“I fell in love with him. But I don’t just stay with him by default, as if there’s no one else available to me. I stay with him because I choose to, every day that I wake up, every day that we fight or lie to each other or disappoint each other. I choose him over and over again, and he chooses me.” ―Veronica Roth
“I could not tell you if I loved you the first moment I saw you, or if it was the second or third or fourth. But I remember the first moment I looked at you walking toward me and realized that somehow the rest of the world seemed to vanish when I was with you.” -Cassandra Clare
(Author’s Note: I was almost positive I shared this at the beginning of the month, but apparently I have been extremely distracted. Pain will do that to you. My apologies.)
Happy Pride to the entire LGBTQ+ community. 🌈❤💙💜💚💛💗🌈
Since many of us are still waiting to see how our respective states, cities, towns, provinces, and countries respond to each phase of re-opening (I’m paying attention to the numbers, and I’m still predominantly in a state of quarantine. I legitimately have no place I need to be until August. I won’t lie; I desperately need a hair cut and *might* give in if I can score an appointment locally, especially if I’m already out for groceries or something along those lines. My stylist isn’t back to work yet, but my cut is very easy for anyone with experience to do. I’m afraid I’ll order scissors on Amazon and truly screw it up. I’ve had weird dreams where my vivid red hair is six different colors and the cut is something I’d never ask for in a million years.), I hope you’ll take a few minutes to explore how Pride Month is celebrated in Tel Aviv. I’ll see if I can find the footage on YouTube. It is the ONLY celebration in not just the Middle East, but in the majority of the Eastern world. People come from all over the world to celebrate their right to freely live and love. The first time I saw it, I found it beautifully mesmerizing.
Love IS Love. I’ve never questioned this. Acceptance of others is a choice. I choose to live and let live, without judgment (Though, there are some days that end in a Y where I DO have moments of frustrated intolerance. Mostly with fools.).
Celebrate safely. Bright Blessings to you all. 😊
“If you really love something, you never try to keep it the way it is forever. You have to let it be free to change.” ―Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes, page 441
“Fall in love with someone who wants you, who waits for you, who understands you. Someone who helps you, and guides you, someone who is your support, your hope. Fall in love with someone who talks with you after a fight. Fall in love with someone who misses you and wants to be with you. Do not fall in love only with a body or with a face; or with the idea of being in love.” –Unknown Quote Origins
In memory of The Original Goddess Kitten, who I lost three years ago tonight.
“How do I love thee? Infinity times infinity.”
It’s utterly surreal how much my life has changed in the last eight years. I set out on a specific course, reached a major fork in the road, chose a direction, a dream, and now I am starting over with a dream I’ve somehow managed to keep hidden in the back of my mind, all the while making movements towards it. “Everything happens for a reason…” Sometimes that sounds like horse-shit and other times, it’s the absolute truth.
In the last eight years I have lost, loved, lost, and continued to love. Every single time I think I am shut off and that my capacity for love is gone, I am proven wrong. On this day last year, I brought an angel home. Today that angel is officially a year old and while there are a great many types of love, this one is pure and special. I feel blessed and honored to be in the presence of this love. This is the kind of love that keeps you alive and gives you purpose. It reminds you to keep fighting and keep living, even when you truly don’t want to. Even when you say “No more!”, that love is present and let’s you know that it’s okay to feel the way you do, and that you’re completely accepted.
Once or twice a year, I do a Celtic Cross Tarot Card reading for myself. I don’t do readings for anyone else because it makes me uncomfortable, but my own readings are so accurate that they bring me to tears. My most recent reading was dead-on accurate and I remember being slightly in denial at the time, but now I realize it was a message, and it was telling me exactly what I’ve been telling myself for the last few years. I liken it to a loved one treating you badly in public and a stranger stopping you to tell you that you deserve better. You KNOW you deserve better in your heart of hearts, but sometimes hearing it from someone else’s mouth is the push you need. Many of my readings are like that. In fact, all of them are. I’m really quite disturbing with the metaphysical.
Today would normally be a celebration of something else, but this year I celebrate love and new beginnings. That is the right direction, that is the answer, and I needn’t attempt to dissuade myself when I know the answers.
My mother wrote a letter to me before I was born. I found it after she died. It said “Sometimes you have put yourself first, but it doesn’t mean you’re being selfish.” She was a supremely unselfish woman and she raised me to be pretty unselfish as well. Of all the people I have lost, it’s my Mom’s voice that I can’t always remember, until I read something she wrote or a memory comes flooding back and I hear her say my name the way only three people in my life ever did. Looking at photos this morning, I realized just how much I miss my family and how I’ve never given myself time to grieve.
Thankfully, I know that there are all a part of who I am and that they’re not truly gone. Bits and pieces of each of them live on inside of me, and so, with every ending comes a new beginning.
This phoenix is ready to spread her wings and fly. She’s already been through the fire.
copyright © 2015 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.