A Loving Silence…

Quote 2014-10-20 Miss Poison Pieces Of Me, Quotes Loving Silence, Quotes, Rachel Naomi Remen

“A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words.” – Rachel Naomi Remen

Thank you Riley. 😉

Sick & Tired

2014-10-20 Miss Poison Cats, Chronic Pain, Fibromyalgia, Honesty, Images/Photos/Quotes, Inspiration, Kittens, Life, Mondays, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Stress, Work, Writing Chronic Pain, Fibromyalgia, Honesty, Mondays, Poison In Lethal Doses, Reading, Rest, Sleep, Stress, TV, Weekends, Writing

I am sick & tired. Mostly of being both of the aforementioned. Because I have Fibromyalgia, my body responds differently to the weather and a lot of other external things that I, personally, cannot control. I have heightened senses, so a lot of smells make me sick and I often have to retreat to my bedroom, with the blinds drawn tight, because the sun and most sources of light just plain kill me. If you ever see me coming home at 2:00 a.m., it’s almost certain you will see me wearing sunglasses. This disturbs a lot of people, but it is a necessity for me. Most people I know that have light eyes also have the same issue, but it depends. Fibro, Chronic Pain, and/or migraines can affect anyone to this degree. And yes, I do have light eyes.

I did get some rest over the weekend, but really, the entire weekend itself was a blur. Reading, writing, sleeping, laundry, cats, hot chocolate, TV, and not necessarily in that order. My DVR wants me to play “catch up”. I think I’m secretly trying to see if it REALLY holds 200 hours of Hi-Def TV or if Verizon is just screwing with me. Of course, I have NO IDEA what the hell one does with 200 hours of television. I’m not sure anything is that interesting. I deleted a show off my queue entirely and deleted the two episodes I had not seen. Once you lose me, you lose me, there’s no sense in me watching the ship sink. There are far superior shows I will be VERY sad to see go, like Sons of Anarchy. The fact that I missed a few seasons and need to catch up on those doesn’t take away from how hooked I’ve become. Others I’ve been with since day one and I’m sure I will be much sadder to say good-bye to. Alas, nothing lasts forever. Except, apparently, Supernatural. I missed a lot of last season, so I’m glad this one is holding my interest and making me laugh. I have a twisted sense of humor, sue me.

Today I am going to attempt to finish Bones Never Lie. I openly admit to being hooked to these books, even when on the rare occasion, they scare the crap out of me. It’s only happened once or twice. Patricia Cornwell is much more apt to terrify me and make me double-check that I’ve locked all the doors. Her books have also made me think someone was hiding in my trees, but that’s a story for another morning. We’ll blame that moment on cold medicine I may, or may not, have been taking at the time. 😉

I want to take a moment and thank Nicholas C. Rossis for sending me a copy of one of his books. Go over to his blog and let him know I sent you. 🙂 It’s important for writers to support one another.

And now, back to your regularly scheduled “stuff” for the day. Happy Monday.

Next Time You’re Stressed

Image 2014-10-19 Miss Poison Images/Photos/Quotes, Pieces Of Me, Stress Honesty, Images/Photos/Quotes, Stress

A good reminder for us all. I’m still livid, even after sleeping on it. I think I need a few days to focus on my own life and try to feel better before I can deal with any more bullshit.

Dark Clouds

2014-10-18 Miss Poison Blessings, Honesty, Pain, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Quotes, Stress, Thoughts, Work, Writing Blessings, Bryant McGill, Burn Out, Clouds, Coffee, Exhaustion, Friendship, Getting Sick, Images/Photos/Quotes, Musings, Quality Friends, Storms, Writing

I’d love to say I’m up early and writing. The truth is, I was woken from a migraine by the smell of brewing coffee. At 12:30 a.m. Strictly speaking, the smell of coffee is really pleasant to me. I breathe deeply, it evokes memories, but when I’m sick, there is a very long list of smells that bother me. Coffee is sometimes one of them.

