After Midnight Musings

2014-11-232014-11-23 Miss Poison Artists, Creativity, Emotions, Freedom, Honesty, Intuition, Musings, Perception, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Right/Wrong, Space, Thinking, Thoughts, Wicca, Writers, Writing Artists, Authenticity, Creativity, Differences, Honesty, Intuition, Musings, Opinions, Perception, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Wiccan Rede, Writers, Writing

Writers are a very different breed of artist. We create differently. We all have different “methods to our madness”, which, in my opinion, is a good thing.

I have friends from all different professional walks of life, but I am drawn to the creative, unique, and quirky. I am drawn to well thought out opinions, to creativity I would never have personally imagined, and to those that understand the deep nature of those of us who commit ink to paper.

People often expect me to be left-brained and all about logic because I come from a fact-based, opinionated background in my work. The truth is, I am predominantly right-brained. I know that if I make all of my decisions logically, I am putting tiny fragments of glass into my soul, constantly leaving open wounds. While making clear, concise decisions is important to me, I also trust my intuition to guide me in the right direction. It’s not about living a life of logic, or of heart-based decision, but a life entirely focused on my internal and external senses. It has yet to guide me in the wrong direction.

Not everyone believes in or understands extra-sensory perception, but I was raised to understand it, and I am trained to understand it, so to live a life where I ignore it isn’t going to fly with me. If my intuition tells me that a glass is going to spill and I walk away, I am going to be pissed when the glass spills because I ignored my own inner voice AND I have a mess to clean up that could have been avoided. That same inner voice is a bit of a guide-post. It can help save your life, and it can help you write something amazing. All you have to do is pay close enough attention.
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Recently it was brought to my attention that I am maybe “too venomous”. I’m not, but this was slightly enlightening to hear. Interestingly enough, only one person feels this way, and if anyone else does, please, by all means, start a club.

I promised myself that this platform would be 100% authentic in every single way. I promised myself that I wasn’t going to tone myself down, dumb myself down, edit my words, over-think anything, or be present “just to exist” and take up space. That’s not being true to who I am as a person, nor is it being true to who I am as a writer.

I absolutely refuse to edit my soul. Like most intelligent people, I know when to keep my mouth shut, I know when to back off, and I know when to stand up and speak. I am not passive or shy. I am a great observer, but I’m also not psycho-analyzing others for the sheer joy of it. If I’m taking the time to psycho-analyze something or someone, there is probably reason for it. I truly prefer to be an introverted extrovert and I am almost never bored because my brain is constantly creating. However, I’d rather be focused on what truly makes me happy, what truly inspires me, than be worrying about whether or not my words are being misconstrued.

So for future reference, if you think I’m “not nice”, you’re probably right. If I write something and it makes someone uncomfortable, then they don’t have to read it. I make avid use of the FOLLOW button too, and everyone has the right to read what they like, to read what inspires them, whatever is encouraging and supportive to them, basically, whatever helps nourish the creative soul.

When I have time, I read things. It might not be daily, but I do read your comments and I will almost always pay your blog a visit if you’ve left me several comments or liked a lot of my work. A lot of people are looking to connect with fellow writers and I think that is one of the best things about the writing community. We are a close-knit, quirky bunch. Some are very easy to get along with, others not so much, but it’s okay. We are all individuals, we all write what we write, and never should we feel the need to compete against one another or be negative because there is room for everyone.

Writing is about growth, it is about creativity, it is honest, refreshing, and a form of communication that I have always found to be quite freeing. If I can inspire someone else, or make them think outside the box, then I am proud to be able to do that. If I can encourage or support someone, then I absolutely will. I am not afraid to discuss the work of other writers or talk about books. In fact, I’m not afraid of much. However, I won’t ever be told by anyone to not be who I am, nor will I be told what to write. A friend once asked me not to be myself, and I am no longer friends with that person. Unless a person is hurting themselves or hurting others, they should be allowed to be who they are, and no one has the right to tell them they’re wrong simply for being themselves.

“An it harm none, do what ye will” are eight words that fulfill the Wiccan Rede. They are part of a moral compass, a guiding principle. What I perceive as harm might be different from what someone else perceives as harm, and the same holds true for many. There’s a difference between physical and emotional harm, I will not denounce either as harm. However, I do denounce perceived harm because that is open to interpretation. I cannot be held accountable for perception, and only I know my true intent.

Every single person perceives things differently. We do not all agree on every single thing in this world, nor would I ever expect us to. That is part of what makes the world go ‘round. Difference of opinion can bring us together or push us apart. I choose to always hold true to my beliefs, leaving room for change if I am somehow getting the impression that my feelings might be wrong on something. As human beings, we are all entitled to that. This is not a place for group-think, it is a place for individuality.

If nothing and nowhere else, allow this to be your place of freedom. It is, without question, without fail, one of mine.

It Is The Mark…

Image 2014-11-202014-11-19 Miss Poison Education, Images/Photos/Quotes, Inspiration, Thoughts Aristotle, Images/Photos/Quotes, Inspiration, The Educated Mind, Thoughts

Writer Struggles: Part One

2014-11-182014-11-18 Miss Poison Being Real, Family, Fiction, Friends, Honesty, Non-Fiction, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Thought-Provoking, Thoughts, Writers, Writing Death, Family, Fiction, Friends, Grief, Honesty, I Make No Apologies, Life, Non-Fiction, People, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Sports, Thought-Provoking, Thoughts, Women's Issues, Writer Struggles, Writers, Writing

One of the things I struggle with as a writer is friends and family reading my work. If it’s fiction, they really don’t spend a lot of time reading personal things into it, but when it’s on a platform like this? UGH!

I cannot tell you how many times I have received e-mails, text messages, or phone calls that goes something like this: A- “Is this about me?”, with an attached link to something I’ve written. (It might be, but unless I’ve named names, you might not want to assume so much self-importance. Did you really print it so you could read it back to me?! Seriously?!!?) B- “Are you angry with me?” (Do I seem like the shy type?) C- “I don’t understand why you would write this…” (That’s why I’m a writer and you aren’t.) The best part is when they write to “advise me” on a situation I have written about that really doesn’t require a response. Unless I specifically ask for advice, chances are, I’m doing just fine with the thoughts in my head and don’t need mixed messages, but thanks for thinking of me. It is frustrating, to say the least.

I think the most profound thing anyone can say to me, which happened this past weekend, is “I am so proud of you.” For someone to acknowledge how I have grown in my talent and how I am not hesitant to tackle difficult subjects that make other people uncomfortable is something I value and respect. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it is sincerely appreciated. (Hugs Aunt L.)

I generalize a lot of what I write because too many people assume it’s about them, when the truth is, it could be about anyone in the world. Most of the time someone will stumble upon something I have written, leave a comment about their own experiences on the subject, I will respond in kind, and dialogue is born. It’s one of the reasons you write; To have other people read your work, understand it, relate to it, remember it, share it, etc. It’s not meant for me to throw random shit at anyone, it’s meant to be thought-provoking, and often times it is therapeutic, as the writer, for me to write things out of my system. If I didn’t, I’d have murdered someone by now. So thank you Mom, for realizing I was a writer and encouraging me to be what I am today. It is far better than what I ever imagined it could be. I wish you were here for all of this, because I think now, I understand what your vision for me really was.

For most of my years as a writer, I covered facts, life, death, grief, women’s issues, and sports. That’s what makes up the majority of my portfolio. I can revert back to any of those things on a dime, and tackle a subject quite competently. I do go out of my comfort zone at times to really challenge myself, but I also know what I’m good at. There is a way, no matter what genre you write in, to still adhere to your values and be yourself.

I would rather be myself and not make any apologies for it, than be spoon-feeding my readers bullshit on gilt plates. But hey, that’s me, and I refuse to apologize for doing something that is not wrong.

Believe It Or Not, I DO Have Boundaries

2014-11-172015-05-28 Miss Poison Anger, Being Real, Boundaries, Commitment, Communication, Feelings, Friends, Friendship, Honesty, Life, Loyalty, Men, Negativity, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Reality, Relationships, Stupidity, Things That Enrage Me, Thoughts, Toxic People, Unbelievable Crap, Unnecessary Drama, Women, Writing Anger, Attack, Dos and Don'ts, Ego, Friends, Friendship, Relationships, Toxic Relationships, Writing

“There are two kinds of friendship: the beneficial friendship and the erroneous friendship. The erroneous friendship balances on the principle of “The closer we are, the more okay it is for me to say anything I want to you and for me to treat you any way that I want to, and for me to disrespect you and take advantage of you.”, while a true friendship is rooted in this principle: “The closer we are, the more respect I have for you, the better I will treat you, the higher I will regard you, the more good things I will wish for you.”

You will know someone is a true friend by basis of observing their actions towards you as the friendship grows deeper. A true friend will continue to hold you in higher and higher regard, while the error of a friend will see your goodwill and newfound fondness as basis to do and say whatever he/she wants, that is disrespectful and non-beneficial to you.” C. JoyBell C.

Believe It Or Not, I DO Have Boundaries

Generally I say what I mean and I mean what I say, but when you push my buttons and you keep pushing, you’re going up against the wrong woman. You cannot win, you will not win, and here’s why.

I am not so comfortable with the people in my life that I will over-step my boundaries intentionally. However, yesterday someone SERIOUSLY over-stepped with me, and unless I write my feelings out, I won’t ever speak to this person again, so I’m sorry for involving my readers in something they may not fully understand.

As a friend, and as a person, I am incredibly devoted. Loyal to a fault and “Ride or Die” are the usual terms used to describe the type of friend I am. What I am NOT, is inconsiderate, thoughtless, selfish, rude, bitchy, disrespectful, unappreciative, or a habitual line-stepper. It’s okay to tell me to back off, so long as you do it politely. It’s okay to say “I can’t talk about this now.”, I’ll keep my mouth shut. Basically, it’s okay, so long as you communicate with me properly.

Here’s what is, under no circumstances, NOT EVER okay: Attacking me, accusing, and/or assuming. If you intend to provoke me, do so solely at your own risk, but be forewarned: It might very well be the last thing you ever say or do to another living being.

I do not have the time, patience, or inclination to babysit everyone’s egos. Yes, I have more than one friend in my life. Get.Over.It. I once had a friend who would say “Don’t worry about it, more Lisa for me!”, because she didn’t like to share me with other people. Where is she now? I’d answer, but just in case she stumbles upon this, I will simply say: “ALMOST FIVE YEARS, what are you waiting for? God to say go?!”

I don’t need anyone to pat me on the back for a good deed. You say thank you, and we move on. However, if you’ve done, or are doing, something for me and then you throw it back in my face every opportunity you get, we’re going to either throw down or I am going to throw you right out of my life. I don’t need the drama or the bullshit. Again, I don’t have the time to babysit egos. If you’re feeling “unloved”, hire a hooker, but don’t insult the very kind, respectful, genuine things I say to you, especially after I have just praised you and told you how wonderful I feel you are. When given a compliment of the highest order, say thank you, take it to heart, especially since you know me, but do NOT attack me to the point where I ask myself if you’re worth it any more because I have been betrayed enough to know that walking away from someone is the absolute healthiest choice I can make at times.

Yes, I am angry. Yes, I am pissed off. I’m not going to accept this kind of attitude and behavior from anyone simply because they have been in my life for a long time. I have learned that not every relationship in life will stand the test of time, and while it saddens me to feel this way, maybe saying goodbye (Okay, that would be if I were feeling polite. I don’t feel polite.) is really the best thing for everyone involved.

I have found that people are much more apt to say shit to me via e-mail or social media, than they are to ever so much as consider saying it to my face. There’s a reason for that. Once my tone of voice changes, you might as well just lay down and die, because you will wish for death by the time I’m done with you.

I understand that part of this issue is genuine jealousy and insecurity, and I have no words in ANY language to respond to that. I think the best thing I can say is that I will NEVER understand the way other women’s brains work. I understand myself just fine, but the basic female psyche alludes me. They say that “Men are simple creatures.” (Whoever “they” are.), but the fact of the matter is, men are often a lot less complicated. I say this as a total Girl’s Girl. I have maybe a handful of laid back, easy-going friendships with women, but the rest of them are SO incredibly complicated that it gives me a fucking headache.

Ultimately, I think it is perfectly acceptable to be open about your needs in any relationship. However, your delivery has to be flawless. This is a sad truth. If you say the right thing to a person at the precise right time, you both win. If you say the wrong thing to a person at the wrong time, I don’t expect them to just accept that and say “Okay.” Maybe some people do, but I do not. I’ve been calling people out on their crap since the day I was born, and today is no different.

There is a person in my life who really needs to decide if they are going to “shit or get off the pot.” But make no mistake, once I make the decision that I am done with you, I am truly done. There is no revolving door in my life for bullshit, drama, negativity, childishness, or stupidity. If you go from friend to enemy, you do not go back to friend, not EVER. I do not suffer fools. If you’re going to be a bitch or an asshole, please, do so on your own time, and with someone else entirely. I value my time. Next to my name on the Tree Of Life it says “No time for idiots.” So mote it be.

Dark Clouds

2014-10-18 Miss Poison Blessings, Honesty, Pain, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Quotes, Stress, Thoughts, Work, Writing Blessings, Bryant McGill, Burn Out, Clouds, Coffee, Exhaustion, Friendship, Getting Sick, Images/Photos/Quotes, Musings, Quality Friends, Storms, Writing

I’d love to say I’m up early and writing. The truth is, I was woken from a migraine by the smell of brewing coffee. At 12:30 a.m. Strictly speaking, the smell of coffee is really pleasant to me. I breathe deeply, it evokes memories, but when I’m sick, there is a very long list of smells that bother me. Coffee is sometimes one of them.

Apparently it wasn’t just bothering me, because fuzzy people came to alert me to the fact that something was going on in the kitchen that should not have been happening. They’re trying to curry favor with me because I’ve had to yell at their antics over the past two days. Is it wrong not to want something belonging to your Grandmother NOT to be eaten by an animal clearly lacking common sense? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

I’m burned out. I’ve come down with something, and I just plain don’t feel right. The thought of doing a read-through or an edit right now has about as much appeal to me as maggots. Yes, that’s how bad I feel.

If I logged in to my frequent flyer miles right now, I’d find that I have enough miles acquired over the past 14 years to get me the hell out of here for a good three months. That’s as long as you can be away on certain visas. If I didn’t have responsibilities, my ass would be packed in a few hours and off I’d be. I’m that worn out, I need a break.

Where would I go? I have some ideas, but the truth is, there aren’t a lot of people that would appreciate me showing up at the last minute. Therein lies the problem.

Alas, I shall take the next 2-3 days and “vacation inside my head”. Next weekend is kind of a big deal for me, but I’m already upset, so I’m downplaying it quite a bit. One person’s milestone is another person’s way of harming that person and turning something happy into something negative. I don’t need that.

All I can do in this very moment is thank my friends for being so incredibly kind, caring, loving, and supportive. One friend in particular basically yelled at me this past week, telling me to get over myself, and it really is helping me learn things about myself, so thank you my dear. What you said holds water, and I appreciate it. It’s nice to know someone has my back, as opposed to standing behind me with a knife, poised to strike at a moment’s notice. In life, it’s absolutely crucial to know who the right friends are. I am blessed.

Enjoy your weekend everyone. Take stock of your blessings and realize how lucky you are.

The Journey

2014-10-15 Miss Poison Gifts, Images/Photos/Quotes, Inspiration, Life, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Thoughts, Work, Writing Blessings, Deborah Harkness, Editing, Honesty, Inspiration, Kathy Reichs, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Reading, Writing

I am coming up on the end of my most recent editing job, and I’m really pleased with myself. Pleased because I’ve worked my ass off and I know I am providing the client with solid material, solid notes, and that she will have a lot to work with moving forward because I have provided her with additional knowledge to incorporate into her work. There’s nothing wrong with being proud of your gifts, or feeling blessed for having them.

I am working hard to line up additional clients, and will re-focus my attention on my own work during the Samhain break. Yes, I take off for Halloween and the two days thereafter. It helps ground me. Don’t judge. 😛

It will be a little odd returning to my own written world, but I love getting lost there, and it’s familiar. That which lives in your mind is sometimes more “home” to you than any other place in the world. Being able to fully immerse oneself in their own creativity is a powerful gift. I often say “I can only write facts.”, but I have proven myself wrong for years now and it gives me cause to smile and celebrate. I’ve allowed my writing to grow and take on a new direction, thus empowering myself to achieve something that might not have been possible a few short years ago. “Write what you know.” is some of the best advice I’ve ever been given (Thank you Mom.), and it still holds true all these years later.

Since starting this platform, I have been infinitely happier and more at home in my own skin, and as a writer. It’s nice to attract positive people to me. It’s healthier, calmer, freeing. I thank each and every one of you for being a part of that and for accepting me.

Now, tell me what you’re all reading. Are you deep into your own work or are you reading something specific book wise? I am currently reading Bones Never Lie by Kathy Reichs (I’ve read all of the books in the Temperance Brennan series and according to my bookshelves, I own most of them too. I’m missing a box with some of them though, which is making me OCD to find them.) and The Book Of Life by Deborah Harkness.

Before truly deciding to write, I fully intended to become an NYPD detective. I grew up around police officers and it felt extremely natural to me. I studied forensics and my knowledge on the subject is scary, even for me. Perhaps that is why I love Kathy’s books so much and look forward to them each year. She’s one of the best.

I was introduced to Deborah Harkness via my Aunt. She sent me the first two All Souls Triology books, A Discovery Of Witches and Shadow Of Night. It took me a little while to read them both because they weren’t originally books I’d planned to read, but it turns out they’re worth it. I’m not that far into the new book, but so far, so good. I have a few other books lined up to read after that, and will probably receive a new box chock full of books from my Aunt soon, which means there will be other books that I will talk about.

So again, what are you reading right now? Let me know in the comments section. 🙂

Addressing An Issue

2014-09-192014-10-16 Miss Poison Honesty, Images/Photos/Quotes, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Thoughts, Unfiltered, Writing Emotions, Honesty, Poison In Lethal Doses, Thoughts, Unfiltered, Writing

I wrote something yesterday that upset someone. It might have upset more than one person, no one else said anything, but in all fairness, I did write and post it late. In reality, I know who cares about me and who doesn’t. As we’ve established, I am not an attention seeker. If I was, the drama here would be high. I really don’t have the time or the patience to be like that.

I am well aware that I am very internal, and that that can come off as me being “cryptic”. I don’t read much into that, because I say exactly what I think and what I feel. I have lost the ability of being concerned whether or not it affects someone else because my feelings are entirely my own. Most importantly, I’ve only ever seen the selfish side of the coin.

In the past, I have written about depression and suicide from a very honest stand-point, and people responded to it with e-mails that started off like this: “How could you possibly think of leaving me? What would I do without you?” It only ended up angering me. There was no “I’m here for you, what can I do?” or “I am here to listen, no matter what.”, just “How could you think of leaving me?” Those words are selfish. Being honest about your emotions is not.

It bothers people how direct I am, that there’s very little I won’t say. I find that it is important to get it out of my system, to be honest with how I feel, to be honest with myself, and if my honesty helps someone, good. I don’t sugar-coat or gloss things over. If I say I’m “fine”, I’m probably not, but you have to know me really well to hear it in my voice and know. 95% of people will hear me say I’m fine and keep talking, they are so wrapped up in themselves that my well-being is of no concern to them whatsoever. I often say I could be bleeding out of my eyeballs and no one would notice. The other day someone actually told me “I’d put a towel under you and leave you there.”, and they LAUGHED. The cruelty of such a statement isn’t fucking amusing, not by a long shot.

The last thing I ever want someone to say is “I’m sorry you feel that way.” It’s not a kind thing to say, it always comes off so dismissive, and that makes me want to rip your face off. Yeah, I’m graphically visual when I’m angry, but there’s no law against it…yet.

It comes down to this: If you accept me, please accept me as I am. If you don’t, exit stage left. Being a part of my life, however large or small, comes with its benefits and rewards, but I’m not going to fake happiness for anyone or fake my emotions. That is far more exhausting to me than the truth.

Does Creativity Pay?

2014-09-13 Miss Poison E-books, Fibromyalgia, Health, Honesty, Poison In Lethal Doses, Things That Enrage Me, Thoughts, Unbelievable Crap, Unfiltered, Writers, Writing Creativity, Ebooks, Finding Work As A Writer, Honesty, Poison In Lethal Doses, Unfiltered, Writing

It’s Official, I Lack The Ability Of Dumbing Myself Down

A few weeks ago I officially signed up with an on-line Freelancing service that allows you to submit proposals for a laundry list of writing jobs, as well as other creative endeavors. Every single job that I am 1000% perfect for has either been A) Canceled because the entire project was scrapped or B) Given to someone else. I guarantee you that anyone who got a job over me dumbed themselves down in order to get it.

I’m not saying that a person that got a writing job over me is stupid. I don’t know them. However, I know that the low bid is always the one that gets the job. People can say a lot of things about me, but I’m NOT stupid.

I’m not going to apologize for placing my actual worth and value into a proposal. I have 27 years of writing experience, 19 years of editing experience, an incredibly vast array of knowledge, and if I wanted to be paid by the hour, I’d look into becoming a hooker (I’m kidding, I’m too tired to seriously consider that.).

Truth be told, if Fibromyalgia wasn’t killing me each day, I might contemplate a “normal” job at someplace like Sephora where my knowledge of fragrance, skin care, make-up, and all things beauty would be appreciated, albeit at an hourly rate. The only reason I’ve never done it is because I know I can’t get out of bed nine days out of ten and show up at a job like that. No company wants an employee that can only show up once or twice a week, that’s simply not going to fly.

Being a writer is one of those professions where people either assume you’re loaded because “J.K. Rowling made millions.”, or they assume that with magazines folding constantly and eBook sales up (Want to know how much you can be paid to write an eBook for someone else? Between $10-$125, and in many instances, your name will not be the one credited for writing it. I find it insulting beyond words. If you want me to write a book of 50 recipes and you want it in a week, you cannot come to the table with scraps. A high school student or a freshman in college might take a job like that, but an experienced writer is going to laugh at you.), you’re either okay or a step away from being on the street. People accept “Writer” as an occupation without questioning it too much, unless they don’t know a lot about what it takes to be a writer and make a name for yourself.

Since my sign-up date, I have done nothing, but write job proposals. Placing a price on your hourly rate, or your rate per 100 words, or your per job rate is tough. Like any other creative being, I want to pay my bills, put food on the table, provide for my health, and be able to breathe. If I have a rough week, I want to know that I don’t have to write my ass off this week in order to make ends meet.

So, after writing all of these proposals, I finally got a response. It seemed promising, until a little while ago when my original quote of $300 is now being asked to go down to $30-$45 a month. I understand it’s a newish business, I respect that, but here is what I am being asked to do: Monthly blog posts, creative marketing, and some creative PR packages to get jewelry into fashion magazines. That entails a lot of work, and truth be told, $300 is not my normal rate. The more we go back and forth, the more she seems to want out of me, and I have to wonder if I am simply up against the eight other people that also bid on the job, or if she really thinks that is what my time is truly worth. Regardless, she has received a sample of my work and can decide for herself. If you want quality work, don’t insult me.

After handling that, I was then sent 15 pages of a novel for another job. I have to say, I was annoyed when I got to the end because even with all the mistakes and changes that would have to be made, there was an awful lot of potential in there and I wanted to keep reading (and correct everything, because it’s force of habit!). I bid on the job. I gave a very decent price for editing a first novel, well within the person’s budget, and I will see how it goes. However, I am sick and tired of the bullshit involved.

If you want something done professionally, don’t insult the professional you’re trying to hire for the job. If you want someone experienced and intelligent, don’t expect them to waste their time if you aren’t willing to properly compensate them. Never have I tried hiring someone for something on a creative level, and then insulted their intelligence and effort by countering their quote. It’s hard enough for me to put a price on myself, but when you insult me, it makes me want to respond by letting you know how unprofessional you are.

You want something done right? Come to play, or get the fuck out of my way.

Have You Ever Had A Day…

2014-09-08 Miss Poison Being Real, Chronic Pain, Fibromyalgia, Health, Honesty, Life, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Thoughts, Unbelievable Crap, Uncategorized, Unfiltered, Writing Answers, Fibromyalgia, God/Goddess, Help, Hope, Horrific Days, Power, Prayer, Strength, Writing

Have You Ever Had A Day…

We’ve all had days where we’d like to call into work or life “dead”. For me, today is one of those days. I’ve reached a breaking point. It started yesterday, when I had to walk away from a very serious look at suicide. No, I am not seeking attention with my honesty, I am simply being forthcoming. Why do so many things have to go wrong all at once? Why does every single thing in life revolve around money?

Money equates security, and it also equates greed, depending on how you look at it. Some people are so greedy for “stuff” that they never realize they could be helping someone in need. It doesn’t even occur to them. No matter how bad things get in my life, I always look at where I came from and if a small donation to charity will make a difference, then I will do it. If helping someone with a problem, or simply being a good person is what is needed of me on any given day, then I don’t even think about it, I just do it.

For me, money is about security. It’s about making sure the bills are paid, there is a roof over my head, and food on the table. It’s also about providing for my overall health. Yes, I like nice things, what woman doesn’t, but if it comes down to buying something shiny and buying food, I am going to choose food. If it comes down to paying my bills or buying something fancy, I am going to pay my bills. In this, I feel like my priorities are in check. Someone suggested to me that during my struggles, I get rid of my cat. I was LIVID. I would rather STARVE than surrender a precious little life that trusts and loves me into the hands of a shelter. Who else will cheer me up with her insane antics and ankle biting?!

Some days though, I simply don’t know how I survive, or why. These past two years have been a terrible struggle for me with my health, with family, and life in general. When you’re suffering, finances dwindle pretty quickly. As my health worsens, I am faced with the very real possibility of being homeless, of requiring a pain pump to help manage the Fibromyalgia, and possibly a wheelchair. I assure you that I am far too young for the last two, and yet, these are all very real possibilities. Moreover, they’re terrifying.

If you believe in a Higher Power, today I ask that you say a little prayer for anyone and everyone suffering and struggling. I will do the same. I believe strongly in the power of prayer, and I also believe that sometimes the best things comes out of the absolute worst things.

Today I find myself desperate, humbled, and scared for so many reasons. I have nothing left, but to believe that God has answers, and that they will soon show themselves in unexpected ways.

Greetings!

2014-09-04 Miss Poison Images/Photos/Quotes, Poison In Lethal Doses, Thoughts, Writing Thoughts, Writing

Hello lovely people.

I last wrote about character death. It’s not going so well. It’s not so much the writing as it is my anger. Sometimes writing out your personal anger/issues is very therapeutic (not to mention, cheaper), and sometimes it is distracting to the point where you find that you spent 20 minutes organizing magazines for your guns, and that you did it in order of caliber. 9mm, .40, .45. I chose to leave everything else on the side. I even organized by Glock, Sig Sauer, etc. I was told you should have at least 5-7 back-ups per gun. I find myself appalled that I have exceeded such expectations. I have no idea if I’m prepared for a person, or a bear. Is it better to be prepared and never need them?

I don’t get true writer’s block, but I do get annoyed. I find that the best thing to do is walk away from whatever it is I am writing once I’ve reached annoyance level. There is always time to re-visit what you’re writing. Coming back refreshed helps rid me of my annoyance, and it helps the words flow much smoother than they would if I had “ridden it out”. I’m absolutely NOT going to sit here and stare at the screen unless I’ve got words to type. It’s not going to happen. I can take a break, drink some water, and do other things. It need not be forced. If I force the work, it will show, and I’ll have to scrap it any way, so I have learned not to push. One of the benefits of 27 years of writing experience is that I know when to back off and give myself some space. I trust my instincts implicitly. In turn, I’m shelving the deaths and will re-focus my attention on book 1 re-writes.

Recently someone asked me how many times they should re-write and/or revise a manuscript before submission. They’d done four revisions, I believe. I strongly encouraged them NOT to say “This has been revised four times.” in their query letter because absolutely no literary agent wants to hear such a small number. I did not say to lie, but I did say “Get someone you trust to look it over with a discerning eye.” (If you’re a writer reading this, I would also encourage you to hire someone via Elance.com to do a full-on edit, and be open to their ideas for changes, but do not for a single second think that you can throw $50 at someone and that the end result will be perfect. You get what you pay for, I know because I’ve been editing for about 19 years. Come to the table with a really solid budget. $400-$500, at the very least, and select someone who has, at minimum, 10 years of editing experience. If you want to pay hourly, you can certainly come to the table with a smaller budget based on how many chapters you have, but in order to know you’re making the right choice with someone, I’d only send them the first two chapters. If that doesn’t come back solid, find someone else to finish the job.). They want to hear that you’ve put YEARS into writing this book and that they’re not simply looking at a first draft you’ve been playing around with for six months. Essentially, they will be the determining factor for so much, so respect their position and bring your A game.

I will be back soon with some interesting topics of discussion. Enjoy the rest of your week.