Mental Vacancies

2015-03-19 Miss Poison Fibromyalgia, Health, Life, Pieces Of Me, Work, Writing Editing, Fibromyalgia, Health, Life, Pieces Of Me, Work, Writing

Hello everyone! I did mean to write something sooner, but quite frankly, the brain does what the brain wants to do. Of late, I wasn’t 100% sure it was even there any more. However, I assure you it’s all firmly attached, but there never seems to be enough time in a day and my thoughts simply aren’t “write-worthy”.

What to say? I am still working on big manuscript. I’m exhausted from that because I’ve gone over it 4-5 times (the first 100 pages) and I’m still finding little things that bother me. Outside of work, I am dealing with some scary health stuff. The Fibromyalgia flares have been severe, then I’m fine, and then they’re severe again. All in a matter of a few days. The scary health stuff is completely separate. I’d rather be able to say “I don’t have ____.”, as opposed to talking about it ahead of time. Yes, like many of you, I did go on WebMD and the Mayo Clinic’s web-site and quite frankly, I only managed to scare the shit out of myself, so no more. I pray it’s nothing. Unfortunately, it doesn’t look or feel like “nothing”.

Other than all that, I’ve done nothing but cook, transfer items from the washing machine to the dryer (repeating as necessary), have chased the littles around, fought with Sassy over being brushed (She thinks the brush is some kind of challenge. I think it’s the best way to keep her short to medium length coat manageable.), and have fought for every minute of sleep. Tomorrow, I will attempt to tackle real errands. It’s not what I want to be doing, but it’s what I have to do. Wish me luck.

I hope everyone has had a good week. I’m doing my best. I appreciate all the comments and messages sent my way. 🙂

Is anyone else following a specific team in the NCAA Tournament?

Which is a lot like listening to Kanye West "speak". — Which is a lot like listening to Kanye West “speak”.

Tell Me The Truth; Was I Run Over By A Truck?!

2015-03-08 Miss Poison Chronic Pain, Exhaustion, Fibromyalgia, Honesty, Migraines, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Work, Writing Exhaustion, Fibromyalgia, Honesty, Migraines, Musings, Pain, Poison In Lethal Doses, Stress, Weekends, Work, Writing

Sleep issues, for now, seem to be on their way to looking up. I was in bed so early last night, I’m certain every 80+ year old Grandmother was still awake when my head hit the pillow. When sleeping is difficult, it’s good to go to bed the second you can no longer keep your eyes open. Mission accomplished. It was after 4:00 a.m. when I realized that I never bothered to turn the clocks ahead an hour, but in the grand scheme of things; no harm, no foul.

Somehow the downside of a full night’s rest is that I woke up feeling like a Mack Truck had run over me, backed up, and proceeded to go at it a second time. Everything from my neck down to about mid-thigh feels broken, bruised, damaged, and whatever words are worse than “sore” and “achy”. By Fibro flare standards, this is pretty standard. It was twenty degrees colder yesterday, and yet today, while the temperature is slightly under a balmy 50 degrees, my body is working against me. Even my hair hurts…that’s not okay.

Weekends are never as long as they should be. For at least a year, I’d like one continuous weekend. There are weekends where you get a lot of writing/editing done (read: work) , and others where you get to enjoy things that you might not normally get to do (Minds out of the gutter.).

I’m extremely displeased with where this weekend went, but considering how much I have on my mind and on my plate, figuratively speaking, I just have to do better this week in terms of properly managing time.

In the meantime, I’ve got a ton of work and research ahead of me this week. I look forward to none of it. I’m having a hard time being passionate about what I do because the daily pain is just too much. Normally I am speedy and efficient. Right now, I am slow and I find fault with every other word. No matter how much positivity I can manage, at the beginning and end of each day I am still in excruciating pain and it’s hard not to take issue with that.

Here’s hoping everyone’s week is bright, and full of potential. I’ll be okay with significant progress, love, support, and a lot less pain.

