Mid-Week Humor & a Little (Cat) Back Story

I’ve been off all week. 😦 I don’t feel like myself and I don’t feel good. It’s an obvious rough patch health-wise.

My right hand is healing, but the deeply damaged spot, which is much deeper than I originally thought, is still a problem. It shouldn’t hurt this much. I’ve done all the correct things to attempt to speed up the healing process, but ultimately, this is going to scar. Some of the smaller areas are almost fully healed, and other spots are a bit swollen. I’ll live. Thankfully, the skin on our hands and feet regenerates quicker than the skin on the rest of the body. Besides, scars teach us lessons.

Next week, I have three appointments on back-to-back-to-back days. I don’t have to go anywhere for the last one, I just have to answer the phone, but one of those appointments is a procedure and while used to it, I still get a little anxious thinking about it. I will be fine, unless my doctor is feeling heavy-handed next week. I willingly submit myself to small amounts of torture; I should probably see a doctor about that. 😉

Today’s image perfectly captures how quickly Kitten adapted once returning home from the vet. She was suspicious that night, quickly eating her dinner and going to bed. They both stayed away from me and neither one felt great from the new vaccines, but Sunday she was back to being sweet and now she’s completely herself again. She’s been taking care of me. My migraines have been torturous and they’re causing additional insomnia, so every night she sits with me, hangs out, watches me type or read, and then she curls up with me when I am able to sleep. She is right by my elbow as I type this. I was so happy when she came to me and asked to be let under the covers. It’s been our thing ever since she was eight weeks old. The first night she was home, she jumped up on my bed, curled up in a ball on my left side, and didn’t budge until morning. Mind you, Cat was hissing at her and spitting; completely enraged that this new animal who didn’t smell like family had taken over. She didn’t bat an eye, because she felt safe. They still sleep in the same spots they chose as kittens, at least when they’re with me.

When I’m really not 100% okay (and saying I’m fine), they jump up, go to their chosen spots, and put me in the middle of their love fest. Those are precious moments when you realize you’ve raised these little creatures and they love you, because they know we’re a team. They definitely look to me for guidance, for reactions, and sometimes, when I laugh, I think they’re deeply concerned that something is wrong with me. They stare at me like I’m about to die, and then they look at each other, as if one of them is more responsible for me than the other. This only makes me laugh harder. Their expressions are so human, so full of concern. G-d genuinely knew what He was doing when he created cats; people, not so much.

Great things are coming up for me, and as a result, I do feel overwhelmed at times. These next few weeks, I have to remind myself who I am and not allow an ounce of doubt to chase after me. It’s easier said than done. Wish me luck. 🙂

I’ll be back soon. Be well, everyone.

This Is How I Know It’s Wednesday

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Once the heat & humidity overpowers your thoughts, the days just blend, one into the other. After a while, you find yourself occasionally double-checking the date so that you don’t make an error on something that may or may not be all that important. When it doubt, check it out.

How do I know that it’s Wednesday? Because this morning, after waking up migraine-free (fingers and toes crossed), I couldn’t sleep and decided to check out my DVR queue. The first thing I pressed was PLAY for Pretty Little Liars. That means yesterday was Tuesday, because I was in bed at 7:30 PM praying to God to end my suffering. ABC Family hasn’t aired PLL in any other time slot, so today is definitely Wednesday. I’ll be 50 when they finally let us know, without question, who ‘A’ REALLY is, and I’m oddly okay with that.

I am forcing myself to work on “the manuscript from hell”, which just keeps growing. I suspect it’s all the notes I’ve added to it. Every time I think I’m getting somewhere with it, I catch myself making faces at the screen and typing words I don’t think I’ve ever had to use to describe someone’s writing before. I’m not subtle, but I’m not paid for subtlety, nor am I paid to kiss someone’s ass. When something is good, I say so. When it’s not, I say so. It’s all in a day’s work.

Two previous clients have returned, asking for assistance with different, but short, jobs. I’m excited to work on both projects because not only are they fast, but they’re enjoyable. I love when clients return because it means that the work you’ve done for them is memorable, and it helps you expand your client base. When someone keeps coming back, is consistently pleased with your work, and pays you well, you don’t even have to think about taking those jobs, you jump on them like a panda with bamboo.

Alas, underneath the work stuff, I am filled with severe unhappiness that runs so deep, I can’t stand it. If I didn’t have to do specific things today, I’d be content to sit and read a book, or shut off every electronic device in the house and work through my shit. Unfortunately, I’m the only reliable person available, so I’m sitting here making a “to do” list for the day. Some of it I want to do, and the rest is just crap one has to do because little people rely on them. Those are the moments when I thank God I’m not a selfish, self-centered person who only thinks of herself. I can manage “me time” with “shit that’s got to get done” time and as long as I don’t think about it too much, I will be okay. One minute at a time, one step at a time.

Dosvedanya, until I write again. Be safe.

copyright © 2015 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

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What To Say?

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What to say? Oh, what to say? This is a challenging week, and it’s only Wednesday. My blood pressure has been through the roof from stress since last week. Medication gets taken as needed, and then I get sleepy. Under normal circumstances, my blood pressure is always normal, unless you piss me off. Needless to say, I’ve been irked, to say the least.

I don’t have much to say, but it makes me feel bad to not post. All I can say is that I am dealing with some unpleasant things in my personal life, and desperately trying to help someone. I will be writing about that soon.

The highlights of my day, thus far: A) Kitten throwing a ball into her water dish and, instead of waiting for me to take it out and change her water, she simply waited for about a minute, and then proceeded to pick it up with her fangs and run off with it. Gross, yes, but cute. Cats do the silliest things. I cannot believe how much she has grown since I brought her littleness home.

Second highlight: My Rabbi called. No, this is not me “going religious on you”. I spent damn near my entire life feeling persecuted by all aspects of my faith. From houses of worship to my extended family; I was not considered “Jewish enough”. How is that even possible? I can trace my ancestry back to 85 B.C. On both sides of my family, we have never been anything else religiously. On my father’s side of the family, we are descended from Aaron, who, if you’ve followed the Old Testament, was the brother of Moses. Technically, because it is patriarchal, it passes down to my brother and not to me. My Mom’s side is a story for another day. So, my Rabbi called and we had a good conversation. I cannot explain how comforting it is to be accepted and treated with respect by a ‘Man of God’. Whenever he says “I will pray for you.”, magical things happen. I am positive he has a direct line. I was just talking about him yesterday and my phone rings this afternoon. Just seeing his name on the caller ID put me at peace.

Aside from that, I am dealing with the 20 degree drop in temperature that was so sudden, I hurt from head to toe. It’s a cold, grey day and all I want to see is some real rain and maybe even a good, old-fashioned thunderstorm. Let’s mix it up a bit. I also want a pint of ice cream and a good cry, but hey, we can’t have everything we ask for.

Ultimately, like so many others, I am just trying to get through my day/week/month. We all have our struggles and things that are tough to handle. We all have something that makes us happy or smile, even if it’s not something major, it’s still valuable to us. I sometimes find it difficult to laugh and smile through the pain, or find humor in things when I’m terribly upset, but eventually, I do find things that numb or help me heal. I simply want to get over this hurdle and begin the healing process. But this time, I am not going to allow anyone to talk me into emotionally neutering myself. Not only is it unhealthy, but it’s not who I am.

Oh, and a happy belated birthday to one of my favorite men on the planet. You crack me up, T.

Also, a VERY happy belated birthday to my Aunt, who will be reading this eventually. XOXO.

copyright © 2015 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

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