Writing

Writer Struggles: Part One

Miss Poison Being Real, Family, Fiction, Friends, Honesty, Non-Fiction, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Thought-Provoking, Thoughts, Writers, Writing , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

One of the things I struggle with as a writer is friends and family reading my work. If it’s fiction, they really don’t spend a lot of time reading personal things into it, but when it’s on a platform like this? UGH!

I cannot tell you how many times I have received e-mails, text messages, or phone calls that goes something like this: A- “Is this about me?”, with an attached link to something I’ve written. (It might be, but unless I’ve named names, you might not want to assume so much self-importance. Did you really print it so you could read it back to me?! Seriously?!!?) B- “Are you angry with me?” (Do I seem like the shy type?) C- “I don’t understand why you would write this…” (That’s why I’m a writer and you aren’t.) The best part is when they write to “advise me” on a situation I have written about that really doesn’t require a response. Unless I specifically ask for advice, chances are, I’m doing just fine with the thoughts in my head and don’t need mixed messages, but thanks for thinking of me. It is frustrating, to say the least.

I think the most profound thing anyone can say to me, which happened this past weekend, is “I am so proud of you.” For someone to acknowledge how I have grown in my talent and how I am not hesitant to tackle difficult subjects that make other people uncomfortable is something I value and respect. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it is sincerely appreciated. (Hugs Aunt L.)

I generalize a lot of what I write because too many people assume it’s about them, when the truth is, it could be about anyone in the world. Most of the time someone will stumble upon something I have written, leave a comment about their own experiences on the subject, I will respond in kind, and dialogue is born. It’s one of the reasons you write; To have other people read your work, understand it, relate to it, remember it, share it, etc. It’s not meant for me to throw random shit at anyone, it’s meant to be thought-provoking, and often times it is therapeutic, as the writer, for me to write things out of my system. If I didn’t, I’d have murdered someone by now. So thank you Mom, for realizing I was a writer and encouraging me to be what I am today. It is far better than what I ever imagined it could be. I wish you were here for all of this, because I think now, I understand what your vision for me really was.

For most of my years as a writer, I covered facts, life, death, grief, women’s issues, and sports. That’s what makes up the majority of my portfolio. I can revert back to any of those things on a dime, and tackle a subject quite competently. I do go out of my comfort zone at times to really challenge myself, but I also know what I’m good at. There is a way, no matter what genre you write in, to still adhere to your values and be yourself.

I would rather be myself and not make any apologies for it, than be spoon-feeding my readers bullshit on gilt plates. But hey, that’s me, and I refuse to apologize for doing something that is not wrong.

copyright © 2014 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

manypeople

Believe It Or Not, I DO Have Boundaries

Miss Poison Anger, Being Real, Boundaries, Commitment, Communication, Feelings, Friends, Friendship, Honesty, Life, Loyalty, Men, Negativity, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Reality, Relationships, Stupidity, Things That Enrage Me, Thoughts, Toxic People, Unbelievable Crap, Unnecessary Drama, Women, Writing , , , , , , , ,

“There are two kinds of friendship: the beneficial friendship and the erroneous friendship. The erroneous friendship balances on the principle of “The closer we are, the more okay it is for me to say anything I want to you and for me to treat you any way that I want to, and for me to disrespect you and take advantage of you.”, while a true friendship is rooted in this principle: “The closer we are, the more respect I have for you, the better I will treat you, the higher I will regard you, the more good things I will wish for you.”

You will know someone is a true friend by basis of observing their actions towards you as the friendship grows deeper. A true friend will continue to hold you in higher and higher regard, while the error of a friend will see your goodwill and newfound fondness as basis to do and say whatever he/she wants, that is disrespectful and non-beneficial to you.” C. JoyBell C.

Believe It Or Not, I DO Have Boundaries

Generally I say what I mean and I mean what I say, but when you push my buttons and you keep pushing, you’re going up against the wrong woman. You cannot win, you will not win, and here’s why.

I am not so comfortable with the people in my life that I will over-step my boundaries intentionally. However, yesterday someone SERIOUSLY over-stepped with me, and unless I write my feelings out, I won’t ever speak to this person again, so I’m sorry for involving my readers in something they may not fully understand.

As a friend, and as a person, I am incredibly devoted. Loyal to a fault and “Ride or Die” are the usual terms used to describe the type of friend I am. What I am NOT, is inconsiderate, thoughtless, selfish, rude, bitchy, disrespectful, unappreciative, or a habitual line-stepper. It’s okay to tell me to back off, so long as you do it politely. It’s okay to say “I can’t talk about this now.”, I’ll keep my mouth shut. Basically, it’s okay, so long as you communicate with me properly.

Here’s what is, under no circumstances, NOT EVER okay: Attacking me, accusing, and/or assuming. If you intend to provoke me, do so solely at your own risk, but be forewarned: It might very well be the last thing you ever say or do to another living being.

I do not have the time, patience, or inclination to babysit everyone’s egos. Yes, I have more than one friend in my life. Get.Over.It. I once had a friend who would say “Don’t worry about it, more Lisa for me!”, because she didn’t like to share me with other people. Where is she now? I’d answer, but just in case she stumbles upon this, I will simply say: “ALMOST FIVE YEARS, what are you waiting for? God to say go?!”

I don’t need anyone to pat me on the back for a good deed. You say thank you, and we move on. However, if you’ve done, or are doing, something for me and then you throw it back in my face every opportunity you get, we’re going to either throw down or I am going to throw you right out of my life. I don’t need the drama or the bullshit. Again, I don’t have the time to babysit egos. If you’re feeling “unloved”, hire a hooker, but don’t insult the very kind, respectful, genuine things I say to you, especially after I have just praised you and told you how wonderful I feel you are. When given a compliment of the highest order, say thank you, take it to heart, especially since you know me, but do NOT attack me to the point where I ask myself if you’re worth it any more because I have been betrayed enough to know that walking away from someone is the absolute healthiest choice I can make at times.

Yes, I am angry. Yes, I am pissed off. I’m not going to accept this kind of attitude and behavior from anyone simply because they have been in my life for a long time. I have learned that not every relationship in life will stand the test of time, and while it saddens me to feel this way, maybe saying goodbye (Okay, that would be if I were feeling polite. I don’t feel polite.) is really the best thing for everyone involved.

I have found that people are much more apt to say shit to me via e-mail or social media, than they are to ever so much as consider saying it to my face. There’s a reason for that. Once my tone of voice changes, you might as well just lay down and die, because you will wish for death by the time I’m done with you.

I understand that part of this issue is genuine jealousy and insecurity, and I have no words in ANY language to respond to that. I think the best thing I can say is that I will NEVER understand the way other women’s brains work. I understand myself just fine, but the basic female psyche alludes me. They say that “Men are simple creatures.” (Whoever “they” are.), but the fact of the matter is, men are often a lot less complicated. I say this as a total Girl’s Girl. I have maybe a handful of laid back, easy-going friendships with women, but the rest of them are SO incredibly complicated that it gives me a fucking headache.

Ultimately, I think it is perfectly acceptable to be open about your needs in any relationship. However, your delivery has to be flawless. This is a sad truth. If you say the right thing to a person at the precise right time, you both win. If you say the wrong thing to a person at the wrong time, I don’t expect them to just accept that and say “Okay.” Maybe some people do, but I do not. I’ve been calling people out on their crap since the day I was born, and today is no different.

There is a person in my life who really needs to decide if they are going to “shit or get off the pot.” But make no mistake, once I make the decision that I am done with you, I am truly done. There is no revolving door in my life for bullshit, drama, negativity, childishness, or stupidity. If you go from friend to enemy, you do not go back to friend, not EVER. I do not suffer fools. If you’re going to be a bitch or an asshole, please, do so on your own time, and with someone else entirely. I value my time. Next to my name on the Tree Of Life it says “No time for idiots.” So mote it be.

copyright © 2014 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

new

My Thoughts On Ghost Writing

Miss Poison Honesty, Poison In Lethal Doses, Writing , , , , , ,

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My Thoughts On Ghost Writing

One of the first things I learned as a writer is that if you can’t do it yourself, don’t fucking do it. Yes, it’s really that simple, at least for me.

