You’ll Learn…

“You’ll learn, as you get older, that rules are made to be broken. Be bold enough to live life on your terms, and never, ever apologize for it. Go against the grain, refuse to conform, take the road less traveled instead of the well-beaten path. Laugh in the face of adversity, and leap before you look. Dance as though EVERYBODY is watching. March to the beat of your own drummer. And stubbornly refuse to fit in.” ―Mandy Hale

Emotionally Bad Days

I don’t care how positive you are about life, or the world at large, an emotionally bad day can, and will, screw with you.

I was up way too late last night, which I partially blame on a phone call, but take full responsibility for the rest. I was beat, but for some reason, I couldn’t calm myself down enough to sleep. By the time I got into bed, my pain had escalated so bad I wanted to cry, scream, throw things, and just plain have an epic tantrum. Alas, I’m not under the age of 10, so tantrums don’t look very good and aren’t acceptable, not even in the privacy of my own home. All I truly wanted was some rest and the pain to stop. I am not sure if anyone else uses any Icy/Hot type of product with Fibromyalgia or Chronic Pain. I have had decent results with an organic one, but right now the pain is so bad that there’s simply no reason to be concerned about a chemical that MIGHT affect you some day up the road. Not when you’re a step away from ripping your own limbs off with your bare hands. Believe it or not, Walmart makes the BEST generic version of this stuff that I have ever used. I can cover my entire back and legs in it and fall asleep in bliss. Even better, it lasts longer, so I will remain asleep. Note To Self: MUST BUY TOMORROW.

Experiencing pain like this day in and day out is very difficult for me to navigate. It screws with my creative process, it slows down my brain capacity because my body is, essentially, battling itself, and it makes me feel like a complete and utter moron that cannot find her words. I am incredibly articulate, but I have days when my words are absolutely baffling, even to me. Sometimes they’re funny, and easily laughed off, and other times I am disturbed by how the concise thought in my head became the most distorted sentence ever to be heard by another person. Thankfully the people in my life aren’t judging me too harshly. I’ll say something bizarre, I’ll get stared at for a second or two, and then we’ll laugh. Or it will be SO outrageous that I’ll still be hearing about it weeks later, because it’s that funny and so unlike me. I say goofy shit all the time to make people laugh and to make them feel better, but when it’s completely unintentional, it can become a bit of a laugh fest.

Today, I take the time to rest. Yesterday was too highly charged emotionally for me, and I am still freaked out. I am praying for better, stronger days ahead. I am trying to ward off the negative by focusing on the positive and looking clearly at my future. Some days I feel so incredibly old that I don’t think there’s much of a future there, but then I realize that I’m not in the grave just yet, so it’s time to keep fighting.

And fight on, I shall.

P.S. Thank you & WELCOME to all the new subscribers. I am so humbled and awed by the positive support. I notice many of you are following me on both platforms and for that, I cannot say thank you enough. 🙂

 

copyright © 2014 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED