After Midnight Musings

2014-11-232014-11-23 Miss Poison Artists, Creativity, Emotions, Freedom, Honesty, Intuition, Musings, Perception, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Right/Wrong, Space, Thinking, Thoughts, Wicca, Writers, Writing Artists, Authenticity, Creativity, Differences, Honesty, Intuition, Musings, Opinions, Perception, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Wiccan Rede, Writers, Writing

Writers are a very different breed of artist. We create differently. We all have different “methods to our madness”, which, in my opinion, is a good thing.

I have friends from all different professional walks of life, but I am drawn to the creative, unique, and quirky. I am drawn to well thought out opinions, to creativity I would never have personally imagined, and to those that understand the deep nature of those of us who commit ink to paper.

People often expect me to be left-brained and all about logic because I come from a fact-based, opinionated background in my work. The truth is, I am predominantly right-brained. I know that if I make all of my decisions logically, I am putting tiny fragments of glass into my soul, constantly leaving open wounds. While making clear, concise decisions is important to me, I also trust my intuition to guide me in the right direction. It’s not about living a life of logic, or of heart-based decision, but a life entirely focused on my internal and external senses. It has yet to guide me in the wrong direction.

Not everyone believes in or understands extra-sensory perception, but I was raised to understand it, and I am trained to understand it, so to live a life where I ignore it isn’t going to fly with me. If my intuition tells me that a glass is going to spill and I walk away, I am going to be pissed when the glass spills because I ignored my own inner voice AND I have a mess to clean up that could have been avoided. That same inner voice is a bit of a guide-post. It can help save your life, and it can help you write something amazing. All you have to do is pay close enough attention.
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Recently it was brought to my attention that I am maybe “too venomous”. I’m not, but this was slightly enlightening to hear. Interestingly enough, only one person feels this way, and if anyone else does, please, by all means, start a club.

I promised myself that this platform would be 100% authentic in every single way. I promised myself that I wasn’t going to tone myself down, dumb myself down, edit my words, over-think anything, or be present “just to exist” and take up space. That’s not being true to who I am as a person, nor is it being true to who I am as a writer.

I absolutely refuse to edit my soul. Like most intelligent people, I know when to keep my mouth shut, I know when to back off, and I know when to stand up and speak. I am not passive or shy. I am a great observer, but I’m also not psycho-analyzing others for the sheer joy of it. If I’m taking the time to psycho-analyze something or someone, there is probably reason for it. I truly prefer to be an introverted extrovert and I am almost never bored because my brain is constantly creating. However, I’d rather be focused on what truly makes me happy, what truly inspires me, than be worrying about whether or not my words are being misconstrued.

So for future reference, if you think I’m “not nice”, you’re probably right. If I write something and it makes someone uncomfortable, then they don’t have to read it. I make avid use of the FOLLOW button too, and everyone has the right to read what they like, to read what inspires them, whatever is encouraging and supportive to them, basically, whatever helps nourish the creative soul.

When I have time, I read things. It might not be daily, but I do read your comments and I will almost always pay your blog a visit if you’ve left me several comments or liked a lot of my work. A lot of people are looking to connect with fellow writers and I think that is one of the best things about the writing community. We are a close-knit, quirky bunch. Some are very easy to get along with, others not so much, but it’s okay. We are all individuals, we all write what we write, and never should we feel the need to compete against one another or be negative because there is room for everyone.

Writing is about growth, it is about creativity, it is honest, refreshing, and a form of communication that I have always found to be quite freeing. If I can inspire someone else, or make them think outside the box, then I am proud to be able to do that. If I can encourage or support someone, then I absolutely will. I am not afraid to discuss the work of other writers or talk about books. In fact, I’m not afraid of much. However, I won’t ever be told by anyone to not be who I am, nor will I be told what to write. A friend once asked me not to be myself, and I am no longer friends with that person. Unless a person is hurting themselves or hurting others, they should be allowed to be who they are, and no one has the right to tell them they’re wrong simply for being themselves.

“An it harm none, do what ye will” are eight words that fulfill the Wiccan Rede. They are part of a moral compass, a guiding principle. What I perceive as harm might be different from what someone else perceives as harm, and the same holds true for many. There’s a difference between physical and emotional harm, I will not denounce either as harm. However, I do denounce perceived harm because that is open to interpretation. I cannot be held accountable for perception, and only I know my true intent.

