I think I just have to call this “A LOT of candy and less than twenty children, all of whom took 1-3 pieces each and were heavily coached on politeness.” My migraine-related nausea appreciates the leftover Tootsie Rolls. I have NO idea why that works as well as it does, but I’m not going to question it too much.
I hope everyone had a happy, safe, and fun Halloween!
I have both nothing to say, and a lot to say, so I’ve chosen to remain silent for the past few weeks. You can never get into trouble by keeping your mouth shut.
I sit here tonight, coughing my brains out, questioning how I somehow got sick in twenty-four hours when I’ve obsessively taken precautions against illness. I’m loaded up on Benadryl, in case it’s “just my allergies”, which I love hearing every time I see a doctor and ask if I have an ear or sinus infection (except for earlier this year when I, indeed, had both). I’m trying to soothe the sore throat that I swear, I did not have a few hours ago. I swear by Ricola herb cough drops.
If you’ve been reading my work for a year or two, you know I hate getting sick. I especially hate knowing it will happen right before my special day; the one day I don’t have to share with anyone else, unless I want to. Every damn year, like clockwork. It doesn’t exactly excite me. 😦
After last year’s debacle, I don’t want to do a whole lot this year, and frankly, no one is willing to tag along. Yes, I still want to feel special, I still want to enjoy something, but I don’t want anyone making a ridiculous or offensive comment about what I enjoy, or saying something hurtful because they think they’re owed something. That attitude and behavior doesn’t fly well with me.
Someone messaged me earlier to ask if I want anything special for my birthday. I was polite, mainly because this person accused me of something I find heinous over the summer, and then I talked with my brother about it. He gives the best advice. A lot of people would be dead if it weren’t for my brother talking me down at the height of my anger. I love how he said “Don’t hold it against her for the rest of her life (Apparently he has forgotten how legendary the “female grudge” can be in my family.). Just take note that she rolls like that and remember.”
As much as I try to accept everyone as they are, I struggle with people who say shitty things and think it’s no big deal. I hate having to rein in my temper when I genuinely want to haul off on someone. It’s a boundary thing, really. Also, a person clearly doesn’t know me very well if they are asking me, on the night before my birthday, if there’s something special I’d like. Yeah, my sanity, but bourbon will do (I’m being a smart ass. My actual response was far more polite than I would like to be.).
I want things that help me create. It could be a set of artist’s markers and some very cool coloring books, or it could be a new eye shadow palette and some brushes. It could be paint and things to be painted, etc. Writing isn’t my only creative outlet. I appreciate when people honor that, as opposed to criticizing it. If someone is talented and I know they need things to occupy their mind during sleepless nights or bad days, then I am absolutely going to do something to encourage their creativity.
For a while now, I’ve been painting shells for the garden. Not because I have to, but because for 20-30 minutes here and there, it gives me something creative to focus on. It takes me away from my writing and gives me a different type of canvas to work with.
Shells with texture absorb a lot of paint to truly be “painted”, but it’s worth it when you see your crazy designs in the end. Every single design has been mostly intentional. I have about eight to finish, and even though they’ll likely come inside for winter, they are glazed to withstand the elements. After all, most of these shells once housed ocean creatures, and they survived the rough waters. Rain and snow are nothing compared to the deep, blue sea.
So as I sit here on the eve of my birthday, I encourage you to create. But most importantly, I encourage you to get out of your comfort zone and try something new. It’s worth it.
copyright © 2017 Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
I’ve never been happier to say goodbye to a month. 😦 The month I most look forward to every year, October, has been bitter, painful, and full of things I do not want to take into the coming month, or any month in the future, for that matter. I feel like a snake, preparing to shed its skin. I NEVER want to feel the things I have had to feel this month.
I want to persevere in November. I want to pretend the birthday from hell never happened, despite the daily reminders of how demeaning and insulting it was. An epic slap in my face from pretty much every side you can think of (I refuse to celebrate from here on in, unless it’s by myself. People SUCK.). I want to remember who my real friends are. I want to be constantly reminded who my real family is, as opposed to those who simply get the label via birth.
Ultimately, I want to survive this month. I want to successfully achieve the goals on my list, one of which feels absolutely impossible. The last time I felt that way, I nailed it and was able to breathe again. All I want to do is achieve the impossible and breathe. I need to make it to 2017 in one piece.
I also apologize for all delays, as I burned out my laptop battery earlier this month and, to add insult to injury, fried the adapter. Say a little prayer for my laptop, ’cause I’m praying HARD for it.
Survival and deep breaths. Seems simple, but it’s not.
copyright © 2016 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
P.S. And despite all threats, I did not give Cat away to a nice family tonight. She’s been taking care of her poor, sick Mommy when she’s not aggressively attacking her sister. Kitten is right by my side, as always. 🙂 I shall spend tomorrow squeezing them silly!
Tonight is a New Moon in the sign of Scorpio. It is time to shed our old skin, release what is dying, and let go of what is not working for us.
Scorpio is about death and rebirth. This is a cycle of completions and new beginnings. We are being called upon to trust our deepest instincts and follow where they are taking us.
This New Moon is all about change. Just like a scorpion shedding its skin, we will feel the need to get rid of any negative attachments holding us down and stopping us from moving forward. This moon is about sweeping your life clean of clutter. Our belief systems can crumble. Routines and relationships may breakdown. Structures that you have built up are challenged. Things that you may have thought were reliable and dependable can come to an end. In turn, new doors open and new chapters begin, ushering in a new phase of your life.
Create the space for positive energy to enter. What is not working this New Moon will be highlighted. You will see new pathways and options opening. You can become who you truly want to be, rather than who you think you are supposed to be; this is the true meaning of transformation. Don’t be afraid to look deep into yourself and ask serious questions, explore both your dark and light side. As we embrace our own darkness, we become whole. We are all made of dark and light. The trick is not to let one take over the other, to embrace them both equally, as both are important. Without darkness there is no light, without light there is no darkness. We acknowledge the truth of who we are, which will help us see the truth of others.
Scorpio’s strength is that it isn’t afraid of the dark and so when the Moon is in Scorpio, it is a perfect time to look at our shadows and see what we’ve been in fear of, what we have been suppressing and repressing, and then dealing with it. When we face our inner demons and fears they aren’t as scary as we once thought they were. Scorpio hones in on seeing the truth and if we can be truthful with ourselves, we will have a great opportunity to complete some aspect of our lives and begin a new phase.
Let us use these rare insights the Scorpio New Moon will bring to fuel our understanding of ourselves and the world around us, to allow us to see the big picture of what is occurring in our lives, so that we can easily navigate the changing tides. Scorpio holds the power of the water element, this will have our emotions on high alert. Let your raw emotions come to the surface, this will allow you to heal both mentally and physically.
Things are shifting now. Let’s move in a new and positive direction. The future is knocking at your door and is ready to take you on a new and exciting journey, if you let it.
The New Moon in Scorpio is sure to leave its extreme emotional mark upon us. It almost dares each of us to go into the unknown and expose new parts of the self which are waiting in the wings to be discovered. Let the waters of Scorpio wash over you, cleanse, and heal you. Get to know yourself again and figure out what you really want.
Have a blessed New Moon, and may the Goddess watch over you.
Writing credit goes to Various
Photo credit goes to Wicca Teachings
Developmental Editing by Lisa Marino