A Myriad Of Thoughts

2016-02-112016-02-11 Miss Poison Birthdays, Blessings, February, Fibromyalgia, Honesty, Inspiration, Life, Migraines, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Writing Birthdays, February, Honesty, Life, Musings, My Best Friend, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, True Friendship, Writing

I begin this day by wishing my best friend Marion the happiest of birthdays. Not a lot of people can say they are a true friend of mine, but you can say “This is my best friend of 20 years.” There are marriages that don’t last nearly as long. We’re the lucky ones, and sometimes I think I am simply blessed to have you in my life.

You are part angel, part mother/sister/saint, one of the kindest people on the planet, a genuine, generous soul, the person who always has my back and my best interests at heart, and you’ve been my rock through some of the most difficult things I’ve had to endure in my life. Thank you for that, for all of it.

People often say that actions speak louder than words, but with me, my words are in sync with my actions. Know that I am grateful for you, day in and day out. You are an immense blessing, little pom. 🙂 XOXO.

Where else are my thoughts at the moment? With an old friend, who is battling prostate cancer. I am glad he is surrounded by family and has the support of so many. Unfortunately, I, for the life of me, am having emotional difficulties with this particular situation. I think I am so inundated with my pain at the moment that I am only able to feel compassion and empathy for him, and that someplace, somewhere, over the past few years, I’ve forgotten that there was once love there. Here’s hoping I locate it.

I have some writing projects going on, and I am having difficulties focusing. This past Friday was a snow day, the weekend was beautiful and I pushed myself to really enjoy it, and then Monday was a snow day with barely any snow to speak of, but the schools were closed, the city was shut down, etc. And now, the days will be decent, but the nights will be “Lisa In Siberia”. My body can’t take much more of this insanity. My migraines have been torture and when that hasn’t been affecting me, I’ve had Fibromyalgia pain I wouldn’t wish on anyone. The next time you overhear someone say it’s “not a real disease”, please send them my way so they can live in my body for a year. I’d love to remember what it’s like to walk without pain. I have been in so much pain that I’m embarrassed to say I’ve been falling asleep at crazy hours and taking naps. It is AWFUL to go through daily life feeling so sick and weak, but there’s not a lot I can do about it. I have to be patient with myself and remind myself that self-care is nothing to be ashamed of. Unfortunately, yes, it does make me feel wasteful where time is concerned.

Special thanks to Beauty Stat for starting my new venture off with a bang. 🙂 I am excited to try out the products they sent me (I’ve never been so surprised to see the UPS man. LOL.) and get my beauty loving butt back into the swing of things. There’s more to me than “writer” and “editor” and hopefully some of you will stop on by and give that side of me a try. I will let you all know once it is fully launched, as it is not linked or associated with this platform, but can still be found on WordPress. For those of you that figured it out via Twitter, thank you for being the first to follow me. It means so much. 🙂 XO.

I will be back and forth. I’m not abandoning anything or anyone, but I do have a lot of hours to put into fully launching my new project, not to mention all the education that comes with it. I look at that as a creative adventure.

If I’m not back before next week, know that I am writing.

Be well everyone!

sometimesyoujustneed — Yes, this is definitely Marion.

Saturday Morning Blessing

Image 2015-05-30 Miss Poison Blessings, Images/Photos/Quotes Blessings, Images/Photos/Quotes, Irish Blessing

A bit of warmth for us all today. Thank you for being such amazing readers. I feel incredibly blessed for that. 🙂

Beltane Blessings To All

2015-05-012015-05-01 Miss Poison Beltane, Blessings, Editing, Emotions, Fibromyalgia, Fridays, Life, Loss, May, Migraines, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Work, Writing Beltane, Hockey, Loss, Loved Ones, May, Migraines, Musings, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Poison In Lethal Doses, Writing

Beltane Blessings everyone! 🙂 I wish I were able to enjoy this holiday as I once did, but seeing as how it is the anniversary of a loved ones’ death, it’s still a bitter pill to swallow. Tomorrow is the 7th anniversary of the death of a beloved cat, so I’ve decided to take it easy this weekend and do my best to decompress. This week has already been stressful to the point of severe darkness.

