Happy Pride 🌈

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(Author’s Note: I was almost positive I shared this at the beginning of the month, but apparently I have been extremely distracted. Pain will do that to you. My apologies.)

Happy Pride to the entire LGBTQ+ community. πŸŒˆβ€πŸ’™πŸ’œπŸ’šπŸ’›πŸ’—πŸŒˆ

Since many of us are still waiting to see how our respective states, cities, towns, provinces, and countries respond to each phase of re-opening (I’m paying attention to the numbers, and I’m still predominantly in a state of quarantine. I legitimately have no place I need to be until August. I won’t lie; I desperately need a hair cut and *might* give in if I can score an appointment locally, especially if I’m already out for groceries or something along those lines. My stylist isn’t back to work yet, but my cut is very easy for anyone with experience to do. I’m afraid I’ll order scissors on Amazon and truly screw it up. I’ve had weird dreams where my vivid red hair is six different colors and the cut is something I’d never ask for in a million years.), I hope you’ll take a few minutes to explore how Pride Month is celebrated in Tel Aviv. I’ll see if I can find the footage on YouTube. It is the ONLY celebration in not just the Middle East, but in the majority of the Eastern world. People come from all over the world to celebrate their right to freely live and love. The first time I saw it, I found it beautifully mesmerizing.Β 

Love IS Love. I’ve never questioned this. Acceptance of others is a choice. I choose to live and let live, without judgment (Though, there are some days that end in a Y where I DO have moments of frustrated intolerance. Mostly with fools.).Β 

Celebrate safely. Bright Blessings to you all. 😊

June

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Thus far, 2020 has not gone anywhere near as planned. If you’ve felt that way, too, then you are most assuredly not alone. The reality that it’s June is daunting. I still have moments where each day blends into the next. It’s a gorgeous 58 degrees here and that’s not common at this stage of Spring. By now, the heat is usually inching towards intolerable.

I have felt the need to be far more silent than usual in my attempt to get things back on track. Everything is different, the air crackles with the intensity of it, but my goals don’t have to be pushed back due to Covid 19 or anything else. Change and growth are on the horizon. They need to be. There’s a lot of work involved to help me refocus on the goals I set for myself this year. They may be delayed, but they are not going to be skipped over. The only person I would be harming by not moving forward, even if it’s slow going, is myself. I’m tired of feeling like I come in last, especially as a result of being there for other people and supporting them.

I keep hearing myself say I’m proud of people or I’m happy for them, or I’m congratulating people multiple times a day (often on things I’m not fully vested in), but the truth is, I need to prioritize myself higher than all of that in order to fully practice what I preach. I, in no way, expect to receive an ounce of support or anyone cheering me on. I don’t live my life that way.

I am hoping things change for the better on a global scale, as well. I have been keeping a lower profile on my social media accounts because the hate and anger are overwhelmingly disturbing. The violence and destruction is not honorable behavior. Before anyone says it; NO, neither is murdering someone without just cause or ignoring their rights. This is not a time to attempt to “go there” with me.

Please don’t misunderstand me; I get it. I understand. I hear it. But for my own mental health, I cannot absorb it. If anyone ever spent ten minutes in my head, they would run away from me screaming. They would likely need to be hospitalized. The nightmare of living inside my own head in order to work things out, to try to heal damaged aspects of my psyche, among other things, makes me numb to a lot. This is a truth many trauma survivors live with, and few ever talk about. It does not make me a bad person. It does not make me heartless or mean-spirited. It does not mean I’m this or that; it just means this is how it is for me. Period. I am not the only person on this planet who cannot absorb the hate and negativity. It physically makes me ill.

Living in heightened physical agony, which I will explain at a later time, is not helping matters, either. From the top of my head all the way to my toes, my body is screaming in pain all day long, and sometimes nights are really awful for me. Every movement, every step taken, every attempt at stretching or getting rid of the knots in my neck makes things worse. Last week, I was diagnosed with a pinched nerve. Without testing, there’s no way to be 100% sure the diagnosis is correct, but I have to wear a neck brace for the next six months. I will also be ordering a special pillow to see if that helps. The pain is out of control, and my body is creating new pain pathways, so escaping this pain is difficult. I will be taking the CBD oil and gummie plunge ASAP. I found a company who was helpful and informative regarding dosing, and that was really important to me. They answered my questions almost immediately. If it’s helping thousands of people who’ve been using it for years, then maybe it will help me, too. I am trying to rely on less medication, overall. I’m sick of pills that work on occasion or don’t work at all. It’s exhausting. I will share the link and discount code providing it is a product I can get behind. Otherwise, I’m not going to appear to endorse something that I don’t fully believe in.

Please be safe, everyone. This month offers no guarantees.

 

 

Pinstripe Pride

When your team goes to London and utterly crushes the Red Sox. πŸŽ‰ πŸ˜‚

London StadiumΒ is clearly intended for soccer, but it’s a hitter’s park for baseball. πŸ˜ƒ If you’re not from North America, feel free to Google the reference.Β 

I’m proud to see MLB represented in the United Kingdom. Two amazing games. Plus, each team presented Prince Harry and the Duchess of Sussex with adorable jerseys for their son. 😊 

Musings Credited to Insomnia, Migraines, & Humidity

As I went over the feed for this month, I noticed the photo challenge is garnering a nice amount of attention. 😊 Possibly more than the inspirational things I normally share on a semi-regular basis. πŸ€” I’ve also noticed that, each time I’m able to write, the statistics go up even further. Mind you, I’m doing all of this from my phone. Not too shabby. I am grateful to my readers and happy to report an increase in readership. All things taken into consideration, it’s pretty fantastic. 😘

I’m going to expand the photo challenge for another month, perhaps two. After going through my photo albums, I realized I have so many beautiful photos I’ve neverΒ shared. I didn’t think anyone would care, really. They’re absolutely stunning in color, but there’s something about black and white that allows you to see a different layer of beauty.

Editing them and then saving them into black and white is a little time consuming, but it’s worth it. Can you believe this started as a seven day challenge presented to me about two years ago? Expanding it, if one is able to do so, and has the photos, is far more interesting. Especially since part of the challenge is in not disclosing the locations, yet many are obvious, like Yankee Stadium or the Empire State Building. There are iconic locations in many of the photos, and in others, you’d be hard pressed to pinpoint exactly where the photo was taken. Part of me was tempted to post the black and white AND color versions, because there’s so much beauty to be seen in the differences, but I think I’ll keep things as they are, for now. I might eventually disclose the locations of each photo. I haven’t decided yet.

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I’ve been having a difficult time sleeping. I have had a migraine for almost eleven days straight (after an extremely successful run of treatment, this feels like an enormous setback. Even better, the abortive I fought for isn’t helping. I am going to see if my doctor can get the brand approved since the generic is a little too different for me.), and it’s taking a toll on me. I’m researching a new medication (to me) and trying to decide if it’s an acceptable choice. I am hoping to enter the final phase of a clinical trial for PTSD medication, as well. I’ll know more at some point. I may or may not be permitted to mention the logistics if the drug isn’t already on the market. But hey, it’s worth a shot. I’m willing to try something if it can help me move forward, though I expect nothing.

My brother is scheduled for heart surgery next week. πŸ˜” They claim he’ll go home the same day (Healthcare in America. πŸ˜’πŸ˜ ), but I have my concerns and suspicions. Obviously, I am praying for good results. πŸ™Β Otherwise, someone will be on the news next weekend. πŸ˜’ I’m probably voted “Most likely to kill a doctor” on a list somewhere. Most of them are smart enough to run in the opposite direction. 🀷

I am trying to wrap my head around everything that’s been going on in my life and things that have directly affected my loved ones. There’s been sudden loss of life, which left my best friend & I in tears, comforting each other from thousands of miles away. In constant truth,Β G-d Bless her. I don’t know what I’d do without her or her supportive words. When you have a friendship which started out so long ago, it occasionally feels like “just yesterday”. The shared memories and history, the laughter, the tears, and so much more, are a bond of truth. You can wave goodbye to the flakes and fakes of the world when you have solid relationships with others; the kind that always grow and age like the finest of wines. The kind you’re constantly grateful for, because 2-3 times a day, you thank G-d for blessing you with a handful of solid friends. G-d didn’t see fit to give me biological sisters, but he placed some extraordinary people in my life, and it bears repeating; I’m constantly grateful. Keep in mind, friendship is 50/50. Sometimes it’s 70/30 when one of you is going through a crisis, and that’s okay because your bond ensures that the center will hold.Β 

Things are changing in positive ways. It helps distract one from the minor, negativity I’ve rid myself of. Eventually I WILL talk about it, but for now, I just want to focus on me. Not in a selfish or egotistical manner. Mostly in a head and heart kind of way, which I think is important.

And so, for the month of June, I’m done. I’m ready to move forward, keep growing, stay focused, and keep myself in a position to accept that I’m not a one trick pony. I do more than write; I create. I utilize that creativity and I’m SO glad I started filming and getting myself prepared for another phase. There’s a lot up the road. I am excited for it all.

Talk to you in July.

li

Β© 2019 by Lisa Marino and Blackbird Serenity, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.