Walk into any bookstore and you will find millions of books. Sadly, many of them are not written by the person whose name is branded on the cover.

I am NOT talking about the people who have their name and then, underneath their name in smaller print it says “With…” That’s not truly ghost writing, but in some instances it can be. A lot depends on things that are generally discussed behind closed doors. Most people will never admit to using a ghost writer, even if they do.

One example I constantly get asked about is Brandi Glanville, who I absolutely adore. If you’ve read either of her books, while secondly credited to Leslie Bruce as a writer, you can tell that it’s Brandi’s voice. She has gone on record saying that Leslie helped put her thoughts into a cohesive manner, helped talk her out of certain things, and that her editor helped even further, but that everything else was all her. Leslie has gone on record saying the exact same thing. Her book agent, Michael Broussard, has also publicly stated that it is indeed her work. I don’t, for a single second, doubt this to be true. In other instances, with other people, I DO doubt the validity of their claim because I know for a fact that they handed someone else some notes and got their name published as the sole person involved with what is clearly a shit-ton of work, without so much as crediting the person who did the actual work.

I am not a fan of the ghost writer. The concept itself annoys the shit out of me. Why the hell would I pay someone else to do what I am personally talented and capable of doing myself? I wouldn’t.

I see ads all the time. “Ghost writer wanted for….”, and then I see what people are willing to pay. It is not uncommon, especially with e-books. One person wanted a 250 page Sci-Fi story done in ten days or less, not just written perfectly, but completely edited as well. Not only did they want to take full credit for it, asking you to sign a waiver absolving yourself of any involvement whatsoever, but they were only willing to pay $30 to whomever would take the job. Do you know how insulting that is to a writer of quality?

If you’re a ghost-writer and it has been, or is, profitable for you, then good luck & God Bless, but I think it’s important for young writers not to allow themselves to get caught up in this idea.

Don’t ever give your hard work away for free, and don’t ever let someone else take credit for the work that you do.

Don’t toil for hours, days, weeks, months, or years and allow someone else to be the one signing those books at a book signing. Write your own material, even if it DOES take you years to accomplish. Pour your soul into it, that will show the reader something about you. Don’t fall into a cookie-cutter mold of what you THINK you should be writing, saying, or thinking. Dare to be original. Dare to be yourself. Dare to dream and inspire.

If you allow yourself to be the writer of your own work, you also become the writer of your own destiny. Isn’t that what life is all about?

copyright © 2014 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

 

Self-Control

Miss Poison Anger, Honesty, Musings, Poison In Lethal Doses, Writing , , , , , ,

Like most people, I have neighbors. The ones in question bought their home over a year after I did and then did an extensive remodel to the interior because the previous owner had allowed her kids to punch holes in the walls, etc., so they didn’t move in until after it was finished. We were on friendly terms, until they pulled an utterly vile stunt on me this past Spring.

I’m a very direct person. If you have something to say to me, just say it. However, I’m dealing with assholes who prefer to smile in my face and go behind my back and file bogus complaints against me to the township. One day we’re friendly, but they’re acting very, VERY odd. I immediately know something is up. Intuition is a beautiful thing.

A few days later, I get a letter in the mail from my township with the accusatory complaint, complete with a nearly $2000 fine, if memory serves me correctly.

Long story short, I cleared everything up with the township. They were PISSED. They pull up to my home like they’re going to discover I’m the female Dexter Morgan and there are bodies in the back yard, or that my suburban home is actually a raging crack den, only to discover that there is no issue on site whatsoever. Six people came in three different cars, five of whom left after less than five minutes. They couldn’t run off fast enough, they had just brought out “experts” and had wasted precious time. The other stuck around to apologize for having to come out at all, but I understand that bizarre complaints (They filed THREE, all different, all completely heinous.) require being looked into. That’s not his fault, he’s just doing his job. Besides, he was perfectly polite and lovely to deal with from day one, until things were finally handled due to scheduling conflicts a few months later.