Apparently it wasn’t just bothering me, because fuzzy people came to alert me to the fact that something was going on in the kitchen that should not have been happening. They’re trying to curry favor with me because I’ve had to yell at their antics over the past two days. Is it wrong not to want something belonging to your Grandmother NOT to be eaten by an animal clearly lacking common sense? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

I’m burned out. I’ve come down with something, and I just plain don’t feel right. The thought of doing a read-through or an edit right now has about as much appeal to me as maggots. Yes, that’s how bad I feel.

If I logged in to my frequent flyer miles right now, I’d find that I have enough miles acquired over the past 14 years to get me the hell out of here for a good three months. That’s as long as you can be away on certain visas. If I didn’t have responsibilities, my ass would be packed in a few hours and off I’d be. I’m that worn out, I need a break.

Where would I go? I have some ideas, but the truth is, there aren’t a lot of people that would appreciate me showing up at the last minute. Therein lies the problem.

Alas, I shall take the next 2-3 days and “vacation inside my head”. Next weekend is kind of a big deal for me, but I’m already upset, so I’m downplaying it quite a bit. One person’s milestone is another person’s way of harming that person and turning something happy into something negative. I don’t need that.

All I can do in this very moment is thank my friends for being so incredibly kind, caring, loving, and supportive. One friend in particular basically yelled at me this past week, telling me to get over myself, and it really is helping me learn things about myself, so thank you my dear. What you said holds water, and I appreciate it. It’s nice to know someone has my back, as opposed to standing behind me with a knife, poised to strike at a moment’s notice. In life, it’s absolutely crucial to know who the right friends are. I am blessed.

Enjoy your weekend everyone. Take stock of your blessings and realize how lucky you are.

A Job Well Done

2014-10-162014-10-16 Miss Poison Editing, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Writers, Writing Authors, Editing, Experience, Half-Assing Work, Inner Critic, Poison In Lethal Doses, Quality, Skill, Talent, Writers, Writing

I feel good. I have completed editing over 94,000 words in less than three weeks, way ahead of schedule. I was invited to submit a proposal on an “invitation only” job and got it in a matter of an hour or so. It’s a read-through with notes, it won’t take me very long. I just have to stifle my urge to edit it. I refuse to do something I’m not being paid or asked to do in the job description. If you’re asking for a read-through, you’ll get it, but I won’t kill myself to give you more than what you’ve asked for. That’s only fair.

It’s also one of the reasons I keep my best work to myself until it is submitted for publication. I don’t need 100 opinions or thoughts, I know myself and I know what works. It’s not ego, it’s skill and experience. Not everything I write is for every single person on the planet, nor does it need to be. Know thy audience, but please yourself as the first person reading it.

Many writers deal with an “inner critic”. Basically, mine knows when I’m writing “filler”. In turn, I have no problem deleting it. It could be pages of crap, but I encourage you, as a writer, to know when it’s crap and remove it. It helps to avoid the “This is being cut.” remarks from an editor in the future. Know yourself, know when you’re putting your absolute best work forward, and know when to step back from it for a little while. Return with fresh eyes and a clear mind. If you agonize, it will always show in your work. If you were pushing yourself to meet a deadline, it will show and any reader with a lick of sense will pick up on it immediately.

Not that long ago I read a book from an author I read consistently. From beginning to end, the book felt forced, it felt repetitive, it felt unimaginative and about as unique as a paper bag, and getting to the end was like pulling teeth with your bare hands. The book went straight to #1 on the New York Times Bestsellers List. I wish you could have seen my face when I saw it. The book lacked quality, substance, a real plot, and damn near bored me to tears. It was the same old shit, in a different fucking book. It was, in all honesty, not that much different from a different series that the author writes, only the names and characters are slightly different. At the core of both, is the author’s pain, and she pours that pain into both of her lead characters. I respect her right for creative control and creative license, but that book made me lose a ton of respect for her as a person. When you’ve read all of a person’s work for closing in on 12 years, it is perfectly okay to be disappointed by even just one highly touted novel in a series, or in the series itself. I will pretty much NEVER publicly disrespect another female author, because I know how hard we work (Yes, male authors work hard too, but I lack the necessary equipment guys.), and I’m a girl’s girl to the core. For an author that once inspired me, I felt like she’d let her readers down. I read the reviews and while it remains at about a 4 star rating on many web-sites, pretty much every review was filled with anger, disappointment, and disgust. People were offended that they’d wasted $15-$30 on crap, depending on where and how they had purchased it and in which format, and that’s putting many reviews mildly.

