two can likely tell you basic things about my character. My friends can tell you precisely who I am and what I stand for.
My own brother has described me as, “The last person I ever want to disappoint because you’re scarier than Mom and Dad combined. I’m more scared of your reaction than I am anyone else’s.” I was surprised to learn this, but it explains his behavioral patterns around me because he knows I see through all the bullshit.
Whenever someone describes me, these are the key words used: Honest. Loyal. She says precisely what she means; there’s zero sugarcoating involved. She’s not exceptionally forgiving, and that’s because she knows the difference between a mistake and patterns.
One of my own physicians said he knows I don’t hold back and he respects that because he sees other people do it and wonders what they aren’t saying, but never wonders with me because I’m not afraid to be forthcoming and extremely honest about everything. When I hear myself described like that, I know I am a solid person, regardless of what the occasional idiot may think or be stupid enough to say.
In life, forgiveness is something people have to earn. Once you break my trust, will I forgive you? Or will I listen, merely because I prefer closure? I suppose it depends on the person, but I am now faced with this in my real life.
Early this morning, something popped up in my Facebook memories that pissed me off. I was so angry for a moment, I saw red. Red is a warning sign. It’s like blood spatter to Dexter Morgan. Anger fuels me to be a better person, but that moment where I see red? That’s dangerous.
A former friend who made plans with me and then texted, weeks prior to arrival, to say her boyfriend had scheduled a private tour of the zoo the day we intended to meet up decided to pop back up with apologies. In truth and fairness, I baited her because I was enraged by what I saw.
When she had originally asked if I could make time during the month of May to meet up because she couldn’t wait to see me and missed me, I set an entire day aside, and not for nothing, it was the anniversary of my mother’s death which is SO hard for me. Lesson learned; I will never do that again, especially not for someone who flakes on me.
Quite frankly, I am astounded that anyone over the age of twelve, or someone studying certain forms of biology and/or science, would desire a tour of a zoo. 🙄 It breaks my heart to see animals in captivity. The only thing I do appreciate is the preservation of big cats. Leopards, certain types of tigers, cheetahs, and some of the smaller exotic cats are becoming extinct. This is not news, though. I don’t want to live in a world where these amazing creatures do not exist. I appreciate the wild preservation of their habitats in South Africa immensely, especially all the work being done in Namibia. However, that’s not what angered me.
It was not a change of plans, as she seems to believe, but the disrespect of my time and not immediately standing up to said boyfriend and letting him know that she already had plans that day. You can’t text me and say, “Just FYI, he scheduled a tour of the zoo that day. He’s trying to change it, but…” But nothing. I replied by saying, “I don’t even know how to answer that, so I won’t.” That moment, right there, is when you reschedule or call me about alternatives. You address it in the moment. Especially since she’s here at least 2-4 times a year to visit him.
The post in my “memories” credited me for the friend I am to her, and after deleting my initial response from two years ago where I stated that I’d always have her back, I let it be known that real friends learn how to apologize so they don’t lose their ride or die support system. She immediately replied with an apology and wanted to get into it. 😒 It’s pretty sad when someone waits and waits before they finally get called out. My anger was my error at seeing this proclamation which feels faker than a three dollar bill, and feeling as though a nearly eight year friendship was a total lie.
When a person says they were ashamed and too shy to contact you because they figured you needed time to forgive them, I find that a mixture of pathetic and laughable. I’m not a rabid beast; you just have to communicate properly. All she had to do was reschedule and be respectful of my friendship and time. That’s how adults resolve things. I would also love to know why she thinks I’m going to forgive her, because if you know me, you know forgiveness isn’t a likely scenario. I’ve got boundaries and self-respect.
Also, and this is important: I don’t permit men to tell me who I can and cannot be friends with. Nor do I allow men to make decisions for me OR disrespect my friends and family. I’d sooner stick a fork in his thigh. I’m not someone’s mouthpiece or tool, and I do not suffer fools. I’m not some delicate little flower. I am a lotus.
If you’re in a controlling relationship, naturally that person doesn’t want you to be around friends who are loyal, honest, smart, make you laugh, and who, up until this occurred, I would have cheerfully shot in the leg and buried alive. I will never, EVER support a friend who chooses to remain in an abusive relationship simply because they see the abuse as a form of love. I assure you, I’ve lived it and witnessed it, and it’s NOT on the same plane of existence as love. Perhaps some beggars refuse to make the choice for themselves because they’re not strong enough.
An abusers’ ultimate goal is to isolate you from your friends and family almost entirely. The sad part is that so many people let the abuser win. If you confront that friend, suddenly you’re labeled as “jealous”. 🙄😂 No sweet pea, I feel sorry for you. No one sane wants to be in an abusive relationship, and I will absolutely give you credit if you have gotten out of one. By “you”, I mean whoever is reading this and nodding their head in agreement because they understand what I’m saying. They understand because they’ve escaped the madness and uncertainty of being in a relationship with a gaslighting, narcissistic, abusive, disrespectful jack ass.
Instead of letting this discussion become Facebook fodder, I replied by saying we should discuss it privately. I don’t do drama on my page at all. Also, I need time before I say anything, but I’m willing to hear the nonsense out. Perhaps I’ve already made my decision and DO want closure. I’m not entirely sure. In truth, I am still so angry that anyone thinks this is acceptable treatment of a friend who has been the highest quality friend one could have or hope for.
An old friend once said, “Lisa isn’t to be trifled with.”, and I think that sums things up nicely. People assume I’m nice, sweet, caring, kind, and a host of other things that nauseate me. Clearly, I have my moments and some good qualities or no one would ever be able to call me a friend, but the second you cross over the line, you’re going to meet the other side of me. The one I often refer to as “The Dragon Slayer”. When you meet that other person who is professionally icy, you might not know what to make out of her. That’s okay. She’s already seen you coming from a hundred miles away and she’s not in the mood to psychologically break you into bits, but she will, if necessary. Many women are as multifaceted as what I’ve just described. We can be your best friend, your biggest supporter, or we can be an enemy. The grey area is ambivalence. It always is.
When you call me your “sister”, that’s a fucking privilege. It’s not some cute word to throw around. Fact: I will always be someone’s sister. I was born a sister. I am a sister to my brother, and to several of my cousins. My best friend and I have basically grown up together, and she is 7000+ miles away. She is 100% my sister. 100% family. She wouldn’t dream of disrespecting our friendship in any way. She would never fly into town and NOT see me. She would never disrespect our friendship, our time, or our bond. I would never disrespect her, either. Alas, I now realize how one-sided this other “friendship” actually was.
I was the support system. The therapist. The one with a fully functioning brain. The one with the grace and maturity I’ve possessed for the majority of my life without truly seeing it until someone pointed it out to me recently. I got nothing out of this relationship, except the feeling that I was always on call, like a doctor. When communication stopped, I felt free. I felt like I hadn’t been able to breathe properly, and suddenly this drain on my life force was no longer present. I was relieved. I was done.
I don’t know if there’s anything salvageable here. The pretty words of apology and love are just that; they’re pretty fucking words that mean nothing to me. They are not the actions of someone who is truly sorry and apologized on their own. I forced it by calling her out, and she would have waited for me to make a move until she died if I hadn’t had that flare of anger. I can legitimately say nothing for the remainder of my life and be good with that. If you’re trying to play the silent treatment game with me, you will lose. It’s NOT a fucking game, it is real life. Friends are not expendable beings.
My closest friends often say, “You’re honest and direct, but you’re also supremely fair. So if someone has pissed you off or hurt you, they deserve whatever you dish out because they didn’t have any respect for you.” That acknowledgement and validation is like music to my ears because it’s pure and true.
I don’t do disrespect in my relationships. I don’t make plans and leave people hanging without a word. I will never intentionally flake out on you. I’m not rude and disrespectful. I will be on my best behavior when you drag the uninvited boyfriend along without telling me in advance. Basically that means I won’t poison his food or accidentally, on purpose, stab him in the neck when he says something disrespectful to you that makes me want to slap him while you sit there and take it. Ultimately, I’m YOUR friend, NOT his, and I reserve the right to judge him. 😉 #BarelyKidding
The one time I had a huge disagreement with a friend, I apologized because I was wrong, but the friendship was very much like this one. I realize that now. I overvalued it because to me, friendship is a commodity I don’t play games with. But there I was; the rock she was desperately holding on to, until a bigger rock came along and I was tossed aside like garbage.
