Poison In Lethal Doses

Migraine Destruction and Searching For Calm

Miss Poison Migraines, Writing , , , , , ,

A brutal migraine began last night, ripping through my skull like a freight train, as I frantically searched for an envelope of documents I have to fill out, not knowing when they are due back. I tore apart all the normal places I keep my documents which require immediate or semi-immediate attention, versus the one’s I file away after they’ve been submitted. It could be anything from health insurance stuff to a letter I wrote to a judge on someone’s behalf. It’s not linear. Because I’ve been a writer for so long, one can only describe my system as, “organized chaos”. I will try getting my shit together this year in terms of paper organization and clothing organization. I made this promise to myself about six months ago and I feel like I’m doing my best. Nothing is perfect, of course. Least of all, me.

Last summer, I focused on the small stuff, which began with makeup organization. I am slowly distancing myself from brand consulting and the beauty industry on a whole. It’s embarrassing, but much like paperwork, it was all accumulating in an insane manner, and the best thing to do was break it all down so I could see precisely what I own. Now I get to short through what can be donated or gifted. I still have a few months to deal with that craziness.

To calm myself down today, despite having to cancel my Telehealth appointment at the last minute because this migraine is unmanageable (Two doses of Ubrelvy and I am still not okay. I didn’t want to be disrespectful of his time via video when I know I’d be doing it in sunglasses, trying not to expel food onto my laptop.), I decided to call the person who needs the documents I can’t find (They didn’t grow legs, but if they’re needed before I locate them, that’s going to be a big issue.). I asked her to send them ASAP. She and I will speak at our appointed time, and hopefully she’ll have gotten my message and sent the forms back out so I can tackle them immediately. Normally, they would not be necessary, but she’s merely an intermediary on this level, so I aim to be respectful and do my due diligence.

There will always be migraines I can function through and others I genuinely can’t. Unfortunately, this makes people assume that chronic migraine isn’t a serious condition. It is. This pain is coming and going, currently taking up residence in my neck. This is the result of too much stress. I am burnt out beyond words and I still have so much I need to do. There’s no want involved in tackling things I have to do; it’s the result of having responsibilities. They must be dealt with. They won’t take a vacation, so I’m stuck doing it all until I can make time to be away.

I mentioned responsibilities for a reason. I had money set aside for a trip to Israel. I was thrilled to plan it after Covid was over. I’m not sitting on a plane for all those hours in a mask. I think I’d drop dead halfway through. No, I’m not being dramatic. Anxiety is very real and lately, I have had struggles at times with keeping myself calm. I am only allowed to wear cloth masks and they don’t always feel safe, plus, they do impede my breathing. Then I took Cat and Kitten to the vet for a checkup and their vaccinations. Cat requires non-emergency surgery. The vet told me how much it would be, and my vacation money was automatically swallowed up. That’s okay; because she needs the medical care and I’d never deny that to her. I’m not a horrible person who would abandon her because she needs a procedure. That’s like abandoning your child because they aren’t perfect. I’ll work twice as hard and when I do get to plan the trip, it’ll be an even better one. Maybe because I’ll be feeling better (G-d, do you listen to me?), or because I will feel less stressed. I might even have more energy to do the things we’d originally planned; much of which involves a ton of walking and climbing. I used to walk like the world was my playground, and now I have to pace myself for every mile I tack on. I thought about asking someone to go with me, but I am SO excited to see my best friend/sister, and feel I should go solo because I don’t want anyone to cut into my time with her, especially since she and I are a tiny team with our own language and just how we treat one another. According to my horoscope and tarot readings, it will be my last solo trip, which is empowering in so many ways because I was encouraged at a very young age not to be afraid to do things by myself. I’ve been flying all my life. Despite the extra security protocols, being searched like I was a terrorist at DFW International, and slightly at Philadelphia International, I am pretty good the second I am packed and mentally in vacation mode. It’s harder to leave my vacations than it is to pack up and go. Countries search you less when you’re leaving, but when you arrive? Be prepared for a potential hold-up. Especially if, like me, you take one suitcase that is predominantly empty, except for an extra pair or two of shoes (I always pack two pairs of sneakers and something fancier. Sometimes I will travel with the nicest pair on, to make room in that second suitcase. I’ll throw in socks and toiletries to make my intentions clear.). I do that to have room for anything I purchase while I’m away. My carryon is generally overloaded, just like my purse. It’s worth it, even though it leaves my shoulders with bruises for two weeks.

As is typical when I’m dehydrated and trying to focus on getting rid of this migraine, and a potential blizzard approaching this weekend, I am going to do my best. I can’t do more than that. I have various pieces in the works and have taken a break from the manuscripts because of how sick I’ve been. Hopefully it’ll pass soon and I will be able to return to that which is best for me.

I cannot express enough how important it is to take care of yourself, even if it means saying no, cancelling plans, etc. I honestly felt awful and apologized to my doctor profusely, but I also know he understands that if I cancel, it’s bad. His office did get back to me to say he had no openings, but that I have appointments booked for next month. Yes, I was well aware of that, and will reach out to him if there’s an issue between now and then.

I swear, January has felt like the past year. I hate it beyond words, and might touch on that in the future, but for now, I’m taking my own advice. Water. Rest. More rest. Then I am going to try tackling my mother’s vegetable soup recipe. I know it by heart, but sometimes I’m obsessed with making it perfect. However, it is healthy, comforting, nourishing, and that’s really what I need in my life right now. If I can’t get support from people who are in my life (and some who are about to get nosebleed seats), then I can at least have a huge pot of soup to sustain me. Also, does anyone else need ice cream during a blizzard? Just me? C’est la vie. We’ve all got our priorities and weird cravings.

For everyone in the path of these storms, please stay safe and be well. For those not about to endure it, count your blessings and be well and safe. None of you are alone.

Much love,

copyright © 2022 by Lisa Marino & Poison In Lethal Doses, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Poison In Lethal Doses®™ is a registered trademark. Written work by author may not be shared or posted anywhere without express written consent from the author. Excerpts and quotes from author material also requires consent.

Wordless

Miss Poison Writing , , , , , , , , ,

Of late, the few pieces I began working on for all of you have seemingly gone off the rails. I find myself triggered, upset, angry, introspective, and a myriad of other emotions. These are not emotions conducive to writing the truth. It requires me to take a step back, work on healing, and then move forward slowly, and with grace. I hope you can remain patient with me, and when I do share what I’ve written, that you will be able to really hear me in the words.

Last week ended badly, the weekend was so traumatizing, and I ended up heavily triggered Monday into Tuesday, without realizing it until I was ass deep in alligators. This resulted in me returning home from a medical procedure yesterday afternoon, and actually having a bad reaction for maybe the third time ever. I found myself huddled under a blanket, writing, shivering, and physically shaking. I had eaten, but hadn’t hit the right amount of calories because I was so nauseous. It carried over into this morning with more shaking. Hell, I am shaking as I type this, and I’ve eaten a balanced, nutritious meal over an hour ago. It’s as if all my muscles are trying to detach themselves from my bones. That’s the only way I can describe it.

I made a decision a few years ago, when it all started, not to share what I am going through medically. Mostly because I don’t want to hear people’s judgmental comments, or ever feel like I have to justify my personal health choices/decisions to anyone. Let me be clear: I will not validate anything to anyone. They were not in the room with me when I received the information and they were not there to balance the positives versus potential negatives.

I have already heard how people perceive this without ever realizing that millions of people benefit medically from some questionable options presented to them. It is life or death. It is quality of life over torturous agony. They are making such rude assessments, all while not knowing I am doing something smart in order to help myself. The very thing they are sitting in judgment over. Judge away; I know my truth, and I know the person I am.

The percentage of personal information shared here is so minute, yet often seems like a lot. It’s made me question how much should be shared publicly. In fairness, I know what I am doing and saying, and I only try to share what absolutely matters. There are boundaries, though. Sometimes more than I ever imagined I’d need.

I am going to take a bit of time to step back and breathe. I need mental healing time. I need to get some restorative sleep. I need to talk to my tribe and truly heal the physical and mental aspect of all this, because before long, I have to turn around and do this all over again. I have very little support, but thankfully a friend is moving a few hours away soon, and this will bring forth some happier times ahead. It’s time to explore and find a balance because stress is breaking me down from head to toe. I feel it in my body and it’s not good. The amount of joint pain I experience every day of my life is beyond excruciating, and there is no end in sight.

And so it goes… A small dose of Kratom. A lot of ice water. Arnica for the obscene bruising. Bed. Maybe I’ll feel human tomorrow. That’s an enormous maybe.

copyright © 2022 by Lisa Marino & Poison In Lethal Doses, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

I Stand Against Antisemitism

Miss Poison Anti-Semitism , , , , , , ,

I challenge you to stand by me while I Stand Against Antisemitism. I firmly suspect you will not support me at all, and I am good with that. I’ve seen everyone’s truth. Don’t like my stance? That’s fine. I don’t like Anti-Semitic hate. Am Yisrael Chai.

Images credited to marked organizations/individuals

Another Day, Another Synagogue

Miss Poison Writing , , , , ,

I write this as the hostage situation in Colleyville, Texas, which I have been following since this morning, when the BBC sent a notification to my phone, has come to an end. Thank G-d every hostage, including the Rabbi of Congregation Beth Israel, are alive and safe. Let me be clear when I say that they saved themselves, they were NOT “rescued”. I am certain you will hear about this in the coming days, but I’m saying it now, in real time. No one gives a damn about rescuing Jews, so if you haven’t paid attention to history, it’s time to do so. We are less than 2% of the North American population. We are a minority, and this is becoming worse by the day.

Mainstream American media didn’t start covering this story until well after 6:00 PM EST. I know, because I was paying attention. Even at that hour, it was a few sentences, and nothing more. I legitimately had more information about what was going on than NPR, and I cannot describe the overwhelming rage and anger I feel for that, as well as for my community, which is, once again, being marginalized. Don’t tell us what is and is not antisemitism. You simply don’t have that right.

Why did I have more info? Because I had members of the community on the ground, sharing the truth. As we were being told it had nothing to do with the Jewish community by law enforcement, I have to publicly say that this man was not holding people hostage in a mosque or a church (G-d forbid!). The FBI needs to get their lies straight.

The only people who spoke to me today about what was going on were my brother and a close friend. Obviously he’s my brother, so yes, he’s Jewish, and so is my friend. She didn’t even know what was going on because she wasn’t in front of her phone or a TV. She only found out from me, and then we tried to console one another.

All I kept thinking throughout the day was, “People have news notifications on their phones, laptops, tablets, etc. People watch TV. Where the hell are all my so-called ‘friends’?” Later on, I went and cut a large percentage of people off of my social media accounts. You do not get an explanation when I decide to cut you out of my life for your low-key antisemitism, because that’s what silence is. It’s a form of hatred. It’s not like I got messages to simply say, “Hey, I heard what’s going on in Texas. Are you okay? I am here if you need to talk.” THAT is a show of support, and respect. Silence is violence. Silence says you don’t give a fuck. Let me be clear, it was not the only thing I shared today regarding hate crimes. I also shared a post about an Asian woman who was murdered in New York City; she was thrown in front of a moving train. That’s absolutely HEINOUS and revolting (not to mention, evil as hell), but guess what? This bitch is Jewish, Asian, and Latina. I represent my people! I don’t come from a place of ignorance. It takes a few minutes to properly research something or better yet, you can talk to a member of a diverse cultural group, and get the facts. Communicate to educate,

Can’t ask me how I’m coping with this? Well, quite frankly I’m refusing to be politically correct moving forward. I am going to use the correct phrases and terms to explain the impact of this near-tragedy. Especially since this particular synagogue does not permit congregation members to carry concealed. That’s not going to fly with me, and it should NOT fly with the community at large. I would rather take someone out who is, quite clearly a threat, and then have my own people bring in a special attorney. These are unsafe times for Jews, and I’m sick of it. I’m equally as sick of the silence the community is met with throughout the world.

The Dallas-Fort Worth area is very special to me. I miss it. I would not go back to Texas in terms of living because of their abortion laws, but should that change, it will always make my cut on places to live. So, to hear what was going on rattled me. It took me right back to my first time in Texas; I remember passing a synagogue and thinking, “Wow! This is five times bigger than the synagogue my family occasionally went to on Long Island.” I’m not exaggerating, either. It was not just a synagogue, but a school, after-school activities, etc. I was in total awe.

Since last May’s war, my own friends and family don’t feel completely safe. Not even in Israel. Never before have they said this. Not once. My best friend, who is a born and raised citizen of Israel, does not feel safe. This concerns me, because she’s not just my best friend, she is also related to me. I freak out over her feeling unsafe, and I have reminded her that she was born to an American mother and can declare dual citizenship at the U.S. Embassy with her birth certificate. I’m actually shocked it only recently came up. Not everyone has this added luxury/benefit, and I am hoping she will do this in the future. I would feel better if she could easily board a flight to the United States as a dual citizen, and breathe a little, when she is able. I would gladly give her my frequent flier miles, and she knows this. If she didn’t hear from me for months, she’d worry. I often don’t hear from her for months at a time, and I have to pay attention to the news to make sure they don’t say her name, or her parent’s names. I keep in mind that, except for hair and eye color, she can easily pass as my sister. We resemble one another quite closely, and so, I will always worry.

I rarely wear a sign of faith, which is generally by personal choice. I’ve actually worn a lot less jewelry since Covid began. It’s only been in the past six months or so where I’ve felt it was okay to start wearing earrings and necklaces again. I am still iffy with rings, so it depends on my mood, but I’m highly aware now of my Hebrew tattoos and how they could make me a target, even though they’re usually covered up. If people feel like they can safely wear a cross, like so many millions do each day, then I should not have to feel unsafe with a Chai or a Star of David, or both. I should not have to pause and ask myself if that’s a wise choice. Even as someone versed in self-defense, I should not have to question myself for even half a second.

All images credited to @henmazzig

I am as exhausted and as fed up as every other Jewish activist telling the truth, and being threatened by strangers all over social media, or threatened by social media to have our accounts shutdown because they don’t like the truth. This occurrence has only made us see everyone else as they truly are, so we’re going rogue. You may not understand what it’s like to be Team Maccabee, but we sure as hell do because we know our history. We don’t feed you lies, and any Jew that does is either self-hating or Bernie Sanders. Oh, wait. He’s both.

copyright © 2022 by Lisa Marino & Poison In Lethal Doses, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Poison In Lethal Doses®™ is a registered trademark.

Actions of a Chronic Insomniac

Miss Poison Insomnia, Writing , , , , , , , ,

This morning, I spent a little over an hour in the kitchen whipping up a full pot of tabouleh. I needed some healthy, soul food. 😉 It felt so good to listen to music and go at my own pace. It calmed me down in ways that, of late, cooking has not.

I made it differently this time (More to my personal taste, as opposed to anyone else’s.), and I’ll add more lemon juice to it later on in the day, because as it cools, more flavors pop and you can tell, right before you serve it, what else needs to be added. Taste as you go.

“Tam” means “taste”. I am an instinctual kind of chef, and I believe this stems from growing up and paying attention to how things were prepared from start to finish. Usually if I watch something done once or twice, that’s it, I’m solid on how to do it for the rest of my life. Rarely do I look at a recipe, unless I am making something new for the first time, and even then, I put my personal spin on every single dish I make for my family/friends. I take great pride in doing this, to the point where my brother texted me last night to complain about no one making, “good food” for him. I reminded him I used to do this for him several times a week and he didn’t always appreciate it. It’s a little sad when a person doesn’t necessarily miss YOU, but they miss your cooking.

I must have felt stronger than I am, because I had even softened butter to bake a full batch of Peppermint Chocolate Chunk cookies for after I’d finished up the tabouleh, but I felt so exhausted after cleaning up the kitchen, and I knew I had to listen to my body. I will bake them later, or tomorrow, if I have the energy/patience.

My insomnia is scary right now. Usually, I work when I’m unable to sleep, and I feel accomplished in that because I am able to make a lot of headway, but this morning I’d had enough of words and decided to put my efforts into food prep. I won’t have to cook later, so that will be awesome. 🙂 I’ll be able to put things on the table, enjoy, and get some feedback on this batch of Middle Eastern goodness. 😀

It is sixteen degrees here after yesterday being a snow day in a myriad of ways (It is ICY out there. Dangerously icy.), so I feel good that there’s stuff ready for a late lunch/early dinner. I’ll be pairing this with a kale and spinach salad accompanied by grilled chicken. Douse it in balsamic vinaigrette and I am THERE. 🙂 Obviously, the cookies are a bit of a treat, but I eat boringly healthy most of the time (I had the exact same salad last night, because I was too lazy to add things to it. Normally I do a full blown salad for 2-3 days, which often includes peppers, cruciferous veggies, whatever seasonal fruit I have on hand, nuts, the works, but this time, I begged out. I was too tired to do it, but it was okay.), so I am allowed to do something fun, for a change. Lately, my biggest craving has been whipped cream. I’ve been obsessed, and it’s such an odd craving to have…

I find it interesting that while I was chopping, stirring, and juicing lemons by hand (Yes, I am THAT girl.), despite the music I was listening, and singing to, my mind went blank of all the stressors. This is practically unheard of for me. I have had WEEKS of stressful thinking, mostly surrounded around heavy business decisions (as well as health stuff.).

I looked at my closest friends and saw how everyone is wrapped up in their own lives, to the point where many don’t even ask me if I’m okay when they assault me with what they’ve got going on (Yes, it is assault. They don’t ask my permission, so I’ve stopped answering everyone immediately.). I didn’t want to bother any of them with my minor problems. Yeah, I downplay my grief. I don’t deny it. They are dealing with life/death issues, and that supersedes my crap. Whatever I am thinking/feeling won’t mean a whole lot to them in the long or short run, and they don’t have my business sense, so I felt completely alone in terms of who to talk to. Ultimately, I discussed it with a family member who reinforced how responsible I am being and how I am making smart moves. They also offered to help me, and I appreciate that. It’s no one else’s responsibility to help me with business stuff. Truly. It was my business plan from the get-go and hitting a brick wall without a crystal ball was not the goal, so it is truly my responsibility to handle the heavy-lifting. It may feel like a burden now, but it won’t when it’s done, and that’s the feeling I have to embrace. Focus on the goal, and do everything in your power to achieve it. You are allowed to have goals, change your mind, change course, and whatever else you need to do in order to succeed in a fair way.

I admit, this is an enormous goal. I am not going to shy away from the challenge, though. In the meantime, it gives me additional time to perfect that which feels raw. I went back to part one of this goal and when I went through all my notes, I hated everything I’d put together. Truly hated it, whereas I was previously proud not that long ago. I’ll sort it out, and I will do so without pressuring myself to have it done yesterday. One step at a time, even if they’re baby steps. The goal WILL be achieved, and I have to trust the Universe to know when the timing is right.

Here’s hoping I get some rest this weekend and continue to heal. After all, the weekend is only forty-eight hours and that never seems like a lot of time, because it isn’t. I feel like I’ll blink, and it will be May, and the thought is utterly traumatic, so I am trying to take on one stressor at a time. Needless to say, it’s probably a good thing I speak with my psychiatrist next week. I almost feel bad for him. Almost. 😉

Wherever you are in the world, may you enjoy your weekend in peace.

Copyright © 2022 by Lisa Marino & Poison In Lethal Doses, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Poison In Lethal Doses®™ is a registered trademark. Written work by author may not be shared or posted anywhere without express written consent.

Writing Challenges, Ideas, and Being Realistic

Miss Poison Honesty, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Writing , , , , , , ,

As a writer, have you ever gotten in your own damn way? Maybe even not as a writer, but as a creative person? Over the past few years I have written four novels. Three are fully-fleshed out, while one was a side project I wanted to keep in development since I wrote it in pieces. I decided from the get-go that I would piece it together as the bulk of the story came to me; I wasn’t going to go from A to Z, I was just going to write the best scenes as they came to me.

I approach each project with different ideas and methods, so there is no magical potion involved for writing perfection. Perfection is mythology; of this I assure you. I wait to write something because a story has to haunt me for a while and live inside my head first. If it’s the kind that whispers, “Write this.”, then I will. If it goes out like a candle flame, I file it away somewhere inside my creative mind. Sometimes it will resurface, and it’ll be ten times better. That’s always the goal, but not all ideas work like that.

Have you ever become obsessed with a character you’ve created? They become a part of you; you are now living, breathing, and sleeping this character. Your thoughts are their thoughts. Maybe you subconsciously ARE this character. Who knows? It comes to the point where, when you begin writing another female character, you find yourself annoyed by her voice. You’ll catch yourself becoming frustrated. This new female is not as intense, not as strong, maybe not as fierce, or as passionate, but you feel like she could be, if you just pushed her hard enough. If you unleashed her. Except, when you go back to your completed work, you find you’ve named the character the same damn thing you named your previous female lead. Three. Separate. Times. How is that even possible? You’re dumbfounded, because you’ve got a long list of names you could be using, and somehow, you are using the one with all the power.

I’ve found that I love two very specific names for women. I don’t feel like sharing what those names are (I’m many things, but I try not to be an idiot!), outside of saying they’re short, sweet, elegant, classical, and direct, and so are these characters. These names are truly beautiful. Every time I so much as variate from the top two, it’s as if I’m possessed by some kind of naming demon. Each time, I am truly clueless as to how or when the name changed. It’s rough.

These women I’ve created are interesting characters. The kind of women you’d want to be friends with, and the kind of women you’d go to bat for. You automatically like them. Until I was 56,000 words in to a new book and realized I was writing the lead female character differently. She started off fierce and ferocious, and some idiot softened her up. I can’t decide if it was ME or if the lead male character was trying to dominate the damn story, but it stressed me out so badly. I decided I needed to get some reading and research done before revisiting the story. Ultimately, I took time to gain some perspective.

After a few days, I came at this new book with fresh eyes, and wondered how I could change things up to maybe ONE story, as opposed to two. I had considered this particular story a one and done, but when pieced together with the story that felt stalled, it’s a superior body of work. It requires a ton of time and work to achieve this.

So here I am, faced with rewrites because I have to change locations, jobs, names, and re-work things until it’s a smooth transition of combining these two stories into one; albeit one that is better, and eliminates potential cliches and comparisons which have bothered me from day one, but that I’d also worked on heavily to eliminate, which I have managed to do. All of this is to keep the main female character’s strong, intense, fierce voice. I feel pulled towards her voice because it is reasonable, emotionally intelligent, strong, smart, snarky, knowledgeable, without coming off snobby, or sounding like a know-it-all, and because she’s fiercely honest and direct; she does not play games to fill a page with wasted words. She’s got a very serious set of rules and boundaries, and she commands respect. The other female character was coming off weaker, despite similar attributes. I had to come to the realization, on my own, that I cannot write a weak female character.

I have come across this issue before. I could write a weak female, but it nauseates me, and goes against the core of who I am, so nope, not gonna do it. I can’t even tolerate weakness in myself or in others, so it would come off fake on the page. Don’t force yourself to write someone you don’t believe in. I feel that’s a great rule for all writers; if you don’t believe it, neither will anyone else.

I can, and will, do the hard work of putting together a better story. It likely means cutting things out that no longer work, which could be thirty chapters worth of work, or more. It requires me to remain focused on how much better this will be when it is truly completed. It also means, thanks to other opportunities, that it might take another year or two before it is officially done. I have to be realistic about my time, health, and also remember to factor sleep into the equation. This is a real problem for me. Every time I’m on a better path, something interrupts my sleep again! It’s awful, but I am aware of this issue beginning every three months. I am trying to stay on top of it.

The upside of insomnia is that I write between two to seven thousand words almost every night I can’t sleep, and none of it is crap (I instinctively know when I am writing filler, and will immediately delete it.). The downside is being sick and in a lot of pain, and not being able to write for sixteen hours straight. There are days I do, but they are few and far between at the moment, as I recover from a bad allergic reaction to flowers, which ultimately turned into flu-like symptoms with NO Covid symptoms. My allergies stopped responding to allergy medicine, so it was scary to suddenly become so sick from a flower arrangement. It’s never been so bad, but once the larger flowers bloomed, my skin burned, my eyes itched and burned, and my breathing was affected. I misplaced my Epi-Pen, so I was paranoid as hell while it was happening.

This whole situation where medication was useless recently turned into me making homemade cough syrup. Laugh, if you will, but it is probably the best thing for me. Every ingredient is healthy and helpful. My very first dose stopped me from coughing longer than any over-the-counter crap I’ve ever taken, and it also worked better than the codeine syrup I was prescribed, probably since the prescription no longer contains alcohol. Mine does contain a dash of two different types of alcohol I had on hand, as well as two different types of honey, but when you taste it, you are mostly getting a blast of ginger, cayenne, honey, and lemon. I didn’t follow any particular recipe for this, I just grabbed the honey and started mixing it up like a potion before pouring it into a larger container and sticking it in the fridge to give it a longer shelf life. 😉 I didn’t make a lot, so it’ll likely be gone in a day or two, but yes, it’s helped greatly. I no longer have a sore throat, and it’s breaking down congestion I didn’t even know I had. I take it, I rest, and I feel better slowly, but surely. When synthetic shit doesn’t work, go back to basics. I’ve become more dependent on homeopathic medicine than ever before. Hyland’s is helping me considerably to manage my pain levels, though I know it is a temporary fix. If it works, I’ll stick with it, because so much has not. I’d love to get back every cent I wasted trying to get CBD oil to help me. I am embarrassed I kept upping the dose to try and find some relief. 😦 I consider how much work I will have to do to recoup those funds and put them to better use.

A lot of pain patients stop speaking to me whenever I suggest they seek out alternatives which might help them. Ultimately, I believe there is an answer for every single illness humans and animals experience. I believe it is found on Earth, not necessarily inside a lab working with synthetic ingredients. Your answer might not be what works for my body, and vice versa, but I don’t roll my eyes at you and give you attitude, so I have no idea why anyone thinks that’s a workable method with me.

At this point, I feel insurance should fully cover medical marijuana and CBD products as medicine. It helps a large number of people and it has medical oversight. If the cure for something is low or high dose Scorpion venom, as an example, then I feel it should be fully covered by everyone’s health insurance provider no matter what. I already know for a fact that it is being tested on various forms of cancer and for many other things, as well. It has been successful in it’s progress of treatment with zero side effects. It is the most expensive substance on this planet. That ink well you’re looking at on my logo? It’s Scorpion venom.

It may be Thursday, but I am ready to close out this first week of 2022. I have already referred to this month twice as October. Yeah, I know. I need a vacation. Yet, here we are, with Covid stopping everything for the umpteenth time. Indoor mask mandates have come down and in many areas, they begin today. I had not stopped wearing a mask in stores (I’ve also limited my time indoors to the pharmacy, grocery shopping, and only a few others places. I do NOT look forward to returning to a medical building in twelve days. I am, however, grateful that the hospital has reduced the amount of people that can be in the building at one time, and that nine people can NOT accompany one person!), and after hearing how many people got sick before, during, or after Christmas/NYE, and seeing the 6+ hour lines at testing sites, I am glad I didn’t drop my guard. Unfortunately, a lot of people are very sick and in the hospital, or they are sick and have to quarantine, so I keep a few extra masks with me and I remember that this is temporary. But damn does cold air feel good on your skin when a mask makes you feel like you can’t breathe, or like your skin is being smothered to death! I’m sure we’ve all had those moments.

Cough syrup, a simple breakfast, and I’ll see where the day takes me. I am actually considering hitting the kitchen and whipping up some tabouleh, especially since I have the time, believe I have all the necessary ingredients, and it’s so easy to throw together. 🙂 Last night I made homemade ramen, and while very good and a great way to get vegetables and protein into my system, I was slightly frustrated by the fact that a thirty minute meal felt like it had taken hours. Chronic fatigue is a constant reminder that I am not one hundred percent. That’s okay. I’ll settle for fifty percent, if that’s the way I can get multiple things done in a day.

Ever forward, peeps. Ever forward.

copyright © 2022 by Lisa Marino & Poison In Lethal Doses, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Poison In Lethal Doses®™ is a registered trademark.

With A Bang

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Hey, everyone. I hate that I feel the need to write this, but facts are facts, and it’s important to me to be transparent with my readers.

Due to an increased level of online hatred towards Jews, but especially towards those of us who remain honest about our lives, and our ties to the Jewish homeland (Israel), I will be making my About page private for a period of time. Many of you will remember what happened last year, and how I was dragged through a lot of unnecessary hate. You can legitimately go through my profiles and you will not see me say anything except the truth. I refuse to stand behind hate which targets communities I represent, and I will not stand in solidarity with people who support the sickness that is Neo-Nazi behavior or any form of hatred towards an ethno-religious group. I don’t say hateful things, but hate is their doctrine. That is NOT okay. I would not want any of you to be affected or feel unsafe, either.

I have received two new death threats in the past week. I’ve even had someone tell me that the Holocaust happened because of World War II, so some people need an actual education before they speak. The community at large has decided to escalate the threats we’ve collectively received to our local FBI offices in the United States, and overseas it will likely escalate to Interpol. It is a matter I feel needs to be handled by law enforcement because the second you say something which crosses a line, you need to know it’s not actually okay to make those comments on ANY social media platform. Your hate deserves to be investigated. There’s a reason you learn how to keep your mouth shut, and in this day and age, it’s especially important to know how to use your freedom of speech in the right way.

Instagram, Twitter, Tik Tok, and Facebook all feel it’s acceptable to allow hate speech. They will not take it down, but they will take down accounts which are sharing factual truth. That is a highly dangerous beginning, especially as there have been roughly thirty-five attacks against Jews in less than ten days. Why should we feel unsafe in order to make others feel comfortable in their hatred? Think about that for a hot minute.

Just as I stand with other heavily attacked and abused communities, this is personal and I am going to stand behind my own safety, and that of my friends and family. I actually care more about their safety than I do my own.

I don’t want to limit what I say here, or edit myself to make others feel comfortable to keep on hating. Not every reader is interested in me or my message(s); some just like to keep tabs, and I am well aware of that. I, personally, do not follow anyone unless I truly want to read what they have to say. I did have to cut back last year because I was unfairly following people I couldn’t keep up with. I say, “unfair”, because that’s the truth. I want to be involved and read your thoughts, but if I’m a year behind, that’s pretty awful from my perspective. I have to be honest with myself about my time, too.

I will be back soon with regularly scheduled “normalcy”. Thank you for your support, well wishes, and kindness. I do appreciate the e-mails and messages I receive. I read all of them. I answer everyone who is sane.

May January be full of blessings for all of us, and a lot less targeted hate.

Peace and Prayers,

copyright © 2022 by Lisa Marino & Poison In Lethal Doses, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Poison In Lethal Doses®™ is a registered trademark.

Different

Image Miss Poison Growth, Images/Photos/Quotes , , ,

This sums it up in a short and sweet kind of way. 🙂 Due to time constraints, and being sick this week (I’m not better, but it’s predominantly allergy-related, as far as I know.), what I originally prepared will have to be re-worked. It’s worth the wait, though, because it was fun to write.

Thank you for listening to me and being here, from one year to the next. Wishing you all a happy, healthy, and safe New Year. Take care of yourselves and be well.

Much Love,

Final Caturday of 2021

Miss Poison Caturday, Poison In Lethal Doses, Writing , , , , ,

Next Saturday will be a whole new year. It’ll probably take me ’til March to stop writing 2021. 😉 I don’t celebrate New Year’s Eve or New Year’s Day. They don’t feel like, “holidays” to me, not in the traditional sense of the word, and I realized yesterday that they never have. Do you feel especially celebratory at the end of a year?

Cat used to be like this for the first ten months I had her. I swear, she’d wait until I wasn’t expecting it and just tear me to shreds. She is feeling more playful these days (and she’s eight years old, so that helps.), so she’ll smack my feet or swat at my socks, or she’ll snap her teeth at me. She’s feisty. She will bite me, on occasion, but she’s mostly obsessed with how many hair ties she can thieve. Also, sometimes my socks go missing in the middle of the night. 😉 I guess they offend her or she thinks they’re for her. I’m pretty sure she has dibs on anything soft and fluffy the second I keel over.

As I reflect, very lightly, on this year, I have to factor in that I’ve written over close to one million words on three different manuscripts. That, in and of itself, is quite the achievement. Yet, it barely registers. I’ve been told I’m too humble. Perhaps that’s true. As someone told me nearly two weeks ago, “Anyone can write, but you’re a talented writer.” I’m also not good with compliments.

If the software I used didn’t have a word counter at the bottom of the screen, I’d keep writing until something felt done. It’s a good process. However, I’ve spent the past fifteen years, perhaps longer, obsessing over word count when I am writing something, however large or small. Here, I don’t count words, but WordPress is happy to tell me at the end of each year how many words I’ve written. There have been years I’ve done a quarter of a million words here alone, sometimes more. That’s pretty good considering this material is free. 😉

Today was a grey, rainy, foggy, icy, frigidly cold day. There was so much black ice that many people fell and injured themselves. 😦 My hands and feet are like mini ice sculptures; frozen solid. But it was a good day in the sense that it was predominantly quiet. I was able to get closer to my Goodreads challenge number, as well. I’m currently at one hundred and fifty-sex books read for the year. My goal was one hundred and fifty-three. I just started reading book one hundred and fifty-seven. I might read one hundred and sixty if I stay on point between now and the 31st. Wish me luck with this one. I have to say, the material is compelling or I’d have to force myself to read it, and forcing myself to read shitty material is never a positive experience. To think I did eighty books last year when we were basically under hardcore quarantine for so long. I actually picked up a book Friday afternoon, but I will put it towards for 2022 challenge. If you aren’t a Goodreads member, it is free to join, you can link your Amazon Kindle account, they have tons of giveaways for free books throughout the year, and it’s a nice community. I’ve been a member since 2008, when a friend highly recommended I join. I ended up loving it far more than she did. I have Librarian status, so if you want or need your work added to the database, please get in touch. It’s an excellent networking took for writers.

A big part of me is glad that today is over. I haven’t slept in over forty-eight hours, so I need a good night’s sleep and to go back to being caffeine free (Damn you, Earl Grey tea!!). Tomorrow I’m planning to cook a nice Sunday dinner (Tradition.), and possibly bake either a chocolate mint cake or two dozen peppermint chocolate chip cookies, I can’t decide which to do first, but plan on doing both between this weekend and next weekend. After mid-January, it’s time to go back to eating super healthy again 90% of the time. I ate a ridiculous amount of chocolate before, during, and after Chanukah. I regret about 35% of it. 😉

On this final Caturday of the year, I hope you will make friends with strange cats next year, adopt and not shop for any animal you are looking to bring into your family, and most importantly, I hope you’re granted good health. Many of you don’t know what it’s like to be flaring when you have medication in your system which is supposed to be eliminating all of your pain, whereas a great amount of you do know what this is like. Hell. I’ve been functioning at a very low setting this year, and I’m fighting for a new diagnosis next year. New symptoms have to be addressed, and the sad thing is, bad things could be happening within my system while I wait to be seen by a myriad of doctors. I don’t look forward to additional suffering. Healthcare in this country is shameful. I’ll probably say it more than I care to, but it’s true, and it’s WRONG.

Bright Blessings, lovelies.

copyright © 2021 by Lisa Marino & Poison In Lethal Doses, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Poison In Lethal Doses®™ is a registered trademark.

Happy WordPress Anniversary, Poison In Lethal Doses!

Miss Poison Anniversary, Poison In Lethal Doses , , , ,

Happy to have been here for nine years. Happier to be with PILD since, well, it’s much, MUCH longer than this website will ever tell you. 😉 Someone told me last week that the difference between being a writer and being a talented writer is knowing your audience. For him, I fall into the latter category. He actually said, “Anyone can type words. It takes talent to write with purpose, and you really have a purpose.”

I would not be here without my readers. Readers, NOT followers. You are all amazing to me. Kind, funny, warm, supportive. It’s a family, in a bowl of linguine kind of way, but family nonetheless. Thank you for everything you read, with or without clicking like. I don’t need to rack up likes to feel a sense of accomplishment. Thank you for reading even if you’re not officially following this site; that’s almost more important because it means something else entirely. And an enormous thank you to whomever voted me an “Inspiring Writer of 2021”. That’s five years in a row, peeps, and I will not forget it. To the person who said I was their favorite writer, I feel like I need to send you flowers or take you to dinner.

I am my most authentic self here (In a “Free of nosy people.”, kind of way.), and I appreciate everyone who drops in and leaves a comment, or tells me on social media how much they liked something I’ve written or said. It means a lot. It keeps me fueled. It also keeps me looking forward to connecting with you on different levels.

2022 is all about new levels, new chapters, and MORE. I can’t wait!

Love & good cheer,