Every single person perceives things differently. We do not all agree on every single thing in this world, nor would I ever expect us to. That is part of what makes the world go ‘round. Difference of opinion can bring us together or push us apart. I choose to always hold true to my beliefs, leaving room for change if I am somehow getting the impression that my feelings might be wrong on something. As human beings, we are all entitled to that. This is not a place for group-think, it is a place for individuality.

If nothing and nowhere else, allow this to be your place of freedom. It is, without question, without fail, one of mine.

Another One Bites The Dust

2014-11-212014-11-22 Miss Poison Cooking, Editing, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Thanksgiving, Word Count, Work, Writing Baking, Cooking, Editing, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Thanksgiving, Work, Writing

At approximately 9:00 this morning, I submitted a completed, edited manuscript back to my current client. Ten days, four revisions, and I am DONE. I felt incredibly exhilarated by that. I think it is, by far, the fastest I have edited in a while, but factoring in that everyone gives me projects with different word counts, I still think I did rather well. I delivered way ahead of schedule since this wasn’t an absolute must until January 1st. All in all, I am pleased.

I had a little health scare this week that I didn’t mention, but now that I know I’m okay, I feel like I can breathe a little easier. By the Grace of God, it wasn’t what I thought it was, and I am eternally grateful for that.

It’s hard to believe Thanksgiving is less than a week away. I have been trying to plan my “menu” here and there this past week. Last year, while not traditional, I did break out my recipe for stuffing. If a recipe is passed down to me, I have perfected it over the years. The stuffing was my Mom’s original recipe. I don’t know where she got it from because my Grandmother didn’t cook, but my Great-Grandmother did. Even still, this stuffing is not typical of what one might expect. It is very easily made vegetarian with a few little tweaks, but I’m not making it this year. In fact, I don’t plan on making anything even remotely traditional. No turkey, no stuffing, no cranberry sauce, nothing one might expect. It’s one big plain NO. After some consideration, I found a happy alternative.

I have absolutely nothing against traditional Thanksgiving Day fare, I’m simply not going to do all that prep work for less than 4 people. It’s a lot of work and since I am the one cooking, I make the rules. A 12-16 pound turkey is a waste when only the white meat will be eaten. It’s wasteful, but it’s the truth. So, no turkey. If I do happen to qualify for the free bird at my local store, I will donate it to one of the churches in the area or give it to a neighbor who I am sure will either cook it or donate it. Either way, someone wins. The store I go to does offer some alternatives, but if none of them can be utilized by me, it’s best to donate.

I know the stores will be jam-packed next week, but since I’m not going near anything traditional, I should be okay. I can listen to the playlist for my book instead of the Christmas music I am almost certain to be attacked by upon entering, and go about my business. It will take two trips to two different stores to get everything I need, but I will be incredibly grateful if I am able to do so, and still come in under budget. What I’m planning will last for 3-5 days, but it will get better from the first bite ’til the very last and I’m looking forward to having some fun with it. I am also considering a little baking. I considered it last year and ended up not doing it. Two different types of cake have been requested, and each of them sounds really refreshing for some reason, so I am going to try. They can both bake at the same time, cool at the same time, and be frosted next to one another. Easy. They’ll both last about a day, only because everyone here has a sweet tooth. At least by baking them, I know exactly what’s going into them, as opposed to buying them, where the ingredients are listed, but make me cringe. What I have planned, even with the baking, won’t even take me two hours to pull together. Another person is in charge of an add-on that he suggested, but everything else is me. He did offer to help, but I hate it when anyone hovers over me in the kitchen like I’m fine china and might break. UGH!

What are your plans for Thanksgiving? Do you have any traditional dishes you make that are absolute MUSTS? Leave me a comment and let me know. Also, how many people are making dishes that are Pinterest inspired?

Self-Control

2014-11-152014-11-16 Miss Poison Anger, Honesty, Musings, Poison In Lethal Doses, Writing Anger, Are You Kidding Me With This Shit?!, Honesty, Musings, Poison In Lethal Doses, Vile Neighbors, Writing

Like most people, I have neighbors. The ones in question bought their home over a year after I did and then did an extensive remodel to the interior because the previous owner had allowed her kids to punch holes in the walls, etc., so they didn’t move in until after it was finished. We were on friendly terms, until they pulled an utterly vile stunt on me this past Spring.