I don’t like leeches and I really don’t like psychic vampires. They are referred to as such because they drain you. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. To the point where you eventually avoid them or cut them loose. Dealing with them causes disabling fatigue. Unfortunately, you can’t increase your iron intake and be good to go. The only way to stop the drain is to deny them access to you.
I have never seen any relationship successfully recover fully from disrespect and a breach of boundaries and trust. I’ve tried with one person in particular. Repeatedly. I inevitably decided five years ago that enough was enough and that if they came back tomorrow, I’d listen, but the friendship would still be over. Essentially, I feel the same about this situation. There’s no emotion involved at all, except the previously aforementioned ambivalence, and that’s no way to rebuild something, or start from scratch with. You can’t slap me and tell me you love me. It doesn’t work that way. It never has.
I’m in control of how accessible I am, so she will be sweating it out for as long as it takes me to be patient enough to listen without rolling my eyes. I make no promises, though.
I am not afraid of confrontation. Not even a little bit. I know who I am. I know where I’m coming from, and I know where I’m going. I can’t save every broken birds’ wings. That is not my job, nor is it a role I want to take on. I wear many hats, but it’s time to send the wrong people packing. They were never meant to be a part of my long-term tribe, and that’s okay. I’ve grown and changed, and the last thing I want to do is take on any type of false superhero aspect. In life, your ultimate, true savior is YOU. Grab a sword and take a stab at it. Please don’t wait for someone to rescue you on a white horse. This only exists in fairytales. Perhaps before you buy into such bullshit, you should read about faeries and learn something.
© 2020 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
By the way, Peace Talks by Jim Butcher is now available for pre-order. FINALLY! Release day is July 14th. There, I promoted something for another writer. Jim’s a badass wordsmith who shares the same birthday as I do. Give him a shot, and start with Storm Front. You won’t be sorry. #DarkUrbanFantasy
I Didn’t Sign Up For This
I’m having one of those days where anxiety & stress are overwhelming. Two steps away from hyperventilating, overwhelming. No, I don’t need pity or to talk to anyone. I’m safe and will (probably) live to see another day.
I considered calling my doctor or texting someone, and then chose not to do either. I’m that strong friend who will NOT burden you with my problems because if a medical professional can’t fix it, how will you? For me, this is common sense stuff, but I also cannot allow anyone to get too close anymore and harm me, which happened twice last year. Never again will I permit that. Trust MUST be earned. I have never trusted women less in my life, but that’s where I am now.
Kitten is my familiar, and if I’m not okay, she KNOWS. She started shrieking to get me into another room. She brought me toys and gave me her, “Come on, you’ll feel better soon.” look that is the most human expression you’ll see if you’ve never seen humanity in an animal before. I’ve lucked out; the cats in my life have always been exceptionally human (I have also had two dogs that I immediately knew were once human. I cried each time because neither one could be mine.). Each time I’ve implied this, someone else has noticed it and acknowledged that they see it, too.
I followed her and threw toys around for her, marveling at her energy and the heights she’ll reach. She played happily, but kept looking back at me. If I threw a few toys and walked away, she’d start shrieking again. She has the biggest mouth, so when she makes a certain sound, it’s alarming and you run to see what’s wrong. Today, I was what was wrong, and she knew it.
Suddenly, Cat came running down the stairs because she heard my voice. She’s ALWAYS listening for me. Be it noon or three a.m., if I breathe, she’s going to follow me. I can cough and she’ll come to check on me like it’s her sole purpose in life.
I don’t have to doubt the intentions of any animal I’ve raised, but people? People will give you reasons to doubt, to not trust. People who think everyone is innately good are so off base, and I cannot imagine being that level of naive. It’s a stupidity I cannot afford.