Fast forward to right this minute. I am working, as I usually do around this hour, when I hear the noise of a leaf blower. It’s driving me fucking crazy, so I go over to a window towards the front of my house to see who it is and how close they are to me physically because I can barely pull a cohesive thought out of my brain from the noise. I had already seen my one awesome neighbor out blowing leaves, and since he is the one that does all of my landscaping, I sort of assumed he had come across the street, as he normally does. It would have been annoying even still, but completely acceptable. I like him. Moreover, I respect him, and I don’t feel uncomfortable with him on my property. Unfortunately, I immediately notice that he is across the street washing his car, and my crazy next door neighbor is on my front lawn blowing all of the leaves off of her property ONTO MINE. Yeah.

After watching this for a while, and seeing that she’s blowing leaves further and further onto my property, where MY leaves already lay, I start silently contemplating the length of my prison sentence for braining her. Suddenly she looks up and notices that I’ve caught her in the act. She smiles, like we’re friends. I go off in search of my hammer, thinking it won’t be hard to find something a little more dangerous so she understands I’m actually serious.

I have not spoken a word to this woman since the end of March. I was pulling out of the driveway one day while she was coming home. She waved. It took everything in me not to press the automatic button for my window and tell her to go fuck herself. Instead, I said something extremely unflattering in Russian, to myself, and left.

Occasionally, I say hello to her husband and he says hello to me. All things taken into consideration, I am almost certain he is unaware that she filed those complaints. However, they’re married, so both of their names are attached. I don’t blame him, because he’s a puppet. And by puppet, I mean he’s outside, right now, bagging up the leaves she just blew to kingdom come, as she yells at him about the proper way to do said task. I don’t talk to men that way, unless it’s my brother, and that’s mostly because he’s only paying attention to 1/100th of a conversation at any given moment.

Not for a single fucking second do I think she is doing a kind deed. She’s got to know she’s in deep shit with me. Alas, not everyone has my I.Q., so maybe she DOES think she is doing a good deed. Is it wrong that I have half a mind to go outside and tell her she has three seconds to get off my property before I call the cops?

The last time I checked, my leaves are MY responsibility. When they are removed, they are generally done all in one shot. I still have to wait for the rest of the leaves to fall, and they haven’t, so why would I stand out in the bitter cold on a Saturday doing something that will have to be done again in a week or two? I wouldn’t.

How am I sure it’s not a genuine act of generosity? The woman is a shrew, and she’s anal retentive. She mows her lawn 2-3 times a week all Spring and Summer, like a psychopath. If you just did it Friday night, chances are, unless we had a lot of rain, it doesn’t need to be done again on Sunday morning. Simply put, my leaves annoy her. She has nothing better to do and she wants all the other neighbors to see that she’s tackling leaves from a tree that is 100% on my property, not on hers. Her trees are baby trees, they maybe have 100 leaves a piece to spare, if that. The big tree out front on my property probably has five figures worth of leaves, if not more. It’s enormous, I don’t doubt that’s a very strong possibility.

God help me, I want to hurt this woman. Not just for her evil deeds of this year, but for deigning to cross from her side of the fence to mine, where she is completely and utterly NOT welcome or invited. I have half a PMS mind to wait until next week while they are both at work and blow every single fucking leaf off of my property and dump them into her back yard. Yes, I’ve seriously considered this. Would I really do it? I think it depends on how much further she pushes my buttons today.

Why can’t she watch television or get a hobby that requires her to mind her own fucking business? And really, what sane person blows someone else’s leaves for nearly two hours?!

copyright © 2014 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Author’s Note: I am the epitome of polite with impeccable manners, until you screw with me. If I cannot respect you, I cannot be nice to you.

dontletthe

Retailers Should Really Be Ashamed Of Themselves

Miss Poison Chanukah, Christmas, Generosity, Gifts, Health, Honesty, Musings, People, Poison In Lethal Doses, Retailers, Shopping, Thanksgiving, Unfiltered, Writing, Yule , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

ifyouhave

Retailers Should Really Be Ashamed Of Themselves

October hadn’t even ended and the few stores I walked into were full of Christmas trees, decorations, candy, and “special, early shopper prices”. I hate this time of year.