Half-assing it shows. Maybe not to a new reader, but for people who have been with you from the very beginning, they will remember. They will determine whether or not the next book sells, and exactly how well it does. So, lesson to be learned? Don’t cheat your readers, but most importantly, don’t cheat yourself.

The Kitten That Lives Here…

Image 2014-10-162014-11-11 Miss Poison Humor, Images/Photos/Quotes, Kittens, Pieces Of Me, Writers, Writing Humor, Images/Photos/Quotes, Kittens, Writers, Writing

“When your Mommy is a writer, sometimes it is necessary to take a little nap on her laptop and remind her that cuteness should never be ignored.”

Introducing my little opal eyed baby to the world. I was writing, closed my laptop for a few minutes, and came back to this little minx. It was too cute not to capture. I am positive she is one of the happiest kittens on the planet. 🙂

The Journey

2014-10-15 Miss Poison Gifts, Images/Photos/Quotes, Inspiration, Life, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Thoughts, Work, Writing Blessings, Deborah Harkness, Editing, Honesty, Inspiration, Kathy Reichs, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Reading, Writing

I am coming up on the end of my most recent editing job, and I’m really pleased with myself. Pleased because I’ve worked my ass off and I know I am providing the client with solid material, solid notes, and that she will have a lot to work with moving forward because I have provided her with additional knowledge to incorporate into her work. There’s nothing wrong with being proud of your gifts, or feeling blessed for having them.

I am working hard to line up additional clients, and will re-focus my attention on my own work during the Samhain break. Yes, I take off for Halloween and the two days thereafter. It helps ground me. Don’t judge. 😛

It will be a little odd returning to my own written world, but I love getting lost there, and it’s familiar. That which lives in your mind is sometimes more “home” to you than any other place in the world. Being able to fully immerse oneself in their own creativity is a powerful gift. I often say “I can only write facts.”, but I have proven myself wrong for years now and it gives me cause to smile and celebrate. I’ve allowed my writing to grow and take on a new direction, thus empowering myself to achieve something that might not have been possible a few short years ago. “Write what you know.” is some of the best advice I’ve ever been given (Thank you Mom.), and it still holds true all these years later.

Since starting this platform, I have been infinitely happier and more at home in my own skin, and as a writer. It’s nice to attract positive people to me. It’s healthier, calmer, freeing. I thank each and every one of you for being a part of that and for accepting me.

Now, tell me what you’re all reading. Are you deep into your own work or are you reading something specific book wise? I am currently reading Bones Never Lie by Kathy Reichs (I’ve read all of the books in the Temperance Brennan series and according to my bookshelves, I own most of them too. I’m missing a box with some of them though, which is making me OCD to find them.) and The Book Of Life by Deborah Harkness.

Before truly deciding to write, I fully intended to become an NYPD detective. I grew up around police officers and it felt extremely natural to me. I studied forensics and my knowledge on the subject is scary, even for me. Perhaps that is why I love Kathy’s books so much and look forward to them each year. She’s one of the best.

I was introduced to Deborah Harkness via my Aunt. She sent me the first two All Souls Triology books, A Discovery Of Witches and Shadow Of Night. It took me a little while to read them both because they weren’t originally books I’d planned to read, but it turns out they’re worth it. I’m not that far into the new book, but so far, so good. I have a few other books lined up to read after that, and will probably receive a new box chock full of books from my Aunt soon, which means there will be other books that I will talk about.

So again, what are you reading right now? Let me know in the comments section. 🙂

My Immortal

Video 2014-10-14 Miss Poison Honesty, Music, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses Evanescence, Music, My Immortal

I’m having an emotional day. I didn’t know it would turn as it has, but I’m not going to pretend things are sunny and perfect.