I’m a very direct person. If you have something to say to me, just say it. However, I’m dealing with assholes who prefer to smile in my face and go behind my back and file bogus complaints against me to the township. One day we’re friendly, but they’re acting very, VERY odd. I immediately know something is up. Intuition is a beautiful thing.

A few days later, I get a letter in the mail from my township with the accusatory complaint, complete with a nearly $2000 fine, if memory serves me correctly.

Long story short, I cleared everything up with the township. They were PISSED. They pull up to my home like they’re going to discover I’m the female Dexter Morgan and there are bodies in the back yard, or that my suburban home is actually a raging crack den, only to discover that there is no issue on site whatsoever. Six people came in three different cars, five of whom left after less than five minutes. They couldn’t run off fast enough, they had just brought out “experts” and had wasted precious time. The other stuck around to apologize for having to come out at all, but I understand that bizarre complaints (They filed THREE, all different, all completely heinous.) require being looked into. That’s not his fault, he’s just doing his job. Besides, he was perfectly polite and lovely to deal with from day one, until things were finally handled due to scheduling conflicts a few months later.

Fast forward to right this minute. I am working, as I usually do around this hour, when I hear the noise of a leaf blower. It’s driving me fucking crazy, so I go over to a window towards the front of my house to see who it is and how close they are to me physically because I can barely pull a cohesive thought out of my brain from the noise. I had already seen my one awesome neighbor out blowing leaves, and since he is the one that does all of my landscaping, I sort of assumed he had come across the street, as he normally does. It would have been annoying even still, but completely acceptable. I like him. Moreover, I respect him, and I don’t feel uncomfortable with him on my property. Unfortunately, I immediately notice that he is across the street washing his car, and my crazy next door neighbor is on my front lawn blowing all of the leaves off of her property ONTO MINE. Yeah.

After watching this for a while, and seeing that she’s blowing leaves further and further onto my property, where MY leaves already lay, I start silently contemplating the length of my prison sentence for braining her. Suddenly she looks up and notices that I’ve caught her in the act. She smiles, like we’re friends. I go off in search of my hammer, thinking it won’t be hard to find something a little more dangerous so she understands I’m actually serious.

I have not spoken a word to this woman since the end of March. I was pulling out of the driveway one day while she was coming home. She waved. It took everything in me not to press the automatic button for my window and tell her to go fuck herself. Instead, I said something extremely unflattering in Russian, to myself, and left.

Occasionally, I say hello to her husband and he says hello to me. All things taken into consideration, I am almost certain he is unaware that she filed those complaints. However, they’re married, so both of their names are attached. I don’t blame him, because he’s a puppet. And by puppet, I mean he’s outside, right now, bagging up the leaves she just blew to kingdom come, as she yells at him about the proper way to do said task. I don’t talk to men that way, unless it’s my brother, and that’s mostly because he’s only paying attention to 1/100th of a conversation at any given moment.

Not for a single fucking second do I think she is doing a kind deed. She’s got to know she’s in deep shit with me. Alas, not everyone has my I.Q., so maybe she DOES think she is doing a good deed. Is it wrong that I have half a mind to go outside and tell her she has three seconds to get off my property before I call the cops?

The last time I checked, my leaves are MY responsibility. When they are removed, they are generally done all in one shot. I still have to wait for the rest of the leaves to fall, and they haven’t, so why would I stand out in the bitter cold on a Saturday doing something that will have to be done again in a week or two? I wouldn’t.

How am I sure it’s not a genuine act of generosity? The woman is a shrew, and she’s anal retentive. She mows her lawn 2-3 times a week all Spring and Summer, like a psychopath. If you just did it Friday night, chances are, unless we had a lot of rain, it doesn’t need to be done again on Sunday morning. Simply put, my leaves annoy her. She has nothing better to do and she wants all the other neighbors to see that she’s tackling leaves from a tree that is 100% on my property, not on hers. Her trees are baby trees, they maybe have 100 leaves a piece to spare, if that. The big tree out front on my property probably has five figures worth of leaves, if not more. It’s enormous, I don’t doubt that’s a very strong possibility.

