First Caturday of February

I laugh because my cats stand like statues a lot, and would try this if I hadn’t trained them as kittens not to get onto the kitchen counters or the dining room table. I freak out if they’re anywhere near the stove, so they seem to remember my reaction, unless they’re trying to test me, and then I do catch them. Some of their, “testing” is actually cat curiosity, more than anything else.

14 February 2020

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It’s been an insane week for me health-wise. I was trying so hard to be positive (and remain positive. This is easier said than done.), but I have so much information I need to process and this will take time. I owe myself that before I talk about it.

I was fine-ish, until I got to the hospital. I’m now on day three of a fever, day two of chills, and day one of what I hope is just a passing stomach flu. As I was leaving my second appointment of the week yesterday, I realized I am badly dehydrated. I had been drinking 60 ounces of tea almost daily, but that’s not what my body needs; it needs water in order to function properly. I’m trying to rectify that misstep in my daily routine.

On a different note, Happy Valentine’s Day.

Another Caturday

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I am really struggling today. 😦 My insurance company denied my doctor’s request for an MRI, so even though he got on the phone and argued with them, I received two separate letters “explaining” the denial. They want me to do six weeks of physical therapy in order for them to agree to an MRI. Does this sound even remotely cost-effective to any of you? Yeah, I didn’t think so. I will be writing my own appeal letter this coming week because, quite frankly, I don’t appreciate being told “Unless you have cancer…” as one of the reasons why they would be willing to pay for it. Most of their reasoning is bullshit, and they know it as well as I do. My doctor was at such a loss, because he didn’t understand their explanations, either. He asked me if I wanted to even pursue this further and I said “I need to know what is causing this and how to proceed. I don’t want to live with un-diagnosed damage.” He agreed with me, and I was glad that he’d spent a week arguing with them before calling me back. Very few doctors would be willing to do that.

My father experienced a lot of pain in his shoulder for months before finally listening to me and going to the doctor. He kept thinking, much like I often do, that he’d slept on it funny. An x-ray showed a broken shoulder and bones in his arm were also badly broken. The doctor was confused, because these aren’t normal breaks one gets without an underlying issue. Because x-rays only show bone (my x-rays show nothing but perfect bone), it was an MRI that showed a baseball sized tumor on his shoulder, which is what caused the broken bones and resulted in major surgery and reconstruction of the bones. It was a tumor that, when removed, it took additional time to get it out because it was bigger than what the MRI showed. I believe the words “It was more like a softball than a baseball.” were used. I don’t know what is going on with my neck at this point, but I do know I am in excruciating pain, experiencing a lot more paralysis (Most nights, I cannot move or vocalize the paralysis, so I just lie here, hoping it will pass. I am awake the entire time, even though it looks as though I am asleep. I’m not, but I can’t scream out for help.), and I can’t deal with it for another minute. Physical therapy will only result in me screaming the second someone touches me. This should be an interesting experience for someone trying to assess me.

There is legitimately too much stress going on in my life right now. Jumping through hoops for my insurance company isn’t on my list of “things I’d like to do”, but I am NOT forcing myself to do anything until I exhaust the appeals process.

As I sit here bone-tired from lack of sleep, feeling guilty that I can’t run errands like a normal person, I desperately want to sit and cry. Unfortunately, I currently lack the emotion to do so.

A rainy Saturday being ignored by my cats. When two feels like twenty, it’s terribly exhausting on top of the fact that I couldn’t sleep, have a migraine, and everything is dull and uninteresting to me. I hope I come back as someone’s beloved cat because being human isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. 😦

 

Full Snow Moon In Leo

Tonight is The Full Snow Moon, so called because the last snows and frosts of winter will begin to appear around this time. The February Full Moon is also known as the Storm, Chaste, Quickening, or Hunger Moon. It is our wake-up call. During this time, all in nature is pure and full of potential. The hibernating creatures are beginning to slowly arouse themselves, quickening their heartbeats and creeping out of their dormant period. Mother Earth is gently awakening, full of new possibilities. The Snow Moon uses the same force upon us.

There is a gentle pulling upon our consciousness at this time. We become aroused to the latent forces within ourselves. Now is the time to turn the mirror in upon ourselves and see what is reflected. A time to grasp the buds of new paths and ideas and, much like nature, be prepared to welcome life anew.

February’s Full Moon is in Leo, the sign of ambition and creativity. You should feel a rush of energy and want to get things done. The Leo Full Moon’s message is to awaken your heart’s desires and act on your truth, figure out what it really is you want from life, then work out a bold plan in order to achieve it.

This Full Moon can be emotionally charged. Leo is larger than life. Leo rules big emotions. You may feel overly sensitive to the remarks and actions of other people, which may feel pretty intense. If you like things intense, you may well enjoy its spark and energy, but if you’re already feeling somewhat jaded and in need of a rest, it might be a good time to lie low and let the world pass you by for a little while rather than engaging too deeply with it.

