“Never let your fear decide your future.” –Unknown
No, the title isn’t meant to indicate an actual health issue. Not that I’m aware of. However, Fibromyalgia Brain Fog, also commonly referred to as “Fibro Fog”, has really done a number on me this month. It was slowly progressing, but now I feel dumber than a box of rocks with twelve piles of shit on top. It’s scary, freakish, and makes me feel terrible about myself. Only another sufferer can truly understand how much pain this puts me in.
I know these are common daily occurrences for a lot of people who struggle with Fibromyalgia and other auto-immune diseases, but my incidents have been sporadic and easily managed, up until now. This weekend has pretty much brought me to my knees on the memory front. 😦
If you ask me about something from when I was two or three years old, I have complete recall of the entire moment. If you ask me why I tried putting black pepper in the freezer, I’ve got nothing. If I didn’t set the timer on the stove, I’d walk away from preparing meals and never go back (I ALWAYS set the timer, even if it’s just ten minutes, it’s loud enough to bring me back in order to focus.). I have to be 100% in whatever it is I am doing, otherwise I am going to end up cutting myself, burning myself, or forgetting what the hell I’m doing to begin with. There is nothing normal or acceptable about this.
To add insult to injury, I put notes on my phone as reminders for pretty much everything. I take this phone with me wherever I go, and yet, I still forget what the hell I’m reading and end up deleting at least 50% of the note before I’ve left most stores. It’s utterly pathetic. It’s also sad, because I’m tired of searching cabinets and the refrigerator/freezer for things I forgot to buy. I then add the missing items to next week’s list, only so the cycle can continue on in an ugly manner. I have to start each list with cat food and cat litter, otherwise it’s entirely possible I will forget one, the other, or both. This past weekend, I forgot the litter. The plus side, there’s 20 pounds of it sitting near the litter box from the weekend prior, so all I have to do is change the damn thing. The fact that I can even lift 20 pounds these days is miraculous to me. 😦
I think I would be better able to cope with this lack of brain function if I were over 75 and had achieved all of the things I set out to do with my life. I’d be able to say “Hey, I’ve lived longer than my parents. I’ve accomplished all of this. I’m simply getting older and forgetting things. It’s not the end of the world.” However, I’m nowhere near 75, not even close, and yet, my brain is suddenly turning to mush. I tried refrigerating herbs when I was cooking earlier (obviously, that’s not where they belong). As soon as I realized what I was doing, I nearly dropped all of them on the floor and burst into tears.
These incidents are made worse by the criticism of others. “Do you even have a fucking brain?”, I was asked earlier this month. “You really DO live in your own world.”, I was told the other day. These are things I’d never say out loud to someone I know is sick, leave alone healthy.
If you have someone in your life with an autoimmune disease/disorder that affects their brain function, I would like you to walk a hundred thousand miles in their shoes. I want you to spend 365 days in their body before making a single derogatory remark in their direction. Our ears are fine; we can fucking hear your offensive, rude negativity. However, if you don’t understand the illness itself, shut the fuck up. You’re not making the situation better, and how you treat someone is just as important as how you speak to them. Unfortunately, we live in a world where everyone wants respect, simply for existing, but they don’t realize their behavior is what garners respect. Moreover, we all express our feelings differently. I prefer to say a lot of things to people privately, eschewing public professions. Some people seem to have a deep-seated need for the public professions though, and it baffles me. Just because we live in a selfie-filled world doesn’t mean every single thing we want to say ought to be made public.
You can argue that by writing it, I’ve made it public, but here’s the thing; I didn’t name names. I rarely, if ever, do. I talk in code with my friends, we have our own private language, and I write in code a lot of the time, too. You get the gist of it, obviously, you just don’t have faces and names to attach to what I’m saying. It’s like reading a book. You get descriptions of characters, but you are left to your own devices as to what they might truly look like if you met them on the street.
So, even with my “brain problems”, I don’t have “writer problems”. Thank G-d and Goddess for that!
copyright © 2016 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
What they don’t seem to realize is that insurance companies are not going to pay for these drugs. They’ll approve less expensive options, including Botox, over prices like this. Perhaps that’s a good thing for those who are fighting their insurance to cover Botox for migraines.
“Every setback is a setup for a comeback. G-d wants to bring you out better than you were before.” –Unknown
G-d has His work cut out for Him. I hope He’s calling in backup! 😦
Tonight will be the New Moon in the sign of Sagittarius. We have an opportunity for a new start, a fresh cycle where we can tune in, visualize, and aim our arrows of light toward what we desire. This is a time of aligning with our deepest truth and having the courage to move, express, and create from our center.
The Sagittarius New Moon is full of energy. Sagittarius is a fire sign which draws on ambition and creativity. Move out of the box of limited thinking. Challenge your perceptions of reality. Align your goals with your truth and you will be successful. If you have been feeling stuck in a rut or everything has been moving too slowly lately, then get ready, as things are about to speed up and become a lot more exciting in a big way.
This is a fiery New Moon, full of strong feelings and passion. Fire has a way of burning off dead wood, and cleansing past hurts and guilt. If you’re one of the many who have been wading in your own emotional swamps, let a natural wildfire catch on, and use it to heal your spirit, like a phoenix rising from the ashes.
This New Moon will give us a boost of confidence and empowerment. So be bolder, brighter, and braver than usual. Go for what you thought you couldn’t do before, take a chance and see where it takes you. Stay open to new discoveries and adventures. Seek out who you truly are and where you fit in the world. Now is the time to ask questions and seek answers. Now is the time to honor the struggles and battles we have faced in the past. Let them go. You are getting a fresh start.
This New Moon is full of vigor and renewed energy, we will start to feel uplifted. We are entering a very positive and upbeat period. We can turn our hopes and desires into reality, make wishes, ask for more.
Sagittarius is considered the sign of the seeker and the philosopher, as well as that of Cosmic Law. It focuses on the important questions in life: Who am I? Why am I here? Where am I going? It also gives us a sense of wonder and joy as we contemplate some force greater that calls to us.
The archer points his arrow to our future. This New Moon encourages you to dream big. Sagittarius rules future vision, so you may experience strange or psychic dreams at this time and your psychic awareness will be enhanced.
Have a blessed New Moon, and may the Goddess watch over you.
Written credit: Various
Photo credit: Various
Edited by: Lisa Marino