They Say We Need…

2015-06-11 Miss Poison Cats, Kittens, Musings, Poison In Lethal Doses, Writing Cat and Kitten, Fibromyalgia Pain, Musings, Poison In Lethal Doses, Reading, Sleep, The Sell by Fredrik Eklund, Work, Writing

11391363_1107337549283618_8296339223313819881_n — Let’s be clear, I’ve never looked like this in the morning.

Two nights in a row, I’ve gone to bed early with some form of pain. Tuesday night it was a migraine that I was praying away. The idea of waking up with it and having it stay with me was not one I was willing to romance. Last night, I still had a headache, but I was also suffering from a Fibro flare from the neck down and I’d been badly affected by the heat and humidity. When I got home last night and changed my clothes, that was when my phone alerted me to an air quality advisory. You’ve got to love apps on a delay.

Yet now, here I sit, unable to go back to sleep. I’ve been up long enough to check the score of the game (Yay Blackhawks!) and eliminate 30 minutes from my DVR. I’d woken up with cat and kitten vying for prime Mommy real estate. I didn’t even know they were both crammed up against me until I returned to my bed five minutes later and was able to see them in their full-sized, stretched out glory. I returned a while ago to see they’d taken over all of the good spots, after first accompanying me down the steps, probably to see if an extra or early meal might be in the cards. I asked both of them if storms were coming, neither of them has budged. The forecast says there is only a 30% chance of rain and thunderstorms. These two lumps say otherwise.

I could be working on one of my jobs right now, but I’m struggling with the pain from the flare up. My muscles are screaming and sitting is difficult, not to mention painful. But I do want to get one of these jobs done today, if possible. It feels good to have a client return and be happy to have me on a project. 🙂

Hopefully once my muscles loosen up, I will be able to do more than just my job today. I’d like to run out for a bit, once it cools down. I am also reading The Sell by Fredrik Eklund. All in all, lots to do. If only there were an additional ten hours in the day to accomplish it all. Realistically, the amount of caffeine needed to achieve that would be insane, so 24 hours is a good time-frame, after all.

I hope everyone has a good day and is looking forward to a relaxing weekend. Onto the daily adventure…

Exhausted To The Bone

2015-05-08 Miss Poison Adult Orphans, Exhaustion, Honesty, Mother's Day, Motherless Daughters, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Writing Adult Orphans, Exhaustion, Limitations, Motherless Daughters, Musings, Not Today, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Reading, Rest, Sleep, Writing

I went to bed exhausted, I woke up more exhausted than when I originally went to bed. Lately, there never seems to be enough sleep. I found myself wanting to nod off for four hours yesterday, but when I finally committed myself to “a nap”, I ended up reading for over three hours. I hadn’t planned on reading at all, I simply thought if I started reading something nonsensical, I’d make myself even sleepier. It was counter-intuitive.

I think the stress of the week and of many, many months has finally hit me today. I have absolutely no desire to do anything. I just want to rest. My brain is tired, my body is tired, and you can only ignore your body for so long before exhaustion catches up with you and doesn’t let go. That is definitely chronic fatigue.

My brain is barely working to form complete sentences properly. I have dueling issues. My stomach is telling me that we’re hungry and should try making some soup. My brain is saying that the soup can wait because if we’re not properly rested, we will burn the house down. I got distracted last weekend when I had something in the oven. I set the timer and instead of staying within a 15 foot range of the kitchen, I walked upstairs to check my phone. I went to check e-mail quickly or something, but then I got into texting with someone and the next thing I know, the timer is going off and there’s a slight smoky smell rising. I was also doing laundry, so clearly I was pulling myself pretty thin. Sadly, I didn’t hear the timer, which is quite scary. When I did go downstairs because the smell wasn’t right, I finally heard the timer and felt like a complete and utter moron. On top of being dangerous, I was just plain out of it. Now I stay close by, because the last thing I should be doing is something that could lead to the harm of myself or others. I’m too drained to be able to leave something alone while I’m in the middle of making it, and right now I’m truly too drained to actually make something. I don’t even think I’m capable of walking down the steps.

This Sunday is Mother’s Day, so don’t be alarmed if I make myself extremely scarce. This is an incredibly difficult time of year for me. Each year, I’m reminded that I am a Motherless Daughter. One year I waited until the day settled and went grocery shopping that night, because all I wanted to do was avoid the mother/daughter bonding that this weekend brings forth. If you haven’t experienced this kind of loss, or the kind of bond I shared with my mother, it’s not something one can easily relate to, so I tend to just close up shop for about 10 days and keep my mouth shut, lest I somehow manage to offend someone with my honesty and/or directness. Ultimately, there is always someone who will find me offensive in some way. It’s not my issue, it’s theirs, but I don’t want or need the drama.

So in advance, I wish ALL mothers: Pet mothers, Grandmothers, Godmothers, Aunts, and especially single mothers a very happy day. I’ll be okay, but if you can’t find me I MIGHT be sitting in the dark with chocolate pudding.

Warning

Image 2015-04-062015-04-06 Miss Poison Humor, Images/Photos/Quotes, Mondays Humor, Images/Photos/Quotes, Mondays, Sleep

This is quite unfortunate, really. 😦

Praying For Sleep

2015-01-10 Miss Poison Being Sick, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Writing Being Sick, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Sleep, Soup, Work, Writing

It is about four hours past the time my body said “Feed me!”. I have maniacally proofread and critiqued a novella until I thought I’d pull my own hair out of my head. I’m certain that high quality brain cells are now gone, never to be heard from again.

