Year: 2015

Beginnings, Endings, and New Beginnings

Miss Poison Loss, Love, Motherless Daughters, Pieces Of Me, Tears, Writing , , , , , , , , , , ,

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It’s utterly surreal how much my life has changed in the last eight years. I set out on a specific course, reached a major fork in the road, chose a direction, a dream, and now I am starting over with a dream I’ve somehow managed to keep hidden in the back of my mind, all the while making movements towards it. “Everything happens for a reason…” Sometimes that sounds like horse-shit and other times, it’s the absolute truth.

In the last eight years I have lost, loved, lost, and continued to love. Every single time I think I am shut off and that my capacity for love is gone, I am proven wrong. On this day last year, I brought an angel home. Today that angel is officially a year old and while there are a great many types of love, this one is pure and special. I feel blessed and honored to be in the presence of this love. This is the kind of love that keeps you alive and gives you purpose. It reminds you to keep fighting and keep living, even when you truly don’t want to. Even when you say “No more!”, that love is present and let’s you know that it’s okay to feel the way you do, and that you’re completely accepted.

chrisbutler

Once or twice a year, I do a Celtic Cross Tarot Card reading for myself. I don’t do readings for anyone else because it makes me uncomfortable, but my own readings are so accurate that they bring me to tears. My most recent reading was dead-on accurate and I remember being slightly in denial at the time, but now I realize it was a message, and it was telling me exactly what I’ve been telling myself for the last few years. I liken it to a loved one treating you badly in public and a stranger stopping you to tell you that you deserve better. You KNOW you deserve better in your heart of hearts, but sometimes hearing it from someone else’s mouth is the push you need. Many of my readings are like that. In fact, all of them are. I’m really quite disturbing with the metaphysical.

Today would normally be a celebration of something else, but this year I celebrate love and new beginnings. That is the right direction, that is the answer, and I needn’t attempt to dissuade myself when I know the answers.

My mother wrote a letter to me before I was born. I found it after she died. It said “Sometimes you have put yourself first, but it doesn’t mean you’re being selfish.” She was a supremely unselfish woman and she raised me to be pretty unselfish as well. Of all the people I have lost, it’s my Mom’s voice that I can’t always remember, until I read something she wrote or a memory comes flooding back and I hear her say my name the way only three people in my life ever did. Looking at photos this morning, I realized just how much I miss my family and how I’ve never given myself time to grieve.

Thankfully, I know that there are all a part of who I am and that they’re not truly gone. Bits and pieces of each of them live on inside of me, and so, with every ending comes a new beginning.

This phoenix is ready to spread her wings and fly. She’s already been through the fire.

copyright © 2015 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

isurvived

Chronic Pain Linked To Attention-Deficit Disorder

Link Miss Poison Articles, Chronic Pain , , ,

http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/850899?src=confwrap

Anyone who suffers from any form of chronic pain can lose their ability to focus. It doesn’t mean they had ADD to begin with or that ADD caused their pain. I can concentrate on a lot of different things when I’m well-rested and not in a terrible amount of pain, but when I’m in a full-on flare up, my attention span is close to that of a house fly. So, read this and think about it, talk to your doctor, but don’t make assumptions about yourself. Also, if you suffer from chronic pain and you’re 100% calm all the time, I’d like to know precisely what your doctors are offering you and where I can get it.

Another Sleepless Night

Miss Poison Musings, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Writing , , , , , , ,

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No, I haven’t been to bed yet. Yes, I’m aware it’s nearly 8:00 a.m. EDT. No, I don’t normally sleep during the day, but the Full Moon leading into the time change screws with me badly. On the plus side, I was pretty productive overnight and this needs to continue until next month. I can sleep for the rest of the year if I just get through this month.

If I can survive this month without having a stroke, heart attack, or complete nervous breakdown, I will truly be able to say I can get through anything. Though honestly, one can say this after they’ve buried both of their parents while both parents were still young, a multitude of friends, other family members, and deeply loved pets. Pencil me in for sleep and ignoring the world come mid-November. I’ll keep in touch though, and I’m sure I’ll be my usual poisonous self. 😉 None of you would respect me if I became disgustingly chipper and pretended the world was made of cherries & chocolate.

After two and a half days dealing with the migraine spawned straight out of hell, I was finally able to declare that the “migraine has ended” via the app I’ve been using since last month. For those that asked, it’s called Migraine Buddy and is available for Android and iPhone. I tried a few others that I immediately deleted after a few hours, this one is the best out there. After you’ve had a certain number of headaches, you’re able to pinpoint your triggers and you are also able to have the app forward an e-mail to you each month to bring to your doctor. That’s valuable. The fact that it tracks your sleep is also pretty cool, though I openly admit it creeped me out the first time it did it. I hadn’t adjusted the setting or touched my phone, but when you wake up and grab your phone, it will ask you to verify the time you went to bed and woke up, so it’s good to glance at the clock before getting into bed, or if your memory is foggy, jot it down on a post-it note so you won’t forget.

Since I don’t watch the news, Case Study #2 felt the need to report the weather to me, as if I don’t have a weather app on my phone to tell me ahead of time when and if the sky might fall. <rolls eyes> I was informed that I needed to “prepare for the weekend” last night, even though it was a Wednesday! I have no appetite whatsoever (I ate two cookies this morning so I wouldn’t faint. The cookies were Case Study’s idea, not mine.), Cat and Kitten have food, and there’s toilet paper and iced tea. I’m good. Case Study does not understand this because he’s a guy and in his male brain, I need to be reminded to eat. Perhaps he thinks I will wither away. If I do, I’d like to donate my ass to a country in need. It is predominantly kosher (I just laughed out loud, I’m not sure how anyone else took that, but I’m generally not here for comedic purposes).

And so my captive audience, I leave you in peace. Cat and Kitten were up watching me all night because apparently Mommy needs to be watched when she does weird things that are out of character, so we’re all extremely punchy. I think sleep on a stormy day is the perfect excuse to get what my body and mind need in between the chaos.

To everyone dealing with this storm, be safe. It’s cold, windy, and I’ve officially turned my heat on. Yes, it is officially October!

Wishing you all a wonderful, safe Thursday wherever you are in this great big world of ours.

copyright © 2015 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

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