“You’ll learn, as you get older, that rules are made to be broken. Be bold enough to live life on your terms, and never, ever apologize for it. Go against the grain, refuse to conform, take the road less traveled instead of the well-beaten path. Laugh in the face of adversity, and leap before you look. Dance as though EVERYBODY is watching. March to the beat of your own drummer. And stubbornly refuse to fit in.” ―Mandy Hale
“Don’t cheat the world of your contribution. Give it what you’ve got.” –Steven Pressfield
“Friends…rest assured some will not jive with who you are and what you have to say. Some will misunderstand you, while others may understand you perfectly well and simply not like you, for whatever reason. Please remember that all of this has nothing to do with you, not really. We can never own another person’s response to our truth. We can only own our willingness to express ourselves honestly, and to do so with as much courage and love as possible.
Please try not to limit yourself – your authentic expression – because of fear of being judged or criticized or made fun of. We are judged and criticized and made fun of no matter how we choose to present ourselves to the world. That’s one of the less fun parts of being human. And yes, it’s true that if you keep quiet and blend in or hide yourself completely, you won’t attract as much attention or judgment from others. (People are always more comfortable with those who stay silent.) But…and this is a big BUT…when you hide yourself behind your fears, when you live in a whisper when you were born to sing, you don’t begin to invite the same kinds of possibilities, or the same incredible wonders that come with living your life out loud. Not fearless, but brave just the same. So committed to being yourself that you forget how to be anyone else. More than anything, Free.” -Scott Stabile
I have always had an immense connection with my friends, especially my best friends. We do outgrow friendships and relationships at times, but the very best friends grow with you. I am immensely blessed in this department. There is much to be said for being a loyal friend who will always have someone’s back.
For about six years, I’ve diligently tried to work on my personal anger issues. It took me on an interesting journey. I learned so much about myself that I was a little astounded by the epiphany I had several months ago.
During all of the time where I walked away from arguments and fights, kept my mouth shut, disengaged from negativity, discussed how I felt in therapy, and then took all of that knowledge into my daily life, I lost something big. There is a fine line between taming an issue, working on yourself for betterment, and changing yourself to accommodate other people. That fine line is where you completely lose the unique aspect that makes you, YOU.
Somehow, all the “this is how you handle this situation” crap turned me into some kind of tame pet. Therapy only skims the surface, depending on the therapist. It changes you if you allow it, but what if the core of who you are didn’t truly need changing? Again, the result is being turned into a a tame pet, a person who no longer reacts intensely to anything or anyone. Somewhere along the line, my “on” button was turned “off” almost completely.
A very common misconception with me is that I am “sweet” and“nice”, which somehow loosely translates to “passive”. I’m not. Not on any count. However, I’d allowed therapy and the tools I had learned there to take the fiercer aspects of who I am away. I’d become less apt to say “Fuck you.” and more apt to say nothing. There’s only so much you can hold in before you lose it. A few months ago, I LOST IT. However, in the loss, I also gained.
Sometimes you have to be reminded of exactly who you are and what you’re capable of. You need those reminders, otherwise life becomes monotonous and you have no answers or problem-solving abilities. You’re so wrapped up in being a tame pet, that you forget how fierce you are. You forget all the things you have done, and continue to do. It’s an easy mistake, and easily corrected.
I think therapy is good if you truly need it for very serious issues. I thought my anger WAS a very serious issue, but therapy taught me that I was angry at the right things and the right people, that the anger was not self-directed. However, it did turn me into something I am not, and in many respects, I’m glad to no longer be going weekly, even though I still feel I had finally found someone great. Maybe in the future, I will return.
But for now, what you read is what you get. This is who I am. I might not have a vicious reaction to everything and everyone, I don’t usually break out the “bitch card”, but I am fully capable of being a complete version of myself now. I’ve been reminded that it’s okay to honor my emotions and be myself. It takes nothing away from me to be angry at the right time, directing it at the right person, and not allowing it to BE me.
Generally, I’m not an angry, hateful, mean person. If you push me, I will unleash my wrath, but generally, I’m pretty laid back. Intense, yes. Fierce, absolutely. I can’t sit and be a tame little bunny, I have to be me.
From here on out, if something is going on in my life, no matter how good or bad, I feel capable of handling it. I was always capable of handling it, I simply needed to be reminded that I’m lethal.
Mess with me, and the poison flows. Stay on my good side, and you will receive loyalty and respect. It’s probably easier for everyone to stay on one side, as opposed to the other. I’ve noticed recently that I’ve become a little more fierce than usual, but I’m accepting of that. In fact, I now fully see that there’s nothing wrong with it.
Looking in the mirror each day and being the absolute best version of yourself is, above all else, the most important thing you can do.
Honor yourself and honor those in your life. Be you, be untamed, be honest, be real, don’t be a fucking pet!
copyright © 2014 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED