Kicked In The Heart

As you evolve, you learn things about yourself. It’s important to me to always be evolving, to always have goals, dreams, and to keep achieving. One of the most crucial things I learned, many years ago, was to eliminate jealousy completely.

I’m a Scorpio, and we’re known for being jealous individuals when it comes to our relationships. A great deal of this is mythology. Let me be clear when I say we’re not all like that, but for a few years, I was. I eliminated it by being in a toxic relationship, sadly enough. I’ve written about this relationship and how important it was to get out of it. To this day, I am still grateful that someone else came along (for him) and interrupted my cycle of suffering. On occasion, I still pray for her because she ended up forever tied to the jackass. I cut all ties and I don’t look back.

When a person is supposed to love you, they shouldn’t turn around and use other women to make you jealous, uncomfortable, or angry. The same is true if a woman is doing it with other men. It’s not acceptable to try to harm the person/people you’re in a relationship with by using others to get a rise out of them or emotionally harm them. That’s not the behavior of someone you can have any kind of healthy relationship with. A truly loyal person would never do that to you, or disrespect others by involving them.

I no longer feel jealousy when something of that nature arises. In fact, I feel indifferent. I immediately shut down and it’s amazing how quickly love shuts off. I have a built-in mechanism which shuts down so quickly, it should scare me, but it doesn’t. It helps me eliminate being embarrassed publicly by someone. It’s a complete and total shut down in terms of respect, love, and caring about the other person. It may seem harsh and it may seem cold, but it is necessary. All of us have a mechanism we may or may not be aware of which shields us from the deepest levels of emotional harm. Especially if, like me, you have lived through so much trauma, you often question your own survival.

A reaction very similar to what I’ve described happened to me this past week. Instead of investigating more deeply or reacting in an emotional manner, I immediately shut down. My exact reaction was, “Fuck this. I don’t need the drama. I can do better, and I will.” When you love someone and they hurt you in a way you know you can’t forgive, that’s probably the correct response to have. It’s a response that takes toxicity out of the equation and moves you straight into the healing process. There’s nothing to grieve.

I am not sitting and listening to sad songs. I am not dwelling. I’m not feeling anything, actually. I’m in an erasure method. I never realized how quickly I can delete someone from my life when they hurt me. Anyone with a trauma history likely has similar coping mechanisms, or different ones. Done truly means DONE for me.

Sadly, I give certain friendships more chances than I am giving this particular issue. I won’t even refer to it as a relationship because it’s done. Acknowledging it as more means I have hope. I don’t.

And so, I’m taking some time to heal and move forward. I’ve got much bigger fish to fry. Sometimes I need to burn the past, however little or much, and journey on. For me, this is the core of real strength.

copyright © 2021 by Lisa Marino & Poison In Lethal Doses, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Ink To Paper

Hello, everyone! Despite being under the weather, I wanted to take a break from the manuscript I am working on and see what I could bring to all of you fine individuals today. 🙂

Writing is going incredibly well, knock on wood. 110,000 words in approximately six weeks, minus things I ended up cutting. That isn’t a normal or common word count in that amount of time, but immersing the story in so much truth is possibly part of why it’s been smooth. This is the truest piece of fiction I’ve ever written (or read), and I’m sure I’ve said this multiple times. I try not to repeat myself, but life happens.

I am in the process of fine-tuning certain scenes and adding things I intentionally skipped at the start because, for certain things, I need to be fully in the correct head space to write it. Some scenes require more anger, more emotion, more sarcasm (Someone I know is reading this and thinking, “Lisa is NEVER without a sarcastic, witty, acerbic, biting comeback. EVER.” It’s true. That’s part of my personality which 99% of the people I know love about me. Only one person has no respect or appreciation for it, and often interprets the most banal comments AS sarcasm or some form of self-imagined cruelty, when it’s generally just dry delivery. To know me is to know that my sense of humor is a combination of all the different personalities which reside in my head, in a non-schizophrenic/dissociative identity disorder kind of way. I have always been a keen observer of anyone who was dark, funny, interesting, or compelling sense of humor. Ultimately, the core of my humor is dark, and I inherited that from my father, who would be pleased to see this project, and others, going well for me.), more love, more passion, just, something more. We’ve all been there. A writer who instinctively knows when more is needed, or less, is one who knows their craft and knows themselves.

I don’t usually write a project from start to finish. Usually I put scenes together as I visualize them. Creative visualization is especially crucial for fight sequences, which I genuinely love writing. This has been a process of A to Z, and then I read through it and add a few things here and there, as needed. Part II of this project is nearing 10,000 words, and the final part of it is at about 5,000, so it’s clear I took this seriously from day one. You might write 20,000 words to challenge yourself and see what you can do, but you don’t write a full-length, highly detailed novel as a challenge. This story came to me out of nowhere and I ran with it. For me, it’s so incredibly different from what I’d normally write, and that’s part of the love for me. I enjoy the lead characters so much. Their story is an easy one to tell, and at times, an emotionally charged adventure. There is so much honesty in it, so on some level, it’s probably easier for me, someone who has a background in nonfiction, to be able to write an honest story, even though it is fictional.

Some scenes I am working on require a certain level of research so that I get them right the first time. Minor details are big details at times, and it’s always important to be accurate, as opposed to attempting to be imaginative. That’s my process, but it isn’t the same for everyone, and I am well aware of that.

I have another large project in the works and was able to get some work done on that this past week, as well. Basically, I am running on physical, mental, and emotional fumes. My eyes have suffered major strain from 16+ hour days doing nothing but writing. However, it is a privilege to do it, and I look forward to everyone’s response.

What else is going on? I’m thinking more about my mental health advocacy in light of specific events. I have a lot on my mind, really. As so much as I can when I am devoted to a project headed for completion. It’s getting all of my attention and mental energy to the exclusion of much, but those things can wait. When I am not writing, I am focused on my health. There clearly aren’t enough hours in the day.

If you’re wondering what I’m up to in my silence, I am putting a lot of ink to paper. I will talk to you all soon.

Be well!

copyright © 2021 by Lisa Marino & Poison In Lethal Doses, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Always A Funeral…

If I tallied up all the funerals I have been to, it would be a percentage of over 99%. How many weddings have I been to? Three. Please don’t invite me to anything you don’t truly want me to attend.

Let me clarify that my own family has chosen to exclude me from every wedding, even my first cousins managed to exclude me. If ever I choose to get married, I can do so with less than ten people in attendance. My list currently stands at under ninety people, most of whom are friends of five years or longer; the kind you feel will happily stand up for you and those you will hopefully have for the remainder of your life. The person who stands by your side is ultimately far more important than the numbers, believe me.

Last Monday was a somber affair. I’d never attended a Catholic funeral before. I found is colder and unfeeling, but I suspect part of my newfound emotional detachment had a lot to do with how I viewed it. It’s not about religion, so much as it is about the state of a funeral while we are still actively dealing with Covid.

I know a Jewish funeral backward and forward. I can probably recite it by rote. If you have a good Rabbi, there is a very emotional, spiritual feeling in the air. Even my non-religious/spiritual friends have told me they feel like Jewish funerals are more involved/in touch. In essence, it makes sense I’d feel more connected there.

I remember my father’s funeral very clearly because I gave the eulogy. We are incredibly lucky to have an amazing Rabbi who deeply cares for our family, so even now, over a decade later, speaking to him is heartwarming. He will always leave you with a piece of wisdom, and I never forget his sparks or good deeds. He’s an innately good person. Prior to meeting him, I had never been able to connect with any man/woman of G-d. I found all of them so clinical and uncaring. He is the exception, not the rule.

Funerals are something I’m used to. I shouldn’t be, but I am. I get invited to more of them than any other thing in this world. While that is a strange thing to be invited to, I don’t feel like paying your respects is something you get invited to, or not. It’s something you do. Hopefully for the right reasons.

As the funeral was winding down, the “host” gave me a hug and told me I was a good person. I was taken aback by that statement. I wish more people said positive things through their pain, as opposed to those who shut everyone out. Yet, I did not feel the need to thank anyone who came to my father’s funeral or my mother’s. For me, showing up (if you are able) is a sign of respect. It is not your good deed.

Perhaps I am alone in these thoughts. Perhaps not. But unlike many, I try to show up and be present. I actually try harder than most. Even if it means being the only person who speaks and is fully present.

copyright ©2021 by Lisa Marino and Poison In Lethal Doses, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Stopping By

Hello, everyone! It’s been a while, and under normal circumstances I might apologize, but the truth is; that’s not necessary.

