Where The Hell Does The Year Go?

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Where The Hell Does The Year Go?

Every year I’m semi-amazed I’ve survived and gotten this far: Both in life and in the day-to-day struggle. I have a lot to be grateful for.

I’ve had an incredibly rough two years. The years before that were not perfect, some were horrific in their lack of kindness, many had their battles, but this past year has humbled me in ways I never thought possible. It is very easy to lose sight of what we have in life, basic things we should all have. It’s a little too easy to take those basics for granted, until they’re taken away for long periods of time.

I read so many things where people are going through difficult shit. I choose not to advertise my problems because I do have some semblance of privacy and dignity. I also don’t feel that’s what people come here for. I know I can bitch and be myself, but do I really want to dwell on that crap? No. I want things to get better, I want to be positive, and I want to move forward. By whining, you drown in your own crap. On top of being a disgusting visual, it’s also very negative and I don’t want that, for myself or for anyone else.

I am eternally grateful for being blessed with the ability to project my voice through the written and spoken word. As I watch so many people struggle with something that comes so easy to me, I can’t help but see the differences between art and mere words. I openly admit it leaves me frustrated with a lot of people at times.

The very small group of people that matter in my life: THANK YOU. You all know who you are. I am blessed with people who talk me down from my various ledges, entertain my insanity, listen to me, commiserate with me, support me, and are loyal with kind, caring, generous hearts. I respect and appreciate the lack of drama. I respect and appreciate your love, friendship, humor, and the things so many of you go out of your way to do to make me laugh, smile, and/or cheer me up. The thoughtfulness knows no boundaries. It is amazing to know that there are people who have my back, as opposed to those who would prefer to stab me in it. Please know how appreciated you all are. I have an outrageous amount of love in my heart for all of you.

It gives me an endless amount of professional pleasure and pride to be able to bring you “Poison In Lethal Doses”. Tomorrow marks 20 years of both my experience as an editor and the amount of time I have spent writing “Poison” pieces. It feels like it all just started yesterday. I’ve grown so much as a writer that I know time has passed, yet it feels surreal to me. What I used to do and what I do today are two very different beasts. The evolution is amazing for me to see.

2015 will challenge me in my personal and professional lives. I pray it is not quite as challenging for all of you because I would not wish aspects of my life on anyone, but I do hope it challenges you in positive ways that brings an abundance of happiness into your lives.

Ultimately, my vow is to be here and be present for all of you, and for myself. I vow to finish the unfinished and move forward with things that are of the utmost importance. On a smaller note, I am going to attempt to be 98% caffeine free by February. I would prefer to use it just when I have a migraine, as opposed to using it as a stress crutch.

Big things, little things, good things, bad things. No matter what, let us be grateful for it all and what it teaches us. Life is short. It’s not always easy, and it’s a very lonely place without someone in life to turn to that understands. Tonight, no matter what it is you’re doing or believe in, stop and say a little prayer for everyone that matters to you in life. It’s not about religion or belief systems, it’s about humanity. Once you lose sight of that, it’s all downhill, so I think it’s important to remain in touch with what makes you a human-being. While not the most friendly person on the planet, I still have compassion and empathy for others. I still make an effort. I am always present for those I care about, no excuses. Practice a random act of kindness, you’ll see how good it makes you feel as well, thus serving a dual purpose. That which you send out into the world comes back to you threefold. Make it count.

Wishing you all a happy, healthy, and safe New Year!

copyright © 2014 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

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Believe It Or Not, I DO Have Boundaries

“There are two kinds of friendship: the beneficial friendship and the erroneous friendship. The erroneous friendship balances on the principle of “The closer we are, the more okay it is for me to say anything I want to you and for me to treat you any way that I want to, and for me to disrespect you and take advantage of you.”, while a true friendship is rooted in this principle: “The closer we are, the more respect I have for you, the better I will treat you, the higher I will regard you, the more good things I will wish for you.”

You will know someone is a true friend by basis of observing their actions towards you as the friendship grows deeper. A true friend will continue to hold you in higher and higher regard, while the error of a friend will see your goodwill and newfound fondness as basis to do and say whatever he/she wants, that is disrespectful and non-beneficial to you.” C. JoyBell C.

Believe It Or Not, I DO Have Boundaries

Generally I say what I mean and I mean what I say, but when you push my buttons and you keep pushing, you’re going up against the wrong woman. You cannot win, you will not win, and here’s why.

I am not so comfortable with the people in my life that I will over-step my boundaries intentionally. However, yesterday someone SERIOUSLY over-stepped with me, and unless I write my feelings out, I won’t ever speak to this person again, so I’m sorry for involving my readers in something they may not fully understand.

As a friend, and as a person, I am incredibly devoted. Loyal to a fault and “Ride or Die” are the usual terms used to describe the type of friend I am. What I am NOT, is inconsiderate, thoughtless, selfish, rude, bitchy, disrespectful, unappreciative, or a habitual line-stepper. It’s okay to tell me to back off, so long as you do it politely. It’s okay to say “I can’t talk about this now.”, I’ll keep my mouth shut. Basically, it’s okay, so long as you communicate with me properly.

Here’s what is, under no circumstances, NOT EVER okay: Attacking me, accusing, and/or assuming. If you intend to provoke me, do so solely at your own risk, but be forewarned: It might very well be the last thing you ever say or do to another living being.

I do not have the time, patience, or inclination to babysit everyone’s egos. Yes, I have more than one friend in my life. Get.Over.It. I once had a friend who would say “Don’t worry about it, more Lisa for me!”, because she didn’t like to share me with other people. Where is she now? I’d answer, but just in case she stumbles upon this, I will simply say: “ALMOST FIVE YEARS, what are you waiting for? God to say go?!”

I don’t need anyone to pat me on the back for a good deed. You say thank you, and we move on. However, if you’ve done, or are doing, something for me and then you throw it back in my face every opportunity you get, we’re going to either throw down or I am going to throw you right out of my life. I don’t need the drama or the bullshit. Again, I don’t have the time to babysit egos. If you’re feeling “unloved”, hire a hooker, but don’t insult the very kind, respectful, genuine things I say to you, especially after I have just praised you and told you how wonderful I feel you are. When given a compliment of the highest order, say thank you, take it to heart, especially since you know me, but do NOT attack me to the point where I ask myself if you’re worth it any more because I have been betrayed enough to know that walking away from someone is the absolute healthiest choice I can make at times.

Yes, I am angry. Yes, I am pissed off. I’m not going to accept this kind of attitude and behavior from anyone simply because they have been in my life for a long time. I have learned that not every relationship in life will stand the test of time, and while it saddens me to feel this way, maybe saying goodbye (Okay, that would be if I were feeling polite. I don’t feel polite.) is really the best thing for everyone involved.

I have found that people are much more apt to say shit to me via e-mail or social media, than they are to ever so much as consider saying it to my face. There’s a reason for that. Once my tone of voice changes, you might as well just lay down and die, because you will wish for death by the time I’m done with you.

I understand that part of this issue is genuine jealousy and insecurity, and I have no words in ANY language to respond to that. I think the best thing I can say is that I will NEVER understand the way other women’s brains work. I understand myself just fine, but the basic female psyche alludes me. They say that “Men are simple creatures.” (Whoever “they” are.), but the fact of the matter is, men are often a lot less complicated. I say this as a total Girl’s Girl. I have maybe a handful of laid back, easy-going friendships with women, but the rest of them are SO incredibly complicated that it gives me a fucking headache.

Ultimately, I think it is perfectly acceptable to be open about your needs in any relationship. However, your delivery has to be flawless. This is a sad truth. If you say the right thing to a person at the precise right time, you both win. If you say the wrong thing to a person at the wrong time, I don’t expect them to just accept that and say “Okay.” Maybe some people do, but I do not. I’ve been calling people out on their crap since the day I was born, and today is no different.

