That Moment

2015-03-16 Miss Poison Musings, People, Poison In Lethal Doses Idiots, Musings, Poison In Lethal Doses, Serenity

There’s that moment where every single person you know says or does something that irritates the shit out of you. If I didn’t know better, I’d think it was planned. How is it that everyone systematically starts acting like a dramatic, inconsiderate, idiotic asshole all at the same time? Is everyone attending Idiot 101, or is there a sign?

God, grant me the serenity not to start murdering people. Or at the very least, make them all go away for a while and come back normal. Perhaps you’d like to send me to Tahiti while everyone is clearly off their rocker? UGH!

Tell Me The Truth; Was I Run Over By A Truck?!

2015-03-08 Miss Poison Chronic Pain, Exhaustion, Fibromyalgia, Honesty, Migraines, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Work, Writing Exhaustion, Fibromyalgia, Honesty, Migraines, Musings, Pain, Poison In Lethal Doses, Stress, Weekends, Work, Writing

Sleep issues, for now, seem to be on their way to looking up. I was in bed so early last night, I’m certain every 80+ year old Grandmother was still awake when my head hit the pillow. When sleeping is difficult, it’s good to go to bed the second you can no longer keep your eyes open. Mission accomplished. It was after 4:00 a.m. when I realized that I never bothered to turn the clocks ahead an hour, but in the grand scheme of things; no harm, no foul.

Somehow the downside of a full night’s rest is that I woke up feeling like a Mack Truck had run over me, backed up, and proceeded to go at it a second time. Everything from my neck down to about mid-thigh feels broken, bruised, damaged, and whatever words are worse than “sore” and “achy”. By Fibro flare standards, this is pretty standard. It was twenty degrees colder yesterday, and yet today, while the temperature is slightly under a balmy 50 degrees, my body is working against me. Even my hair hurts…that’s not okay.

Weekends are never as long as they should be. For at least a year, I’d like one continuous weekend. There are weekends where you get a lot of writing/editing done (read: work) , and others where you get to enjoy things that you might not normally get to do (Minds out of the gutter.).

I’m extremely displeased with where this weekend went, but considering how much I have on my mind and on my plate, figuratively speaking, I just have to do better this week in terms of properly managing time.

In the meantime, I’ve got a ton of work and research ahead of me this week. I look forward to none of it. I’m having a hard time being passionate about what I do because the daily pain is just too much. Normally I am speedy and efficient. Right now, I am slow and I find fault with every other word. No matter how much positivity I can manage, at the beginning and end of each day I am still in excruciating pain and it’s hard not to take issue with that.

Here’s hoping everyone’s week is bright, and full of potential. I’ll be okay with significant progress, love, support, and a lot less pain.

Spring Forward

2015-03-072015-03-07 Miss Poison Exhaustion, Honesty, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Writing Broken Plans, Musings, Poison In Lethal Doses, Spring Forward, The Sun, Writing

One of the most evil things we deal with each year is ‘Spring Forward’, where the clocks go ahead one hour. I’ve already been robbed of quality sleep for damn near a month, and this will only add to that. The birds are awake too damn early and my bedroom faces East, so what’s in my darkened room right this minute? The mother-fucking SUN. PURE EVIL.

If you’ve never heard me talk about how I am paler than most corpses (One of my best friends calls it “the beautiful Snow White complexion”. Everyone else asks if I’m sick and suggests I “get a tan”.), you know why the sun is such an issue for me. I probably wear more sunscreen than is considered normal, but when you’ve lost multiple family members to various forms of cancer, you really shouldn’t take any unnecessary chances with your skin. It’s one of those things that is with you for your entire life. I am also highly photosensitive, so I avoid the sun and bright lights like the plague. I wear sunglasses at night because people’s headlights make me want to die, especially those attached to newer cars. I also avoid fake people, simply because they piss me off. 😛

Some people look forward to Spring, as a precursor to Summer. They look forward to being outside as often as possible, to flowers, gardening, etc. I do not, though I’d love a nice herb & veggie garden. Sadly, the green thumb went to a different relative. If I could find a climate where it was 65 degrees year-round, that is precisely where I would move. Once it’s below 40 degrees, I go into terrible Fibro flare. Once it goes over 70 degrees, I’m convinced I’m melting and I also flare up with ease. Extreme temperatures and I do not mesh well. It’s hard to believe I used to go out in single digits temperatures, or lower, with soaking wet hair all winter long. Times, they are changin’.

I had plans for today that suddenly went poof yesterday because a family member is sick (read: whining like a big fucking baby.) and apparently requires a round-the-clock nurse/maid because he is refusing to go to Urgent Care or the Emergency Room. I am LIVID that I got roped into this. Payback is a bitch, and he’d best be prepared for what I have in store because he waited until the very last minute, knowing full well I had places to be today. Yes, I can do most of these things another day, but that’s not the point. Sometimes you need “me time” to breathe and take care of yourself. Today was supposed to be that time for me, even if only for a few hours. I could attempt it tomorrow, but “Spring Forward” always screws with me badly for the first few weeks, so I don’t anticipate being able to get out early. On the plus side, one place IS open 24 hours, so if I really want to get those things done, I can still go, even if it’s later on in the day.

So now, on very little sleep, I’m off in search of something just slightly caffeinated (because I’ve already taken two Excedrin Tension Headache capsules and that’s enough to keep me awake for three days straight. Plus, I’ve mentioned my caffeine detox, right?) so I can have a little breakfast and watch Banshee. After that, I’m contemplating drowning myself (I’m KIDDING. The last thing I need is one more idiot taking my words and tone out of context!). In all seriousness, that probably can’t happen in the shower, but at the very least, it means I get privacy and silence for an hour or so. After I thoroughly Lysol the place to make sure his infectedness does not decide to hop on board. It might seem like overkill, but I really cannot afford to be any sicker than I already am. If I wasn’t mildly concerned, I would have already strangled him for waking me up with his coughing and kvetching. If I didn’t have real evidence of the illness, I’d think he was one of the greatest performance artists of all time, because the drama is off the charts.

Whatever your plans are today, I hope they’re the exact opposite of mine. Enjoy your weekend. Visit with friends, see a movie, read a great book, do something for YOU. If you’re miserable or feeling lonely, look into adopting a pet. They’re great company and will utterly ignore you just as completely as a person. However, they are often far superior in terms of company.

Earl Grey Snow Day

2015-03-05 Miss Poison Cats, Honesty, Humor, Kittens, March, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Snow Cats, Earl Grey Tea, Full Moon, Humor, Kittens, Musings, Poison In Lethal Doses, Purim, Snow, Vile Neighbors, Writing

Hello everyone! I was terribly sick yesterday, so I apologize for not posting. Happy Purim & Happy Full Crow Moon. Believe me when I say, I won’t be able to see the moon tonight. The snow blind is murderous and the sky is so white, it’s creepy.

I’m recovering from a series of migraines that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Anyone who is lucky enough to have their migraines get better as they get older is truly blessed. I have doubts mine will cease completely without the use of a sledgehammer. Thankfully, three rounds of medication and my blood pressure lowering seems to have helped considerably. And yet, I’m too smart to fully trust that because they’re evil. Migraine sufferers know what I’m talking about.

Today is one of those snow days where the roads are so bad, all you can really do is shovel, get out the snowblower, and drink hot beverages while reading, working, or watching TV/listening to music. Earlier I discovered that my next door neighbor (I’ve mentioned them before. Everyone agreed that she’s an absolute psycho. Today, I strongly suspect her husband is off his rocker as well.) took it upon himself to “borrow” my snowblower. I wasn’t asked, so imagine the expression on my face when I saw him outside with a snowblower he doesn’t even know how to use. That thing cost me a LOT of money several years ago, so if he breaks it, I expect an immediate delivery of the purchase price because I truly don’t think what he did was cool. Who does that?! If you ask me, we’re fine, but if you help yourself, I take issue with it. I’m much more apt to help a person than they are, but I also don’t use someone else’s property or tools without asking. If it wasn’t snowing heavily, I might have gone outside and said something, but right now the point is moot. Suffice it to say, I am annoyed. When did manners go out of style?!

What did I learn about myself this morning? That I’m raising a disrespectful, unappreciative, rude cat. Sassy McSasserson (No, that’s not her real name.) bunny kicked me in the head when I gave her hugs and kisses to comfort her because snow is scary to her and she doesn’t like to see it. She spent a few hours trying to attack it as it fell, before getting bored. When I went to brush her later on (because she’d shedding almost as much hair as I do on a daily basis, perhaps more), she bit me, claws came out, and there was blood. I was NOT pleased. Now she’s under my bed attacking her sister, simply for existing. I am happy to say that Mini (Also, not her real name.) has emerged unscathed. As the smaller, younger of the two, she is normally the aggressor, but today she is far more interested in learning how to truly meow and steal all of my pens in systematic fashion, when not standing up at her full height to “attack” the birds that are trying to build their nests for Spring. How she expects to do that through glass, I do not know, but hey, you’ve got to let them figure this shit out on their own. Of course, if you’re me, you do so while responding to all said chirps and meows, so that they know you speak their language. It’s a great way to ensure that you don’t get returned to the shelter as the “inappropriate human”. I’ve caught Sassy over the past year or so staring at me and I suspect that Ms. Goldeneyes has been contemplating trading me in for a newer, fancier model. Feed, love, groom, keep them safe, make sure they’re healthy. If she thinks she can do better, I have news for her; they just don’t make them like me any more. Not only did they break the mold, but they beat the hell out of the mold maker too. (Yes, this used to make my mother laugh.) Shout out to Shay for that hilarious birthday card of old. This is the first time in a long time that it made me smile.

What else do I have to say? I’m not sure. It’s really just random silliness. Well, the last bit was, the rest was absolute seriousness.

Perhaps I should have another cup of tea. It’s decaf Earl Grey, but it’s my newest tea addiction.

Greetings From Enduring Pain

2015-03-032015-03-04 Miss Poison Fibromyalgia, Honesty, Life, March, Musings, Pain, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Work, Writing Fibromyalgia Pain, Limitations, March, Musings, Poison In Lethal Doses, Rest, Work, Writing

The title seemed witty when I wrote it, but now it seems bloody pathetic.

I hope everyone is having an easy start to March. Mine involved ice and snow. However, in the midst of all that, the bunnies have returned and my yard was FULL of a wide array of birds yesterday. There were some really gorgeous black & white birds that I’ve only seen once before, so I have no idea what they are, only that they make the yard look incredibly posh whenever they’re hanging out. They’re truly stunning little creatures.

I am in the midst of a very painful Fibro flare-up. I really pushed myself hard over the weekend to do a lot. By the time 5:00 PM rolled around on Saturday, I had already done everything on my list and was passed out in my bed. I could barely walk at that point and I was truly worried that it would be a week or so before I could fully move again. Sunday night dinners are a tradition in my house, but I wasn’t able to manage it. In fact, when I couldn’t sleep Sunday night I decided to do all the original prep while resting, and Monday night’s dinner became a little more special instead. C’est la vie. It’s important to listen to your body.

I am still hard at work on a large manuscript and a smaller one. Normally I’d be done with both, but I ran into some issues and in lieu of needing to correct those issues, I am a little behind, but it’s okay. Quality is better than speed when it pertains to someone’s livelihood.

I was able to finish reading The Ruby Circle by Richelle Mead yesterday morning. If you haven’t read Richelle’s Vampire Academy books (the first book was made into a movie which I have yet to see) or the second part of the series called Bloodlines (The Ruby Circle was the final Bloodlines book.), I highly recommend them. They’re fast, intelligent, witty, and you don’t have to be in any specific age group to read and/or enjoy them. Technically they’re considered YA, but I’m an Adult-Adult and I liked them. I do prefer her Age Of X series above all else, but that’s just personal preference and taste. The next book on my list is by the ever talented Chris Kuzneski. I hope I’ll enjoy his new series.

Today, despite being wide awake, I am in a lot of pain and I seriously doubt I’ll be able to get a ton of work done, but I will make an effort, if nothing else. I think it’s very important to listen to your body and slow down and give it the rest it requires, especially when you suffer from something debilitating that takes you down, such as Fibromyalgia. Resting can be tiresome, but it’s incredibly beneficial if it helps you get back to a better physical state.

Overall, I learned this weekend that Rome wasn’t built in a day. I cannot do every single thing in one day any more. It’s just not doable. It makes me sad, but I do hope that someday in the future there will either be medication that makes it possible to regain some normalcy or a cure. All one can do is hope & pray for the best.

Wishing you all a great week ahead. 🙂

In Some Situations

2015-02-18 Miss Poison Creativity, Editing, Editors, Health, Inspiration, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Work, Writer, Writers, Writing Creativity, Editing, Health, Inspiration, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Talent, The Creative Mind, The Creative Voice, Work, Writers, Writing

In some situations, you are the problem. In others, you are the problem solver. In the last week, I have been both the problem and the problem solver, but I’m proud of myself because I found a way around the problems and managed to solve them without losing my cool, yelling, screaming, or “unleashing the beast”.

It’s no secret that I have a temper. Push me and I will push back so hard, you’ll be in another country before you know what hit you. Over the last few years, I’ve worked really hard to dial back the temper and be a less anger-based person. So far, so good.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m no angel and certain situations and people call for anger, but the day-to-day stuff does not. “Don’t sweat the small stuff.” couldn’t be a more true statement or wiser advice. However, there’s a time and a place for every thing.

This past week I’ve struggled with my health, with work, and with things in my personal life. I’m concerned about my health, but all I can do is pray for the best and handle things as they come my way. Work, by comparison, is uncomplicated. I find it interesting how very specific projects land in my lap, and they’re 100% in my wheelhouse. It just goes to show you that the right people find you at precisely the right time. I truly have no explanation for all the batshit crazy people, but that’s life. There’s no true rhyme or reason, it simply is what it is.

I’d like to thank all of the new followers that have come on board over the last few weeks. It’s so lovely to see readership grow in a positive way. 🙂 I also have to thank those of you following on Twitter. Feel free to follow and let me know what else you’d like to see here.

For now, all I can say with certainty is that stress and snow are causing me to not sleep well. Every night I have intentions of being in bed at 9:00 PM. Thus far, that’s just not working out and it’s driving me insane. Generally writers and insomnia go hand in hand, but because it screws up my days so badly, I am hoping this stops really soon. I’d rather write and edit all day as opposed to finally be hitting the pillow as the sun is rising. It’s not healthy and it’s disrupting so much that days just seem to blend into one another. I hope this coming weekend will be a breakthrough for me. Even if that breakthrough means I have to take a few sleeping pills to re-set my internal clock, I’m willing to do it. I simply cannot go on like this, it’s no way to live.

Work is going well. There is something wonderful about a writer that wants cohesiveness throughout their entire body of work and in turn, only wants to work with an editor that is honest, that pushes them to be better, and that truly knows their stuff. Working with an editor can be difficult if you’re unsure of yourself or you’ve heard only good things about your work prior to handing it over to a professional. It can be jarring for some people, and for others, it’s about revising, releasing, and moving forward. Detaching from your work is hard at times, but it’s the only way you grow as a writer.

I’m grateful to be booked up and to be sent projects I am highly knowledgeable about. I’ve taken way too many jobs where I didn’t know all the things I should have known about the subject matter, but because they were only critiques or proofs, I didn’t have to be, I just had to give my honest opinion and correct errors that had previously been missed. Editing is completely different. I’ve been very lucky to be sent things I know a lot about. Sometimes, especially in situations such as these, knowledge is power. Knowledge helps you make someone a better writer, a stronger storyteller. In turn, you come away feeling good about yourself too and then it’s not “just a job”.

Not everyone is a writer. Most people are born with the talent and the ability. It’s the creative voice and the creative mind unleashed. It’s not for everyone, and I think it’s important for people to realize that. I read plenty of manuscripts that make me cringe and many that make me smile. Okay, so the larger percentage makes me cringe, but you get my point.

Talent is what sets everyone apart. I may not be talented like five other women in the same room with me, but I know my skill-set very well and I’m not going to make myself small for anyone. I’m already short enough. 😉

Enjoy the rest of your week my lovely bunch of nuts.

Booked

2015-02-11 Miss Poison Birthdays, Blessings, Friendship, Honesty, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Work, Writing Friendship, Honesty, Musings, Pieces Of Me, Poison In Lethal Doses, Work, Writing

I have to admit, I’m slightly impressed with myself at the moment. I’m double-booked with two sizeable manuscripts. There are bonuses to these two jobs, one of which is repeat business. Nothing quite says “You’re really good at what you do.”, than someone wanting to hire you on a repeat basis so that they never have to hunt around for someone new each time. Finding an editor that you trust, that pushes you, that is fair, but direct, is rare. I feel blessed at the moment, and I hope that feeling continues to hold true and flourish.

Today is my best friend Marion’s birthday. It’s a BIG birthday, so I am sending an epic amount of love to her. I wish she was here so we could talk, laugh, eat something fabulous, and share a bottle of wine. Actually, we’d need two. 😉

Marion sent me the most beautiful card today. I damn near cried. With nearly 20 years of friendship, through all the good and bad, she has remained the truest of any friend and I think that is to be commended.

When you’re going through shitty times, that is precisely when you learn who your true friends are. I missed an e-mail very early this morning from a friend because I was distracted before going to bed, but when I woke up this morning and saw it, it just plain made my day. Some people are immense rays of light. They bring goodness, kindness, sweetness, and serenity wherever they go. Others, not so much. Or at the very least, they make it incredibly difficult to focus on their positive qualities.

I find myself debating a friendship at the moment, and it makes me sad. On one hand, I know I was never anything short of an amazing friend. On the flipside, I wonder where some people come from that they twist their own personal issues into something so incredibly dramatic, that it gives you a stomach ache. I have to really ask myself how much I value this particular friend and friendship. Under normal circumstances, I’d truly just say “Go fuck yourself!” But when I value someone, I put much more effort forward. Some people are deserving of that effort, and others eventually prove that they are not. I find it sad. I’m a girl’s girl to the core. It is not beneath me to fully support my friends, to tell them I’m proud of them, and be there for them no matter what. Good, bad, happy, sad. I realize not everyone in life feels the same way. When women behave like that, it makes me lose respect for them. Sad, but true. Not everyone’s true colors are what they originally profess to be. 😦

Some days, the good outweighs the bad. I pray we all have more days like that.

This is precisely how I feel at the moment- minus the need for cat toys. LOL. Perhaps I need a nap.

Guess I Missed The Boat…

Image 2015-02-09 Miss Poison Images/Photos/Quotes, Life, Migraines, Mondays, Musings, Poison In Lethal Doses, Writing Images/Photos/Quotes, Life, Musings, Poison In Lethal Doses, Writing

Happy Monday everyone. If you’ve been deluged by an obscene amount of snow, I’m sure it is anything but happy. Temperatures in the red, even if only via wind chill, are murderous. Keep warm, be safe, and don’t overdo it with the shoveling. Too many people are telling me about back, knee, and shoulder injuries from the mountains of snow they’ve had to deal with in one way or another, and I don’t want anyone else to get hurt.

This morning I was greeted by a dark, grey day. It sort of suits my mood at the moment. No, I’m not upset about anything or feeling down, nor am I angry at anything or anyone (Yes, these days DO happen.). I’m just tired, despite nine hours of sleep, and I have a migraine that could take down twelve horses and a head of cattle.

I start a new job in a few days, which I hope will be promising since this person has already asked me to be her permanent editor. In the meantime, I’m focusing on me. Today is “rest your head” day. I can’t even think straight much less focus on anything that requires fine motor skills.

I’ll try to answer e-mail and some messages this afternoon into the evening, but right now I’m cooking lunch. I’ve got peppers roasting in the oven, I’ve already made the sauce, and in the last stages of the peppers cooking, I’ll toss in some mushrooms since they’re quick to cook. After that I simply have to boil water for veggie pasta. YUM! I know I will feel better once I’ve had a hot meal. This was the quickest thing I could think of that wasn’t breakfast food and wouldn’t nauseate me when I’m already sensitive to smell. I’m nursing tea and have taken something for said migraine from hell. Hopefully by tomorrow, I will feel like a new woman. 🙂

I’m diligently preparing new posts for all of you. I am going to warn people in advance that some of the subject matter might be sensitive, and a lot of it truly IS. I am going to put warnings up that way no one happens upon something they truly don’t want to hear, see, read, etc. This is not a place for negativity, but it is a place for honest, open discussions. The things I write about aren’t for everyone and they do not apply to all, but I’d rather be myself and speak my mind as opposed to writing nonsense or untruths.

In a nutshell, I think it’s important to adhere to the core of who you are. When you know you’re right, don’t let anyone ever try to talk you out of who you are.

It Doesn’t Feel Like A Saturday

2015-02-07 Miss Poison Being Sick, Exhaustion, Life, Musings, Poison In Lethal Doses, Self-Care, Work, Writing Being Sick, Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn, Life, Musings, The Judge, Work, Writing

Perhaps having a stressful week and being sick has made me feel like today is Friday, instead of Saturday. It’s disorienting. The sunrise looked more like a sunset, so incredibly stunning in blues and pinks. I have little interest now though in watching the actual sunset. I think it’s just laziness.

I completed a job this afternoon. I must be underestimating myself because I don’t usually pay attention to how many words I read in a day. I am very pleased to have this one behind me, it was incredibly quick and painless. I have several jobs waiting in the wings, minus the contracts. Until the contracts are signed, I get a brief respite. One contract will be printed, signed, and scanned tonight. Hopefully that will keep me busy for a while, especially since the only part of it I’ve worked on thus far is the first two pages.

I am fighting off something ugly (Kindly pull the knives out of my back so that I can feel my lungs, thank you.), so I’m trying to get better rest and do what I can to de-stress. All easier said than done. One day I was fine, the next day I was coughing so badly that my ribs feel bruised. Being sick like this has a way of making you feel far more fragile than you actually are.

I’m exhausted. Physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. I’d like my own personal cave, complete with WiFi.

Yesterday, while in the middle of cooking, I finally got to see Gone Girl. The book was excellent, and I’m pretty sure it reiterated by issues with marriage, but the movie was also well done. Kudos to Gillian Flynn for not only writing the book, but also writing the screenplay. Next up will be The Judge. I’m looking forward to that.

I’m happy to say that two weeks in a row, I managed to score a good two hours of “me time”, with no interruptions. It really helps ones’ psyche to place themselves first at times and not allow anyone to interfere with that. I will be busy this week, but I still intend to set aside a few hours for myself, even if only to breathe or catch up on all the shows I’ve been missing.

I hope everyone enjoys their weekend.

1390696_621009854605061_294094327_n — When not sprawled out like spoiled beasts, this is precisely what my girls have been doing. I think they’re multiplying.

Conversations In My House: Part One

2015-02-05 Miss Poison Humor, Life, Men, Musings, Writing Conversations, Humor, Life, Men, Musings, Writing

Conversations In My House: Part One

This is an actual conversation I had, verbatim, yesterday morning.

Him: “I’m out of body wash?”

Me: “If the bottle isn’t there, then yes, it would appear so.”

Him: “You didn’t think to replace it?”

Me: <left eyebrow raised> “Do I LOOK like your mother?”

Him: “No. Do you have something I can use for today?”

Me: “I’m sure there’s something in there. In fact, I know there’s plenty in there.”

Him: “Yeah, but they all smell…girly.”

Me: “They rinse clean, just fucking use it.”

Him: “Don’t you have a bar of regular soap?”

Me: “I’m a woman, I use body wash.”

This incites grumbling.

Halfway through the shower I hear this,

Him: “There’s nothing left in this bottle.” (There’s a good three squeezes left in there. I have it upside down right now. 24 ounces is 24 ounces and the bottle is see-thru, I’m not an idiot.)

Me: “It was plenty for an entire shower less than five minutes ago.”

Him: “But now it’s empty.” (There was whining and sighing, it was ridiculous.)

Me: “Here, use this.”

Him: “What does it smell like?”

Me: “It smells fine, just use it. Rinse the shower thoroughly when you’re done so it doesn’t stain. Sometimes this one stains.”

Him: alarmed “Wait, what?! Why will it stain? What IS it?”

I’d already walked out.

Him: “Seriously, what IS this stuff? I’m going to smell like a giant Hershey’s Kiss!”

Philosophy Chocolate Covered Cherry, for the win!

Him, before he shaves and gets dressed: “Be honest. I smell like chocolate, right?”

Lesson to be learned: Don’t be a douche-bag if you want the fancy unisex stuff. Moreover, you’re an adult. Buy your own damn soap!