We are all different. We all have shit we are dealing with, and things we are doing to better ourselves.
Me? All of the above. I’m not a negative person due to bad days and painful struggles. When I achieve goals, I know I have earned my place. My achievements aren’t false and I don’t purchase my goals.
No one hands you anything in life. Not in truth. Be mindful of invisible strings attached and the expectations others have when you allow them that level of access. Use your fucking brain!
They say domestic cats are still preprogrammed with certain wilderness skills. It’s often why they will sleep with their “person” or “people”. My cats have their own beds and they use them, but when I’m hurting, be it physically or emotionally, they’ve got my back. People? Not so much.
Kitten is my constant sidekick. Writing? She’s next to me. Trying not to meltdown? She will come to comfort me. I know she loves me because she will bust open the door to my room and just stay by my side. She doesn’t stand on ceremony.
Cat is different. She requires an invitation in calligraphy. She had me for the first year of her life, and while she needed a companion so she’d stop attacking me, she officially outgrew this need a few years ago. To this day, she will still crawl into my lap like she did as a tiny bean, and she won’t move. She thinks she’s still about three pounds. She is sweet and sassy, but ultimately they are both fiercely protective of me, even when I’m asleep. They have woken me from nightmares and cuddled close when I feel cold and completely empty. They often treat me like I am the mother cat. The way they greet me is the way a kitten would greet its mother. It’s beautiful and a little sad because I know they were both taken from their mothers too soon. 😦
Not to knock my real friends, but these are my girls. I know they will be with me until the end of their lives. I made a commitment when I filled out their adoption forms, wrapped them up in a warm blanket, and put them in a carrier to take them home. They immediately trusted me. A cat can live over twenty years. Every single day, I pray I have that long with them. They are such blessings and I never worry about them secretly judging me. I already know they do, but I also know they’d kill for me.
I didn’t sign up for all this pain and strife, but I did sign up to love my little balls of trouble. People will come and go, but your cats will stay by your side because they know your heart better than anyone else. That’s unconditional love in the truest form.
Sorry dog owners; I can only speak for what’s mine.
© 2020 by Lisa Marino and Blackbird Serenity, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
If you’re looking for a new blog to read and/or subscribe to, please give The Peckish Thinker a shot (click to visit). Officially launched today by my friend, Lillian, who I’ve been friends with for about seven years.
Congratulations on your new endeavor, hon! 💜
Courage. Kindness. Friendship. Character.
“Courage. Kindness. Friendship. Character. These are the qualities that define us as human beings, and propel us, on occasion, to greatness.” ―R.J. Palacio
National Sister Day
Today is also #NationalSisterDay. Thank you to my unbiological sister, Shani. She’s the diamond to my sapphire. We have different parents only because no one would have been able to handle us growing up. Especially since we turned out to be awesome, loyal, bad ass chicks with the world’s best sense of humor. I always feel immensely privileged to have you in my life. XOXO #BestFriends #Sisters #Sestras #Hermanas #Sorellas
National Friendship Day 2019
Today is #NationalFriendshipDay. Instead of tagging those I’m close to and value, I’m simply going to say I’m grateful for my REAL friends. Those who can spend hours talking to me about everything or nothing. Those who are kind, thoughtful, respectful, insightful, caring, nurturing, and who make me laugh. Those who check up on me. Those who genuinely care what I’m going through, etc. It’s a short list, but my heart knows who is who, instinctively.
Much like the ocean, my life has changed epically over the past few years. I’m the same person, but constantly making improvements to better myself. Growth doesn’t have to mean leaving your friends behind or cutting people out of your life and heart.
Friendship should never become something you’re lazy about, and you should NEVER take a solid friend for granted. Celebrate those who are solid in your life; those who will answer the phone for you, those who will say the goofiest shit just to make you smile, those who will take up your cause as their own, those who truly LISTEN. Honor your friendships with the proper amount of communication, appreciation, and validation.
Life is SHORT. We don’t know what our shelf life is on this plane of existence, so LIVE. Treat people well and treat yourself well, too. Friendship is a choice and a promise. Choose wisely.
#Love #Loyalty #Friendship #AnamCara
Copyright ©2019 by Lisa Marino and Blackbird Serenity, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
Musings Credited to Insomnia, Migraines, & Humidity
As I went over the feed for this month, I noticed the photo challenge is garnering a nice amount of attention. 😊 Possibly more than the inspirational things I normally share on a semi-regular basis. 🤔 I’ve also noticed that, each time I’m able to write, the statistics go up even further. Mind you, I’m doing all of this from my phone. Not too shabby. I am grateful to my readers and happy to report an increase in readership. All things taken into consideration, it’s pretty fantastic. 😘
I’m going to expand the photo challenge for another month, perhaps two. After going through my photo albums, I realized I have so many beautiful photos I’ve never shared. I didn’t think anyone would care, really. They’re absolutely stunning in color, but there’s something about black and white that allows you to see a different layer of beauty.
Editing them and then saving them into black and white is a little time consuming, but it’s worth it. Can you believe this started as a seven day challenge presented to me about two years ago? Expanding it, if one is able to do so, and has the photos, is far more interesting. Especially since part of the challenge is in not disclosing the locations, yet many are obvious, like Yankee Stadium or the Empire State Building. There are iconic locations in many of the photos, and in others, you’d be hard pressed to pinpoint exactly where the photo was taken. Part of me was tempted to post the black and white AND color versions, because there’s so much beauty to be seen in the differences, but I think I’ll keep things as they are, for now. I might eventually disclose the locations of each photo. I haven’t decided yet.
I’ve been having a difficult time sleeping. I have had a migraine for almost eleven days straight (after an extremely successful run of treatment, this feels like an enormous setback. Even better, the abortive I fought for isn’t helping. I am going to see if my doctor can get the brand approved since the generic is a little too different for me.), and it’s taking a toll on me. I’m researching a new medication (to me) and trying to decide if it’s an acceptable choice. I am hoping to enter the final phase of a clinical trial for PTSD medication, as well. I’ll know more at some point. I may or may not be permitted to mention the logistics if the drug isn’t already on the market. But hey, it’s worth a shot. I’m willing to try something if it can help me move forward, though I expect nothing.
My brother is scheduled for heart surgery next week. 😔 They claim he’ll go home the same day (Healthcare in America. 😒😠), but I have my concerns and suspicions. Obviously, I am praying for good results. 🙏 Otherwise, someone will be on the news next weekend. 😒 I’m probably voted “Most likely to kill a doctor” on a list somewhere. Most of them are smart enough to run in the opposite direction. 🤷
I am trying to wrap my head around everything that’s been going on in my life and things that have directly affected my loved ones. There’s been sudden loss of life, which left my best friend & I in tears, comforting each other from thousands of miles away. In constant truth, G-d Bless her. I don’t know what I’d do without her or her supportive words. When you have a friendship which started out so long ago, it occasionally feels like “just yesterday”. The shared memories and history, the laughter, the tears, and so much more, are a bond of truth. You can wave goodbye to the flakes and fakes of the world when you have solid relationships with others; the kind that always grow and age like the finest of wines. The kind you’re constantly grateful for, because 2-3 times a day, you thank G-d for blessing you with a handful of solid friends. G-d didn’t see fit to give me biological sisters, but he placed some extraordinary people in my life, and it bears repeating; I’m constantly grateful. Keep in mind, friendship is 50/50. Sometimes it’s 70/30 when one of you is going through a crisis, and that’s okay because your bond ensures that the center will hold.
Things are changing in positive ways. It helps distract one from the minor, negativity I’ve rid myself of. Eventually I WILL talk about it, but for now, I just want to focus on me. Not in a selfish or egotistical manner. Mostly in a head and heart kind of way, which I think is important.
And so, for the month of June, I’m done. I’m ready to move forward, keep growing, stay focused, and keep myself in a position to accept that I’m not a one trick pony. I do more than write; I create. I utilize that creativity and I’m SO glad I started filming and getting myself prepared for another phase. There’s a lot up the road. I am excited for it all.
Talk to you in July.
© 2019 by Lisa Marino and Blackbird Serenity, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.