God help me, I want to hurt this woman. Not just for her evil deeds of this year, but for deigning to cross from her side of the fence to mine, where she is completely and utterly NOT welcome or invited. I have half a PMS mind to wait until next week while they are both at work and blow every single fucking leaf off of my property and dump them into her back yard. Yes, I’ve seriously considered this. Would I really do it? I think it depends on how much further she pushes my buttons today.

Why can’t she watch television or get a hobby that requires her to mind her own fucking business? And really, what sane person blows someone else’s leaves for nearly two hours?!

Author’s Note: I am the epitome of polite with impeccable manners, until you screw with me. If I cannot respect you, I cannot be nice to you.

Retailers Should Really Be Ashamed Of Themselves

2014-11-15 Miss Poison Chanukah, Christmas, Generosity, Gifts, Health, Honesty, Musings, People, Poison In Lethal Doses, Retailers, Shopping, Thanksgiving, Unfiltered, Writing, Yule America, Chanukah, Christmas, eBay, Etsy, Family, Friends, Gift-Giving, Health, Heart, Holidays, Honesty, Musings, Poison In Lethal Doses, Retailers, Shopping, Thanksgiving, Writing, Yule

Retailers Should Really Be Ashamed Of Themselves

October hadn’t even ended and the few stores I walked into were full of Christmas trees, decorations, candy, and “special, early shopper prices”. I hate this time of year.

I don’t do Christmas. You will not find green & red anywhere in my home and you most certainly will not see a tree, lights, tinsel, et al. I won’t even “celebrate” it at someone else’s home. I celebrate Chanukah (Kuddos to Target for the most awesome Chanukah decor. I could easily have bought all of it, it was truly beautiful stuff. The nicest I have seen in years.) & Yule. Chanukah is centered around family, treats, sweets, and the miracle of oil lasting for eight nights, instead of one. If you don’t know the story of the Maccabees, Google it. I can probably look forward to a box of much wanted books, but I do not expect anything else on the gift front.

Yule is the Winter Solstice. It’s also the day I buried my father, so it’s hard on me. The two holidays coincide this year, but because I’m having an especially rough year I am not doing gifts for anyone, including myself. This has been my commandment of the past two years: Don’t spend money on anything extra that is not truly necessary. I’ve done well.

Every retail outlet in America will have you believing you need new EVERYTHING, and that you need it all RIGHT THIS SECOND. Between TV’s, computers, cell phones, tablets, and a plethora of other gadgets, billions of dollars will inevitably be spent no matter what. I know way too many people who spend thousands of dollars they don’t have on gifts for everyone and their Great-Uncle, and they don’t even like 9/4’s of the people they’re giving gifts to, they simply feel obligated. When their credit card statements arrive in January, they are filled with shame, remorse, and the simple fact that they are now seriously in debt, and for what?!

I’m more of a gift card kind of gal. I like choosing my own gifts, unless you’re going to Sephora, in which case, you can’t go wrong on anything (I’m joking, sort of.), but when it comes to giving, I like to do something for a person that they probably wouldn’t do for themselves. I don’t ever put a price tag on my best friends, God-daughter, or my Aunt. With my brother, I do have to limit him into a reasonable category because he always asks me for insane things. I don’t remember what I got him last year, but I do know he got exactly what he wanted/asked for, and that I spent next to nothing because I found both items on eBay for a steal. It DOES pay to shop around for the best price.

I really enjoy the quality and uniqueness of gifts on Etsy. I have bought everything from hand-crafted jewelry, sugar scrubs, and laptop cases, all the way to homemade fudge & plants for my Aunt’s garden, and pretty much everything has been great. Several pieces of jewelry were for me, and I wear them religiously. I bought an amazing leather wallet one year, and I love it to pieces. It’s got a great rock ‘n’ roll edge to it that makes it so unique looking. I’m not the least bit embarrassed to pull it out of my purse. I highly recommend doing a very thorough search of that site if you want items that are unique and affordable. Most people are taking orders now in advance of the holidays to guarantee timely delivery, and I understand that because they’re one person businesses. That’s different.