It’s been a very rough period of time for me, and as a direct result, this has affected my health in some very serious ways, which I am trying to reconcile. It’s not simple. I am coming off a few weeks of two doctors dismissing my concerns, triggering me into a very dark place, and me coming away angry and triggered into a place where I’m determined to fix the feelings and my approach. I’m lucky to have one doctor who takes me seriously and validates what I’m saying, how I make decisions, etc. That helps, but my support system is nil. I have noticed, more than ever, how people come to me with their thoughts, feelings, pain, and problems, but rarely, if ever, ask if I’m okay or if I need anything. The stronger you are as a person, the less people think you are actually in need of anything. 2020 showed me people’s true colors and 2021 has shown me their level of selfishness and privilege.

Those are two things I will never grasp; coming from such a profound sense of privilege that you actually believe the world revolves around you AND the selfishness of others. I’m the polar opposite. I know what I am most grateful for in this world and that there are privileges attached to that, but as a person, I am not selfish and would want to rip my own throat out if ever I came off as privileged. That’s genuinely not how I operate.

I have struggled for over a decade with how invisible I seem to be. I’m struggling with other issues, as well, and I speak to someone about these things and I do the damn work. That’s my responsibility to myself, and to others. Not to come from a place of ignorance or selfishness.

I realize I’ve reached a new level of fed up. Burnt out. Severe Insomnia. My stress levels could kill me. And yet, a doctor had the audacity to ask me yesterday what in the world I have to be stressed about. She can have an answer when she finally learns my damn name!

We’re all going through something; some more so than others. I’ve been hard at work on various projects which I’m not sharing information on just yet, but one of those projects in particular has been my saving grace over the past two and a half weeks. It has been my catharsis. It has been every bit of my truth. Think a novel can’t be finished in that time? Think again. A solidly good idea means the story will flow. I don’t normally write things of that nature from start to finish, but this one has worked out differently. Over two hundred pages and closing in on 85,000 words in the final draft. I am extremely proud of how therapeutic this experience has been. It will go out into the world in a month or so, and I’ll see who is willing to publish it. It is the most honest, authentic, fair, reasonable, and emotional piece of fiction I’ve ever read, or written. But once it leaves my carefully crafted storytelling, I am on to the next project. That’s my new rule. Write, sell, and keep writing. Sell your brilliance, but keep some on hand because the world needs it.

I wish I had more to say in the moment, but I’m keeping things very close to the chest at the moment; much like a deck of cards. It is unfortunate I have to adhere to those rules, but they have served me well.

I will be back as soon as possible. Maybe I’ll have more to share then.

Wishing you all the best for now,

Screaming Pain

I am in the midst of a heat wave induced flare-up, especially with stormy weather approaching. The same pain which started up for me last May has resurfaced. I went from a four to a, “Please let me die in peace.” level of pain today, which no one should be forced to endure. There’s only so much medical abandonment people can take before they completely lose their minds.

I haven’t completed two articles for this site because I am legitimately too angry to write. Not passing anger, as in, “I just need a few weeks to calm down.”, but pure, unadulterated RAGE, and it’s getting worse. If anyone has to ask why, then they haven’ been paying attention to anything going on in the world. Privilege is when you ignore everything you think does not effect you. Read that again.

I pray July will bring blessings, prosperity, and calm to all. Some of us need a break from the daily influx, and others will forge ahead, no matter what. I fall somewhere in between the two.

I hope to be back here in full-force soon, but in the meantime, I hope everyone is all right.

Be well,

Stand Against Anti-Semitism

Blue for Solidarity. Blue to End Jew Hatred. Blue to show you are Jewish, or an ally of the Jewish people.

I have watched the majority of my friends be silent on this matter since it began. I’ve had less than four of my friends say something to me directly. Listening to the Jewish community doubt their long-term friendships, people of color whom they have defended openly and loudly, is heartbreaking. Everyone is questioning if you’ve harbored hatred toward us as you sit in silence. I ask myself the same question.