The Darkness Follows

2014-10-05 Miss Poison Fibromyalgia, Honesty, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Uncategorized, Writing Beauty, Butterflies, Darkness, Depression, Family, Fibromyalgia, Honesty, Judaism, Pain, Poison In Lethal Doses, Tradition, Writing, Yom Kippur

Hello everyone! Before I say more, I’d like to take a moment to welcome all the newcomers that have hopped on board in the last week or so, and especially anyone that has taken the time to read and comment. It’s been absolutely lovely to see. 🙂

I don’t know if everyone experiences moments of deep, dark holiday related depression, but mine came out of nowhere yesterday afternoon. I had just finished reading a book in my attempt to keep fasting and distract myself, but I was suddenly hit with a blast that made me get back into bed for a few minutes, smack dab at 3:30 in the afternoon.

I’ve never spoken about it here, but I lost both of my parents a little over six years ago. I jokingly refer to myself as an orphan, but the truth is, I honestly feel like one. The few close family members I have, outside of my brother, are too far away to go and see for the holidays, or even just for the weekend. I don’t have the energy for 2-3 days trips, I like to be “away-away”, for a good 10 days, usually taking a flight home in the evening so I get to stay put a little bit longer before having to return to the daily grind. The rest of my family? If I could be paid for their level of abandonment, disrespect, rudeness, ignorance, and everything else they lack as “people”, and I use that word so loosely they should be able to hang themselves with it, then I’d be walking around in Iron Man suits, all made out of platinum. I wish that were an exaggeration. It isn’t. I am embarrassed to share bloodlines with these people. I hope none of them ever need a bodily organ where I am the sole match because I wouldn’t be able to do it. It’s very easy for me to be a good person, but if you’ve treated me like I am less than you are do to some misguided idea in your head, or you’ve blatantly disrespected me, simply for existing, then it is very easy for me to say “Fuck You”. When people push you to the point where you feel complete and utter anger, even after trying to work through that, and you’ve lost the ability to care, for me, that’s the end. I don’t care if I ever see any of them again, because that would actually be too soon for me to be nice.

Not having close friends or family nearby sucks. Sometimes it doesn’t bother me, but yesterday, I would have given ANYTHING to be at my Grandmother’s table to break fast in our family’s traditional way. Alas, I had my brother, but I’m a step away from selling him to a country of my choosing. I love my brother, but he gets on my nerves quickly. I don’t have a lot of patience to begin with and I can’t always listen to chatter.

I can’t explain that moment of dark depression that swept over me. Yesterday evening I had to force myself out of the house and run an errand. It was either that, or starve. For a good hour or so, I was committed to the starvation idea, but because it’s been a rough year for me, I pushed through, got my groceries, and came home. If I could have gone someplace last night and actually enjoyed it, I would have, but I knew I would be paying for all the physical activity of the week.

For the first time in a while, I was able to go to bed early and get damn near 10 straight hours of sleep. When I woke up this morning, I was shocked and delighted. I was even more surprised that it wasn’t 2:00 PM, but I always get a bit discombobulated before the Full Moon. Today, I have given myself time, space, permitted myself NOT to work, and have allowed myself to the enjoy the little bits of sweetness that reside with me. My fuzzy girls are happy, healthy, content, and there’s no more hissing. That’s a LOT of progress in such a short period of time, but it makes me feel good.

My Fibromyalgia has been a beast this week, and I pushed it hard. I came home last night with neck and shoulder pain, and my lower back is screaming for relief. Massage is one of the only things that truly helps, so I just might treat myself to one in advance of my birthday later this month. If I’m not good to me, no one else will be either.

So, that’s my little update for the weekend. I hope everyone has been able to enjoy family, friends, and really nice weather. I hope no one else was struck by that darkness that is desperately trying to follow me into this new week. Truth be told, I understand it better than anyone I know, and I am aware of what it is, I’d just much prefer not to allow myself to go there and feed the demons. Absolutely nothing is going to make me its bitch.

I will back back soon with a piece I’ve been working on for a few days, one I hope people will like and appreciate. In the meantime, be good to those you love.