Retailers are disgustingly greedy, and yes, people need their retail jobs, I respect that, but none of us need to go running to any of those stores on Thanksgiving Day and be taken away from our families/friends. The employees themselves should also be home with their families, not running to work the very same night to “prep the store” for a pre-Black Friday opening. It gets worse every year, and it makes me sick.

This year I’ve decided to buy of all my normal stuff in advance at Walmart. Basically, that means all of my paper products, garbage bags, and 8 bags of cat litter. This will help me avoid anything there, short of the pharmacy, during all the crazy madness.

If you’re giving gifts this year, give from your heart. I’d rather receive something a person has made (craft stores are AWESOME!) than an after-thought they grabbed while trying to trample over 20 other people. The only thing I asked for this year is a scarf. I do have a nice one that (sort of) matches my coat, but I’d like something in grey. I’m allergic to wool, so this should be a fun little search in an attempt to not get sick this Winter. Perhaps I will even find a matching hat. However, the only thing I truly WANT is my health (and prosperity).

Nothing on this planet is more important than one’s health. Without it, you cannot do any of the things you want to do, should do, or need to do. Without it, you forever feel like you’re living on borrowed time. There’s nothing inside any retail store that can restore it, so consider this closely.

I know a lot of people forgo their regular “diets” during the holidays because they want to enjoy everything offered to them. There’s a reason the word “die” is in “diet”. I’m a firm believer in balance. I’m also not subjected to countless gatherings and parties, so “holiday weight” is not an issue for me. January is not my “It’s time to get back to the gym.” resolution, which most people only manage to keep up with for a few weeks, or a month, tops. I do consider which vitamins I should be taking, if there’s anything new that might physically increase my health and resistance to illness, and I try to make small changes that can make meals healthier and tastier, but all in all, I don’t obsess much. The past two years have shown me that the simplest things can be the most delicious things, and that it’s perfectly okay to have the 2nd cupcake.

So, while retailers throw everything and the kitchen sink at you in order to get you into their stores right away, consider yourself, your families, your budgets, and make a stand in advance. If you started early, good for you. If you’re strictly doing Cyber Monday, you’re probably better off. If you’re hitting the stores to chase down bargains, do so carefully and safely, and make sure you keep all your receipts, just in case.

Personally, I’m going to be un-subscribing from every single retailer that sends me an early shopping e-mail starting today. I’m utterly sick of the bullshit, but hey, that’s me. We’re all entitled to how we feel in regards to all of this meshugas. (If you don’t know what that means, Google it. Yes, that’s one of the languages I speak.)

Welcome & Thank You

2014-11-13 Miss Poison Editing, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Unfiltered, Work, Writing Editing, Gratitude, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Thanks, Unfiltered, Welcome, Work, Writing

Readership has really grown a lot in the past month, so I wanted to say hello to all of the new people that have kindly followed, liked, and commented. It is a joy to read messages from like-minded souls. I see everything, and I appreciate all of you for stopping in. I especially have to thank my friends who followed me from the old blog (which I still do), to my main focus, which is this platform. It’s nice to get feedback based solely on true merit.

While I try to post daily, sometimes my brain is a bit shattered, so I try to share nice things with you that I’ve come across, or that inspire me in some way. Sometimes I will address specific issues or causes, and you don’t have to take them to heart, you can breeze through or past them, but I do hope they’ll be of some value.

I am currently editing a new novel, which is an interesting, fun challenge. When you grow up with specific mysteries and stories, be it in book form, film, or even on television, it is always nice to see them brought back to life by someone new. It’s nice for me to step outside of my own work world, which is drastically different, and immerse myself in a world of someone else’s creation. I was pleased to discover the client is already published and successful, so that was a nice surprise, and I’m so happy to be working. It does mean I will work straight through the holidays, but quite frankly, I appreciate the distraction. It’s been a rough year. I will be happy to take the good from it, leave the negative behind, and move into a new year with a lot of newly absorbed knowledge about myself and those around me. It’s important to look ahead, because looking behind you only causes chronic neck pain.

Beyond all of that, I can say that Fall is winding down. The trees on my property are blowing leaves all over the place. The two larger trees were bright, lush green and are now dappled with yellow and peach. The Japanese Maple will slowly transition from stunning plum leaves to a bright red, but as of right now, they’re still holding strong. It’s my favorite of the three trees and it’s also the one that was still pretty young when I got here. The air is now turning bitterly cold, which makes my Fibromyalgia flare-up in unpleasant ways. Every muscle in my body hurts and every joint feels like I’m Tin Man from the Wizard Of Oz and need to be “oiled”. I can feel the cold deep within my bones, especially anywhere I have an injury. Gymnastics isn’t always kind to you years later, but the same can be said for all sports.

It’s hard to believe that Thanksgiving is right around the corner. I haven’t even sat down to make a tentative menu because I don’t know how many people I will be cooking for, but I’m also not that interested. I think the sentiment behind the day is awesome, it always has been, but it is greatly ruined by the pre-Black Friday crap that is already being advertised. I’m much more concerned with making a nice meal and having a day of movies or books to keep me happy. That’s my usual tradition. Perhaps I will re-read a series of books throughout the holiday season, in my spare time.

Are there are books you like to re-read during this time of year? If so, leave a comment and tell me what you re-read and why.

Anger Management

2014-11-10 Miss Poison Anger, Being Real, Emotions, Finding Your Truth, Honesty, Loyalty, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Therapy, Unfiltered, Writing Anger Management, Be Real, Honesty, Honor Yourself, Poison In Lethal Doses, Therapy, Untamed, Writing

For about six years, I’ve diligently tried to work on my personal anger issues. It took me on an interesting journey. I learned so much about myself that I was a little astounded by the epiphany I had several months ago.

During all of the time where I walked away from arguments and fights, kept my mouth shut, disengaged from negativity, discussed how I felt in therapy, and then took all of that knowledge into my daily life, I lost something big. There is a fine line between taming an issue, working on yourself for betterment, and changing yourself to accommodate other people. That fine line is where you completely lose the unique aspect that makes you, YOU.

Somehow, all the “this is how you handle this situation” crap turned me into some kind of tame pet. Therapy only skims the surface, depending on the therapist. It changes you if you allow it, but what if the core of who you are didn’t truly need changing? Again, the result is being turned into a a tame pet, a person who no longer reacts intensely to anything or anyone. Somewhere along the line, my “on” button was turned “off” almost completely.

A very common misconception with me is that I am “sweet” and“nice”, which somehow loosely translates to “passive”. I’m not. Not on any count. However, I’d allowed therapy and the tools I had learned there to take the fiercer aspects of who I am away. I’d become less apt to say “Fuck you.” and more apt to say nothing. There’s only so much you can hold in before you lose it. A few months ago, I LOST IT. However, in the loss, I also gained.

Sometimes you have to be reminded of exactly who you are and what you’re capable of. You need those reminders, otherwise life becomes monotonous and you have no answers or problem-solving abilities. You’re so wrapped up in being a tame pet, that you forget how fierce you are. You forget all the things you have done, and continue to do. It’s an easy mistake, and easily corrected.

I think therapy is good if you truly need it for very serious issues. I thought my anger WAS a very serious issue, but therapy taught me that I was angry at the right things and the right people, that the anger was not self-directed. However, it did turn me into something I am not, and in many respects, I’m glad to no longer be going weekly, even though I still feel I had finally found someone great. Maybe in the future, I will return.

But for now, what you read is what you get. This is who I am. I might not have a vicious reaction to everything and everyone, I don’t usually break out the “bitch card”, but I am fully capable of being a complete version of myself now. I’ve been reminded that it’s okay to honor my emotions and be myself. It takes nothing away from me to be angry at the right time, directing it at the right person, and not allowing it to BE me.

Generally, I’m not an angry, hateful, mean person. If you push me, I will unleash my wrath, but generally, I’m pretty laid back. Intense, yes. Fierce, absolutely. I can’t sit and be a tame little bunny, I have to be me.

From here on out, if something is going on in my life, no matter how good or bad, I feel capable of handling it. I was always capable of handling it, I simply needed to be reminded that I’m lethal.

Mess with me, and the poison flows. Stay on my good side, and you will receive loyalty and respect. It’s probably easier for everyone to stay on one side, as opposed to the other. I’ve noticed recently that I’ve become a little more fierce than usual, but I’m accepting of that. In fact, I now fully see that there’s nothing wrong with it.

Looking in the mirror each day and being the absolute best version of yourself is, above all else, the most important thing you can do.