I don’t do Christmas. You will not find green & red anywhere in my home and you most certainly will not see a tree, lights, tinsel, et al. I won’t even “celebrate” it at someone else’s home. I celebrate Chanukah (Kuddos to Target for the most awesome Chanukah decor. I could easily have bought all of it, it was truly beautiful stuff. The nicest I have seen in years.) & Yule. Chanukah is centered around family, treats, sweets, and the miracle of oil lasting for eight nights, instead of one. If you don’t know the story of the Maccabees, Google it. I can probably look forward to a box of much wanted books, but I do not expect anything else on the gift front.

Yule is the Winter Solstice. It’s also the day I buried my father, so it’s hard on me. The two holidays coincide this year, but because I’m having an especially rough year I am not doing gifts for anyone, including myself. This has been my commandment of the past two years: Don’t spend money on anything extra that is not truly necessary. I’ve done well.

Every retail outlet in America will have you believing you need new EVERYTHING, and that you need it all RIGHT THIS SECOND. Between TV’s, computers, cell phones, tablets, and a plethora of other gadgets, billions of dollars will inevitably be spent no matter what. I know way too many people who spend thousands of dollars they don’t have on gifts for everyone and their Great-Uncle, and they don’t even like 9/4’s of the people they’re giving gifts to, they simply feel obligated. When their credit card statements arrive in January, they are filled with shame, remorse, and the simple fact that they are now seriously in debt, and for what?!

I’m more of a gift card kind of gal. I like choosing my own gifts, unless you’re going to Sephora, in which case, you can’t go wrong on anything (I’m joking, sort of.), but when it comes to giving, I like to do something for a person that they probably wouldn’t do for themselves. I don’t ever put a price tag on my best friends, God-daughter, or my Aunt. With my brother, I do have to limit him into a reasonable category because he always asks me for insane things. I don’t remember what I got him last year, but I do know he got exactly what he wanted/asked for, and that I spent next to nothing because I found both items on eBay for a steal. It DOES pay to shop around for the best price.

I really enjoy the quality and uniqueness of gifts on Etsy. I have bought everything from hand-crafted jewelry, sugar scrubs, and laptop cases, all the way to homemade fudge & plants for my Aunt’s garden, and pretty much everything has been great. Several pieces of jewelry were for me, and I wear them religiously. I bought an amazing leather wallet one year, and I love it to pieces. It’s got a great rock ‘n’ roll edge to it that makes it so unique looking. I’m not the least bit embarrassed to pull it out of my purse. I highly recommend doing a very thorough search of that site if you want items that are unique and affordable. Most people are taking orders now in advance of the holidays to guarantee timely delivery, and I understand that because they’re one person businesses. That’s different.

Retailers are disgustingly greedy, and yes, people need their retail jobs, I respect that, but none of us need to go running to any of those stores on Thanksgiving Day and be taken away from our families/friends. The employees themselves should also be home with their families, not running to work the very same night to “prep the store” for a pre-Black Friday opening. It gets worse every year, and it makes me sick.

This year I’ve decided to buy of all my normal stuff in advance at Walmart. Basically, that means all of my paper products, garbage bags, and 8 bags of cat litter. This will help me avoid anything there, short of the pharmacy, during all the crazy madness.

If you’re giving gifts this year, give from your heart. I’d rather receive something a person has made (craft stores are AWESOME!) than an after-thought they grabbed while trying to trample over 20 other people. The only thing I asked for this year is a scarf. I do have a nice one that (sort of) matches my coat, but I’d like something in grey. I’m allergic to wool, so this should be a fun little search in an attempt to not get sick this Winter. Perhaps I will even find a matching hat. However, the only thing I truly WANT is my health (and prosperity).

Nothing on this planet is more important than one’s health. Without it, you cannot do any of the things you want to do, should do, or need to do. Without it, you forever feel like you’re living on borrowed time. There’s nothing inside any retail store that can restore it, so consider this closely.