Greetings From Enduring Pain

2015-03-032015-03-04 Miss Poison Fibromyalgia, Honesty, Life, March, Musings, Pain, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Work, Writing Fibromyalgia Pain, Limitations, March, Musings, Poison In Lethal Doses, Rest, Work, Writing

The title seemed witty when I wrote it, but now it seems bloody pathetic.

I hope everyone is having an easy start to March. Mine involved ice and snow. However, in the midst of all that, the bunnies have returned and my yard was FULL of a wide array of birds yesterday. There were some really gorgeous black & white birds that I’ve only seen once before, so I have no idea what they are, only that they make the yard look incredibly posh whenever they’re hanging out. They’re truly stunning little creatures.

I am in the midst of a very painful Fibro flare-up. I really pushed myself hard over the weekend to do a lot. By the time 5:00 PM rolled around on Saturday, I had already done everything on my list and was passed out in my bed. I could barely walk at that point and I was truly worried that it would be a week or so before I could fully move again. Sunday night dinners are a tradition in my house, but I wasn’t able to manage it. In fact, when I couldn’t sleep Sunday night I decided to do all the original prep while resting, and Monday night’s dinner became a little more special instead. C’est la vie. It’s important to listen to your body.

I am still hard at work on a large manuscript and a smaller one. Normally I’d be done with both, but I ran into some issues and in lieu of needing to correct those issues, I am a little behind, but it’s okay. Quality is better than speed when it pertains to someone’s livelihood.

I was able to finish reading The Ruby Circle by Richelle Mead yesterday morning. If you haven’t read Richelle’s Vampire Academy books (the first book was made into a movie which I have yet to see) or the second part of the series called Bloodlines (The Ruby Circle was the final Bloodlines book.), I highly recommend them. They’re fast, intelligent, witty, and you don’t have to be in any specific age group to read and/or enjoy them. Technically they’re considered YA, but I’m an Adult-Adult and I liked them. I do prefer her Age Of X series above all else, but that’s just personal preference and taste. The next book on my list is by the ever talented Chris Kuzneski. I hope I’ll enjoy his new series.

Today, despite being wide awake, I am in a lot of pain and I seriously doubt I’ll be able to get a ton of work done, but I will make an effort, if nothing else. I think it’s very important to listen to your body and slow down and give it the rest it requires, especially when you suffer from something debilitating that takes you down, such as Fibromyalgia. Resting can be tiresome, but it’s incredibly beneficial if it helps you get back to a better physical state.

Overall, I learned this weekend that Rome wasn’t built in a day. I cannot do every single thing in one day any more. It’s just not doable. It makes me sad, but I do hope that someday in the future there will either be medication that makes it possible to regain some normalcy or a cure. All one can do is hope & pray for the best.

Wishing you all a great week ahead. 🙂

In Some Situations

2015-02-18 Miss Poison Creativity, Editing, Editors, Health, Inspiration, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Work, Writer, Writers, Writing Creativity, Editing, Health, Inspiration, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Talent, The Creative Mind, The Creative Voice, Work, Writers, Writing

In some situations, you are the problem. In others, you are the problem solver. In the last week, I have been both the problem and the problem solver, but I’m proud of myself because I found a way around the problems and managed to solve them without losing my cool, yelling, screaming, or “unleashing the beast”.

It’s no secret that I have a temper. Push me and I will push back so hard, you’ll be in another country before you know what hit you. Over the last few years, I’ve worked really hard to dial back the temper and be a less anger-based person. So far, so good.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m no angel and certain situations and people call for anger, but the day-to-day stuff does not. “Don’t sweat the small stuff.” couldn’t be a more true statement or wiser advice. However, there’s a time and a place for every thing.

This past week I’ve struggled with my health, with work, and with things in my personal life. I’m concerned about my health, but all I can do is pray for the best and handle things as they come my way. Work, by comparison, is uncomplicated. I find it interesting how very specific projects land in my lap, and they’re 100% in my wheelhouse. It just goes to show you that the right people find you at precisely the right time. I truly have no explanation for all the batshit crazy people, but that’s life. There’s no true rhyme or reason, it simply is what it is.

I’d like to thank all of the new followers that have come on board over the last few weeks. It’s so lovely to see readership grow in a positive way. 🙂 I also have to thank those of you following on Twitter. Feel free to follow and let me know what else you’d like to see here.

For now, all I can say with certainty is that stress and snow are causing me to not sleep well. Every night I have intentions of being in bed at 9:00 PM. Thus far, that’s just not working out and it’s driving me insane. Generally writers and insomnia go hand in hand, but because it screws up my days so badly, I am hoping this stops really soon. I’d rather write and edit all day as opposed to finally be hitting the pillow as the sun is rising. It’s not healthy and it’s disrupting so much that days just seem to blend into one another. I hope this coming weekend will be a breakthrough for me. Even if that breakthrough means I have to take a few sleeping pills to re-set my internal clock, I’m willing to do it. I simply cannot go on like this, it’s no way to live.

Work is going well. There is something wonderful about a writer that wants cohesiveness throughout their entire body of work and in turn, only wants to work with an editor that is honest, that pushes them to be better, and that truly knows their stuff. Working with an editor can be difficult if you’re unsure of yourself or you’ve heard only good things about your work prior to handing it over to a professional. It can be jarring for some people, and for others, it’s about revising, releasing, and moving forward. Detaching from your work is hard at times, but it’s the only way you grow as a writer.

I’m grateful to be booked up and to be sent projects I am highly knowledgeable about. I’ve taken way too many jobs where I didn’t know all the things I should have known about the subject matter, but because they were only critiques or proofs, I didn’t have to be, I just had to give my honest opinion and correct errors that had previously been missed. Editing is completely different. I’ve been very lucky to be sent things I know a lot about. Sometimes, especially in situations such as these, knowledge is power. Knowledge helps you make someone a better writer, a stronger storyteller. In turn, you come away feeling good about yourself too and then it’s not “just a job”.

Not everyone is a writer. Most people are born with the talent and the ability. It’s the creative voice and the creative mind unleashed. It’s not for everyone, and I think it’s important for people to realize that. I read plenty of manuscripts that make me cringe and many that make me smile. Okay, so the larger percentage makes me cringe, but you get my point.

Talent is what sets everyone apart. I may not be talented like five other women in the same room with me, but I know my skill-set very well and I’m not going to make myself small for anyone. I’m already short enough. 😉

Enjoy the rest of your week my lovely bunch of nuts.

Booked

2015-02-11 Miss Poison Birthdays, Blessings, Friendship, Honesty, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Work, Writing Friendship, Honesty, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Work, Writing

I have to admit, I’m slightly impressed with myself at the moment. I’m double-booked with two sizeable manuscripts. There are bonuses to these two jobs, one of which is repeat business. Nothing quite says “You’re really good at what you do.”, than someone wanting to hire you on a repeat basis so that they never have to hunt around for someone new each time. Finding an editor that you trust, that pushes you, that is fair, but direct, is rare. I feel blessed at the moment, and I hope that feeling continues to hold true and flourish.

Today is my best friend Marion’s birthday. It’s a BIG birthday, so I am sending an epic amount of love to her. I wish she was here so we could talk, laugh, eat something fabulous, and share a bottle of wine. Actually, we’d need two. 😉

Marion sent me the most beautiful card today. I damn near cried. With nearly 20 years of friendship, through all the good and bad, she has remained the truest of any friend and I think that is to be commended.

When you’re going through shitty times, that is precisely when you learn who your true friends are. I missed an e-mail very early this morning from a friend because I was distracted before going to bed, but when I woke up this morning and saw it, it just plain made my day. Some people are immense rays of light. They bring goodness, kindness, sweetness, and serenity wherever they go. Others, not so much. Or at the very least, they make it incredibly difficult to focus on their positive qualities.

