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Life’s Battles & Celebrations
Last year, the day after my birthday, my brother was diagnosed with congestive heart failure that required a quadruple bypass. It was an extremely scary time in which I functioned on G-d only knows what, and forced myself to remain strong through prayer and talking to people who did their best to emotionally support me through that horrible time.
Today, I celebrate my brother’s birthday. In the past year, through horrific battles that life has challenged us with, we have become a more united brother & sister. I’m proud of that. The ugliness and evil of others cannot destroy what he & I have built. It’s a horrible situation, but through bad, there is also good.
In the past year my brother has lived through three life-threatening operations and a horrific maze of challenges that have been cruel, harsh, evil, and vicious. I pray that this year is better to him; that promises made are promises kept, and that a year from now, we can laugh instead of cry.
As so many of us know, life itself can be a harsh task master. If you have the power to make someone’s life better, greater, happier, more secure, etc., even if only for a short period of time, then you should be selfless and act, not say one thing and do another. Life is SO short and none of us want to live with regrets. My father (May He Rest In Peace) spent most of his life not speaking to his brother. This would go on for five years, ten years, etc., until eventually my Uncle was 71 and dying from cancer. Instead of calling my father, I was the one to receive the call that my Uncle had cancer and didn’t have much longer to live. I had to break the news to my father and plan a day for the entire family to be together. They bonded in those last moments as though they’d never bonded before, and I know it gave them both a sense of peace. My Uncle passed away, and nearly two years later my father passed, from the exact same disease.
I’d slay dragons and demons to make sure my brother remains alive and in tact. I may very well have to do that; but today I thank all that is Holy that he is alive, that he has survived, and ultimately, that he is MY brother.
I know things are bad at the moment, M, but I am ALWAYS, ALWAYS with you.
Love,
Sis
“They tried to break us, but that didn’t work. And they tried to destroy us, but that didn’t work. They sent every form of evil our way, and still we stood tall. For that is the bond of this blood, once and for all.”
copyright © 2016 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
The Problem With Being Called ‘Strong’ For Not Expressing Your Pain
https://themighty.com/2016/09/why-its-ok-to-talk-about-your-pain-and-sadness/
Memo From Lisa: This is for every stupid, ignorant person who looks at me and thinks I am perfectly healthy and can do the things they want me to do with ease. It angers the hell out of me that you cannot see what I contain on the inside; that you don’t even bother to ask.
I haven’t been able to shake this unbearable spine pain. It’s been so horrific this week that I’ve been completely unable to function, except for small moments stolen thanks to herbal muscle relaxers that help calm me down for about an hour at a time here and there. I’m not sleeping well, my stomach is constantly ill, my entire skull hurts so bad from constant migraines, and I wake up each morning feeling like I’ve lost a battle and need to go back to bed, for the exhaustion and weakness knock me on my ass.
I don’t trust anyone to discuss the pain with them on a deeper level. The only people who understand are those who also suffer to this extent; they’re the only people who will agree that this is barbaric torture and that the ignorance of others makes it worse.
I keep my mouth shut a lot these days, as I tackle spine pain and migraines on a constant loop. I pray for my death. I pray for the pain to stop. I pray to be hit by a fucking car when I walk outside, and it took about a week for me to be able to walk properly after my spine popped almost two weeks ago. But yesterday; I lost it. I’ve spent this entire week unable to do things I planned. The pain has been overwhelming. I’ve spent my days in agony, in tears, suffering. Alone. Not a single person has asked if I’m all right, or if I need anything. If someone offers to help me, their price is too high to accept the help. In my eyes, that’s not “help”. That’s not love or support. There are other words for it, but today, I cannot articulate much.
When I woke up this morning, I was met with something that left me feeling downright murderous. Once again; I am faced with arrogance and ignorance, and the knowledge that I have been lied to for the past six years. There’s a special place in hell for people who think I can stand on my feet for 8-10 hours each day, and believe that I wouldn’t kill to have my former life back. Instead of being compassionate, empathetic, and supportive, they are vicious, cruel, and selfish. My best interests aren’t being prioritized. Don’t pretend to love anyone when you don’t know the meaning of the word, and don’t EVER think that “tough love” will cure what I suffer from. This is not the flu or an insect bite. Live with my pain for a year and then tell me how healthy I am. You’re not strong enough to go through the pain I battle daily.
From here on out, I’m not going to hold back. I am going to let it be known precisely how much pain I am in. Instead of fighting the urge to scream every night, I am going to be loud enough to be heard two towns away. Today, I’m on the Chronic Pain scale that, personally, I feel requires hospitalization. I cannot sit, stand, lie in bed, or move around too much, which sucks because my body desperately needs rest and to be calm. I always hope that tomorrow will be a better day, but I am genuinely afraid that the progression of my pain has reached my physical max in terms of tolerance levels. I want OUT.
I applaud Morgan for writing about this and pray a cure and/or relief finds her soon.
Fall Equinox
Today is the Fall Equinox, when night and day are exactly at equal length. It is also one of the eight Pagan Sabbats called Mabon. It is named after the God Mabon. He is the Child of Light and the son of the Earth Mother Goddess, Modron.
Mabon is mainly a harvest festival, it is the last harvest before winter comes. In old times it would be a time to start stocking up on fruit, wheat, corn, and grain for the winter months ahead.
This is a time of transformation. The great wheel has turned as we pass into a new season and say goodbye to Summer. Earth is going through a major shift where darkness will now start to take over light as the nights get longer and days get shorter. Cold will start to take over warmth and death will start to take over life. Plants will wilt and trees will start to lose their leaves, fields will become baron and grey. Wild animals will begin to gather food for the winter months before going into hibernation.
Mabon is a time of thanksgiving. We thank the God and Goddess for all that we have and thank them for the harvest. The sap of trees returns to their roots deep in the earth, changing the green of summer to the fire of autumn, to the flaming reds, oranges, and golds. We are returning to the dark from whence we came. The Goddess is radiant as Harvest Queen, and the God finally dies with his gift of pure love with the cutting of the last grain. He will descend into the underworld, his last day on earth will be Samhain, when a gate will open between our world and the underworld. We enjoy the abundance of fruit and vegetables at this time. We should adorn our altars with pumpkins, nuts, corn, wheat, squash, fruits, and other seasonal fair, and any falling leaves or acorns we may find to honor the season and to thank the God and Goddess for the wealth of harvest bestowed upon us.
Mabon is also a transition for the Triple Goddess as she goes from her mother phase to her crone phase; her final phase from her journey of the year.
The Fall Equinox is a time of balance, of both light and dark. It is a time to look within ourselves and balance our thoughts and emotions, and find balance in our lives. To embrace our dark and our light, as one cannot exist without the other. It is when we stop and relax and enjoy the fruits of our personal harvests, whether they be from toiling in our gardens, working at our jobs, raising our families, or just coping with the hustle and bustle of everyday life.
Mabon reminds us of the cycle of life, death, and rebirth. As we go into the dark half of the year, we also know that Spring and Summer will be upon us again.
Hoof and Horn, Hoof and Horn
All that dies shall be reborn
Corn and Grain, Corn and Grain
All that falls shall rise again
May your Mabon be memorable & your hearts and spirits be filled to overflowing.
Written & photo credit goes to: Wicca Teachings
Edited by: Lisa Marino
The Official Rules Of Lisa: Part One
Prior to the full moon, people are often lining up to start fights with me. If they aren’t outright starting fights (By the way, if you do attempt to start a fight via text message, e-mail, or Facebook messenger, you’re nothing more than a punk ass bitch.), they are rude, combative, or just plain bitchy. I don’t have time for that level of crap and I have even less time for drama, so I’ve made a list of official rules for people to understand my basically non-existent tolerance levels.
- I am NOT a morning person. If you want to be met with sugary cheerfulness or anything more than a grunt or a mild “Good Morning.”, I am NOT your girl. Go to a bakery for the sugar. Come back around 5:00 PM when I am usually quite civilized.
- When I have a migraine and you make any kind of noise within a half-foot radius of me, I have contemplated killing you and/or throwing heavy objects in your general direction. Blasting music or the radio at decibel levels that match a whale (Google it.), vacuuming, slamming doors, raising your voice, cooking or preparing anything with a strong smell, fucking with the temperature so I can’t breathe, etc., is pushing my buttons. Every single sound is like a freight train moving through my skull (Even my cats’ purrs nauseate me, and I LOVE them to bits.) and you’re not helping matters. I may not have killed you yet, but I’m thinking about it long and hard. I’ve already prepared my insanity plea.
- When I am in physical agony due to a Fibromyalgia flare-up, which, much like a migraine, is completely out of my control, please don’t ask me how my day was when you can see the pain etched on my face. If I have managed to get out of bed and cook a meal, realize the gift that is and don’t yap at me. Take insane demands somewhere else until I am no longer suffering the effects of brain fog and can lance you with the truth, as opposed to your version of the truth.
- I internally laugh out loud (Okay, I cackle with laughter.) when people offer to cook for me. Honestly! Order a pizza because I am silently judging you for not being as good a cook as I am. Yes, this might make me a terrible person (I don’t care if it does, really. Hell and I are well acquainted and Lucifer has an iron-clad restraining order.), but I hate eating things I can’t taste or that have questionable ingredients in them. It drives me insane. It’s nice of you to offer, but let’s not joke about serious matters. #FoodieThatCooks
- If I am having difficulties sleeping, do we really need to point out the obvious? No, we do not. Insomnia is not a choice. Keep it moving.
- I am direct and honest about what I suffer from and to what extent. Don’t ever question it. It’s not on the table for discussion, EVER. I’d never question someone saying they weren’t feeling well because quite frankly, it’s fucking rude. I’ve never said “It’s just laryngitis. You’re fine.” or “It’s just a cold, get over yourself.”
- I’ve NEVER used a migraine as an excuse to not do something. I have NEVER used Fibromyalgia as an excuse not to do something. Are they legitimate reasons I cannot function a great deal of the time? Yes, but they are not “excuses”. If you insinuate such, there is something fundamentally wrong with you. Live in my shoes for six months, suffer this pain every single day, and we’ll see who’s making excuses then, okay?
- Precisely WHO do you think you’re screwing with?!
- Sometimes people develop verbal diarrhea. Bottled up craziness comes flying out of their mouth, as you watch on in morbid disbelief. You’re not sure whether to get a hose and clean them off or to just let them spew like a psychopath. If you behave this way around me and I walk away, you’re not “winning the argument”, because there isn’t one. I’m not “hiding from you”, either. I am choosing to be the adult and walk away until you have showered away your psychosis because murder is still illegal in this country and orange is NOT the new black.
- Interestingly enough, the people who tend to behave like this are also the same people who never hear the crap they say to you. They are “perfect”, “innocent”, and “absolute angels”; according to them. They’re full of kindness and compassion. They’re full of something all right, but it’s neither kindness nor compassion. Save your raging vitriol for therapy because I will not accept that kind of treatment. I don’t care who you think you are.
- One of my official rules is that I am supremely loyal, until you do something to terminate that loyalty. If you’re talking about me behind my back, verbalizing issues you have regarding me without speaking to me first (Venting is one thing, but NOT when it gets back to me.), or you’ve gone as far as to put those words in print, thinking I won’t find out about it; THINK AGAIN. The CIA’s got NOTHING on a Scorpio woman. I have ways of finding things out that will downright terrify you.
- Don’t say things you cannot take back. I’m listening, and there are a lot of things I will NEVER be able to un-hear because they’re unforgivable. In the heat of the moment we have all said something unpleasant, rude, or wrong to someone else, usually a loved one. One of the things I respect about myself is my ability to apologize when I hear how I sound, which is usually quickly. If you cannot accept an apology, which is a basic human response that says “Hey, I’m not perfect either.”, then there’s something wrong with you. #1- We’re not all psychotically obsessive compulsive about the small stuff and #2- You have no right to judge me unless you are 1000% flawless. No one is, not a single living being on this planet, so accept the apology like a human-being. You’re not a flawless diamond, and neither am I.
- Being truly genuine is rare, but it’s precisely how I am. I don’t need a pat on the back for doing something nice, or for doing the right thing(s). I simply do them. If you are keeping score, doing something nice only to throw it back in someone’s face at a later date, or anything else that is blatantly disingenuous, then do everyone a favor and don’t do anything because it is immensely hurtful to have anyone try to keep score like that. If you’re heartless, by all means, keep on being heartless. It’s your prerogative. I’ll pray for you.
- The world doesn’t revolve around you, or me.
- If you are going to be fake, please don’t do it around me. I don’t have the time, patience, or the inclination to be phony. Life is short, and it’s getting shorter every minute.
- If you’re angry about something, USE YOUR WORDS. Being violent (ie: Throwing things at people) and nasty (verbally) isn’t acceptable when you’re a toddler, so why should it be acceptable for an adult?
- I do not forgive the unforgivable. I find that incredibly unhealthy. And I NEVER forget. That’s not stupid, that’s wisdom.
- If you want respect, try giving it. It’s something that has to be earned.
- My personality is different from pretty much anyone you’ve ever known; as it should be. Dry wit is not rude or sarcastic. If I’m being sarcastic, I’ll be the first to say so, but don’t assume that everything I think or say is sarcastic or rude. If you cannot appreciate my presence or sense of humor; by all means, fuck off.
- I don’t have to be YOU in order to live my life. Once again, life is short. I’m seeking happiness, not another source of abuse.
- Communicate. Appreciate. Validate. And stop being a bitch/asshole. It’s unattractive.
copyright © 2016 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
Full Harvest Moon In Pisces
Tonight is The Full Harvest Moon. It is called the Harvest Moon because at the end of September crops that were seeded in Spring are now ready to be harvested. It is the final harvest before Winter, so crops, fruit, and grain would be stored to last through the winter months. The Harvest Moon is very bright, probably the biggest and brightest Moon of the year. This morning’s lunar eclipse will create extra strong tides and energy flows, disrupting sleep and energy levels.
Tonight’s Full Moon is in the constellation of Pisces. This will be a fiery Full Moon, deep with raw emotions. Your sensitivity will be heightened. You may have to move away from loud noise, crowds, and negative people. Try to be around nature tonight, as it will be very healing and nurturing to you. It is okay to cry a little and let yourself feel all those pent-up feelings we hold deep down inside us. Let them out and wipe the slate clean in your heart. Pisces is a water element, therefore emotions and feelings are strong now. Be kind and gentle with yourself as you may be feeling ultra-sensitive at the moment.
This Pisces Full Moon is here to dissolve what holds you back, to accept that healing is needed and necessary. Sometimes you have got to be brave and open an old wound in order to rip out what is holding you to the past and making you unhappy. There is something sacred about this painful process; it is something no one can help you with. It is something only you can do, but it is necessary if you wish to heal and move forward. Put trust in the universe that what comes is for our benefit.
This is a time of transformation. Earth is going through a major shift at the moment as it heads into Autumn. We are also going through a major change in our lives as the earths energy projects itself onto us. We can use this energy of transformation to become what we feel we need to be in order to move on and be happy.
Pisces will make us feel a little braver and stronger, we may find that we have the courage to do things we were afraid to do in the past. Open yourself up tonight to the magical forces around you. Don’t be limited by the five senses or the ‘how’s’ and ‘when’s.’ Instead, believe in yourself and live from a place of magic and miracles.
The Harvest Moon is a time to reap what we have sown and cultivated this year. Our own personal harvest is the culmination of our efforts to manifest a deeper and fuller life for ourselves. Name what you have harvested over the past year and bless it and yourself for the good work you have done.
This Full Moon let your emotions flow, get rid of past hurts, cry, scream, or shout if you need to, but let it out. Allow yourself to heal. Let the waters of Pisces cleanse and soothe you. After tonight’s emotional Full Moon when you wake to an Autumn Sun you will feel like a new person, full of vigor and energy.
Have a blessed Full Moon, and may the Goddess watch over you.
Written & photo credit goes to: Wicca Teachings
Edited by: Lisa Marino
Strength Through Adversity
Week two of this 10 level Fibro flare. Each day I have said “Tomorrow.” Yesterday I said “Self-care and work.”, because walking was out of the question in terms of pain, and even when the edge was taken off, I was concerned about further damage.
Waking up at 1:00 a.m. two days in a row with a migraine and excruciating hip pain is NOT doing much for my mood. I did about 10% of the proofreading job yesterday, and called it an early day. I am grateful it’s under 62,000 words, or I’d be furious with myself based on how hard I am working. I have a deadline to meet and I need to get this done. The sooner, the better. Brain cells died off yesterday. 😦
I’m struggling right now with the pain, with what my brother is going through. Another life-threatening infection, another stay in the hospital. More surgery scheduled for tomorrow morning. I am devastated and heartbroken, worried that my brother won’t make it through the year, and I am withdrawing from negative people who don’t want good things for me. If you treat me like a real person, I will be there for you through thick & thin, but when you treat me like an animal and/or a personal maid, it won’t take long before I get sick and tired of it.
The best was the phone call I received yesterday morning from a friend, asking if I could “pop down to New York real quick for the next week because her babysitter backed out and she has to work New York Fashion Week”. She hasn’t spoken to me in months (six, to be exact), but calls out of the blue for a favor. It’s not even a small favor, it’s the favor of entertaining a five year old for a week in New York City, as if I’m five minutes away. I very nearly responded by saying “She should be in school.” (which I firmly believe) and hanging up. What’s the point of enrolling your child in a nearly $40,000 a year private school if she is going to be missing a month traveling with you from New York to London, and then on to Milan and Paris? She could have stayed home and remained on schedule. I sat here, shaking my head no, and finally said “This time, I can’t do it.” I did NOT elaborate as to why or explain my feelings. It was as if I’d said NOTHING though, because then she asked if I’d be attending her 20th wedding anniversary party next year. One) I have not received an invitation; this is the first I’m hearing about it. Two) I wasn’t invited to the wedding, despite the fact that we’ve been friends since we were kids. Three) Maybe not. If I’m only good enough to be present for certain things and I’m not important enough for you to return my calls or text messages in a timely fashion (I don’t care who you are, no one is THAT busy, unless they’re off saving lives or have been deployed overseas.), please don’t expect me to jump when you DO deign to call. What little of a life I have, despite the fact that it makes me fucking miserable, is mine and I’m not a servant to be called in at the last-minute.
I am dead tired and would really like to sit and cry. However, I have to be strong for my brother and do what I can to help him get through another hurdle. Despite all the horrible shit I am going through, no one is cutting me open in an operating room (They’re simply doing it verbally.) and giving me bad news on that level. I pray he comes through this healthier, and I pray no family ever has to go through what he & I have been through over the past year.
I will be back as soon as I am able. For now, it’s back to the grindstone. G-d Help Me!
copyright © 2016 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
What The Hell Was I Thinking?!
Last month, a client booked me for the first two weeks of September. Upon receiving her manuscript two and a half weeks early (She genuinely seemed to think that was okay.), I put my foot down and said I would not start until September 5th since she had not booked an earlier spot. She, surprisingly, agreed. I’m not being paid enough to do all that she’s demanding, and I mean it when I say the list keeps growing, but I made a commitment and I’ll honor it. Pray for my eyeballs and back, please. You know where I’ll be for the next two weeks. 😦
Normally I don’t mind proofreading and providing notes for someone, but this time I realize it’s the money that’s insulting me. It’s not befitting of my experience and what I bring to the table. The client hired nine other people, along with me. In my opinion I find it more cohesive to work with one proofreader. Conflicting thoughts and opinions is best left for your beta readers, not a proofreader. Demanding pages upon pages of notes when you’re not even paying my hourly rate for the entire job is enough to enrage me. However, it’s 100% my fault. I agreed to do it, knowing in advance that the money might cover 26 cans of cat food or a tiny amount of food for a human. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. 😦
If you’re an inexperienced high school or college student, this would be a little play money or Ramen noodle money for you. For an experienced adult, it is insulting, but again, 100% my fault. I have no room to complain or bitch, despite doing so, because I agreed to do it knowing what was involved, partially. Please, someone schedule me for a brain MRI, stat. I want to make sure it’s still in there.
I am in the midst of a week-long flare-up, after spending less than a week walking over fifteen miles. That’s nothing for most people; fifteen miles. They don’t even know they walk approximately ten miles a day (this is considered the national average of walking a person does daily, but a lot of my friends have told me they do the bare minimum, which means I actually move more than they do!), but for a Fibromyalgia patient, walking fifteen miles over the course of five days is the equivalent of running a marathon or winning Olympic Gold. It’s impossibly painful at this advanced stage, and yet I somehow managed it. I have yet to claim my reward. 😉
Between migraines and the pain in my back; I’ve found it immensely difficult to sleep. I’m struggling with my allergies as well, so all of these things keep me awake when I want to be asleep and make me sleepy when I want to be awake. Melatonin and/or my allergy meds have provided up to 12 straight hours of sleep some days. My body always goes through this before the Fall Equinox, but a lot of this began in August, so anyone who thinks Global Warming is a joke is wrong.
And so, I sit here on Labor Day, isolated from the world. I’ve felt alone most of my life, truly alone, but this year it’s worse. There’s no one to watch baseball with. There’s no one to ask if I am making hot dogs or hamburgers, if I’m making fries, or inquire as to whether or not I got pie. Being intentionally isolated by family and friends is incredibly hurtful, but feeling like I have to withdraw even harder to keep myself in tact is worse.
I have spoken to one friend via Facebook messenger, another via e-mail, and received a few text messages inquiring about my health. The only genuine concern I’ve received today, the only genuine love, has been from Cat and Kitten. Of course, Kittens’s love is a continuous thing, growing each day. She chooses to spend time with me when she could be off doing silly cat things or sleeping. Cat, not so much. She has been better these past few days; bringing me toys and giving affection. She is being sweet, which is her general disposition. Perhaps she has felt much as I’ve felt these many months; unhappy. The only difference is, she is given love and care every single day. I’ve never abandoned her. I’m allowed to feel less than human, and what’s worse, I’ve been told I am less than human. It’s a wonder I haven’t killed anyone yet.
Ultimately, there are worse things in life than someone trying to be cruel and failing. There are people who have lost their homes and everything they own due to floods and fires, there are people who are homeless through no fault of their own, people who have died or been injured in earthquakes, and there are people who are sick and dying because no one gives a damn. “Band-Aids don’t fix bullet holes.”; this is one of the most honest phrases ever written and yet, I have continually found it to be true. Far too many people think a politely worded lie will mend the damage done. I’m certain I live in a world where things get more bizarre by the day.
If you are in the States, I wish you a happy unofficial end to the summer. If you’re not here, be glad, for we’ve got a maniac running for President and crazy shit happening on the daily. Nothing is as simple as it seems. Nothing is ever so cut and dried.
I, for one, will be glad to see this day end, and hopefully everyone dealing with the remnants of the tropical storm is safe and sound.
Merry meet, merry part, and merry meet again. 🙂
copyright © 2016 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
New Moon In Virgo
Tonight is a New Moon in Virgo. The earth is going through a major transition at the moment. Dark is taking over light, cold is taking over warmth, death is taking over life as we speed into Autumn. We will be able to see and feel these energies all around us. We can also use these energies of transformation to become what we want to be, to shed our skin and start a fresh and make changes that will improve our lives.
With this New Moon we are essentially working on a blank canvas where our ideas can gestate into reality. We can create the world around us and shape our futures to what we want, we just need to be willing to put in the work. All work done around the Virgo New Moon will pay off and produce big rewards. The Virgo New Moon brings attention to the details and listening to your conscience or rather the wise voice from inside. Look deep within yourself and ask yourself what it is that will make you happy, what will make you feel whole.
Now is the perfect time to push ourselves and to get things done, make lists of tasks and tick them off one by one. Virgo is the worker sign and you will achieve great pleasure from getting jobs done. Do work on your home or start a new project or hobby. There is nothing better than working hard on something, seeing the results, and reaping the rewards of your labor. You can also strengthen your financial foundation. Set your intention for a financial increase this Autumn. Think big and dream big.
Virgo rules awareness of the body and mind, making full use of resources, attention to details, organization, self-preservation skills, order, and critical thinking. Virgo sees flaws in systems, whether those systems are our daily routines, the methods we work with on our jobs, our relationships, or our bodies. Striving for perfection can be a wonderful thing, as long as we don’t allow ourselves to become overly focused on flaws and make ourselves feel guilty or stressed about them. Forgive yourself and others for not being perfect; no one is.
This New Moon is a time for a deep cleansing, a time to get rid of clutter not just in the home, but emotional clutter as well. Let the power of the Moon cleanse your spirit. Let earth sign Virgo heal you physically and emotionally. Move to a place of allowing and acceptance. Set your intention for what you want to create this Fall. Stay out of negative thinking. Instead ask, ‘What supports my balance?‘ Don’t project out into the future. You are not there yet. You can scare yourself with the ‘What ifs.’ Stay present. The past is history, the future is a mystery, the present is the gift. Your power and effectiveness are in the here and now.
Have a blessed New Moon & may the Goddess watch over you.
Written & photo credit goes to: Wicca Teachings
Edited by: Lisa Marino
August Ends
It’s no secret; I HATE summer. Unbearable heat, humidity, endless days of sun; they simply weren’t meant for someone like me. Fall is my favorite season (Two guesses why.), but Winter is a close second. That is why I am relieved to say goodbye to August and hello to the cooler temperatures ahead.
This year has been HELL. On some levels, I’ve made great strides and on other levels, I feel stuck, trapped, and genuinely unhappy. I look forward to new people, new achievements, new goals, new forms of happiness, new successes, and pretty much all things NEW. And while that means delving into my past and ridding myself of a lot of negativity, I am all right with that. I am all right with the hard labor that will involve, so long as it opens up a new, fresh chapter that can be lighter, fresher, and ultimately, happier. I don’t always like change when it’s forced upon me, as my recent changes have been, but I look forward to making lemon drop martinis out of the lemons I’ve been handed. If I look at it any differently, it will only continue to traumatize and harm me, so I am doing my best to place a positive spin on it, because to go in reverse is not how you move on to better things.
A lot of people in life settle. I’ve heard way too many people say they married someone “because they asked”, not “because I genuinely love him/her”, but “because they asked”. That’s not reason enough for me, or I would have been married in junior high school! Yes, that’s when the majority of my marriage proposals began, and I’m not ashamed to admit it.
I may not believe in marriage at the moment, but I don’t ever want to settle for things I’m not happy with, or settle for someone who I don’t fully believe in. That’s like going to your favorite restaurant and ordering something off the menu that’s passable, but something you know won’t make you happy in terms of choice. Just thinking about it makes it sour in my mind. I won’t settle in any aspect of my life. Perhaps it’s why I am so challenging and difficult. I know who I am and what I’m capable of, and when people try to box me into their thought process or desire for me to be their vision of who I should be, I’m always going to rail against it. I don’t have to be perfect for anyone, I just have to be able to live with myself.
This month has taught me who is truly important in my life. As usual, the numbers diminish a little, and that’s okay. As people show you their true colors, you’re able to see everything and everyone a lot more clearly. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. It may upset you or piss you off initially, but ultimately, assholes and idiots, on occasion, help you make big choices. Life is a labyrinth of learning. Knowledge is power, and I feel like people forget that sometimes.
I move into September focused on my health, on my brother’s health and helping him as much as humanly possible (I am in the process of setting the fundraiser up. A detailed post will accompany it for those who didn’t read my previous post about feeling like this was the right thing to do for him. If I wasn’t deeply concerned, I’d never do something like this, but I am.), and on trashing the old, keeping as many good memories as possible, and learning that not everything needs to be held on to forever.
We come into this world naked and crying. We leave this world alone, even if we are surrounded by loved ones. None of our worldly possessions can go with us, though I’ve seen many people try. So, take stock of your life and don’t forget to look after loved ones to the best of your ability. Sometimes it’s a struggle, but it would be far worse if you had to live with regrets for the things you did not do when you had the chance to be present.
If I didn’t have loved ones and responsibilities, I’d have checked out a long time ago. I will never lie about that, because it’s always in the back of my mind, but today, I am trying to focus on being rinsed clean of all the bullshit and drama.
Here’s to a new month! Goodbye, August. I am happy to see you go. Wishing you all blessings, good health, and happiness for the month ahead. 🙂
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Written by LISA MARINO-Molchanova 