“Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson
Chanukah 2020: Night Four
Fourth night of Chanukah. I’m a little behind on things because my thoughts have been all over the place, and despite this being my favorite holiday, there’s an underlying sadness mixed in this year. If you follow me on social media, you may have read my thoughts on specific matters, or not.
Tonight, I’d like to offer up my prayers to Chabad of Bluegrass after last night’s assault on a congregation member in Lexington, Kentucky. I do NOT want to see anything else happen during a Menorah lighting or anything else involving synagogues. If you’re not Jewish, let us have our holiday in peace, the same way we let you have yours in peace. By the way, Chanukah is NOT “a Jewish Christmas”.
In the face of anti-Semitism, we must unite, regardless of faith, and fight back against hate. I wasn’t raised to be a hateful person, so my response mechanism is different than that of others. I was, however, always encouraged to fight back against anything I didn’t deem just.
I cannot, in good conscience, accept violence against people based on their faith, the color of their skin, their politics, or sexual preference. That’s not who I am. If you’re a good person with a good heart, I am not going to say anything to you. I will accept you as you are. However, I do get annoyed when people make incorrect assumptions about the kind of person I am and go behind my back with their opinions. If you have something you want to share, just say it to me personally because if a fifth party is repeating it, I am going to find out why you felt so comfortable talking shit. I am not afraid of confrontation. In fact, I encourage it.
Do not harm, but take no shit.
Emotions, In My Experience
“Emotions, in my experience, aren’t covered by single words. I don’t believe in “sadness,” “joy,” or “regret.” Maybe the best proof that the language is patriarchal is that it oversimplifies feeling. I’d like to have at my disposal complicated hybrid emotions, Germanic train-car constructions like, say, “The happiness that attends disaster.” Or: “The disappointment of sleeping with one’s fantasy.” I’d like to show how “Intimations of mortality brought on by aging family members.” connects with “The hatred of mirrors that begins in middle age.” I’d like to have a word for “The sadness inspired by failing restaurants,”, as well as for “The excitement of getting a room with a minibar.” I’ve never had the right words to describe my life, and now that I’ve entered my story, I need them more than ever. ” ―Jeffrey Eugenides
Willow
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People Assume…
“Mental illness.
People assume you aren’t sick unless they see the sickness on your skin, like scars forming a map of all the ways you’re hurting.
My heart is a prison of, Have you trieds. ‘Have you tried exercising? Have you tried eating better? Have you tried not being sad, not being sick? Have you tried being more like me?’ Have you tried shutting up?!
Yes, I have tried. Yes, I am still trying, and yes, I am still sick.
Sometimes monsters are invisible, and sometimes demons attack you from the inside. Just because you cannot see the claws and the teeth, does not mean they aren’t ripping through me. Pain does not need to be seen to be felt. Telling me there is no problem, won’t solve the problem.
This is not how miracles are born. This is not how sickness works.” ― Emm Roy
Written by LISA MARINO-Molchanova 