There is now a ceasefire. That’s code for, “Until Hamas gets their next shipment of weapons from Iran, China, and/or Russia, and subsequently breaks the agreement.” The rise in anti-Semitism and anti-Semitic attacks is sky high. The behaviorial patterns are not dissimilar to what happened before the rise of Nazi Germany. The online campaign of lies and hate are modern-day pogroms. This appears to have been orchestrated in advance, and I feel bad for people who fell for the horse manure. They are choosing not to see the truth, hiding behind racist activism, not educated activism. If any of these things were true, don’t you think Israeli tourists and citizens would have called it out? The answer is, yes. People wouldn’t flock in droves to Israel, or immigrate there, if horrible atrocities occurred every single day in broad daylight. People aren’t blind, but many are easily brainwashed.

I realize most people aren’t knowledgeable about the region and haven’t needed to be, so right now I advise you to talk to Jewish friends for insight. And by, “Jewish friends”, I do not mean people who deny the right for Israel to exist. Talk to Zionists. We know the meaning of the word (If you deny our right to exist as a people and a nation, then you are an enemy, not an ally. You are saying what Gazans say: If you’re still alive after we try to kill all of you, then you have no place to call home. Think about that for a moment.), and we also know that before Israel was renamed and the ancestral land declared the “Jewish State” by the U.N. and foreign governments, we bought back the land. It’s only a portion of the original Kingdom of Judea. The other portion is Jordan, and we have never asked for it to be returned. Israel was a wasteland in the 40s. It was under British rule, and was a token “return”. Arabs killed us for this. They have been trying to eliminate us and drive us away for centuries, and their hate is a very sick, twisted thing. They will always claim that Jews tried to harm them first, which is baseless. There are no Jews in Muslim countries. We are not allowed entry. Tell me again about racism and apartheid.

People are being attacked at restaurants, bus stops, walking the street with their families. There was an attack in the Diamond District of New York City. How the hell can you sit in silence?! There have been lynchings. There are people being beaten to death because the psychotic, terrorist leadership of Hamas and Hezbollah told them to do so. They even told them exactly where to stab us, and which arteries to aim for. Worse? These people will be paid for the rest of their lives for killing a Jew. It’s called, “Pay For Slay”, and I will be sharing facts on that in a broader piece.

In a nutshell, that’s part of what is truly going on in Israel; there is no apartheid going on, 550 people are NOT being evicted, there are no war crimes happening on the Israeli side, and there are no unprovoked attacks by Israel. Nothing is withheld from Gaza by Israel. They receive shipments of food, medical supplies, gas, and more. They get free water and electricity from Israel. They further receive billions in foreign aid, which they turn into tunnels to terrorize Israeli civilians, as opposed to building Gaza up into something worthwhile. The foreign aid also goes towards rockets they inaccurately shoot in our direction, and then turn around and blame us for murdering their own people. Those rockets cost a fortune, and no matter where you may live, you have probably unknowingly helped fund terror somewhere in this world.

They received land that was established. Farms in working order. Schools and other buildings were all functional. They chose to destroy it. They choose to burn things, to brainwash their people, to use children as human shields, and now they feel comfortable enough to be violent all over the world.

Fact: Jews cannot cross into Gaza. They will be shot on sight, or worse. Two Israeli citizens have been kidnapped and not been returned; and this includes someone who is mentally ill.

Their hatred isn’t just for Jews, though. It is for anyone who is not them. That means if you are not a radical Islamist who will willingly join their “jihad”, they will kill you and celebrate your death. LGBTQ+ community? They will murder you; which is why anyone who is Muslim and gay will leave Muslim countries for fear of being tortured and killed. They leave to feel safe and to receive protection. So for those of you who’ve shown your signs for, “Palestine”, you are showing support for people who would cheerfully murder you in cold blood and pray for you to go to hell. You might want to re-think your priorities.

“Israeli” doesn’t always mean, “Jewish”. There are plenty of other faiths practicing in the country and people from all over the world are employed in Israel. It is the ONLY democracy in the Middle East. In many cases, it is safer there than it is in Times Square, except now, even during a ceasefire, there are Arabs in the street chanting for the death of Jews. On Shabbat. Does that sound like they want peace?

I’ve seen the anti-Semitic posts from so many people; those who don’t fact check before they open their mouths about something they don’t know anything about. Today I’m seeing a handful of allies showing their support. THANK YOU. I will remember who stood against Anti-Semitism, who spoke up, and who ignored it. We ALL will, because as a community, Jews are paying attention. We’re not going to be silenced or told we cannot speak the truth. We AREN’T returning to Nazi Germany, nor will we support such sympathizers. We are stronger than hate.

This is not an argument over land. though the Arabs feel entitled to lay claim over that which they have no historical ties to. They’ve assumed and adopted a false identity given to them in 1964 by an Egyptian who led the PLO. They are pursing this false narrative. The reality is quite alarming. Alas, it IS really an argument about global hatred and people feeling entitled to physically attack, harm, and kill us for existing. They are doing precisely what they accuse us of, so it is my hope that you now see the truth. It’s too large a majority of hatred for me to be sympathetic. That’s my choice and has nothing to do with anyone else. I’ve reached my tolerance level, period. I am tired of all the selective racism and selective activism. There are triple digit hypocrites walking around like nothing is happening, and that’s not okay with me. It shows me that everyone who complains about systemic racism actually contributes to it, so basically, it’s not going anywhere and we are ALL targets for hatred, regardless of our skin color, faith, etc. Please be safe this weekend. I’m praying for lives, because I know that peace is too lofty an expectation, and I’m not going to pretend. My readers deserve better than that.

Also, those who are criticizing the Israeli government are also spreading a false narrative. Please do your own homework before running your mouth, and first take a long, hard look at your own government. Nothing is perfect, freedom isn’t free, and we have to acknowledge these things. We have to stick to the facts. Period.

copyright © 2021 by Lisa Marino & Poison In Lethal Doses, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

The Thirteenth Year

May. The month of darkness. The month of flashbacks, nightmares, anger at being robbed of loved ones… It’s hell. I suffer silently; no one is particularly interested in what I have to say. I remind myself it isn’t personal, some people simply aren’t full-fledged human beings. C’est la vie.

Thirteen years ago tonight, my mother’s heart gave out. I got the phone call, “We’re trying to revive her, but…” The BUT was my mother’s DNR; a point of contention between us for years. I had power of attorney and I remember saying, “Screw the DNR. If she can be revived, you save her life.” An hour later and I knew. I remember looking at the clock, in pure silence, and knowing the exact moment when she left. When I received her death certificate, the time was not a shock, but it jolted me. My life was permanently altered. I feel like I’ve lived a nightmare almost every day since.

One of the most important messages my mother instilled in me was to ALWAYS be honest and speak up for my beliefs. I am not a passive, gullible, peace-keeper; I was built for war and educated argument. My mother knew, before I was born, that I was strong and a force to be reckoned with. That’s the kind of daughter she wanted; one who would always speak her mind, one who would not pretend, and one who wouldn’t take shit from anyone, because she’d know her worth and would not be afraid of walking into rooms and being a strong, powerful, determined individual. I suspect she got what she ordered. 😉

My parents taught my brother and I to focus on facts, and to know when we were being lied to. Not everyone is blessed with intuitive education. I was not taught to hate. I am an intuitive person with a mind which pays attention to details others might miss. Micro-aggressions, body language, any shift in behavior or verbal tone is something I will notice. I am grateful for these things, because I know other parents weren’t teaching such things, and because much of this knowledge has saved my life in many situations.

My mother was the best. I was blessed with someone truly devoted to her children, imperfections aside, because NO ONE is perfect. We’re all human.

I miss you. There are no words for the amount of pain I am still trying to work through. Time does not heal a damn thing. Not in this situation.

Taking A Precaution

Due to a dozen or so death threats (Unfortunately, I have to involve law enforcement. It is not something I want to do, but I know the laws. Local and state LEOs have to be notified.), I have chosen to password protect and/or disable access to certain things on the site. If you have trouble viewing anything, please contact me directly, or comment on any post, should you require more information. I know my core readers, and I don’t feel any of you will take offense to this, or think I am being silly in this matter.

I chose do this, not for my own safety, but to protect my family and friends as much as possible. I would prefer to be the sole target, but once you threaten harm against others, I will not sit back and take it. Bullying doesn’t bother me, because it’s such an act of cowardliness, and I don’t take it seriously, but I also want a website which is free of such things.

This decision is temporary, until I am told the threat is no longer serious/a valid risk.

Make no mistake; I am NOT going to be silenced, disrespected, or allow people to behave like the keyboard terrorists they are. You can agree to disagree with me, hell, you can believe whatever you want, but you don’t get to threaten innocent people. Not on my watch, and not in my life. I will not stand for it.

While writing this, I received a message from someone in Pakistan (In my spam Messenger folder) filled with photos of the Holocaust, and a threat that he will continue to violate the terms and conditions on Facebook, and how the Holocaust was the greatest drama to unfold. He has been reported for harassment and making terroristic threats. I’ve said nothing on Facebook to warrant this. My friends list is carefully curated and I try never to engage with psychopaths.

Sadly, this didn’t phase me, but again, I will not be harassed or threatened. As far as I’m concerned, anyone who behaves in such a manner should face serious consequences.

Stay safe, everyone. Blessed be.

P.S. This statement is not being added to my Twitter feed. I don’t need to feed deranged trolls who hide behind private accounts. They are sick and need serious help.

Dead Silence

What I have to say will take some time, but over the past few days, all I’ve seen is RED.

I don’t know how people can look at themselves in the mirror and pretend nothing is happening in the world. I see the lies, the propaganda, the misinformation, and I wonder why people aren’t seeking the truth.

We are coming off of years promoting and supporting Black Lives Matter, and with good reason. Yes, black lives matter. Black people matter, and they deserve equal rights. I tend not to view people as colors, but as individuals. That is how I was raised; not to judge people based on skin color. The actual BLM organization, however, receives funding from a terrorist organization. FACT. I have black friends who know this and will not give them their support. Where is the black community right now while Israel is burning?

Actress Viola Davis (Someone who I have loved and respected, and immediately unfollowed in light of her uneducated hatred.) had the audacity to post on her social media that she supported the rioting by claiming that 550 people were being evicted from their homes in Sheihk Jarrah. Here’s the truth: 4-6 families (Based on varying reports and court documents I have read.) have lived there without paying rent for close to 40 years. There hasn’t been an official ruling yet as to whether or not they will be removed, according to updated reports, but the, “Palestinian Authority” encouraged people to riot, kill Jews, and destroy/burn Israel to take eyes off of the truth. They love to incite violence and then play the victim card; and yet, they have the same rights and privileges as every other Israeli citizen.

Viola, and others, fell for the propaganda. She didn’t seek out facts. I will not support her, her films, any television work, or campaigns moving forward. I will be dropping my association with L’Oreal until they terminate her contract. She wants to empower women, but is prepared to take a nation and a people down; the only democracy in the Middle East which has equal rights for ALL women. Sorry, I don’t support people like that. Her message basically says she only supports certain women, not ALL of us. That is selective racism.

Another actor also made the mistake of promoting the same lies. Most people don’t know who he is, but if you’d like to see his post and the uneducated bullshit, I’m happy to tell you who it is. Again, it was someone I liked and respected. Probably my favorite character on a show for YEARS, and I blocked his ass on Instagram for his hatred, and for allowing people to make threats and say violent things. He didn’t think about the repercussions of such an act. I will be in contact with Netflix and those involved in the residuals for the show he was on. Hatred does not deserve a paycheck. People are pissed at the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, well, I’m pissed off at the Screen Actors Guild. They shouldn’t protect rapists, nor should they protect racists.

I am vehemently supportive of ending hate against the Asian, Southeast Asian, and Pacific Islander communities which have been brutally targeted in horrific ways. I am part Asian. Where is the Asian community right now? They are SILENT. I have been LOUD for them, so the silence isn’t going to fly. However, I thank everyone from India who has shown their support. My heart goes out to the family of the caregiver who is from India, and was killed during last night’s attacks. It’s heartbreaking. I hope there will be an online fundraiser for her family.

Where is the Hispanic community? Latinos aren’t known for their silence, yet the message is divided. Brazilians have shown the most online support for Israel, but everyone else? Crickets.

The United States is equally as bad as everyone else. Biden is giving secret demands to the Prime Minister of Israel, and was told to mind his own business in this matter. This escalation of hatred is a retake of the Obama Administration. It’s disgusting. Nikki Haley is one of the only people who shared her support for Israel’s right to defend itself. A Bronx Congressman also shared his support, and I thanked him for it. Even 45 made a statement of support and, in a shocking turn of events, he didn’t even lie. Everyone else has been spewing lies. I’m more than sick of it. I’m outraged beyond words.

I will be discussing selective racism and systemic racism in the coming weeks and months, but right now I am angry AF. It’s time to calm down, focus, and start getting louder than ever before.

If my honesty offends you, please don’t let the door hit you on the way out. I’ll keep using my voice properly. I have told the truth; not a version of it. Oh, and the list of selective racists is getting longer with every passing moment. I will be boycotting all kinds of things moving forward.

Seeing a slab of stone, which was called, by mainstream media, “a rock”, hit a seven month old baby, and seeing all the newborns in their fathers arms in the hospital hallways for lockdown and protection; that was endgame for me. Seeing the list of citizens murdered because thousands were told to take to the streets and “kill Jews”, ON JERUSALEM DAY, no, I cannot abide by that. Nor can I abide by over a thousand rockets being shot from Gaza targeting innocent civilians. That is what the “Palestinian Authority” does with your tax dollars. Billions on foreign aid they receive is used to purchase rockets and other devices of terror. They don’t help their own people, but they certainly like to put on a show of how evil they are. Brainwashed from birth by terrorist regimes, yet the world always blames Jews and Israel. This has been a historical fact for centuries. I want to see real change happen.

For me, this is personal. If you want additional facts, I have video, screenshots, accounts from my family on the ground, and a team of Zionists behind me to back up the truth with history and facts I may have forgotten since I was not enrolled in Judaic Studies in college, and did not have an Orthodox or Ultra Orthodox upbringing. Nevertheless, I am Jewish. We are a people, we are a nation with nearly six thousand years of history, we have survived genocide, and we have every right to exist and defend ourselves against all threats, both foreign and domestic.

copyright © 2021 by Lisa Marino & Poison In Lethal Doses, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Setting My Alarm

I’m determined to be prepared for my doctor’s phone call in the morning. I know he’ll call and try to get ahead of me and what I’m feeling/thinking, but I am still very much in a state of shock and betrayal. I’ve considered cancelling my appointments with him for the rest of the year; but that likely won’t be helpful on too many levels.

I do feel composed enough to set him straight, but I’m going to respond to tone and behavior. I should not have to preface everything I say with, “Please leave this out of my medical record.” I’ve seen what other doctors have written in my chart. There’s so much incorrect information, their personal perceptions of me, and even when quoting me, they get it wrong. A lot. Whenever I’ve confronted other doctors, they have vehemently denied what is right there in a file they signed off on. One denied saying something to my pharmacist and turned his back on me when I confronted him. Legitimately turned his back to me, pretended to fiddle with the computer, and would not look me in the eye. Since she was defending me, as a patient, three guesses who I believe. Patients should NOT have to feel like this.

I was voted, “A Strong Voice for the Mental Health Community” a few years ago, and I take this seriously. At the core of who I am, having others respect my voice is truly important to me. If I advocate for other people taking charge and fighting the system, then why should I do any less for myself?

I would love to come back in a few days and say, “Okay guys, I got angry and reacted, but everything is good now.” I’d like to be 100% wrong or partially wrong, except I know I am right in feeling as I do. I know I am right to say, “Re-read your notes and please remove every personal detail you have entered. The personal stuff is for you to remember, NOT for outsiders to peruse, twist to their own benefit, or for me to see and get pissed off at you, because some of this is disrespectful as fuck.” I highly doubt he’d appreciate me going over his head, either, but I’m more than happy to get on a first name basis with the hospital adminstrator. I fucking LIVE for setting these kinds of people straight (According to my brother, who says I should have been a lawyer because I “love to argue”. I don’t, but I will always fight when I am right.), especially since I tend to leave all of them dumbfounded.

Another doctor of mine happened to confess their hate for this person (the hospital admin), and despised that the first thing they did upon taking the job, was choose their own salary. They mentioned how this strips many departments of much-needed funding, and since this is not a gossipy type of person, I take them at face value. Moreover, I know this is how things operate. At the end of the day, hospitals are a business, and in this country, they don’t care if they bankrupt you once a medical bill is in play.

No one needs another overpaid, glorified paper pusher banking on the pain of every single person who enters the main hospital buildings, all affiliated hospitals, practices, medical buildings, etc., which accounts for nearly half the damn state of Massachusetts. I could go on, but I’m tired.

The gloves are OFF. You guys can start a Go Fund Me in case I need to be bailed out. 😉 I’ll keep you posted.

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