There is a person in my life who really needs to decide if they are going to “shit or get off the pot.” But make no mistake, once I make the decision that I am done with you, I am truly done. There is no revolving door in my life for bullshit, drama, negativity, childishness, or stupidity. If you go from friend to enemy, you do not go back to friend, not EVER. I do not suffer fools. If you’re going to be a bitch or an asshole, please, do so on your own time, and with someone else entirely. I value my time. Next to my name on the Tree Of Life it says “No time for idiots.” So mote it be.

copyright © 2014 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

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Anger Management

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For about six years, I’ve diligently tried to work on my personal anger issues. It took me on an interesting journey. I learned so much about myself that I was a little astounded by the epiphany I had several months ago.

During all of the time where I walked away from arguments and fights, kept my mouth shut, disengaged from negativity, discussed how I felt in therapy, and then took all of that knowledge into my daily life, I lost something big. There is a fine line between taming an issue, working on yourself for betterment, and changing yourself to accommodate other people. That fine line is where you completely lose the unique aspect that makes you, YOU.

Somehow, all the “this is how you handle this situation” crap turned me into some kind of tame pet. Therapy only skims the surface, depending on the therapist. It changes you if you allow it, but what if the core of who you are didn’t truly need changing? Again, the result is being turned into a a tame pet, a person who no longer reacts intensely to anything or anyone. Somewhere along the line, my “on” button was turned “off” almost completely.

A very common misconception with me is that I am “sweet” and“nice”, which somehow loosely translates to “passive”. I’m not. Not on any count. However, I’d allowed therapy and the tools I had learned there to take the fiercer aspects of who I am away. I’d become less apt to say “Fuck you.” and more apt to say nothing. There’s only so much you can hold in before you lose it. A few months ago, I LOST IT. However, in the loss, I also gained.

Sometimes you have to be reminded of exactly who you are and what you’re capable of. You need those reminders, otherwise life becomes monotonous and you have no answers or problem-solving abilities. You’re so wrapped up in being a tame pet, that you forget how fierce you are. You forget all the things you have done, and continue to do. It’s an easy mistake, and easily corrected.

I think therapy is good if you truly need it for very serious issues. I thought my anger WAS a very serious issue, but therapy taught me that I was angry at the right things and the right people, that the anger was not self-directed. However, it did turn me into something I am not, and in many respects, I’m glad to no longer be going weekly, even though I still feel I had finally found someone great. Maybe in the future, I will return.

But for now, what you read is what you get. This is who I am. I might not have a vicious reaction to everything and everyone, I don’t usually break out the “bitch card”, but I am fully capable of being a complete version of myself now. I’ve been reminded that it’s okay to honor my emotions and be myself. It takes nothing away from me to be angry at the right time, directing it at the right person, and not allowing it to BE me.

Generally, I’m not an angry, hateful, mean person. If you push me, I will unleash my wrath, but generally, I’m pretty laid back. Intense, yes. Fierce, absolutely. I can’t sit and be a tame little bunny, I have to be me.

From here on out, if something is going on in my life, no matter how good or bad, I feel capable of handling it. I was always capable of handling it, I simply needed to be reminded that I’m lethal.

Mess with me, and the poison flows. Stay on my good side, and you will receive loyalty and respect. It’s probably easier for everyone to stay on one side, as opposed to the other. I’ve noticed recently that I’ve become a little more fierce than usual, but I’m accepting of that. In fact, I now fully see that there’s nothing wrong with it.

Looking in the mirror each day and being the absolute best version of yourself is, above all else, the most important thing you can do.

Honor yourself and honor those in your life. Be you, be untamed, be honest, be real, don’t be a fucking pet!

copyright © 2014 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Scorpions Mean Business

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People often ask me why my name on WordPress is “ScorpionGlow”. Well, I’ll tell you.

For one, I am a Scorpio. In fact, today is my birthday.

Two, scorpions glow. Of the 1750 known species, almost all of them will show up under a black UV light, thus, giving off the impression that they glow in the dark. If you know an actual Scorpio, I’m pretty sure there is something about them that shines brighter than that of non-Scorpios. That’s not arrogance talking, it’s fact. Put me in a room with 50 people, I will always choose to be around other Scorpios. I can pin-point them down to the last detail, because I know my sign so well.

Scorpions have existed for 430 million years, which explains why Scorpios are such intense survivors. Only 25 of the known species are venomous. Spend an hour with me, I will probably zing or sting, all depending on how you behave towards me.

Scorpios are intensely loyal. We are “ride or die” types of people in our relationships and friendships, but don’t EVER get yourself on the opposite side of that, because it is a very dangerous place to be. People often mistake our personalities for something they really aren’t. People almost always assume I am sweet and nice. I’m not. I might do nice things, but I’m pretty sure only the mosquitos believe I’m “sweet”.

Many non-Scorpios like to tell the story of the Scorpion & the Frog. I’ve heard many different variations of it over the years to the point that it annoys me. No, I won’t sting you “because it’s in my nature”, but if you push my buttons, be prepared for the outcome because I do not back down and I will tell you precisely how things are. I might not kill you, but you’ll certainly wish for it sooner or later. A very common saying in astrology is “Hell hath no fury like a Scorpio scorned.” Slightly apropos. Push me to the point of no return, and the stinger comes out. I am well aware of my own venom, and how I come off as a person.

Scorpio is the sign of rebirth and transformation. We are one of only a few astrological signs with two ruling planets, Mars & Pluto. We share Mars with Aries. The three animals representative of the sign are scorpions, eagles, and the mythological Phoenix. Some people also associate the wolf. I do not. It is believed that the serpent in the Garden of Eden was cut in two, the head becoming the symbol for Virgo, with the tail becoming the symbol for Scorpio. Both signs, interestingly enough, are a part of my personal birth chart. If you’ve never had one done professionally, and you’re interested, ask me about it. I do them.

Each form of astrology, from Celtic to Native American, links Scorpio to different things, but most of the traits remain the same. It is presumed that we are all jealous, vengeful, aggressive beings. I learned a long time ago that in order to conquer the negative aspects of my sign, I needed to learn to keep my jealousy in check. Ever since then, I have evolved into one of the most un-jealous people you’ll ever meet. It helps keep me grounded. I’m not saying I don’t occasionally have a flare-up, I do, but it fizzles out so quickly that it can make your significant other think he/she isn’t loved enough. That’s actually not the case. There is a difference between fierce passion and jealousy. There is a difference between persistence and aggressiveness.

I often feel sorry for those who are so incredibly intimidated by those who are born under this sign. People often assume I am one way, only to get to know me and discover I’m the exact opposite. It’s interesting to see people be so surprised. Intimidating is often a word used to describe me. I am well aware of it when I’m doing it on purpose, but mostly it’s just me carrying myself with confidence. Regardless of your sun sign, all women should be able to go out in this world and hold their head up high, look people in the eyes, and not give a rat’s ass what someone thinks of them. Some men may have confidence problems, but they don’t have to worry as much about what others think of them because, by proxy, men are judged less than women are. It’s a very sad truth.

When it comes to astrology, everyone is different. However, as a Scorpio, I am in some pretty talented, fierce company. I am certain I will miss someone here and there, but that is not intentional.

October 23rd: Johnny Carson, Meghan McCain, Ryan Reynolds, Weird Al Yankovic, Amandla Stenberg, Cat Deeley

October 24th: Monica, Drake, Adrienne Bailon, Tila Tequila, Kevin Kline, B.D. Wong, Katie McGrath, Shanae Grimes

October 25th: Antony Starr, Marion Ross, Minnie Pearl, Persia White, Mariana Klaveno, Katy Perry, Ciara, Mehcad Brooks, Pablo Picasso, Conchita Campbell

October 26th: Mahalia Jackson, Hillary Clinton, Keith Urban, Dylan McDermott, Rita Wilson, Carey Elwes, Steve Valentine, Bob Hoskins, Natalie Merchant, Jon Heder

October 27th: Theodore Roosevelt, Emily Post, Kelly Osbourne, Sylvia Plath, John Gotti

October 28th: Bill Gates, Julia Roberts, Joaquin Phoenix, Troian Bellisario, Bruce Jenner

October 29th: Jonas Salk, Bob Ross, Winona Ryder, Ben Foster, Randy Jackson, Gabrielle Union

October 30th: Ivanka Trump, Janel Parish, John Adams, Ezra Pound, Nastia Liukin, Harry Hamlin, Henry Winkler, Kevin Pollak, Matthew Morrison

October 31st: Piper Perabo, Jane Pauley, Dermot Mulroney, Dale Evans, Deidre Hall, Rob Schneider, John Candy

There is wide speculation that Christopher Columbus was either born on October 30th or October 31st.

 

November 1st: David Foster, Aishwarya Rai Bachchan, Jenny McCarthy, Penn Badgley, Lyle Lovett, Toni Collette

November 2nd: Marie Antoinette, Marisol Nichols, K.D. Lang, Nelly, David Schwimmer

November 3rd: Kate Capshaw, Dennis Miller, Elizabeth Smart, Colin Kaepernick, Kendall Jenner

November 4th: Former First Lady Laura Bush, Kathy Griffin, Bethenny Frankel, Doris Roberts, Sean “Diddy” Combs, Matthew McConaughey, Ralph Macchio

November 5th: Vivian Leigh, Art Garfunkel, Roy Rogers, Tilda Swinton, Kevin Jonas, Bryan Adams, Tatum O’Neal, Kris Jenner

November 6th: John Philip Sousa, Pat Tillman, Emma Stone, Maria Shriver, Rebecca Romijn, Ethan Hawke, Sally Field, Lamar Odom

November 7th: Marie Curie, Joni Mitchell, Billy Graham, Christopher Knight, David Guetta, Tinie Tempah, Adam DeVine

November 8th: Bram Stoker, Gordon Ramsey, Kamar de los Reyes, Jack Osbourne, Mary Hart, Bonnie Raitt, Parker Posey, Jessica Lowndes

November 9th: Carl Sagan, Hedy Lamarr, Jean Monnet, Nick Lachey, Vanessa Lachey, Eric Dane, Chris Jericho, French Montana

November 10th: Miranda Lambert, Walton Goggins, Martin Luther, Tracy Morgan, Ellen Pompeo, Brittany Murphy, Mackenzie Phillips, Sam Waterston

November 11th: Kurt Vonnegut, Victor Cruz, Calista Flockhart, Leonardo DiCaprio, Demi Moore, Stanley Tucci

November 12th: Richelle Mead, Grace Kelly, Neil Young, Ryan Gosling, Anne Hathaway

November 13th: Whoopi Goldberg, Gerard Butler, Garry Marshall, Jordan Bridges, Chris Noth, Jimmy Kimmel

November 14th: Claude Monet, Prince Charles, Condoleeza Rice, Rev Run, Graham Patrick Martin, Veronica Lake, Josh Duhamel, Travis Barker, Laura San Giacomo

November 15th: Randy Savage, Georgia O’Keeffe, Jonny Lee Miller, Shailene Woodley, Jimmy Choo, Roberto Cavalli, Beverly D’Angelo, Ray McKinnon, Chad Kroeger

November 16th: Brandi Glanville, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Oksana Baiul, Missi Pyle, Miguel Sandoval, Amare Stoudemire

November 17th: Jeff Buckley, David Ramsey, Martin Scorsese, RuPaul, Isaac Hanson, Rachel McAdams, Danny DeVitto, Ryan Braun, Evelyne Brochu

November 18th: Steven Pasquale, Owen Wilson, Elizabeth Perkins, Chloë Sevigny, David Ortiz, Mike Epps

November 19th: Calvin Klein, Jodie Foster, Meg Ryan, Ted Turner, Larry King, Patrick Kane

November 20th: Emilio Pucci, Robert F. Kennedy, Joe Biden, Bo Derek, Joel McHale

November 21st: Voltaire, Goldie Hawn, Jena Malone, Carly Rae Jepsen

November 22nd: Jamie Lee Curtis, Tyler Hilton, Mark Ruffalo, Scarlett Johansson

An impressive list of names for an incredibly note-worthy sign.

From now until November 2nd, I will be spending my time as I see fit. I encourage everyone to take a bit of confidence from this sign and see how empowering it really is.

copyright © 2014 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

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