All day today I kept saying “I’ll be fine.”, but my head is telling me otherwise. Said head just forced me to take a Nyquil Liquid Gel. I will be drinking for the next 5 minutes to make sure it’s not sitting someplace odd, refusing to dissolve. I have no idea why pharmaceutical companies can make the tiniest birth control pills on the planet (Less than half the size of a Tic-Tac!), yet Nyquil has to be bigger than every vitamin I’ve ever taken. Explain that to me, please.

I am waiting for my infusion of soup. I ~~threatened someone’s life~~ kindly asked someone to pick some up for me, so I am hoping that it will arrive in a semi-hot state of being. All I want right now is soup…and my bed. God help me, this shit had better knock me out until tomorrow! Moreover, I do NOT want to be awake if and when the sun does rise (I didn’t check the weather forecast) because I am utterly sick of bright light. In fact, I might just have my soup in the dark.

I might even call in dead tomorrow. 😛

Sick & Tired

2014-10-20 Miss Poison Cats, Chronic Pain, Fibromyalgia, Honesty, Images/Photos/Quotes, Inspiration, Kittens, Life, Mondays, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Stress, Work, Writing Chronic Pain, Fibromyalgia, Honesty, Mondays, Poison In Lethal Doses, Reading, Rest, Sleep, Stress, TV, Weekends, Writing

I am sick & tired. Mostly of being both of the aforementioned. Because I have Fibromyalgia, my body responds differently to the weather and a lot of other external things that I, personally, cannot control. I have heightened senses, so a lot of smells make me sick and I often have to retreat to my bedroom, with the blinds drawn tight, because the sun and most sources of light just plain kill me. If you ever see me coming home at 2:00 a.m., it’s almost certain you will see me wearing sunglasses. This disturbs a lot of people, but it is a necessity for me. Most people I know that have light eyes also have the same issue, but it depends. Fibro, Chronic Pain, and/or migraines can affect anyone to this degree. And yes, I do have light eyes.

I did get some rest over the weekend, but really, the entire weekend itself was a blur. Reading, writing, sleeping, laundry, cats, hot chocolate, TV, and not necessarily in that order. My DVR wants me to play “catch up”. I think I’m secretly trying to see if it REALLY holds 200 hours of Hi-Def TV or if Verizon is just screwing with me. Of course, I have NO IDEA what the hell one does with 200 hours of television. I’m not sure anything is that interesting. I deleted a show off my queue entirely and deleted the two episodes I had not seen. Once you lose me, you lose me, there’s no sense in me watching the ship sink. There are far superior shows I will be VERY sad to see go, like Sons of Anarchy. The fact that I missed a few seasons and need to catch up on those doesn’t take away from how hooked I’ve become. Others I’ve been with since day one and I’m sure I will be much sadder to say good-bye to. Alas, nothing lasts forever. Except, apparently, Supernatural. I missed a lot of last season, so I’m glad this one is holding my interest and making me laugh. I have a twisted sense of humor, sue me.

Today I am going to attempt to finish Bones Never Lie. I openly admit to being hooked to these books, even when on the rare occasion, they scare the crap out of me. It’s only happened once or twice. Patricia Cornwell is much more apt to terrify me and make me double-check that I’ve locked all the doors. Her books have also made me think someone was hiding in my trees, but that’s a story for another morning. We’ll blame that moment on cold medicine I may, or may not, have been taking at the time. 😉

I want to take a moment and thank Nicholas C. Rossis for sending me a copy of one of his books. Go over to his blog and let him know I sent you. 🙂 It’s important for writers to support one another.

And now, back to your regularly scheduled “stuff” for the day. Happy Monday.

Saying Goodbye To September…

2014-09-30 Miss Poison Editing, Fibromyalgia, Images/Photos/Quotes, Kittens, Pain, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Work, Writing Cats, Editing, Exhaustion, Naps, October, September, Sleep, Writing

September always sneaks up on me unpleasantly, kind of like the holiday season (If I see one more Christmas decoration, I’ll flip my lid!). I’m never fully prepared for it and I am always happy to see it go.

October is my favorite month of the year. It reminds me of very happy times in my life, and is always the lead-in to my birthday towards the end of the month. Unfortunately, my last few birthdays have completely and utterly sucked. I have decided to have absolutely no expectations whatsoever this year, other than the firm knowledge that I have to make some important decisions within the next two years and should probably invest in prolonging what’s left of my youth.

I am still recovering from my marathon editing session. We will not discuss how badly I ended up injuring myself by not getting up a few times each hour to stretch, or taking a moment to check and correct my posture when I got stressed. I’m halfway done, so I’m feeling good about that. I wish sitting wasn’t quite so painful though. I’ve learned my lesson. Sometimes, less truly is more. Also, all those naps I didn’t want to take as a child…

As adults one thing we all want desperately is a good night’s sleep (and to win the lottery), but as children, we think sleeping means we’re missing out on something. I always felt that way as a child, but now, I’m wishing I’d napped more, so I wouldn’t be so unbelievably exhausted now. And so, I have decided that in my next life, I’m coming back as a cat.