Tonight is a New Moon in Aries heralding in a powerful new start. This is also the start of a new year in Astrology, the zodiac always begins with Aries. This will be a very intense period of new discoveries and new awakenings. We will be able to see what needs to be seen in order to fill in the gaps we have been missing and piece together the puzzle. We will see the world with a sharp clarity.
This New Moon is truly a new birth of life, inspiration and ideas. It is energetically connected to the womb of evolution, like a butterfly coming out of it’s chrysalis. The earth is changing now all around us as it wakes for the Spring, we are also waking up to what we need to do to grow and move on in our lives.
So much of what has been suppressed is coming to the light, this New Moon is about truth and seeing what is really there and not what we want to see. This will be a time of seeing illusions about ourselves, illusions about others and illusions about our world, all of these illusions will start crumbling away so we can rebuild on what is real and true.
This New Moon is a good time to commit to personal goals that express the positive energies of the sign of the Ram. Aries is the sign of bravery so find your inner spiritual warrior who will guard your back and help keep you focused on your destiny. don’t be afraid to ask for more, think big and dream big. With this potent Aries energy we have the chance to make important changes in our lives. It’s time to make some solid yet realistic plans, and to set the stage for reaping the rewards from our new beginnings.
This New Moon is ruled by Mars the God of war so there may be some arguments or pent-up anger being released in the next few days so try to stay calm and avoid conflicts. This is a good time to look at our personal relationships, either with family, a partner, work, or friends. Look at what may need improving and how to make things better. It is also a time to work on our relationship with ourselves, to realize your inner beauty, and pat yourself on the back for all the hard work you do.
The Aries New Moon is about strengthening our sense of security. It is a time for re-evaluating our relationship with money and possessions and discovering what it is that truly makes us happy and fulfilled. It’s a time for considering new ways of increasing our income or earning power. We should be concentrating on what it is we can do to increase our own feelings of self-worth. We are asked to get in touch with what it is that we truly value and want in our lives and to part with those things or situations that are not contributing to our feelings of worth this includes identifying those things that give us a false sense of security.
This is a time for getting back to nature and seeing the beauty all around us at the moment, trees will become full with foliage, flowers are starting to open up and bloom, fields are lush and green, days are getting brighter and warmer, birds are singing. Look at the good in our lives and be grateful for all you have. Try to stay positive and steer clear of negativity. Aries is a fire sign that gives us a rush of strength and ambition so now is a good time to get any tough jobs done you have been putting off.
Use this New Moon to grow both materialistically and spiritually. Nature is giving us so many gifts at the moment don’t be afraid to take them and to dream of bigger and better things, ask for more, do more, be more. Look at what may be holding you back and get rid of it, the New Moon is about new starts, getting rid of the old and bringing in the new. Let the fires of Aries cleanse and heal you.
Have a blessed New Moon and may the Goddess watch over you.
I would apologize for not writing anything of substance over the past few weeks, but I’m not sorry for sparing all of you. I’ve had little I’ve wanted to talk about, not just where writing is concerned, but in my daily life as well. When that occurs, I find it is best to retreat inside myself and wait until things are quieter, calmer, less insane, or I reach some semblance of ‘all of the above’. I do have things I will discuss moving forward, things I’ve psycho-analyzed or things I am in the process of psycho-analyzing, but the day-to-day shit? Absolutely no one wants to hear what goes on inside my head. They’d either drop dead from the speed of my thoughts or run screaming into the great unknown. I know, because I’ve tried to do both. It turns out that, at times, your mind is your own worst enemy.
I have been busy working on my passion project. I rebranded it, as I have been doing it for three years and wanted to make it something special and unique to me. I am now able to see it with new eyes. It is becoming rewarding and refreshing, and I believe that with determination, strength, and fortitude, it will continue to grow into precisely what I’ve envisioned it to be, if not end up in a different direction, far larger than I could ever dream possible. I am trying to devote a lot of my “free time” to this because ultimately, it is a career change and is helping break me out of my comfort zones.
My mother used to say “Do not be afraid to dream big, for the dream precedes the goal.” Inspirational words considering I was pretty young when she said it the first time, but she continued to repeat it whenever I’d lose faith and/or get discouraged. There is NO expiration date on your dreams.
In case you were wondering, this is how Kitten rolls in hotels. She jumps from the floor to sit on top of the refrigerator. See the defiant little face? #JustLikeMama
Cat and Kitten are slowly making progress in their new environment. Cat is such a sweet, loving, gentle soul, but she’s generally passive by nature, so I was concerned about how she would integrate. I don’t want her to be bullied or get hurt. She’s not a fighter. She has learned how to jump over obstacles, like the pet gate, in order to get to me and/or explore. She’s been dealing with OGK quite a bit in face-to-face moments. Some of their interactions go well, others do not. He chases her out of the living room most of the time, if he sees her at all. Often times, he sleeps through 99% of her living room antics. She’s stealth, I’ll give her that. It’s hard not to laugh as she darts around corners, looking for my approval before she goes exploring. One night he chased her and cornered her in my room. He hissed like a lunatic, but she stood and watched him. She refused to back down and I was so proud of her. She is coming into her own and showing how strong and brave she is. She has finally gotten to a point where she’s back in my bed, sound asleep, whenever possible, and has gone out of her way to remember her kitten days and crawl into my lap, despite the fact that she no longer fits. I know this normal part of our Mommy/Cat routine is why she has often looked dejected and depressed these past few months. It makes me sad whenever I see her big gold eyes staring at me as if to say “Can I come out now? Why is this gate here? I want to be with you.” I know that in another month or so, there will hopefully no longer be a need for the gate, but for now, I can say it has truly been a God-send.
Kitten took much longer to emerge, and she’s the Alpha of the two, so I decided to physically remove her from her foxholes. I had to pick her up, bring her downstairs, and force her to immerse herself in the new. She fought with me like a toddler as I carried her downstairs, and immediately tried to leave the second I secured her behind the pet gate. She discovered almost instantly that the new gate is easy for her to jump over (I’m pretty sure she could scale a six-foot wall with ease. She’s huge, and taller than most domestic cats.), so I often find her un-corralled, but only when there’s food involved. If she senses OGK; if she sees or smells him and no one is with her to get in his way, she will hop right back over the gate and either watch him or hide. She’s still hissing at him on occasion, but it’s an innocent sound, a “back off” warning that she is giving him for getting too close. What bothers me the most is her visible unhappiness and depression over not being with me 24/7. She’s a Mama’s Girl, and she does not appreciate having her access to me blocked, yet getting her into my room practically required pulling teeth. I am proud to say that she is finally comfortable enough to come downstairs on her own, albeit under my watchful eye. I was coming out of the kitchen one day and she was sitting in the picture window in the living room, staring at me. Unfortunately, in my joy of discovering her out and about with such confidence, I locked OGK in the kitchen and when I went to check on him, the doorknob fell off in my hand. I spent a good 30 minutes trying to re-attach it in order to get him out, feeling terribly stupid. I nearly broke a tweezer and a scissor in my efforts. Thankfully, the handyman is quite handy and was able to fix it in less than a few minutes. He then lapsed into a story about keeping a screwdriver in his bathroom, as the very same thing had happened to him one night, leaving him to try to unlock the door in the dark. It was a little TMI, but he was just trying to make me feel better in a time of great stress.
For roughly the past two and a half weeks, she’s been making it into my room safely, all on her own. She is now comfortable getting into my bed and plopping down beside me for a belly rub and kisses. She’s slowly exploring “our stuff” and is so much happier to spend an hour or two with me as opposed to being solo. So, that’s progress. 😀
I miss them because they’re not with me all of the time. They’re my babies and I love them, but the exhausted, drained, Fibromyalgia part of me is glad that I get some alone time because I spend a lot of time these days feeling physically weak.
As for the Fibromyalgia; essentially it means you are fighting a war inside your body. I need to remind myself that self-care isn’t selfish or wrong. I need to stop being so hard on myself. However, I also NEED to push myself physically and not allow this disease to rob every single day of my life. When I hit the point where I am unable to write, which is usually by 10:00 a.m. most days, I feel terrible amounts of guilt. It’s not that my brain is lacking in ideas, it’s that the pain is overwhelming and when you physically cannot do something, the creative process has to take a break.
I stay in bed when I have to, merely to rest, but I’ve been here for almost four months and I have absolutely no social life to speak of. I do nothing fun. 😦 That’s got to change, ASAP! I’m starting to feel like OGK’s vet’s office is my second home. I am by no means ungrateful or unappreciative, I simply need a reminder that I am young and have a life to live. It’s hard doing that when you spend five days a week talking to cats for 8-10 hours, and harder still when the weekends come and you find yourself sick (my migraines have been brutal), or unable to form complete sentences without sounding like a lunatic.
For anyone who thinks that Fibromyalgia doesn’t affect the brain in some way; you’d be wrong. I am normally sharp, quick-witted, loquacious, intelligent, and direct to the point where it makes people squirm, but lately I cannot handle conversations that require a great deal of thought, and I absolutely cannot deal with stressful shit. I’m already on the high-end of having no patience, but I am currently so frayed at the ends that there’s damn near nothing left. To add insult to injury, I fell in the shower a week and a half ago. I didn’t break anything, but I expected an epic bruise. After all, I fell entirely on my left side from shoulder to knee. Surely that leaves a mark? Either I am extremely slow in the bruising phase or the aches under the skin simply didn’t warrant bruising. Who knows. It took a full week for me to be able to sleep on my left side again, and the fall sent me into a terrible flare-up. Even as I sit here now, I am in a world of pain. In that world, pain laws are changing, and not for the better.
I am disgusted at pain patients being labeled as “drug addicts” simply because many of us require the use of opioid pain medications in order to do the simplest things a healthy person can do, like walk the dog, take a shower, take out the trash, grocery shop, etc. When I was healthy, I walked endless miles in Spring/Summer/Fall day. It never occurred to me not to walk ten miles one way and ten miles back, because I was out and doing things I wanted to do. I was an athlete. My world came crashing to halt as the early stages of Fibromyalgia began surfacing. One after another, these evil things made their way into my life, but it took years before I agreed to take pain medication. I’d worked for professional athletes and experienced firsthand what genuine addiction post-injury is like. Many of them lost their lives before age 40. I refused to go the same route over pain, though my doctors were calling certain things “injuries” and sending me to physical therapy and other useless wastes of time and co-payment money back then. It took research before I demanded to be tested for Lyme Disease and Lupus. I’d been tested for everything else, so I was convinced I had one or the other. When both tests came back negative, my doctor told me the only plausible explanation for every single thing I was experiencing was Fibromyalgia. Perhaps I’d heard the word in passing, but I’d never given it personal credence until that day, where I was unfortunately way too focused on the fact that I did not have Lupus, to ask the questions I should have. I’ll never walk out of a doctor’s office with a diagnosis again and come away with unanswered questions. I don’t care if it’s a challenge to the physician or not, it saves me from agonizing over it online, which isn’t always the best resource for someone newly diagnosed with anything, especially not during a time when the word Fibromyalgia was barely used. I think research is an excellent tool once you’ve gotten a second, third, or even fourth opinion, but don’t let it make you feel powerless as you read other people’s stories.
Pain patients are NOT addicts. I have yet to meet someone who suffers as I do, as many of us do, who did nothing but pop pills all day long. We’ve all looked at alternative forms of treatment, we’ve all tried different things in order to manage our pain, but in the grand scheme of things, we are NOT criminals for needing the medication and no one should ever make you feel as though you are. If you meet a pharmacist that refuses to fill your prescriptions, please contact the main office of whatever pharmacy you use and file a complaint against them. Also, call your state’s pharmacy board and file a formal complaint. You won’t cost him/her their job, but they WILL be sent to continuing education courses before they are allowed to return to work handling controlled substances, and in some instances, that might very well be a crucial move to save others from what you may experience.
I had to do this myself when a portion of a controlled substance I take went missing from the bottle after it had been counted and bagged. I didn’t have time to count them in the store, who does? I was encouraged, in fact, by my cousin who is a pharmacist and deals with pain patients regularly where she works, not to worry that I may have cost the pharmacist her job (she assured me that they rarely get fired for a first time offense), and that I had the right to demand the full pill amount that was not in the bottle. If it had been a pill or two, I wouldn’t have said anything, but it was nearly 60 pills missing (an enormous cut from my monthly script) and the pharmacist implied that “Maybe I’d taken them myself”. She actually said that to me. My response was “In three days?! I would have OD’d if I did something stupid like that, and we wouldn’t be having this conversation, would we?” If she’d said it to my face, she would not currently have one. I was enraged and we’re not even talking about a prescription for pain medicine.
My brother, post major open-heart surgery, was given very small prescriptions for pain medication, despite the fact that breathing, coughing, and moving around too much were excruciating. The pain has only recently stopped, but I assure you that it was not properly managed except when he was in the hospital and that knowledge sickens me. He’d never in his life experienced so much physical agony, but the first thing I was warned about in caring for him post-op was to make sure he wasn’t “becoming addicted”. I nearly laughed looking at the pill count on the prescriptions. You cannot become addicted with 40 pills, nor can you become addicted on 20. Not when it’s your fourth time in your entire life taking prescription pain medication. I looked at the hospital staff like they were all mentally disturbed. I suspect the subject, as it floats all over all forms of media, will continue to produce angry moments and thousands upon thousands of stories. Don’t hesitate to take to the written word if you aren’t treated with respect as a pain patient. But don’t get discouraged if more than one doctor doesn’t treat you as the used to moving forward. Nothing would shock me. 😦
I hope everyone is enjoying Spring and had a wonderful Ostara (or Easter). Passover is later month and while I, personally, don’t celebrate it the way I did when I was younger, I find that this year, I care more about being around family than the holiday itself. Of course, this requires energy I don’t currently possess, but perhaps Patient X will visit. He was released from the hospital on Monday, minus the Life Vest he has worn since being released in November post-surgery. I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing (no longer wearing the Life Vest), especially since the additional surgeries he was supposed to have/need are currently off the table because he is too young. I do know that if my brother ends up dead because someone was negligent, there will be hell to pay. I might very well call one of his doctors myself and try to get some answers. My brother’s not big on words at the moment. 😦
I’m glad that my current state of insomnia finally produced something worthy of being posted.
Tonight is the Full Crow Moon, also known as the Worm Moon and the Sap Moon. Called the Crow Moon for the cawing crows that signal the end of winter. As the earth thaws, worms start to appear and it marks the time when maple sap begins to flow and the annual tapping of maple trees begins.
As we move from Ostara, the Spring Equinox on March 20th when both day and night are at equal length, we are reminded to find our own inner balance, focusing on inner wisdom and self-analysis.
This Full Moon is in the sign of Libra, the scales of balance. It is about cultivating and growing, just as the Sun’s energy and nature is doing at this time. Plant the seeds of new ventures, plan for the future, think about what it is you want and need, and set about putting a plan into action. Use this energy for your own personal transformation, rebirth, and regrowth. New life is blooming during this phase of the Moon, as is prosperity and fertility.
This Full Moon illuminates our inner feelings and desires, so emotions can be quite raw and enhanced. The Libra Full Moon means we may be overly critical of ourselves and of others. Try not to see the bad in everything, instead look for the good. The Libra sign is a very hard-working, practical sign, so use its energy for getting jobs done that you have been putting off for a while. Libra is not scared to face deep issues, so tackle any problems and bring them to an end.
This Full Moon brings light to whatever was hidden in the darkness or buried within the subconscious, such as emotional pain or our deepest desires, but once awareness happens you are able to make realistic changes. Our emotional levels move like strong turbulent waves in the ocean during high tide for some during this Full Moon. Emotional reactions may be strong, energies may feel irritable or uptight, but don’t worry, this will pass. We are amidst great times of transformation which are heralding major new beginnings. Change isn’t always easy or comfortable and it’s constant, so we must strive to keep our balance during these changing tides.
The world as it stands is challenged by many opposing forces now. We feel them both personally and collectively, pushing against our own will, raising difficult questions, triggering issues we would rather avoid. How we keep our balance of light and dark and manage our own inner conflicts largely dictates how we manage external conflict. If we struggle with our own anger or hatred, telling ourselves we shouldn’t feel this way, then we will struggle to respond effectively to the anger of others. Allow yourself to feel angry or upset, but don’t let it take over, maintain balance. If we fear our own power, preferring to see ourselves as victim rather than creator, we may succumb to the power wielded by others, adopting their thoughts and priorities, behaviors and lifestyles, without discerning the right path for us. If we refuse to acknowledge our own inner selfishness that demands its own way no matter what, then we may project it on the world around us, pointing the finger of judgment and even becoming a bully. Don’t suppress your feelings, embrace your light and your dark sides as one cannot exist without the other. We need both. Let go of guilt and allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling without self judgment.
Let the energy of this Full Moon wash over you and cleanse your spirit. Use it to heal you emotionally and physically. Let the moonlight bathe and soothe you; mind, body and soul. Seek a balance of light and dark and see the truth in your life, however much it may hurt. Only then can you do something about it.
Have a blessed Full Moon & may the Goddess watch over you.
Full written & photo credit goes to Wicca Teachings
Ostara Blessings to all. Today is the Spring Equinox, when night and day are both at equal length. If you go out in late afternoon, you might just catch the rising Moon in the sky at exactly the same time as the Sun is about to set. Early the next morning you can also see the Moon in daylight, just as the Sun is rising. In between these two events is a period of complete balance between day and night, Sun and Moon, male and female, light and dark, God and Goddess.
This is a special point of balance. On this day, light and dark are equal, but the light is now surpassing the dark as days will grow longer and nights shorter. Warmth is taking over cold, life is taking over death, and today we truly say goodbye to winter.
This is a time of major transformation for the earth. The great wheel has turned as we pass into a new season. We notice buds forming on branches, the birds will start returning, animals will come out of hibernation, flowers will start to shoot up, and fields and grass will become lush and green.
The young horned God is growing stronger and the Goddess is in her maiden form. The young Sun God takes notice of the Maiden Goddess and the stirrings within them seem to be felt in all living creatures. All the world seems renewed, refreshed, and bursting with possibilities.
Ostara is an Anglo-Saxon and Celtic fertility festival, worshiping the the Goddess Ostara or Eostre, as she is also known. Eggs and rabbits are her fertility symbols. The egg resembles new life and birth, and the rabbit signifies fertility.
The Horned Sun God also known as The Oak King or the Lord of Light, the Gods Pan, Cernunnos, and the Sun Gods such as Sol, Apollo, Attis, Ra, and Horus are also worshiped on this day.
Eostre, the Saxon version of the Goddess Ostara. Her feast day was held on the first Full Moon following the Spring equinox, the identical time as the Christian Easter when Jesus was said to be resurrected from death. The Sun God Attis who was born via a virgin birth, is resurrected each year during the time on the Spring Equinox. The Goddesses Ishtar and Persephone were also both resurrected from death on Ostara.
Ostara is a time of newness and rebirth. It is a time to clean up and clear out all our old junk, this is where we get the term “spring cleaning” from. But it isn’t just clearing out our homes, it is also clearing out the junk and negative energy that we carry around with us. Let the new energies of the Sun and the Spring rejuvenate us. Welcome in the new, breathe new life into yourself, and look to the future with hope and optimism.
On your altar add anything to represent and to honor the season, such as budding flowers like crocuses, daffodils, lilies, daisies, acorns, and seeds. Ostara is a time of balance between light and dark, so symbols of this polarity can also be used. Use a God and Goddess statue, a white and a black candle, a sun and moon etc.
This is the time of year when animals are bringing forth new life too, so put a basket of eggs on your altar. It is customary and fun to paint them bright colors before adding them. You may want to include figures or pictures of lambs, chicks, rabbits, calves, etc. Add a chalice of milk or honey, as milk represents the lactating animals who have just given birth, and honey is long known as a symbol of abundance. Offer these as a libation to the God and Goddess.
The Spring Equinox is a time of balance. It is a time to look within ourselves and balance our thoughts and emotions and to find balance in our lives. To embrace our dark and our light equally, as one cannot exist without the other. This is a time to stop, relax, and enjoy our personal achievements, whether they be from toiling in our gardens, working at our jobs, raising our families, or just coping with the hustle and bustle of everyday life. What we put into life is what we will get out of it, what we plant now can grow into something amazing.
May your Ostara be memorable and your hearts and spirits be filled to overflowing.
I’ve had roughly six pain-free hours in the past two weeks, so bear with me. I could never say “I hurt.” enough. 😦 That’s not even the appropriate terminology for what I’ve been experiencing, and I hate it.
Pain isn’t always physical. For me, it often is, but sometimes pain is also emotional. I don’t care who you are; we’ve all been there. Whether we care to admit it or not, it is a fact of life, in varying degrees. No one lives a supremely happy existence 24/7. If they do, they aren’t human.
I hate making plans for a day, or even two consecutive days, and not being able to do much of anything, save washing my face, brushing my teeth, caring for Cat, Kitten, and OGK, and doing simple things, like a load of laundry, or cooking a meal. I know for some people, the thought of cooking a meal as a Fibro/Chronic Pain patient means “heavy duty work” (and it’s something so many of you have told me you no longer do, for various reasons.), but for me, it truly is simple nine times out of ten. If it were too much for me, I wouldn’t do it. If I couldn’t do my laundry, it would simply pile up. There are days when I just want to walk out of the house and not come back. Far more than I care to admit. The past few months, I have felt that way a lot. More than a lot. It’s been a daily struggle.
It’s unbelievably lonely living in a state where you only know three people, where you’re almost completely isolated, where the TV and your laptop (and the cats) are your best friends. It’s not just lonely, it’s sickening and pathetic. But here are the facts: I am not a joiner. I do not talk to strangers simply to “connect” with new people. That’s not me. I am not a small talk kind of chick. I will not discuss nonsense with anyone simply to have something to run my mouth about. You’d think some people would appreciate that level of depth, but instead, people simply see it as me being unpleasant, a bitch, or any number of other things that aren’t true. Ultimately, the truth of the matter is, I am too honest. I lost my filter many moons ago, so if you ask me a direct question, you may or may not like the answer, but that’s not really my problem.
I make an exerted effort to pull back on my temper and be supremely polite and engaging, but if a situation really doesn’t involve me and there’s nothing for me to say, I will quietly observe. The last time I checked, this was not a crime.
I’m hurting, and no one sees it. No one cares enough to do so.
I want to sit, eat chocolate, and cry until I cannot see. Perhaps I have not received the support I need because this is the first time I’m voicing the distress I feel, but come on?! How blind is everyone?! Things are so bad in my life at this moment, I have no idea how to pull myself out of the mess that it is, and yet, all the outside world is going to see is the girl with the makeup on who forges ahead. I could be bleeding out of my eyeballs, but no one would notice that, not unless it started spraying everywhere which, I agree, is completely unsanitary, despite the fact that I am free of blood borne diseases.
My attention span is so poor that it has taken me several months to finish a book I would normally read in a few hours. I cannot watch an hour of TV in one sitting, because my mind wanders and then I have to rewind it back to where I was initially paying attention. And yet, I somehow managed to sit through one of the worst movies EVER (I’ll tell you which one if you ask nicely.) in two sittings, desperately waiting for the fucking plot. Guess what? There wasn’t one, it was absolute garbage. I’d like to get that two hours of my life back, along with three hours from a few years ago that I had to spend dealing with a family member’s meshugas. I’ve since stricken this person out of my life much the same way Ramses tried to strike Moses out of The Ten Commandments (If you haven’t seen this movie, shame on you.).
Too often people refer to their autoimmune diseases and mention how it deeply affects their brain function. They are 100% correct in that it does affect our thought process, among many other things. There are moments when I feel like someone has erased huge chunks from my mind, yet I can recall other things with perfect clarity, to the point where it’s terrifyingly eerie. So, call it “Brain Fog” or “Fibro Fog”, but whatever it is, I definitely feel it more often than not. Last night, at dinner, I momentarily tried to figure out where the piece of bread came from on my plate. I’d been eating not ten seconds before, but I drew an absolute blank staring at this small piece of bread, one of my absolute faves, because I couldn’t recall it being there. I catch myself mentally checking out, shutting down when I shouldn’t, and it’s a miserable feeling. Don’t ask me what I did this week because, unless I wrote it down, I haven’t the foggiest fucking clue! 😦
Before I forget, I want to discuss someone being attacked for suffering from Lyme Disease. I absolutely HATE IT when hundreds of people come out of the woodwork and accuse a fellow sufferer of an invisible illness of faking it “for attention”. As if! Yes, there are people who DO fake all kinds of illnesses, but this person is someone with integrity. She’s not creative enough to make this shit up, and she so desperately wants her old life back that there’s no way in hell she’d put herself through a “fake illness”. It’s not gaining her anything, being sick, so for people to think that and make their accusations public pisses me off.
Lyme Disease is a complicated son of a bitch. It can happen to ANY of us at ANYgiven time, so only the ignorant are the ones wasting time judging. Lyme can lie dormant for YEARS and is one of the largest, growing epidemics in the world. If caught early, you can be treated with antibiotics and go about your life, but if the disease has been in your system for 10+ years, it is going to take its toll. Most people have no reason to be tested for it, but I’ve been tested for it on a regular basis since I was eight. So, I know precisely what I am talking about.
Instead of allowing fellow autoimmune sufferers to be bashed, we should be banding together in support of those who hurt the way we do. Being a good person means doing a little research sometimes. Being a good friend means you do the research when your friend is suffering, and by no means do you allow others to denounce their pain and suffering. We all know that our symptoms can be co-morbid with other illnesses, it’s a fact, but the next time I hear someone disrespecting a fellow sufferer to the extent that this person has been attacked, I will seriously open up a can of whoop ass on those doing it Steve Austin stole that line from me back in the day, not the other way around. 😉
Now that that’s off my chest, the weekend is here, it’s freezing, there’s a little snow on the ground, and yet, it will be 70 degrees on Wednesday. I kid you not. I am already taking allergy meds, so I suspect this Spring might very well be the death of me, and really, I was hoping to just drown myself today around noon. 😦
Patient X was scheduled to undergo another procedure, but it has since been postponed indefinitely. Hopefully I will get to see him for Passover, if not sooner. I’m sending out prayers in advance to my best friend’s father, who is scheduled for heart surgery in a few weeks. Scary, scary shit. 😦
I am off to do wild and crazy things, like contemplate sleep (or watch the rest of The Originals, you’ll never know which! LOL.) and/or hunt down a cupcake.
Tonight is the Full Snow Moon, also known as the Storm, Chaste, Quickening, or Hunger Moon. It is our wake up call. During this time, all in nature is pure and full of potential. The hibernating creatures are beginning to slowly arouse themselves, quickening their heartbeats and creeping out of their dormant period. Mother Earth is gently awakening full of new possibilities. The Snow Moon uses the same force upon us.
There is a gentle pulling upon our consciousness at this time, we become aroused to the latent forces within ourselves, now is the time to turn the mirror in upon ourselves and see what is reflected. A time to grasp the buds of new paths and ideas and like nature, be prepared to welcome life anew.
February’s Full Moon is in Virgo. This is the sign of ambition and work. You should feel a rush of energy and want to get things done. The Virgo Full Moon’s message is to awaken to your heart’s desires and act on your truth, figure out what it really is you want from life, and then work out a bold plan in order to achieve it.
The Virgo Full Moon can be emotionally charged. Virgo is larger than life. Virgo rules big emotions. Virgo doesn’t like drama. You may feel overly sensitive to the remarks and actions of other people. The Virgo Full Moon may feel pretty intense. If you like things intense, you may well enjoy its spark and energy, but if you’re already feeling somewhat jaded and in need of rest, it might be a good time to lay low and let the world pass you by for a little while rather than engaging too deeply with it.
The Full Moon will be very bright tonight as it highlights our lives and shows us, underneath the masks we all wear on a daily basis. This is a time to harness your inner power and strengths and look to the future, make plans, and be brave in your decisions. The cosmic message is to balance your heart with your head. Find middle ground in your relationships. Live from your heart, yet, be practical in your approach to your dreams and goals. Plant the seeds of fate within ourselves and watch them develop over the coming months.
The best part of Virgo is the inner child. You are to nourish and protect your childlike innocence. You are to be open to new ideas and fresh perspectives. Be curious about life. Be engaged in the magic of the moment. Be in your heart. Let go of the need to criticize and judge yourself and others, as this will kill your creativity. Instead, allow yourself and others to make mistakes, it is the only way we learn what works and does not work for us. There’s a sense of free-spirited enjoyment, a faith in happy outcomes and the ability to speak from love and the heart.
The Moon is plump with positive energy. There are no negative aspects to this Moon. This is a celebration Moon. Rewards for the hard work and intense striving will come to you.
Virgo is an Earth sign. Mother Earth is transforming now as we move from Winter into Spring and will soon start to blossom and bloom. Let the earth transform you into a beautiful new direction full of potential. This is a time for personal growth and deep cleansing and gathering our strength for what’s to come.
Have a blessed Full Moon. May the Goddess watch over you. 🙂
This weekend is going to plunge into Siberian-type temperatures. This morning, when I couldn’t sleep, it jumped from -10 to -12 in a matter of minutes. What’s worse is; you can feel it in your bones and on your skin. It is the kind of pain I would have blown off many moons ago, when Fibromyalgia was a word I’d never heard of. But now? Now the weather dictates more of my life than I care to admit.
This morning (Friday, the 12th), I unplugged my wireless router, landline, TV, and DVR. It’s an experiment from now until maybe Monday afternoon to see if I can maintain my sanity, and possibly give up the landline or TV/DVR permanently. The handful of shows I will miss are easy to catch OnDemand next week if I’m so inclined. At least that’s what I keep telling myself. I also keep telling myself that these are things that distract me from getting a lot of work done. I’m not 100% certain if that is true or not, thus, the weekend of being, slightly, unplugged.
And so I sit here listening to Pandora on my cell phone (my one source of Internet access for e-mail and social media. I don’t have to be a complete masochist.), looking over the list of things I need to write, and want to write. I’m concerned that a few things may be controversial, which is precisely why I want to mull the subject matter over a bit before jumping on it, but when has that stopped me before? It hasn’t. However, there are sensitive things on the list and I do take into consideration the feelings of others as opposed to writing something that may, or may not, come off as a snap judgment. No matter how open-minded one may be, we all have moments where we’re slightly judgmental of something, someone, or a situation. It’s a fact of life. It’s not pretty, but it’s honest. The difference here is that I wouldn’t be writing it with malice, just wondering about the intent behind the actions of others.
Friday was a day of surprises, amidst extremely sad news I learned prior to the doorbell ringing. The sad news is an entirely different story which I will likely tell in the coming weeks. I’m waiting to hear the excuse that goes along with it because there are some things in life people simply cannot talk themselves out of. I look forward to seeing what kind of bullshit story I get fed since I already know it’s a lie. People can think what they like about me, but I double and triple check my facts before I open my mouth, especially in regard to serious matters.
Onto the good stuff: Riley sent two dozen roses along with chocolate covered Oreos (which are SO good, they should be illegal) and a sweet little diamond heart necklace. Upon calling to be certain I received the roses, I sent him a quick photo from my phone and his immediate response was “They’re red! You HATE red. (This is true.) I ordered long-stemmed Sterling roses! What the bloody hell is WRONGwith these people?! I told them white, yellow, or several dozen Calla Lily’s were the only acceptable alternatives. I’ll call you back, I want to have a word with these people.” And people think I’m bad?! Particular men like particular women. 😉
I received a sweet teddy bear from my Goddaughter because she thinks, due to the Fibromyalgia, that I need something “cuddly” to keep me company when I am “in the dark place”. I haven’t slept with stuffed animals in a LONG time, but man did that bear keep me company Friday night and during the day Saturday when I was sick.
Saturday afternoon I received a dozen yellow roses (there are actually thirteen, which I noticed when I was photographing them) from my Zia along with a stunning, grey/silver Catherine Malandrino scarf that I am almost certain she will want to borrow. It’s THAT pretty. Sadly, my mood was so soured by Friday’s news that I really wasn’t able to fully enjoy the whole “Look at all your roses” experience. I did, however, make sure to take some photos when everything was still pretty.
The fact that there’s exactly ONE left and it’s the 22nd speaks wonders for my restraint.These are African roses and they’re still alive and vibrant.I do hate red, but the petals are really stunning and inspiring from a color standpoint.Little and cuddly.
I was able to get some writing done, but nowhere near what I anticipated due to feeling so sick from the cold. I try not to sleep during the day, but Saturday required a heating pad because the pain was off the charts crazy. 😦 By Sunday morning, everything was plugged back in. I tried, I failed, and I openly admit it was mostly the wireless router that I missed because I realized how much work I could be doing, but wasn’t getting done, so I had to say “Enough!”, and even though I didn’t turn the TV on until late that night, it was probably a good idea to unplug a bit and see if external things are distracting me or if my distractions are internal. Turns out, it’s 100% internal.
I can multitask like a boss, but Fibromyalgia pain and migraine pain, tempered with the horrific temperatures, was simply too much for me. I’m pretty sure my brain was partially frozen. 😦
Unfortunately, and fortunately to some extent, this past week/weekend was productive and stressful, and it brought warmer temperatures with it. Nearly 60 degrees in February is doable, but because I pushed myself really hard Friday and Saturday, I’m lucky I was able to get out of bed yesterday. I will definitely be relying on self-care methods this week because I am in excruciating pain with no end in sight.
I’ve been doing my best to balance being plugged in and unplugged. There are benefits to both , but somewhere along the line, I became a WiFi slave and a DVR slut. 😦 Even still, I am going to try to unplug one weekend each month from here on in and see if that helps me focus on getting all the written work done that is slowly piling up. According to my inbox, the work is going to increase, but at least the workload is going to be fun.
Here’s hoping everyone is well and good and that everyone came away unscathed these past two weeks. I will be back soon.
Written by LISA MARINO-Molchanova 