Honor yourself and honor those in your life. Be you, be untamed, be honest, be real, don’t be a fucking pet!

Right Now

2014-11-07 Miss Poison Books, Goals, Growth, Honesty, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Progress, Silence, Stories, Work, Writing Books, Growth, Honesty, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Pride, Progress, Self-Discovery, Silence, Stories, Talent, Writing

Sometimes, the most important thing I need is silence. Having finished that hellacious read-through, I am glad to be able to be done with it and be able to put it behind me. One of the most important things I have learned about reading a truly raw manuscript is that as a writer, I truly know what works and what doesn’t. This particular client seems to only want people to kiss his ass and tell him how fabulous his work is. I have to be honest. There were some well-written parts on the character end of things, but mostly I felt like someone had handed me half of a book, or maybe even a third of it, and said “What do you think of this? I want lots of feedback.” All I could think at the end was “What the fuck did I MISS here?!” I later learned he’d hired several other people to read different sections of the book, as opposed to hiring ONE person to read the entire book. Yeah, that’s more than half-assed to me, but whatever. Not my monkeys, not my circus.

Since that job came to a close, it’s given me some time to respond to e-mails and look over my own manuscript. I sat here earlier reading the first few chapters and was so immersed in the story, I forgot who’d written it. That is the mark of a great story teller. If I can completely forget it’s my own work, I have done something really special. I saved some extra bits I wrote, and exited the program with a smile on my face.

In a completely non-arrogant, non-cocky way, these past two jobs have shown me that I am not a hack. I’m experienced, I have talent, and I know how to put a story together. Yes, some people write their first book and totally knock it out of the park, and others write in different genres for YEARS before they ever write their first book. I think the most important thing is that I see who I am now, very clearly, and I’m proud of that person, that writer. I have grown. I’ve exceeded my own expectations, and that’s truly something special.

I look forward to what each job brings me in terms of self-awareness because I might be helping other writers polish their work, but what I’m really doing is shining my own diamond. I’m proud of book one, and I am proud of the progress I am making on the other books as well. The fact that a few months ago, I was questioning my own progress, education, experience, and writing ability seems so ridiculous to me.

No, I didn’t go to Harvard to “be a writer” (Harvard was NEVER my dream.), but I’m also not lacking in anything. Everyone’s journey is different, and that’s okay. People can criticize me, and they can say what they will, but at the beginning and end of each day, I know who I am.

I’m many things, but in the grand scheme of it all…I AM A WRITER. Color me discovered!

Okay, Here’s The Deal…

2014-11-04 Miss Poison Being Sick, Fibromyalgia, Friends, Images/Photos/Quotes, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Writing Being Sick, Fibromyalgia, Illness, Medication, Musings, Weakness

Fall is still in “full bloom”. The trees are lush with color, but there aren’t a lot of completely leaf free trees, mine included. Naturally, this is right about the time when I might get sick.

It’s slowly been affecting me for about a week now, but I kept saying “Oh, the time is about to change, I just need more rest.” Turns out, I am SICK. I would betray you right now for a constant influx of hot tea, soup, mashed potatoes, and a few other choice comfort foods.

It’s hard to tell if you’re actually sick when you have Fibromyalgia. I take all the necessary precautions. Vitamins, balanced diet, as much exercise as I can do without ending up in a body cast, and I wipe down everything with Lysol at home, and antibacterial wipes in public. It might seem a little OCD, and it is, but I’d rather be safe than sorry. I keep a bottle of hand sanitizer in my purse. Bath & Body Works has the best purse size versions and they smell awesome. You can get them in store, or buy a few on clearance on eBay. I usually buy 4-5 at a time and keep them in different spots. They’re lifesavers.

I know I am sick because I have swollen glands. That doesn’t happen for me with Fibro. I don’t have a fever, but I feel frozen down to my bones, and this is with the heat on. I finally bit the bullet and took a multi-symptom tablet with all the things I think it should have because whatever I have, it’s all from the neck up, save the physical aches and pains, and the weakness and exhaustion.