I am still trying hard to focus on the manuscript I’m working on. You KNOW you have flipped over to the dark side of OCD when you find something wrong with your own work every single time you open the file. I keep making changes and then I have to remind myself that revisions will be made by the author, and it will be edited a final time. So, I need to push forward and let some, if not all, of the nagging in my brain go. I can’t really afford to rip any hair out of my head. Short hair, on me, is not a good look.

If you’re going to the movies this weekend, please let me know how the new Avengers movie is. I am really looking forward to seeing it. Unfortunately, I’ll have to get it on DVD because I simply do not have the time now for a movie or anything even remotely social on an external level. It’s quite sad, really, but I suspect it will be quite a while before I am able to focus on my social life, or even mild entertainment. For now, my DVR is difficult enough.

Last night I watched my team lose Game 1 (I’m going to hunt Henrik Lundqvist down and have a little chat with him about his idea of goaltending. I didn’t have time last night to threaten to beat him with his own stick when he allowed the Caps to win with 1 second left on the clock!! I’d rather sit through overtime than have my team lose at home. UGH!) of the second round of the playoffs, flipped over to The Blacklist, and then went to bed. That means there’s approximately 8-9 hours of “How much do I WATCH?!” on my DVR. If you saw the queue, you’d think I had absolutely no brain cells OR a lot of free time on my hands. I have all of my brain cells, that I’m aware of, and damn near no free time on my hands. If I had free time, I’d use it to murder my neighbor across the street who is currently mowing his lawn for the third time this week. The first two times were while I was trying not to cave my own skull in from migraines. Each time he saw another neighbor mowing within a 1-3 house range, which automatically spurred him to come out and proceed to mow, trim, and be a pain in the ass. I suspect now he is trying to make it even shorter than it was two days ago, before we get rain. Either the man is incredibly bored to be mowing in 50 degree weather OR he needs a hobby. I’m thinking it’s a combination of both. No one needs to mow their lawn that often. This is NOT a golf course or Yankee Stadium, nor is it a football field with real grass on it. Unless you’ve somehow managed to use 10-30 bottles of Miracle-Gro in a matter of days, you don’t need to be out there every few days mowing the same patch of grass over and over again. It’s borderline psychotic. (Plus, every time I sneeze from the smell of cut grass wafting in, which drives me allergies insane, my kitten mimics the sound with a meowish squeak. She feels my pain.) The fact that another neighbor across the street just joined in on this madness makes me feel like I’m listening to a dentist’s drill on a loop.

When you suffer from migraines, you become incredibly sensitive to noise. I rarely mind good music (I said GOOD.) and I can tolerate certain things at an extremely low level, but everything else is just a great big NO and has been for almost 18 years. My migraines have progressively gotten worse, so I’m extremely audio-sensitive and equally photosensitive. For me, the latter is far easier to manage most days, but especially on dark, grey days like today.

Okay peeps, I am going back to work, or at the very least, I am going to try. Enjoy your day and have an awesome weekend. 🙂

Booked

2015-02-11 Miss Poison Birthdays, Blessings, Friendship, Honesty, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Work, Writing Friendship, Honesty, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Work, Writing

I have to admit, I’m slightly impressed with myself at the moment. I’m double-booked with two sizeable manuscripts. There are bonuses to these two jobs, one of which is repeat business. Nothing quite says “You’re really good at what you do.”, than someone wanting to hire you on a repeat basis so that they never have to hunt around for someone new each time. Finding an editor that you trust, that pushes you, that is fair, but direct, is rare. I feel blessed at the moment, and I hope that feeling continues to hold true and flourish.