I find myself debating a friendship at the moment, and it makes me sad. On one hand, I know I was never anything short of an amazing friend. On the flipside, I wonder where some people come from that they twist their own personal issues into something so incredibly dramatic, that it gives you a stomach ache. I have to really ask myself how much I value this particular friend and friendship. Under normal circumstances, I’d truly just say “Go fuck yourself!” But when I value someone, I put much more effort forward. Some people are deserving of that effort, and others eventually prove that they are not. I find it sad. I’m a girl’s girl to the core. It is not beneath me to fully support my friends, to tell them I’m proud of them, and be there for them no matter what. Good, bad, happy, sad. I realize not everyone in life feels the same way. When women behave like that, it makes me lose respect for them. Sad, but true. Not everyone’s true colors are what they originally profess to be. 😦

Some days, the good outweighs the bad. I pray we all have more days like that.

This is precisely how I feel at the moment- minus the need for cat toys. LOL. Perhaps I need a nap.

It Doesn’t Feel Like A Saturday

2015-02-07 Miss Poison Being Sick, Exhaustion, Life, Musings, Poison In Lethal Doses, Self-Care, Work, Writing Being Sick, Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn, Life, Musings, The Judge, Work, Writing

Perhaps having a stressful week and being sick has made me feel like today is Friday, instead of Saturday. It’s disorienting. The sunrise looked more like a sunset, so incredibly stunning in blues and pinks. I have little interest now though in watching the actual sunset. I think it’s just laziness.

I completed a job this afternoon. I must be underestimating myself because I don’t usually pay attention to how many words I read in a day. I am very pleased to have this one behind me, it was incredibly quick and painless. I have several jobs waiting in the wings, minus the contracts. Until the contracts are signed, I get a brief respite. One contract will be printed, signed, and scanned tonight. Hopefully that will keep me busy for a while, especially since the only part of it I’ve worked on thus far is the first two pages.

I am fighting off something ugly (Kindly pull the knives out of my back so that I can feel my lungs, thank you.), so I’m trying to get better rest and do what I can to de-stress. All easier said than done. One day I was fine, the next day I was coughing so badly that my ribs feel bruised. Being sick like this has a way of making you feel far more fragile than you actually are.

I’m exhausted. Physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. I’d like my own personal cave, complete with WiFi.

Yesterday, while in the middle of cooking, I finally got to see Gone Girl. The book was excellent, and I’m pretty sure it reiterated by issues with marriage, but the movie was also well done. Kudos to Gillian Flynn for not only writing the book, but also writing the screenplay. Next up will be The Judge. I’m looking forward to that.

I’m happy to say that two weeks in a row, I managed to score a good two hours of “me time”, with no interruptions. It really helps ones’ psyche to place themselves first at times and not allow anyone to interfere with that. I will be busy this week, but I still intend to set aside a few hours for myself, even if only to breathe or catch up on all the shows I’ve been missing.

I hope everyone enjoys their weekend.

1390696_621009854605061_294094327_n — When not sprawled out like spoiled beasts, this is precisely what my girls have been doing. I think they’re multiplying.

Am I Wearing A Sign?

2015-01-27 Miss Poison Clients, Honesty, Life, Musings, People, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Professional, Snow, Stress, Work Clients, Life, Musings, People, Poison In Lethal Doses, Snow, Stress, Work

I am thisclose (that is not a typo) to killing one of my clients. If you feel like someone is professionally giving you the runaround, it’s probably because they are. Though I suspect, some people are truly stupider than one can give them credit for.

There aren’t enough “LOLs” in the world to mask the utter stupidity I am dealing with. Making a HUGE mistake and then sending me a message about your mistake isn’t cute, unless we’re friends. It’s even less cute when that mistake personally affects me.

And then, I get the manuscript. Nearly 70,000 words that, after two pages, made me want to hang myself. I swear to God, I need to eat, calm the hell down, and look at it in a day or two because there is NO WAY I am going to be professional in this moment. I wish I had a bottle of wine on hand to smack over my own head…after drinking it, of course. I’m not much of a drinker, but man, my clients are going to turn me into a full-blown alcoholic. Should you ever see me wandering the streets aimlessly, kindly shoot me and put me out of my misery.

Oh, and the snow was no big deal. It looks like it totalled out around 5 inches or so, if that. Sadly, my poor Aunt got saddled with 2 1/2 feet of snow. I hope she doesn’t have to see a single snowflake until next winter. Praying for an early Spring, which is saying a lot with my allergies.

Freelance Doesn’t Mean Free

2015-01-20 Miss Poison Being Real, Clients, Creativity, Editing, Exhaustion, Honesty, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Stress, Things That Enrage Me, Unbelievable Crap, Work, Writers, Writing Being Real, Honesty, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Stress, Work, Writing

Some days, I am utterly appalled by the audacity of others. There is a fine line between offering to help someone as a form of empowering another woman, and then dealing with the opposite side of the coin where someone wants you to do a job, but then wants you to lower your rate.

When I work with someone for the first time on a novel length project, or something larger (like a trilogy), I respectfully ask for 30-50% up front as a down payment. This protects me if the person eventually backs out. If they do, I’ve at least gotten something for my hard work. When a person jumps on my schedule and then tells me the down payment is “too high” (By my standards, it was actually too low.), but already admitted she was going to pay a hell of a lot more to another editor who could not take her until the end of next month, it grates on my hard-working nerves. I don’t like being screwed with.

Just like everyone else, I have bills to pay. They come every month, like clockwork, and none of them are willing to negotiate with me. Sometimes, you don’t eat because someone wants to wait two weeks to pay you. It sucks.

I’ve discussed my philosophy before about hiring an editor and it still stands solid: COME TO PLAY. Expect to pay. Yes, you can “shop around” for someone less expensive, but inevitably, you do get what you pay for.

I cannot tell you how many times I’ve done thousands of dollars worth of work for little to no money. It’s terribly insulting to someone with 20 years of experience, but a job is a job. I will take a proofreading job if it will pay a bill or put food on the table. I will beta read for someone if that means I’m being paid. It’s not fun, but it is what it is.

I truly wish every aspiring writer knew how to use spell check, understood that commas are crucial, and didn’t have a negative attitude towards having to pay someone for WORK. Lets face facts, no one goes to work for free. You may love your job (I know a handful of people that do.), but ultimately you love your paycheck as well. Even a shitty paycheck can pay the rent/mortgage, pay for food, keep the lights on, etc. As a woman that has to do it all herself, I find myself less and less amused by the greed of others.

Alas, I’m simply venting. I have a migraine and because I’ve had terrible struggles with sleep of late, I know it will be a long time before my head hits the pillow. On the plus side, I have several hours all to myself tomorrow afternoon into the early evening. I am FINALLY going to change my hair color after saying I would do so for the past month. That might seem silly, but a company did send me a product to use and write reviews, and that’s one of the fun things about having a beauty blog on the side. I really think going back to that for a while and allowing myself to be creative would be beneficial to my health. I’m sure no one wants to read my bitching. God, please grant me the Serenity not to murder all of these idiots.

Here’s hoping tomorrow is a superior day for us all. 🙂

Soldiering On

2015-01-15 Miss Poison Musings, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Work, Writing Exhaustion, God/Goddess Of War, Poison In Lethal Doses, Soldiering On, Work, Writing

credited to Ashley Graham

I’m a little bit better today. The stress of being overbooked was grating on every last nerve. Being sick didn’t help. At this point, I think it’s just the remnants of a cold. At least that’s what my allergies are telling me. I no longer feel like I need a constant influx of soup. In fact, nothing sounds good to me, but that’s because I’m utterly exhausted.

I’m going to take the next few days to rest. I am long over-do for some “me time”. I plan on doing as little as humanly possible, and then rewarding myself for so much work well done. After which, I will get started on the next job that I was booked for. Hopefully more will come in between now and the next few days. Obviously I want to be doing the work, but I’d also prefer never to have to read anything again that makes me feel as though my soul just died. Butchering the English language and then handing it to me as “potential for publishing” drives me insane. I don’t think it would bother me at all if this wasn’t something I’ve been doing damn near all of my life. Unfortunately, it does bother me. On the positive side, it makes me feel content about my own body of work and how well it’s put together.

There will always be an endless amount of competition out there for writers, but ultimately, I have to have faith in myself and know that my work is solid.

And so, I soldier on. I’ll spend the weekend looking for my Goddess of War attire (it’s highly possible that involves jeans and a profane t-shirt.).

My Goal This Weekend

2015-01-102015-01-10 Miss Poison Cancer, Fibromyalgia, Goals, Honesty, Humor, Images/Photos/Quotes, Life, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Work, Writing Blood, Bone Marrow, Cancer, Fibromyalgia, Honesty, Humor, I Hate Being Sick, Images/Photos/Quotes, Life, Poison In Lethal Doses, Registry Drive, Save A Life, Work, Writing

In all seriousness, being sick made this a long, drawn out week. It was only made better by lots of fluids, rest, and soup. I am nothing if not serious about soup. Unfortunately, whatever this virus is, it lulled me into a false sense of security because it’s a sadistic bastard. I was fine for a day or two, and then it came back stronger and took me out. I lost an entire day of work because I desperately needed medicine and rest. I’m taking a less powerful dose of the medicine now, but I am still achy and not feeling like myself, plus the medicine is working on my lungs big time. Quite frankly, I did not know they were so deeply involved. It’s disgusting, really. Moreover, should this be making my kidneys feels like they’re going to run off and leave me? I’m certain the answer is “No.”

“Starve a fever, feed a cold.” is not nonsense, it’s true. My appetite hasn’t once been off. Obviously, I can’t eat certain things at the moment, but everything I can eat is making a difference, or at least that’s what I am being led to believe.

All things taken into consideration, I think I was a rock star this week. Sick as a dog, but under deadline, I completed the big manuscript yesterday afternoon ahead of schedule. Unlike the previously aforementioned ~~asshole~~ client I alluded to days ago, this one was incredibly respectful and immediately gave me professional feedback. I address issues right away, I don’t slip them into something serious nearly two full months after the fact. Yes, it still pisses me off.

I have two additional, albeit smaller, manuscripts to get through by Friday and then another client would like me to take a look at a couple of chapters. Both of them are aware that I am sick and both of them told me “No rush at all, there’s no deadline for this.” In all fairness, that probably only makes me work harder because I take my contracts seriously. I’ll do my best, but I might give myself part of this weekend to stay in bed and (possibly) watch season 3 of Sons of Anarchy. Approximately thirteen hours of Charlie Hunnam… It’s all part of the healing process, folks. (That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!)

I’m tired, achy, unpleasant, and seriously contemplating breakfast. How badly do I want it? How much work is truly involved, and do I REALLY want to eat? The truth is, I’m hungry and I do want to eat, but knowing this involves some work on my part means I’m not running to the kitchen just yet.

Also, I am beyond saddened to learn that I will be unable to donate bone marrow because of the Fibromyalgia. I didn’t talk about this when I first found out earlier in the week because I was very upset and found myself in tears. One of my neighbors has been stricken with cancer. My first thought was “I can donate blood and get tested to see if I’m a match to donate bone marrow.” I lost my father to cancer when he was 63. He bravely battled various forms of cancer for 15 years before it took his life. I’ve lost many key family members to cancer, and hearing about this makes me ill to the core. I don’t feel that my neighbors’ children deserve to lose their father so young (I was both young enough, but still adult enough to handle it to the best of my ability without self-destructing.), so I am determined to do whatever I can to help. After days of research, I found out this morning that Fibro patients cannot donate at all. My brother CAN be tested and is more than willing to donate, but since I cannot, and feel like shit for it, the organization has suggested I put together a registry drive in my area to help bring about awareness and possibly save some lives. I will speak with them about this next week. I’m very upset that this is all that I can personally do, but I believe something MUST be done, so I am taking the initiative. If you live in the Northeast Philadelphia area, maybe you can volunteer or come out to the drive and get tested. I will provide a date and time as soon as I know more.

And now, back to your regularly scheduled Saturday. I hope everyone has a good one.