If you know me, you know I HATE being sick. I’ve had illnesses that have left me in bed for weeks wanting my mother (who is sadly, no longer there to call upon.), and other times, I bear it through weeks of soup, tea, ginger ale (for some reason, diet root beer is immensely helpful when I’m sick. I discovered this a few years ago and now I’m obsessed with it.), and toast because the thought of anything else being in my stomach just isn’t going to happen.

I definitely don’t have the flu. A close friend thinks I’m having sympathy pains, which is not unheard of. In fact, it’s entirely possible.

So, if you see a woman running around the Northeast with a purse size bottle of Lysol and hand sanitizer, stop and say hello, but make sure she’s a short brunette, or you might end up looking like an idiot. LOL. (My friend is writing me a letter of permission to carry said objects with me, lest I be arrested for trying to disinfect every store I go to.)

Let Your Voice Be Heard

2014-11-042014-11-04 Miss Poison Honesty, Musings, Writing Election Day 2014, Honesty, Issues, Men, Musings, Politics, Voting, Women, Writing

If you’re voting today, get to the polls and let your voice be heard. I generally do an absentee ballot because I am not always home or available on Election Day and I like to get it in early.

Honestly, I have no genuine interest in this particular election. It’s all about deciding which snake you’d like to get in bed with, and it’s incredibly unappealing, unless, perhaps, you love snakes. I don’t.

Here’s hoping that wherever you live, the right people get elected and they don’t cause too much trouble. One of my cousins is in politics and I agree with maybe a handful of the bills she has written into law. It’s a good thing I no longer live in the same state though. There are certain things that women piss me off over when they get political about it. Don’t get me wrong, a man might piss me off just as much, but women should simply know better. Yes, I realize that’s asking a LOT of one gender. That’s precisely why we vote: To make sure the issues that are important to us are covered in some small way.

If you don’t live in the U.S. and today isn’t Election Day for you, be glad. It’s absolutely vicious out there! No one quite hurls insults like a bunch of politicians or people that despise them.

The Need For Silence

2014-10-302014-10-30 Miss Poison Being Real, Cats, Friends, Friendship, Goals, Growth, Happiness, Health, Honesty, Hope, Images/Photos/Quotes, Musings, Negativity, October, Pets, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Reflection, Relationships, Silence, Space, Wicca, Work, Writing Cats, Friends, Halloween, Healing, October, Recovery, Samhain, Silence, Sons of Anarchy, Stalker, Wicca, Writing

Tomorrow is Samhain, which is Halloween for the uninitiated who can’t even pronounce what I just said. I’ve taken some time this week to be quiet, to look deeply within, and to give myself some space. Every year brings a new set of challenges, and I am hoping to embark on happier ones this time around. Simply put: I am sick of the crap. Every last ounce of it. I’m ready for positive change, happy change, and I am looking forward to putting a lot of unhappiness and negativity to rest.

My only plan for tomorrow is to try hard to finish the read-through I am doing, and catch up on some little things that need to be put in the mail. Beyond that, nothing. I want a quiet day, I want to light candles at dusk, and I want a night of quality sleep. I don’t need scary movies to “get into the spirit”. I’ve already seen Sons of Anarchy and Stalker this week, I’ve had my dose of gore and I’ve been thoroughly ‘creeped out’.

It probably seems odd for someone so young to be in such desperate need of silence, but it’s honest. I already bought sweets this week and they were for myself. Okay, so I shared, but you get the point. The actual Halloween aspect doesn’t reside in my home. Samhain, on the other hand, does. It’s when I honor my loved ones who have passed away and light candles of remembrance. It’s when I keep my cats close to me and SAFE. I don’t believe in having outdoor cats, I never have and I never will. That is a personal choice because I believe that if you are going to have any kind of pet, you should do what is absolutely best for him/her and their overall well-being. When you rescue, you should give them a safe home. Last year there was a lot of concern over black cats being harmed. I own an all-black British Bombay who is the sweetest, most laid back little girl, so it’s even more important to me to keep her safe and sound. I don’t ever want my cats to know “the street life” again, which is precisely why I adopted them. You save a life, but you also save bits of yourself in the process.

Also, I have a very dear friend in the hospital, and I want to make sure I say a special prayer for her recovery. I’m breaking out the big guns on this one! 🙂

So, if there isn’t another post this month, enjoy the holiday however you choose to embrace it and keep yourself and those you hold dear safe & sound.

Bright Blessings.