Today is my best friend Marion’s birthday. It’s a BIG birthday, so I am sending an epic amount of love to her. I wish she was here so we could talk, laugh, eat something fabulous, and share a bottle of wine. Actually, we’d need two. 😉

Marion sent me the most beautiful card today. I damn near cried. With nearly 20 years of friendship, through all the good and bad, she has remained the truest of any friend and I think that is to be commended.

When you’re going through shitty times, that is precisely when you learn who your true friends are. I missed an e-mail very early this morning from a friend because I was distracted before going to bed, but when I woke up this morning and saw it, it just plain made my day. Some people are immense rays of light. They bring goodness, kindness, sweetness, and serenity wherever they go. Others, not so much. Or at the very least, they make it incredibly difficult to focus on their positive qualities.

I find myself debating a friendship at the moment, and it makes me sad. On one hand, I know I was never anything short of an amazing friend. On the flipside, I wonder where some people come from that they twist their own personal issues into something so incredibly dramatic, that it gives you a stomach ache. I have to really ask myself how much I value this particular friend and friendship. Under normal circumstances, I’d truly just say “Go fuck yourself!” But when I value someone, I put much more effort forward. Some people are deserving of that effort, and others eventually prove that they are not. I find it sad. I’m a girl’s girl to the core. It is not beneath me to fully support my friends, to tell them I’m proud of them, and be there for them no matter what. Good, bad, happy, sad. I realize not everyone in life feels the same way. When women behave like that, it makes me lose respect for them. Sad, but true. Not everyone’s true colors are what they originally profess to be. 😦

Some days, the good outweighs the bad. I pray we all have more days like that.

This is precisely how I feel at the moment- minus the need for cat toys. LOL. Perhaps I need a nap.

Where The Hell Does The Year Go?

2014-12-31 Miss Poison Blessings, Empathy, Fibromyalgia, Friends, Friendship, Generosity, Goals, Growth, Happiness, Honesty, Integrity, Kindness, Life, Love, Loyalty, Musings, People, People Helping People, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Professional, Reflection, Relationships, Spoken Words, Thoughts, Unfiltered, Writing 2015, Family, Friends, Gratitude, Humanity, Images/Photos/Quotes, Kindness, Love, New Year's Eve, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Prayer, Random Acts Of Kindness, Relationships, Respect, The Law Of Three, Writing

Where The Hell Does The Year Go?

Every year I’m semi-amazed I’ve survived and gotten this far: Both in life and in the day-to-day struggle. I have a lot to be grateful for.

I’ve had an incredibly rough two years. The years before that were not perfect, some were horrific in their lack of kindness, many had their battles, but this past year has humbled me in ways I never thought possible. It is very easy to lose sight of what we have in life, basic things we should all have. It’s a little too easy to take those basics for granted, until they’re taken away for long periods of time.

I read so many things where people are going through difficult shit. I choose not to advertise my problems because I do have some semblance of privacy and dignity. I also don’t feel that’s what people come here for. I know I can bitch and be myself, but do I really want to dwell on that crap? No. I want things to get better, I want to be positive, and I want to move forward. By whining, you drown in your own crap. On top of being a disgusting visual, it’s also very negative and I don’t want that, for myself or for anyone else.

I am eternally grateful for being blessed with the ability to project my voice through the written and spoken word. As I watch so many people struggle with something that comes so easy to me, I can’t help but see the differences between art and mere words. I openly admit it leaves me frustrated with a lot of people at times.

The very small group of people that matter in my life: THANK YOU. You all know who you are. I am blessed with people who talk me down from my various ledges, entertain my insanity, listen to me, commiserate with me, support me, and are loyal with kind, caring, generous hearts. I respect and appreciate the lack of drama. I respect and appreciate your love, friendship, humor, and the things so many of you go out of your way to do to make me laugh, smile, and/or cheer me up. The thoughtfulness knows no boundaries. It is amazing to know that there are people who have my back, as opposed to those who would prefer to stab me in it. Please know how appreciated you all are. I have an outrageous amount of love in my heart for all of you.

It gives me an endless amount of professional pleasure and pride to be able to bring you “Poison In Lethal Doses”. Tomorrow marks 20 years of both my experience as an editor and the amount of time I have spent writing “Poison” pieces. It feels like it all just started yesterday. I’ve grown so much as a writer that I know time has passed, yet it feels surreal to me. What I used to do and what I do today are two very different beasts. The evolution is amazing for me to see.

2015 will challenge me in my personal and professional lives. I pray it is not quite as challenging for all of you because I would not wish aspects of my life on anyone, but I do hope it challenges you in positive ways that brings an abundance of happiness into your lives.

Ultimately, my vow is to be here and be present for all of you, and for myself. I vow to finish the unfinished and move forward with things that are of the utmost importance. On a smaller note, I am going to attempt to be 98% caffeine free by February. I would prefer to use it just when I have a migraine, as opposed to using it as a stress crutch.

Big things, little things, good things, bad things. No matter what, let us be grateful for it all and what it teaches us. Life is short. It’s not always easy, and it’s a very lonely place without someone in life to turn to that understands. Tonight, no matter what it is you’re doing or believe in, stop and say a little prayer for everyone that matters to you in life. It’s not about religion or belief systems, it’s about humanity. Once you lose sight of that, it’s all downhill, so I think it’s important to remain in touch with what makes you a human-being. While not the most friendly person on the planet, I still have compassion and empathy for others. I still make an effort. I am always present for those I care about, no excuses. Practice a random act of kindness, you’ll see how good it makes you feel as well, thus serving a dual purpose. That which you send out into the world comes back to you threefold. Make it count.

Wishing you all a happy, healthy, and safe New Year!

Dark Clouds

2014-10-18 Miss Poison Blessings, Honesty, Pain, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Quotes, Stress, Thoughts, Work, Writing Blessings, Bryant McGill, Burn Out, Clouds, Coffee, Exhaustion, Friendship, Getting Sick, Images/Photos/Quotes, Musings, Quality Friends, Storms, Writing

I’d love to say I’m up early and writing. The truth is, I was woken from a migraine by the smell of brewing coffee. At 12:30 a.m. Strictly speaking, the smell of coffee is really pleasant to me. I breathe deeply, it evokes memories, but when I’m sick, there is a very long list of smells that bother me. Coffee is sometimes one of them.

Apparently it wasn’t just bothering me, because fuzzy people came to alert me to the fact that something was going on in the kitchen that should not have been happening. They’re trying to curry favor with me because I’ve had to yell at their antics over the past two days. Is it wrong not to want something belonging to your Grandmother NOT to be eaten by an animal clearly lacking common sense? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

I’m burned out. I’ve come down with something, and I just plain don’t feel right. The thought of doing a read-through or an edit right now has about as much appeal to me as maggots. Yes, that’s how bad I feel.

If I logged in to my frequent flyer miles right now, I’d find that I have enough miles acquired over the past 14 years to get me the hell out of here for a good three months. That’s as long as you can be away on certain visas. If I didn’t have responsibilities, my ass would be packed in a few hours and off I’d be. I’m that worn out, I need a break.

Where would I go? I have some ideas, but the truth is, there aren’t a lot of people that would appreciate me showing up at the last minute. Therein lies the problem.

Alas, I shall take the next 2-3 days and “vacation inside my head”. Next weekend is kind of a big deal for me, but I’m already upset, so I’m downplaying it quite a bit. One person’s milestone is another person’s way of harming that person and turning something happy into something negative. I don’t need that.

All I can do in this very moment is thank my friends for being so incredibly kind, caring, loving, and supportive. One friend in particular basically yelled at me this past week, telling me to get over myself, and it really is helping me learn things about myself, so thank you my dear. What you said holds water, and I appreciate it. It’s nice to know someone has my back, as opposed to standing behind me with a knife, poised to strike at a moment’s notice. In life, it’s absolutely crucial to know who the right friends are. I am blessed.

Enjoy your weekend everyone. Take stock of your blessings and realize how lucky you are.