“Love is born into every human being; it calls back the halves of our original nature together; it tries to make one out of two and heal the wound of human nature.” ―Plato
I feel this on such a deep level.
We all deserve the chance to heal; it is not something special reserved only for certain people. If you’re feeling alone in all this, you aren’t.
I’ve been off all week. 😦 I don’t feel like myself and I don’t feel good. It’s an obvious rough patch health-wise.
My right hand is healing, but the deeply damaged spot, which is much deeper than I originally thought, is still a problem. It shouldn’t hurt this much. I’ve done all the correct things to attempt to speed up the healing process, but ultimately, this is going to scar. Some of the smaller areas are almost fully healed, and other spots are a bit swollen. I’ll live. Thankfully, the skin on our hands and feet regenerates quicker than the skin on the rest of the body. Besides, scars teach us lessons.
Next week, I have three appointments on back-to-back-to-back days. I don’t have to go anywhere for the last one, I just have to answer the phone, but one of those appointments is a procedure and while used to it, I still get a little anxious thinking about it. I will be fine, unless my doctor is feeling heavy-handed next week. I willingly submit myself to small amounts of torture; I should probably see a doctor about that. 😉
Today’s image perfectly captures how quickly Kitten adapted once returning home from the vet. She was suspicious that night, quickly eating her dinner and going to bed. They both stayed away from me and neither one felt great from the new vaccines, but Sunday she was back to being sweet and now she’s completely herself again. She’s been taking care of me. My migraines have been torturous and they’re causing additional insomnia, so every night she sits with me, hangs out, watches me type or read, and then she curls up with me when I am able to sleep. She is right by my elbow as I type this. I was so happy when she came to me and asked to be let under the covers. It’s been our thing ever since she was eight weeks old. The first night she was home, she jumped up on my bed, curled up in a ball on my left side, and didn’t budge until morning. Mind you, Cat was hissing at her and spitting; completely enraged that this new animal who didn’t smell like family had taken over. She didn’t bat an eye, because she felt safe. They still sleep in the same spots they chose as kittens, at least when they’re with me.
When I’m really not 100% okay (and saying I’m fine), they jump up, go to their chosen spots, and put me in the middle of their love fest. Those are precious moments when you realize you’ve raised these little creatures and they love you, because they know we’re a team. They definitely look to me for guidance, for reactions, and sometimes, when I laugh, I think they’re deeply concerned that something is wrong with me. They stare at me like I’m about to die, and then they look at each other, as if one of them is more responsible for me than the other. This only makes me laugh harder. Their expressions are so human, so full of concern. G-d genuinely knew what He was doing when he created cats; people, not so much.
Great things are coming up for me, and as a result, I do feel overwhelmed at times. These next few weeks, I have to remind myself who I am and not allow an ounce of doubt to chase after me. It’s easier said than done. Wish me luck. 🙂
I’ll be back soon. Be well, everyone.
“Love is never supposed to hurt. Love is supposed to heal, to be your haven from misery, to make living fucking worthwhile.” ―Mia Asher
Today, I went to an essential appointment with my headache specialist. Not surprisingly, she acted like nothing ever happened via phone between us.
This month is my two year mark as one of her patients, and aside from a few appointments where she actually knew my name, and my medical reasons for seeing her, this time she changed my name entirely. Say hello to Mary, everyone. 😂 I’ve been called worse, really. 🙄
The waiting room was predominantly empty, and no one can hear you speak clearly with a mask on, so I said, “I know you mean me, but that’s not my name.” I had to repeat myself three times. When she went into the system to double check, she wondered out loud, “How the hell did I come up with Mary?” Good question, but I was there for medical treatment, it was not a social call. She put a note in my chart to remember my name for when I go back in early August. 😒
I mostly said yes to her incessant questions. With strict Covid-19 precautions in place, “Yes.” seemed like a great answer to help speed up the 20-30 minute procedure. I was polite, I listened, but I was also astounded that she asked how my migraines have been these past few months, especially since we JUST had that conversation where I was basically begging for alternatives for when a treatment method fails and I’m left suffering. This plea was treated with disrespect and disdain. That sorry excuse for a conversation was not acceptable, but I learned from day one to discuss those matters during follow-up appointments only. Otherwise, she becomes mentally distracted. You do NOT want a doctor distracted when the treatment process requires one hundred and ten percent of someone’s concentration.
I already had a migraine going in to this appointment, so I immediately went to the only place open that serves coffee (I miss you, Starbucks. That’s sad, given the full weight of what’s going on in this world. But hey, I’m human. I love their Iced Green Tea Lemonade and their Passion Tango Lemonade Iced Tea. The former is caffeinated a bit, the latter is herbal. I have gift cards saved to their app. I wouldn’t normally go there, otherwise, but I digress.) for Cold Brew. I was craving it for four days straight. They were out of both versions, so I ordered iced coffee with a shot of vanilla instead. I then proceeded to try making it as light as possible, while adding the correct amount of sugar so it would be lightly sweet. Ordering coffee after noon on most days isn’t a good idea to begin with. I haven’t had coffee in almost a full two years. I gave it up cold turkey because my medication, at the time, required it. No problem. I can give up high dose caffeine. I know most people can’t, but it wasn’t a hardship. I was still drinking iced green tea on occasion once I got the hang of the medication, and when I was unable to find the decaffeinated version, I would still drink full strength Earl Grey on cold mornings (I use a huge mug and two tea bags. I take my tea pretty seriously.). Otherwise, I was drinking my usual water and iced herbal tea. Repetitive boredom, but we do what’s good for us. Or at least, I try my best to do so.
Turns out, I’m still finding coffee incredibly disgusting. Three sips and I was so nauseous, I contemplated whether or not I needed to take Promethazine. I wanted the caffeine to help my migraine, but right now, only ice cold Coke Zero or Pepsi does the trick. When either one tastes REALLY good to me, the caffeine will help considerably. Under normal circumstances, I don’t touch the stuff.
The artificial sweetener most widely used is a neurotoxin. It hasn’t been researched enough regarding the long-term effects on the human body. However, many people are often misdiagnosed with severe neurological or pain disorders when what they REALLY have is Aspartame poisoning. Too often, you aren’t asked about your diet or what you drink, other than alcohol, so I can only wonder how many people are drinking this stuff daily, in one form or another, and making their health worse. I’m pretty good about eliminating things and not looking back.
I cut all of these things out when I was first diagnosed with migraines. There’s a long list that you have to eliminate to see if they are triggers. You can slowly bring things back into your diet, providing they don’t make you sick. I have researched the fact that this sweetener causes insane amounts of inflammation in the body. Even twenty ounces can set you back if your body was trying to heal itself. Unfortunately, the sugar in the regular versions is way too much. I’m a purist; I will use real butter, heavy cream, real sugar, etc., when making specific things for myself, family, and friends. While my taste buds can easily tell good from bad, sometimes you’ll do anything for relief. That’s how bad my migraines have been.
Upon returning from my appointment, my head pain was moving into my neck and I was MISERABLE. I am used to this, sadly. I know it takes a few days or two weeks to start feeling better. Hopefully I can get there quickly because the pain turned into a full-blown flare up, and I can barely think straight. Sleep would be great, but isn’t likely to happen at the moment. 😔
I’ll be recovering from this treatment, but I’ll still be around to share bits and bobs. 😉
© 2020 by Lisa Marino and Blackbird Serenity, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
“Perhaps the most important thing we bring to another person is the silence in us, not the sort of silence that is filled with unspoken criticism or hard withdrawal. The sort of silence that is a place of refuge, of rest, of acceptance of someone as they are. We are all hungry for this other silence. It is hard to find. In its presence we can remember something beyond the moment, a strength on which to build a life. Silence is a place of great power and healing.” ―Rachel Naomi Remen
“In a futile attempt to erase our past, we deprive the community of our healing gift. If we conceal our wounds out of fear and shame, our inner darkness can neither be illuminated nor become a light for others.” ~Brennan Manning