I had a woman blatantly attack me about “not wanting to be cured” and “enjoying my pain” because I knew she was trying to scam people, and called her out on it. Her claims of curing herself with things I’ve already done was enough to enrage me after a few hours. Thankfully, others asked her for scientific evidence and medical evidence that she was indeed cured. Her answer? “None of you want to be cured. Enjoy your pain! I have a GREAT life now.”
If you truly want to help people; you don’t spew nonsense, attack, or say vile things to them.
Fibromyalgia is progressive. I wish I had focused more on that when I was initially diagnosed as opposed to thinking “It’s not Lupus. Thank you, G-d.” Today, in the darkness of mourning someone, I wish I knew 100% that it’s ONLY Fibromyalgia. I don’t believe it is; not any more. Here’s hoping I find out soon. 😦
I’ve felt the need to be silent this past two weeks. There are millions of thoughts in my head, things I’ve love to put into a cohesive pattern, but I honestly cannot bring myself to do so. I’m physically, mentally, and emotionally too drained. I am sure many people feel the same way.
I will put everyone at ease; I don’t want to discuss politics. I hate every single election year. I’m sick of hearing a multitude of opinions on the radio, reading them online where horrific fights have broken out and people have ended friendships over differing opinions (or where families are fighting over who voted for this one or that one), hearing about it on TV, etc. I’m upset that children are terrified and scared about what all of this means for them, and that families feel as they do. I don’t care who anyone voted for, because that’s truly none of my business. I realize that roughly 46% of Americans may not have voted in this election. To each their own. It’s your right, your choice. I’m not going to judge it/you or discuss it. I’ve genuinely had enough of the subject. I’d like to be woken in four years. Subject closed.
I’m sitting here functioning on some bizarre form of auto-pilot. It even took me on a four mile walk today. I truly have no idea how I got home!
Currently, my focus is on my health. I’m rarely afraid for myself, but something horrible is happening and there is seemingly no way for me to save myself this time. I’ve spent days crying and breaking down, and no one has noticed or said a word to me. It truly makes me feel invisible. Sometimes people get upset when they hear me say I’m “useless”, “worthless”, “invisible”, “barely existing”, and/or “a failure”. They don’t ask why I feel that way, they simply tell me I’m none of those things. They don’t get it, and that hurts.
I don’t have a lot of people to talk to about this sort of thing honestly and openly. Very few people want to hear what I have to say, and on the off-chance they do; they cannot relate to this level of anguish. I’m not very trusting, so I wouldn’t go to just anyone with my problems, either. People are extremely happy for me to listen to them, but it’s so rare to be listened to in kind. My own brother told me to “stop talking” earlier this week, because he couldn’t process what I was saying. That or he doesn’t believe me; I’m not entirely sure which it is. Clearly, we are ALL fighting our own battles. Some are worse than others. Compared to a lot of things I hear; my life isn’t that difficult. Many people have it far worse than I do. But my emotions? They’re so violently painful that there’s no way to wrap your head around that much hurt. It’s killing me silently, and no one sees it.
My stomach has been horribly painful for about a week now. I thought some tea would help a few days ago, but because I’m so wrapped up in the pain, I probably should not have been grating ginger. I nearly took a finger with me. 😦
When I feel like this I am often accused of “hiding”. What people don’t seem to realize is; I am so filled with pain that it’s for their protection, as well as mine. Instead of accusing someone who is hurting of “hiding”, I would think the healthier alternative would be to encourage them to be around people, or to at least not be locked up in a room as if they’re in a jail cell. 😦
Where the fuck do you meet “new people”?! A close friend and I have been debating this over and over because we’re both utterly clueless regarding this matter. We both agree that we like and prefer depth, not superficial bullshit, and drama-free individuals to spend our time with is a must; because neither of us has time for drama. It’s incredibly difficult to find people who are on the same wavelength as I am. Almost all of my close friends/best friends are people I met because of my work/writing. Every single one of them lives far away. I’ve been incredibly blessed to make life-long friends simply by doing whatever my job is at the time, and finding people through my work who respect and appreciate my ability to be real, without apology.
Genuine friendship is rare. Being able to trust another person is crucial. In the beginning of any friendship, trust is built. However, I’m starting to realize I have immense trust issues because I’ve been hurt & betrayed in the past. I try hard not to look at new people as potential betrayers. I’m simply hyper-aware of them. The one person I met this year that I instantly disliked ended up hurting someone I care about. The other person may eventually forgive, forget, and move forward, but I feel as though listening to my intuition is one of the most important things I can do in all situations. No matter how wonderful and fabulous someone is telling you another person is, take a thirty-second pause to really look at them and allow yourself to sense the truth. You’d be amazed at how important those thirty seconds are.
I’d rather have five solid friends than a dozen tarnished pennies. So, while not a social butterfly, I am 100% ride or die for my friends. However, when they made me they broke the mold. Rumor has it they also beat the hell out of the mold-maker, so don’t expect every person to be a dazzling creature such as myself. 😉 Use your intuition. I find it helps keep the nausea at bay.
I hope you all have a lovely weekend. I’ll be back soon.
“We all have scars; both inside and out. Use your experience to support those who are going down the same road of destruction you once went down. Know that your past is worth more than the pain you once carried, because it can now be used to comfort and give strength to another soul who is suffering. Cherish your trials and tribulations as gifts; embrace these opportunities to share the grace you have been given.” ―Katie Maslin
A SuperMoon not only affects nature, such as the tides and wildlife, it also affects us. Our emotions will be heightened, our senses will be sharp, things that were hidden or in the shadows can now be seen.
The November Full Moon is also known as the Full Frost Moon, so-called because the frost and ice will start to set in as the earth grows colder. Animals will start to hibernate for the winter months, the last leaves will fall from the trees, and the land will become barren.
The Moon is rising in the sign of Taurus. We are amidst some strong planetary alignments that are heralding a need for great change and revolution both inside and out. Our attitude is of utmost importance during this time and can empower us and see us through whatever we are facing. Gratitude for what we have and a willingness to move with the energy that is calling us is required now.
This particular Full Moon will not be boring and will have an unpredictable vibe along with it. The places we have been feeling stuck in our lives may suddenly begin to move or shift. If emotions are clogged, they may surface and flow; let them, don’t hold anything in, let your emotions out. Be aware of dualistic thoughts, emotions and behaviors, as this may be generating a lot of mental stress and tension, plus sending out mixed signals to others and the Universe. Try to stay grounded and find balance. Finances are illuminated on this Full Moon, to watch what we are spending and to improve or bring in any extra income we can.
Tonight’s Full Moon brings change. We are coming to the end of the year, with Yule and the New Year fast approaching, we must become empowered to make the changes necessary to shift our situation. It is up to us, the time is now. We must let go and surrender to the deeper current that is transforming us. You are the master of your destiny. Take your power back from society and other people. Learn from your past mistakes. Vow to do better next year. Make a commitment to your success. Be adaptable. Make friends with change. It is not the enemy. Change is your friend. Change sheds the old and gives birth to the new.
This Full Moon is about communication, higher learning, and our sense of creativity and adventure. Something has been building inside of us and now is the time when the energy of the cosmos demands that we let it out. We are magnets to our desire now. We have the power to attract what we want toward us. Taurus is the sign of strength and truth; this will give us a boost in mind power, as we will be able to see things more clearly. We will see our own truths and a fog will be lifted that can show us a path that can lead us into improving ourselves both spiritually and mentally.
This Full Moon look into yourself and ask yourself what you need to move forward. Ask yourself how you are going to achieve this and ask yourself if you feel that you are strong enough to do this. If you feel that you are not strong enough, use the energy of this Full Moon to heal and gain strength. Ask the Goddess for guidance and to lead the way to a more positive, happier life.
Tonight is a good time to determine what you value and what you stand for, what you want to create in your life and carry forth into the next cycle of your evolution.
Have a blessed Full Moon. May the Goddess watch over you.
Depression began at around age six for me. It has escalated into something that tries to take over my life on a daily basis. For me, it is hereditary. It is also treatment-resistant. So, I suffer silently because no one gives a damn to hear me or see past someone who “look normal”. I hope I’m able to “not look normal” one day and get it right, so as not to confuse others!
“I have been driven many times upon my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had no where else to go. My own wisdom and that of all about me seemed insufficient for that day.” –Abraham Lincoln
I can’t take much more of this. I am hoping my prayers are heard.
Written by LISA MARINO-Molchanova 