The moon will be very bright tonight as it highlights our lives and shows us underneath the masks we all wear on a daily basis. This is a time to harness your inner power and strengths and look to the future, make plans, and be brave in your decisions. The cosmic message is to balance your heart with your head. Find the middle ground in your relationships. Live from your heart, yet, be practical in your approach to your dreams and goals. Plant the seeds of fate within ourselves and watch them develop over the coming months.

The best part of Leo is the inner child. You are to nourish and protect your childlike innocence. You are to be open to new ideas and fresh perspectives. Be curious about life. Be engaged in the magic of the moment. Be in your heart. Let go of the need to criticize and judge yourself and others, as this will kill your creativity. Instead allow yourself and others to make mistakes, it is the only way we learn what works and what does not work for us. There’s a sense of free spirited enjoyment, a faith in happy outcomes, and the ability to speak from love and the heart.

The Moon is plump with positive energy. There are no negative aspects to this Moon. This is a celebration Moon. Rewards for the hard work and intense striving will come to you.

Leo is a fire sign. Let the fire cleanse and heal you, and burn away any negativity. Mother Earth is transforming as we move from Winter into Spring, and will soon start to blossom and bloom. Let the earth transform you into a beautiful, new direction full of potential.

This is a time for personal growth and deep cleansing and gathering our strength for what’s to come.

Have a blessed Full Moon. May the Goddess watch over you.

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Written & photo credit: Wicca Teachings

Editing: Lisa Marino

 

Imbolc

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Today is Imbolc, pronounced ‘im’olk. This is the first of eight Pagan holidays throughout the year called Sabbats. Imbolc is a time to acknowledge the First Spark of Spring, the embedded energies that have been sleeping over the winter.

The seeds that are underground acknowledge the returning energy and will begin to convert it to life deep within. Underground and unseen by man, they will start to make their way to the surface and break through the soil and begin to bud. Even though it is still the dead of winter and feels like winter in most places, the Sun’s energy has been returning ever since the Winter Solstice, the longest night of the year, Yule.

On Imbolc we celebrate the first days of Spring. Snowdrops and crocuses begin to appear, things become very spring-like with daffodils, daisies, and hyacinths coming early. Animals begin to wake from their winter hibernation. Nights get shorter and days will get longer. It will start to get warmer as winter snow and frost begin to thaw.

We celebrate the rebirth of the Goddess on Imbolc after she sacrificed herself on Yule to give birth to the Sun God. Both the God and Goddess are young. The Triple Goddess is in her maiden form and gains strength from the earth, while the Sun God will grow in strength over the coming months.

Imbolc is a Celtic fire festival, where in ancient times most towns and villages would build a ceremonial bonfire. The Goddess Brigid, the Goddess of fire, healing, and fertility is worshipped on this day. The lighting of fires celebrated the increasing power of the Sun.

Brigid was so much loved by the Celts that when the Christians were converting Pagans, they could not change the holiday of Imbolc, so the holiday was reformed and renamed to ‘Candlemas’ when candles are lit to remember the purification of the Virgin Mary, and they changed the Goddess Brigid into Saint Brigid.

Imbolc is the end of Winter and the beginning of Spring. To celebrate Imbolc light a fire. It may only be a very small one, and make wishes for the coming year into the flames. Burn any leftover evergreens that were decorating your home at Yule. Clean your home of clutter that gathered over Yuletide and get rid of the old and bring in the new.

Plant seeds for them to bloom in the Spring and Summer. Use a sage smudge stick to cleanse your home of stale or unwanted negative energies.

It was customary to make a Corn Dolly on Imbolc, this represents the Goddess, who will watch over you and your home throughout Spring and Summer. It is also traditional to make a Brigid Cross or Sun Cross on Imbolc, this is a cross woven traditionally from reeds, but can be made with anything such as wheat, straw, or paper and put around your home to bring luck and protection for the coming year. Fill your altar with lit candles and leave them to carefully burn through the day. Add any blooming flowers, such as daffodils or daisies, and anything yellow, orange, gold, or silver to honor the Sun God.

Imbolc is a time of contemplation, to think about the year that has past and the mistakes or successes we have had, and what we have learned from them to help us achieve our goals, dreams, and ambitions for the coming year. As well as planting seeds to grow in the earth, one should also plant seeds and ideas in your mind to grow and blossom over the coming months.

Have a blessed Imbolc.

May the God and Goddess watch over you.

Written credit: Wicca Teachings

Image copyright by Tal Gauthier

Edited by: Lisa Marino

Full Snow Moon In Virgo

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Tonight is the Full Snow Moon, also known as the Storm, Chaste, Quickening, or Hunger Moon. It is our wake up call. During this time, all in nature is pure and full of potential. The hibernating creatures are beginning to slowly arouse themselves, quickening their heartbeats and creeping out of their dormant period. Mother Earth is gently awakening full of new possibilities. The Snow Moon uses the same force upon us.

There is a gentle pulling upon our consciousness at this time, we become aroused to the latent forces within ourselves, now is the time to turn the mirror in upon ourselves and see what is reflected. A time to grasp the buds of new paths and ideas and like nature, be prepared to welcome life anew.

February’s Full Moon is in Virgo. This is the sign of ambition and work. You should feel a rush of energy and want to get things done. The Virgo Full Moon’s message is to awaken to your heart’s desires and act on your truth, figure out what it really is you want from life, and then work out a bold plan in order to achieve it.

The Virgo Full Moon can be emotionally charged. Virgo is larger than life. Virgo rules big emotions. Virgo doesn’t like drama. You may feel overly sensitive to the remarks and actions of other people. The Virgo Full Moon may feel pretty intense. If you like things intense, you may well enjoy its spark and energy, but if you’re already feeling somewhat jaded and in need of rest, it might be a good time to lay low and let the world pass you by for a little while rather than engaging too deeply with it.

The Full Moon will be very bright tonight as it highlights our lives and shows us, underneath the masks we all wear on a daily basis. This is a time to harness your inner power and strengths and look to the future, make plans, and be brave in your decisions. The cosmic message is to balance your heart with your head. Find middle ground in your relationships. Live from your heart, yet, be practical in your approach to your dreams and goals. Plant the seeds of fate within ourselves and watch them develop over the coming months.

The best part of Virgo is the inner child. You are to nourish and protect your childlike innocence. You are to be open to new ideas and fresh perspectives. Be curious about life. Be engaged in the magic of the moment. Be in your heart. Let go of the need to criticize and judge yourself and others, as this will kill your creativity. Instead, allow yourself and others to make mistakes, it is the only way we learn what works and does not work for us. There’s a sense of free-spirited enjoyment, a faith in happy outcomes and the ability to speak from love and the heart.

The Moon is plump with positive energy. There are no negative aspects to this Moon. This is a celebration Moon. Rewards for the hard work and intense striving will come to you.

Virgo is an Earth sign. Mother Earth is transforming now as we move from Winter into Spring and will soon start to blossom and bloom. Let the earth transform you into a beautiful new direction full of potential. This is a time for personal growth and deep cleansing and gathering our strength for what’s to come.

Have a blessed Full Moon. May the Goddess watch over you. 🙂

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Written credit goes to Wicca Teachings

Photo credit goes to Wicca Teachings

Edited for cohesiveness by Lisa Marino

A Myriad Of Thoughts

I begin this day by wishing my best friend Marion the happiest of birthdays. Not a lot of people can say they are a true friend of mine, but you can say “This is my best friend of 20 years.” There are marriages that don’t last nearly as long. We’re the lucky ones, and sometimes I think I am simply blessed to have you in my life.

You are part angel, part mother/sister/saint, one of the kindest people on the planet, a genuine, generous soul, the person who always has my back and my best interests at heart, and you’ve been my rock through some of the most difficult things I’ve had to endure in my life. Thank you for that, for all of it.

People often say that actions speak louder than words, but with me, my words are in sync with my actions. Know that I am grateful for you, day in and day out. You are an immense blessing, little pom. 🙂 XOXO.

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Where else are my thoughts at the moment? With an old friend, who is battling prostate cancer. I am glad he is surrounded by family and has the support of so many. Unfortunately, I, for the life of me, am having emotional difficulties with this particular situation. I think I am so inundated with my pain at the moment that I am only able to feel compassion and empathy for him, and that someplace, somewhere, over the past few years, I’ve forgotten that there was once love there. Here’s hoping I locate it.

I have some writing projects going on, and I am having difficulties focusing. This past Friday was a snow day, the weekend was beautiful and I pushed myself to really enjoy it, and then Monday was a snow day with barely any snow to speak of, but the schools were closed, the city was shut down, etc. And now, the days will be decent, but the nights will be “Lisa In Siberia”. My body can’t take much more of this insanity. My migraines have been torture and when that hasn’t been affecting me, I’ve had Fibromyalgia pain I wouldn’t wish on anyone. The next time you overhear someone say it’s “not a real disease”, please send them my way so they can live in my body for a year. I’d love to remember what it’s like to walk without pain. I have been in so much pain that I’m embarrassed to say I’ve been falling asleep at crazy hours and taking naps. It is AWFUL to go through daily life feeling so sick and weak, but there’s not a lot I can do about it. I have to be patient with myself and remind myself that self-care is nothing to be ashamed of. Unfortunately, yes, it does make me feel wasteful where time is concerned.

Special thanks to Beauty Stat for starting my new venture off with a bang. 🙂 I am excited to try out the products they sent me (I’ve never been so surprised to see the UPS man. LOL.) and get my beauty loving butt back into the swing of things. There’s more to me than “writer” and “editor” and hopefully some of you will stop on by and give that side of me a try. I will let you all know once it is fully launched, as it is not linked or associated with this platform, but can still be found on WordPress. For those of you that figured it out via Twitter, thank you for being the first to follow me. It means so much. 🙂 XO.

I will be back and forth. I’m not abandoning anything or anyone, but I do have a lot of hours to put into fully launching my new project, not to mention all the education that comes with it. I look at that as a creative adventure.

If I’m not back before next week, know that I am writing.

Be well everyone!

copyright © 2016 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

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Yes, this is definitely Marion.