Exhausted To The Bone

2015-05-08 Miss Poison Adult Orphans, Exhaustion, Honesty, Mother's Day, Motherless Daughters, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Writing Adult Orphans, Exhaustion, Limitations, Motherless Daughters, Musings, Not Today, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Reading, Rest, Sleep, Writing

I went to bed exhausted, I woke up more exhausted than when I originally went to bed. Lately, there never seems to be enough sleep. I found myself wanting to nod off for four hours yesterday, but when I finally committed myself to “a nap”, I ended up reading for over three hours. I hadn’t planned on reading at all, I simply thought if I started reading something nonsensical, I’d make myself even sleepier. It was counter-intuitive.

I think the stress of the week and of many, many months has finally hit me today. I have absolutely no desire to do anything. I just want to rest. My brain is tired, my body is tired, and you can only ignore your body for so long before exhaustion catches up with you and doesn’t let go. That is definitely chronic fatigue.

My brain is barely working to form complete sentences properly. I have dueling issues. My stomach is telling me that we’re hungry and should try making some soup. My brain is saying that the soup can wait because if we’re not properly rested, we will burn the house down. I got distracted last weekend when I had something in the oven. I set the timer and instead of staying within a 15 foot range of the kitchen, I walked upstairs to check my phone. I went to check e-mail quickly or something, but then I got into texting with someone and the next thing I know, the timer is going off and there’s a slight smoky smell rising. I was also doing laundry, so clearly I was pulling myself pretty thin. Sadly, I didn’t hear the timer, which is quite scary. When I did go downstairs because the smell wasn’t right, I finally heard the timer and felt like a complete and utter moron. On top of being dangerous, I was just plain out of it. Now I stay close by, because the last thing I should be doing is something that could lead to the harm of myself or others. I’m too drained to be able to leave something alone while I’m in the middle of making it, and right now I’m truly too drained to actually make something. I don’t even think I’m capable of walking down the steps.

This Sunday is Mother’s Day, so don’t be alarmed if I make myself extremely scarce. This is an incredibly difficult time of year for me. Each year, I’m reminded that I am a Motherless Daughter. One year I waited until the day settled and went grocery shopping that night, because all I wanted to do was avoid the mother/daughter bonding that this weekend brings forth. If you haven’t experienced this kind of loss, or the kind of bond I shared with my mother, it’s not something one can easily relate to, so I tend to just close up shop for about 10 days and keep my mouth shut, lest I somehow manage to offend someone with my honesty and/or directness. Ultimately, there is always someone who will find me offensive in some way. It’s not my issue, it’s theirs, but I don’t want or need the drama.

So in advance, I wish ALL mothers: Pet mothers, Grandmothers, Godmothers, Aunts, and especially single mothers a very happy day. I’ll be okay, but if you can’t find me I MIGHT be sitting in the dark with chocolate pudding.

I Believe That Writing…

Image 2015-05-05 Miss Poison Images/Photos/Quotes, Reading, Writing Charles Kuralt, Images/Photos/Quotes, Reading, Writing

I think good writing also involves having talent. Good writers are born.

Virus Be Gone, Before I Drop A House On You!!

2015-01-052015-01-05 Miss Poison Health, Writing I'm Sick, January, Reading, Things I Hate, Work, Writing

Remember the cold I thought I was coming down with? I really didn’t think it would last. I drank tea, I had chicken noodle soup. I got quality rest. This morning, it is a full on VIRUS. I am not good at being sick. I hate it, and I hate whoever spread their God damn germs in public so as to ensure I got this viciousness. I am contemplating hunting them down, ripping their arms off, and beating them to death.

A friend of mine is terrified of getting sick every winter, and I understand why, though I don’t usually contemplate it too much for myself because I don’t spend a lot of time around people that are potential “carriers”. Yes, that’s what I call the people I interact with, especially during the winter months. I want to dip all of them in Listerine at the front door and keep them and their germs at bay. We won’t discuss how many times I say “Did you wash your hands?” or “Where have your hands been?” on any given day. I’m a firm believer that most guys pay very little attention to what they touch. I’ve seen their cell phones, who are they kidding?!

Realistically speaking, colds and flu viruses have gotten so much worse than they once were. A really bad bout of either can take you out for two weeks, or longer. A very close friend of mine made me ultra aware of something going around last year, so I have been using antibacterial wipes on pretty much every surface I come in contact with. Especially in public. People stare at me as I wipe down shopping carts at the three different grocery stores I frequent. Hell, what do they think the wipes at the front door are for? I have no idea when someone last changed that adorable baby’s dirty diaper, do I really want to put my hands where they allowed that child to sit for God only knows how long? NO.

I keep a bottle of hand sanitizer in my purse, just in case a bathroom somewhere is out of soap. This happened to me once on a trip in a very touristy spot. Since that fateful day of no soap and no water in a tourist attraction bathroom, I have purchased purse size bottles of Bath & Body Works antibacterial gel and I keep it in my bag until I use it up. They’re small, but a little goes a long way at keeping my peace of mind. I usually have one in my nightstand and 2 others as purse back-ups, just in case. They’re inexpensive when you buy on-line in bulk, and at least then, you know your hands are clean. This also comes in really handy when you have to take your contact lenses out in public to clean them (Does this happen to anyone else during the spring and summer months?) and you don’t want to get your hands wet from washing them before putting your lenses back in. You don’t want to potentially lose a lens or have one stick to anything other than your eye, of course. Lenses that get foggy or sticky are unbearable to wear.

I contacted both of my clients this morning to let them know I am sick. It might have been an overly cautious measure, but I would rather be honest than have them not know I am delayed, even if only by a day or two. I do have plenty of time to complete both projects by their deadline dates, but I have no idea how long this virus from hell is going to have me down, so I know in my heart I did the right thing. I have been offered a long-term developmental job as well. I have absolutely no expectations there, but it was nice to see the offer when I woke up this morning. It was a nice bit of positivity as I sit here contemplating what to do based on how sick I am. A normal person would go back to sleep. Alas, I find myself wide awake, but my body is saying “I don’t think so, sweet pea!” I suspect I’ll hunker down with a book. I find myself incredibly bored with everything though, including the one book I want to finish. Perhaps I will hit my bookshelves for the beginning of my yearly Moral Instruments pilgrimage. If nothing else, it’s engaging.

Easy Reading…

Image 2014-12-26 Miss Poison Images/Photos/Quotes, Inspiration, Reading, Writing Images/Photos/Quotes, Inspiration, Nathanial Hawthorne, Reading, Writing

Thanks Stefanie for sending this to me. 🙂 XO.

When I’m Really Into A Novel…

Image 2014-10-31 Miss Poison Images/Photos/Quotes, Reading Colin Firth, Images/Photos/Quotes, Reading

The Little Things

2014-10-212014-10-21 Miss Poison Being Real, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Unfiltered, Work, Writing Honesty, Laptops, Musings, Poison In Lethal Doses, Reading, Work, Writing

You know you’re a writer who lives and dies by her laptop when replacing your laptop battery is a big deal. What’s worse, you’re excited about the fact that you got it for a good price and it should be here sooner rather than later. The fact that I considered getting a second one “just in case”, is probably just a sickness.

The next thing I will have to replace on my “not even old laptop” is some of the keys. They’re all still firmly attached, but if you didn’t know where all the letters are on the keyboard naturally, you wouldn’t be able to read E, R, T, I, O, A, S, H, L, N, M, the period key, or half of the space bar. HP and I disagree on the pricing, so I’m definitely not replacing the keys through them.

One of my best friends and I would always laugh about this, because with longer nails, we both had to take Sharpies and write what key was what on our old desktop computer keyboards. Hers was a nightmare. I tried using it once and after Sharpie-ing all of the letters in, never touched it again. She came home one day and laughed hysterically at what I’d done, but it was necessary. Her keyboard was different from mine, but apparently we’re both rampant keyboard abusers. We won’t discuss how many times the tip of one of my nails gets stuck between the keys, which is always a sign for me to file them down to a more desirable length. This time, it’s happening Friday or Saturday. I want nice nails for my birthday, even though I have no plans. (Yes Riley, I’m being ever-so subtle here. You’d better be bringing me chocolate, diamonds, or chocolate covered diamonds, but I will also settle for chocolate covered strawberries. 😛 ) However, no matter what the plans entail, I will be watching The Good Wife. That’s definite.

I made it through a few more chapters on that read-through yesterday, but not before calling the intermediary to make sure I was protected in case this guy acts like a douche bag again and I am forced to back out of the job. I am protected, which gives me a sense of calm. I messaged him a chapter update and he seemed like a totally different person, but later sent me revisions to a chapter I have not yet read. Yeah, I know, I had the exact same thought. I did a little research and discovered that this guy likes to hire women to read his work. In nearly two years, I don’t think he’s hired a single man to read his manuscript. I have a theory on that, and it’s not because every woman I’ve ever met is thorough, has great attention to detail, and gives solid feedback. I honestly think I’m being misjudged here, AGAIN, but since I probably don’t have a lot more work to really do, I am going to try and stick it out. In the meantime, I am actively looking to line up something more challenging. I nearly fell asleep during chapter four. That doesn’t bode well, but it could just be the lingering whatever I have in my system that caused me to pass out yesterday afternoon. Even now, since I’ve been up since about 4:00 a.m., I am feeling exhausted. It helps that, thus far, it is dreary outside.

For now, I am going into my own work for the second time in two days. Yesterday I revised my acknowledgements, today I’m going to re-read the big fight sequence and see how it plays out in my mind. I am certain there’s more that can be added, but I don’t want to force it. When I don’t feel at my best health wise, it’s always okay to back off a bit on the external shit.

Sick & Tired

2014-10-20 Miss Poison Cats, Chronic Pain, Fibromyalgia, Honesty, Images/Photos/Quotes, Inspiration, Kittens, Life, Mondays, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Stress, Work, Writing Chronic Pain, Fibromyalgia, Honesty, Mondays, Poison In Lethal Doses, Reading, Rest, Sleep, Stress, TV, Weekends, Writing

I am sick & tired. Mostly of being both of the aforementioned. Because I have Fibromyalgia, my body responds differently to the weather and a lot of other external things that I, personally, cannot control. I have heightened senses, so a lot of smells make me sick and I often have to retreat to my bedroom, with the blinds drawn tight, because the sun and most sources of light just plain kill me. If you ever see me coming home at 2:00 a.m., it’s almost certain you will see me wearing sunglasses. This disturbs a lot of people, but it is a necessity for me. Most people I know that have light eyes also have the same issue, but it depends. Fibro, Chronic Pain, and/or migraines can affect anyone to this degree. And yes, I do have light eyes.

I did get some rest over the weekend, but really, the entire weekend itself was a blur. Reading, writing, sleeping, laundry, cats, hot chocolate, TV, and not necessarily in that order. My DVR wants me to play “catch up”. I think I’m secretly trying to see if it REALLY holds 200 hours of Hi-Def TV or if Verizon is just screwing with me. Of course, I have NO IDEA what the hell one does with 200 hours of television. I’m not sure anything is that interesting. I deleted a show off my queue entirely and deleted the two episodes I had not seen. Once you lose me, you lose me, there’s no sense in me watching the ship sink. There are far superior shows I will be VERY sad to see go, like Sons of Anarchy. The fact that I missed a few seasons and need to catch up on those doesn’t take away from how hooked I’ve become. Others I’ve been with since day one and I’m sure I will be much sadder to say good-bye to. Alas, nothing lasts forever. Except, apparently, Supernatural. I missed a lot of last season, so I’m glad this one is holding my interest and making me laugh. I have a twisted sense of humor, sue me.

Today I am going to attempt to finish Bones Never Lie. I openly admit to being hooked to these books, even when on the rare occasion, they scare the crap out of me. It’s only happened once or twice. Patricia Cornwell is much more apt to terrify me and make me double-check that I’ve locked all the doors. Her books have also made me think someone was hiding in my trees, but that’s a story for another morning. We’ll blame that moment on cold medicine I may, or may not, have been taking at the time. 😉

I want to take a moment and thank Nicholas C. Rossis for sending me a copy of one of his books. Go over to his blog and let him know I sent you. 🙂 It’s important for writers to support one another.

And now, back to your regularly scheduled “stuff” for the day. Happy Monday.

Sometimes People Ask For Way Too Much

2014-10-19 Miss Poison Authors, Boundaries, Idiots, Poison In Lethal Doses, Respect, Stress, Things That Enrage Me, Unbelievable Crap, Unnecessary Drama, Work, Writers, Writing Editing, Idiots, Reading, Work, Writing

Here’s something important you all need to know about me. Above all else, I am supremely professional. However, if you’re antagonistic and you push my buttons right out of the gate, I will remain professional until the job is done, but I won’t ever be anywhere in the vicinity of nice ever again.

Some clients, generally the ones I don’t work with, want a LOT for NOTHING. I am doing a read-through. I was asked to make notes of corrections that need to be made, and I did that, in red. Since I wasn’t asked to edit, I simply provided notes. They were detailed. “This is missing a comma.”, “There is a spelling error.”, “Revise this for grammatical errors.”, “Look this over and add some necessary material. The sentence and/or thought is just hanging.”, stuff like that. Unless you’re a moron, that means you re-read the fucking paragraph and make the corrections. There are children that can follow these very simple instructions, why can’t you?!

I respectfully asked the client if he’d like the work back as I go through each file, and he said yes. I sent back the first file, which contained one chapter. ONE. I then receive a message hours later saying my notes were “cryptic” and that he’d like a “higher level of feedback”. Mind you, I’d only sent back the first chapter. It was fine and I provided feedback, but how much needs to be said about 6,000 words unless it’s really bad?

This was enough to make me want to say something vile and unprofessional. This made me want to say “You’re not paying me to do anything more than a read-through, yet I provided notes. Find your own fucking errors!” If I had submitted the entire book back and only gave 2-3 lines of feedback, that would be one thing, but I’d only submitted back a chapter, which he’d asked for. I included notes at the end and my thoughts. Sometimes, when you’re reading something new, you don’t have a lot of thoughts after a prologue or even after reading that and chapter one. Sometimes it takes 3-5 chapters before you feel like you know the characters and have a feel for the story. I don’t know a single author/writer that will disagree with me.

However, this son of a bitch pushed my buttons. I am sick, so I probably should wait until I feel better to deal with douche bags, but man, I hate idiots. If you’re asking me to do a job, I will do it thoroughly. It is certain that our styles may or may not mesh, but don’t disrespect me or act superior. You’re not paying me enough to give me attitude, and I will never take it, because I don’t give a fuck who you think you are.

Treat your editors, beta readers, and agents with respect. Don’t expect them to do every single thing for you, because it doesn’t work that way. The first time you treat me like your professional toilet cleaner will probably be the last time I ever work for you again, and you can put that in a pipe and smoke it!

The Journey

2014-10-15 Miss Poison Gifts, Images/Photos/Quotes, Inspiration, Life, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Thoughts, Work, Writing Blessings, Deborah Harkness, Editing, Honesty, Inspiration, Kathy Reichs, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Reading, Writing

I am coming up on the end of my most recent editing job, and I’m really pleased with myself. Pleased because I’ve worked my ass off and I know I am providing the client with solid material, solid notes, and that she will have a lot to work with moving forward because I have provided her with additional knowledge to incorporate into her work. There’s nothing wrong with being proud of your gifts, or feeling blessed for having them.

I am working hard to line up additional clients, and will re-focus my attention on my own work during the Samhain break. Yes, I take off for Halloween and the two days thereafter. It helps ground me. Don’t judge. 😛

It will be a little odd returning to my own written world, but I love getting lost there, and it’s familiar. That which lives in your mind is sometimes more “home” to you than any other place in the world. Being able to fully immerse oneself in their own creativity is a powerful gift. I often say “I can only write facts.”, but I have proven myself wrong for years now and it gives me cause to smile and celebrate. I’ve allowed my writing to grow and take on a new direction, thus empowering myself to achieve something that might not have been possible a few short years ago. “Write what you know.” is some of the best advice I’ve ever been given (Thank you Mom.), and it still holds true all these years later.

Since starting this platform, I have been infinitely happier and more at home in my own skin, and as a writer. It’s nice to attract positive people to me. It’s healthier, calmer, freeing. I thank each and every one of you for being a part of that and for accepting me.

Now, tell me what you’re all reading. Are you deep into your own work or are you reading something specific book wise? I am currently reading Bones Never Lie by Kathy Reichs (I’ve read all of the books in the Temperance Brennan series and according to my bookshelves, I own most of them too. I’m missing a box with some of them though, which is making me OCD to find them.) and The Book Of Life by Deborah Harkness.

Before truly deciding to write, I fully intended to become an NYPD detective. I grew up around police officers and it felt extremely natural to me. I studied forensics and my knowledge on the subject is scary, even for me. Perhaps that is why I love Kathy’s books so much and look forward to them each year. She’s one of the best.

I was introduced to Deborah Harkness via my Aunt. She sent me the first two All Souls Triology books, A Discovery Of Witches and Shadow Of Night. It took me a little while to read them both because they weren’t originally books I’d planned to read, but it turns out they’re worth it. I’m not that far into the new book, but so far, so good. I have a few other books lined up to read after that, and will probably receive a new box chock full of books from my Aunt soon, which means there will be other books that I will talk about.

So again, what are you reading right now? Let me know in the comments section. 🙂

I’m Fried!

2014-09-28 Miss Poison Editing, Fibromyalgia, Images/Photos/Quotes, Musings, Reading, Work, Writing Editing, Fibromyalgia Pain, Overdoing It, Reading, Writing

After editing for ten hours yesterday, I am completely fried to a crisp. It’s going to take a while before my back, neck, and shoulder feel normal again. I did yoga stretches to loosen all of my muscles when I was done for the day yesterday, and then I covered all the affected problem spots I could reach with Icy/Hot. Once it kicked in, I passed out. That’s what I get for waking up super early and going straight to work. The only bonus, I got to do that work in my PJ’s.

Note to self: You don’t need to keep saying “Five more pages.” That’s like saying you’re going to read “just one chapter” of a book before bed, and after a while, you notice it’s light outside. These are ridiculous lies we tell ourselves. The fact that I managed to do so much work this weekend AND finish reading a book is a testament to my own stupidity. As I edit this week, and prep for the arrival of someone very special, I have another book to finish reading. Yes, that is pure overkill, but the truth nonetheless.

As a side note for all my fellow writers out there: Do NOT argue with the person that knows where the apostrophes and commas go. Chances are, that person knows their shit.