I know a lot of people forgo their regular “diets” during the holidays because they want to enjoy everything offered to them. There’s a reason the word “die” is in “diet”. I’m a firm believer in balance. I’m also not subjected to countless gatherings and parties, so “holiday weight” is not an issue for me. January is not my “It’s time to get back to the gym.” resolution, which most people only manage to keep up with for a few weeks, or a month, tops. I do consider which vitamins I should be taking, if there’s anything new that might physically increase my health and resistance to illness, and I try to make small changes that can make meals healthier and tastier, but all in all, I don’t obsess much. The past two years have shown me that the simplest things can be the most delicious things, and that it’s perfectly okay to have the 2nd cupcake.

So, while retailers throw everything and the kitchen sink at you in order to get you into their stores right away, consider yourself, your families, your budgets, and make a stand in advance. If you started early, good for you. If you’re strictly doing Cyber Monday, you’re probably better off. If you’re hitting the stores to chase down bargains, do so carefully and safely, and make sure you keep all your receipts, just in case.

Personally, I’m going to be un-subscribing from every single retailer that sends me an early shopping e-mail starting today. I’m utterly sick of the bullshit, but hey, that’s me. We’re all entitled to how we feel in regards to all of this meshugas. (If you don’t know what that means, Google it. Yes, that’s one of the languages I speak.)

copyright © 2014 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Welcome & Thank You

Miss Poison Editing, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Unfiltered, Work, Writing , , , , , , , , ,

itisessential

Readership has really grown a lot in the past month, so I wanted to say hello to all of the new people that have kindly followed, liked, and commented. It is a joy to read messages from like-minded souls. I see everything, and I appreciate all of you for stopping in. I especially have to thank my friends who followed me from the old blog (which I still do), to my main focus, which is this platform. It’s nice to get feedback based solely on true merit.

While I try to post daily, sometimes my brain is a bit shattered, so I try to share nice things with you that I’ve come across, or that inspire me in some way. Sometimes I will address specific issues or causes, and you don’t have to take them to heart, you can breeze through or past them, but I do hope they’ll be of some value.

I am currently editing a new novel, which is an interesting, fun challenge. When you grow up with specific mysteries and stories, be it in book form, film, or even on television, it is always nice to see them brought back to life by someone new. It’s nice for me to step outside of my own work world, which is drastically different, and immerse myself in a world of someone else’s creation. I was pleased to discover the client is already published and successful, so that was a nice surprise, and I’m so happy to be working. It does mean I will work straight through the holidays, but quite frankly, I appreciate the distraction. It’s been a rough year. I will be happy to take the good from it, leave the negative behind, and move into a new year with a lot of newly absorbed knowledge about myself and those around me. It’s important to look ahead, because looking behind you only causes chronic neck pain.

Beyond all of that, I can say that Fall is winding down. The trees on my property are blowing leaves all over the place. The two larger trees were bright, lush green and are now dappled with yellow and peach. The Japanese Maple will slowly transition from stunning plum leaves to a bright red, but as of right now, they’re still holding strong. It’s my favorite of the three trees and it’s also the one that was still pretty young when I got here. The air is now turning bitterly cold, which makes my Fibromyalgia flare-up in unpleasant ways. Every muscle in my body hurts and every joint feels like I’m Tin Man from the Wizard Of Oz and need to be “oiled”. I can feel the cold deep within my bones, especially anywhere I have an injury. Gymnastics isn’t always kind to you years later, but the same can be said for all sports.

It’s hard to believe that Thanksgiving is right around the corner. I haven’t even sat down to make a tentative menu because I don’t know how many people I will be cooking for, but I’m also not that interested. I think the sentiment behind the day is awesome, it always has been, but it is greatly ruined by the pre-Black Friday crap that is already being advertised. I’m much more concerned with making a nice meal and having a day of movies or books to keep me happy. That’s my usual tradition. Perhaps I will re-read a series of books throughout the holiday season, in my spare time.

Are there are books you like to re-read during this time of year? If so, leave a comment and tell me what you re-read and why.

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copyright © 2014 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED