June
Dazed, Confused, and Out Of Sorts
I’m running out of ways to describe my current state of mind. Earlier this week I had a different sense of self, and then I came home to discover I had lost my house key and the remote for the alarm. Thankfully, they were found and brought to “Lost & Found”. I received a return call the following morning letting me know they were safe and sound, and that I could come and get them, which I did on Thursday. You cannot imagine how stupid I felt in the moment, especially considering my history. I have had a set of house keys since I was eleven years old. I still have keys for every place I’ve ever lived, except my last place of residence where I tossed the keys onto the front lawn on the final day of moving. That was my way of shedding myself of the negativity of a horrible experience that is still haunting and affecting me on a daily basis. It wasn’t an exact science, but in the moment, I didn’t want to physically be carrying around a physical memory filled with pain.
I don’t normally lose something I tend to keep my eye on. That error made me so upset, and it made me question myself for days. It was an enormous “What the fuck is wrong with you?” moment, at least for me. I know many people will say I am human, no one is perfect, and/or shit happens, etc., but I take my responsibilities seriously. Anyone who thinks otherwise doesn’t know me at all.
Despite that incident, I had an extremely productive neurology consult with a new doctor. I waited nearly six months to see her, and I was definitely feeling iffy walking into the situation. After going through all of the standard questions, a quick baseline test, and doing a neuro history to rule out what I have and haven’t tried, she immediately discussed the treatment method with me that she feels I am the best candidate for. I was relieved to hear someone cut through all the bullshit and go straight to precisely what I have wanted to do migraine-wise for the past six years. I have a three to six month wait, but she feels it will be worth it, and I am hopeful. It’s by no means a cure; I will still get migraines, but after my first year of treatment, I shouldn’t be getting daily migraines any more, or migraines that last for weeks at a time. In less than three years, I have had eighty migraine-free days. That isn’t even two straight months without searing pain. To be taken seriously right out of the gate and have someone treat me with such respect was truly a bit of a shock. As I’ve likely said before, my faith and trust in the medical community is basically nonexistent. In the past year, I have met three good doctors and maybe one or two decent medical professionals, but everyone else has been a medical failure, and for me, even one medical failure is one too many.
When I explained the appointment to my brother and told him how it went, he asked me what I am supposed to do for my migraines for the next three to six months. His exact words were “What are you supposed to do in the meantime? Chew Excedrin?” It was a valid question, and it reminded me that I had not asked for an abortive, so I will call ASAP and see if my doctor is willing to get Relpax approved until the new treatment begins. Thus far, my insurance company has been very on the ball with nearly all of the things I’ve needed, so I hope this won’t become a battle. I honestly can’t handle another moment where I have to battle anyone or anything. I am mostly a basket case (which is truly nothing to joke about) on Promethazine. As it turns out, stress really DOES affect us far more than we realize.
I have seen myself decline in a dramatic way over the past year. I have never felt more “off” or out of touch with myself than I am now. Being chronically ill isn’t fun, nor is it glamorous. It is a daily battle just to get out of bed. This is something people don’t seem to realize, unless it’s happening to them.
I am having a difficult time wrapping my mind around the fact that it is June. I rarely say “I want to go back to this month and start over.”, but I have definitely been feeling like this quite a bit lately. The heat waves and then 30-40 degree drops in temperature have taken their toll on me. But from here on out, I expect this to be a disturbingly hot summer and I am stressed with the thought of trying to navigate through it. I don’t want to deal with being sick, dehydrated, and isolated. There’s not much I can really do about any of these things, but the knowledge that it’s all headed my way is genuinely too much for me.
I am trying to keep up with everything here and still live my daily life. The truth is, my daily life is exceedingly dull and unhappy. I lack the ability to be fake and pretend it’s something it isn’t. So while I am clearly not writing as much as I would like, I am still doing the best I can. I thank everyone who has stuck with me all these years, for better or worse. Having an outlet for my thoughts is important to me.
Hopefully I will be able to write more this summer. I can’t make any promises, but I can try my best. Here’s hoping I achieve more than heatstroke over the next few months.
copyright © 2018 Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
Full Strawberry Moon In Sagittarius
Tonight is the Full Strawberry Moon. It is called that because of the abundance of strawberries around this time of year. If you have a lover or a love interest give them roses, as this Moon is also known as the Rose or the Love Moon. It is the perfect time to patch up relationships, get married, or find a new love. The June Moon is also known as the Honey Moon because it has a slight amber tint to it and it is also a time when bees are at their most active. This is where we get the term ‘Honeymoon’ from.
Tonight the Full Moon falls on the Summer Solstice. This is a very rare event and will probably only happen once in a lifetime. The Sun is at its strongest point today and combined with the energy from the Full Moon will make this a potent time filled with strong energy that can propel us in a new and exciting direction.
The Full Moon is in the sign of Sagittarius, which is the sign of truth. Things that were in the dark will start to come to light, new truths will be revealed. We can look at our lives with more clarity now that the veil will is lifted. We must also look within ourselves and find our own inner truths. You may experience some restless nights and wild and vivid dreams.
Don’t be scared to dream and want for more on this Full Moon. Sagittarius is brave and bold and will give us a boost of courage and ambition. You may feel unstoppable and have renewed energy. Use this energy to make plans for the future. Be daring and move out of your comfort zone a little, try new things. Only by doing this can we learn and grow.
This Full Moon will have our emotions on high alert, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. We may be feeling a little fragile at the moment, so be kind and gentle with yourself, don’t be too self-critical, try to stay positive, and think about all the good in your life rather than the bad. There may be emotional desire to pack up and go off on an adventure or to visit places that bring up sweet memories. It gives us an opportunity to grow in so many ways and have an epic summer.
The earth is full of energy and life now, use these energies to inspire you, be creative and go out into nature for long walks. See the beauty all around you and embrace all life has to offer. Let the Sagittarius fires cleanse, heal, and energize you.
You are getting a huge blast of positive energy from the Cosmos. Solstices are power days. This is one of the most powerful days of the year. You can feel the shift in your being. The light of the heavens is pouring down on you. Use the light of this Full Moon to find your way home.
Have a blessed Solstice and Full Moon & may the Goddess watch over you.
Written & photo credit goes to Wicca Teachings.
Edited by Lisa Marino.
New Moon In Gemini
Tonight is the New Moon in Gemini. This will be a time of great transition, it is a time to let go of the past and to look to the future. Life is moving forward swiftly. Embrace changes and steer them in the direction you want them to go in. Allow a fresh perspective to take hold of you. Let today and everyday be the first day of your life. The past does not equal the future. There is unlimited potential in the human spirit. Keep your mind open. Open your heart and let the light in. A new day is dawning for you.
The Gemini New Moon is about communication and using your intellect. Be smarter and wiser, look at your life in a new way, think on things, make plans for the future, use the Gemini influence to help you reach a higher understanding and propel you in a direction you want to go. When you come across multiple choices or two choices and are at a crossroads, rather than becoming scattered, like leaves blowing in the wind, quiet down and be still, connect with your Spirit and the Divine and ask for the answer.
The Gemini New Moon is all about connections and expressions with others and ourselves. We may hear from people we haven’t heard from for a while. There will be reunions with friends and family. We sometimes need to have deep, personal conversations with other people and ourselves to figure out where we are and where we are going. Don’t hold back your thoughts and feelings on this New Moon, let them out and tell people how you really feel.
This is a dreamy New Moon filled with potentials and promises. The past few months have been challenging for most of us, many of us had a rude awakening in one form or another, and life may have seemed rather hard of late, but with the New Moon things will start to look up now. Enjoy the new energy as the Moon starts it’s waxing phase after tonight and will bring us into a new place of positive and good energy. Expect answers to any unsolved questions coming on the Full Moon in two weeks.
This is a good time to go deep within yourself and see things as they really are. Listen to your intuition. Your instincts will never fail you. The logical mind can be deceived, the eyes and ears can be fooled. They see what they want to see, they hear what they want to hear. However, your Inner Being cannot be fooled. Live your life from your authentic self, from inside out. Only you know what you really need and what needs to be done. The power is in your hands.
The New Moon in Gemini is a time for calm and peace. The Cosmos is in perfect harmony at this time. This is a brilliant time to make dreams and wishes come true or just spoil yourself with luxury and enjoy the peace and tranquillity. Meditate on any questions you may have and the answers will come to you. Let the winds of change from this air sign blow over you and take you on a journey of discovery. This is the perfect time to start any new projects or learn something new.
Have a blessed New Moon & may the Goddess watch over you.
Written & photo credit: Wicca Teachings
Edited by Lisa Marino
As A Direct Result
I’ve decided that today is going to be a work-free day.
I went to bed this morning sick as a dog. I suspect my brief time out yesterday affected me more severely than it ought to. Within a few hours of coming home, I got my fourth migraine of the week. I took a brief nap and I wasn’t entirely okay afterward, but now? UGH!
Sadly, with migraines, you often question whether you did something wrong, ate the wrong thing, etc. All I did was go out in tremendous heat for an hour and a half and come home. It wasn’t a lot of physical exertion, but my body says otherwise. I had a mild headache upon returning, but it wasn’t until I actually felt pain in my head that I took something for it. By 7:30, as my neighbors attempted to power wash something right near my bedroom window, I contemplated outright murder. My ears simply cannot bear the noise, and what are they up to at this precise moment? Yard work. At 9:23 a.m. On a Saturday. When it’s already 85 degrees and a heat advisory has been issued for the entire area, AGAIN. Schools actually closed early yesterday, if they opened at all, because it was over 100 degrees with the humidity and people were experiencing breathing problems. But hey, dumb & dumbest need to make noise on a yard that requires no work at all this week. This is where I would like to point out that I refrained from putting #TheyNeedToBeShot. I’m not a violent person…just don’t make noise when I’m sick or on any day ending in a y.
As a direct result of this migraine/heat/stomach agony, I’m trying to decompress this morning. I’d rather be asleep, but I desperately need to hit the grocery store. Not a fun task, I do not look forward to this, but I am going to try going once it cools down. There’s no point in making myself any sicker by attempting to do it early on in the day. Everyone and their grandmother will be there to capitalize on the digital coupon extravaganza, which has already turned into an epic fail because 9/4’s of the coupons don’t come off at the end of each order, which means customer service is inundated with questions as to why they didn’t work and precisely “Where are my savings? Are you going to give me my money back?” Actually, the store is set up to make sure you actually loaded the coupons on to your savings card in the first place. If you didn’t use the physical coupons that were also provided for the week, chances are you didn’t get the savings on those four items. I clipped all of my mine last night and will print up a few others later on. I’ve saved nearly $1000 this year alone in coupons at one store. That is a small accomplishment, but it feels good every single time I look at my receipt.
I’ve completed all of my work this week (though I am seemingly still loosely on the consulting job), except for the manuscript, which I will devote more daily time to next week in my attempt to complete it. I’m not looking forward to that, I’m simply tired of seeing it and knowing that it’s not complete. I do NOT relish the line of questioning that will come with the delivery, but since I stated in the contract how much time I will spend on answering questions before charging again for my time, I hope that will make the client aware that I mean business. It’s in black and white, how hard is it to follow guidelines?
Before I forget, I want to thank Writerstream for featuring my work this week, and I’d also like to give a huge shout out to the dozen or so new Twitter followers in the last 12 hours alone. (Special thanks to Lillian for encouraging me to join Twitter. Hugs sweet pea!) I never knew I’d grow to love it so much. To the friend that reads my Tweets and isn’t afraid to joke with me and laugh, I appreciate it. (You know who you are, doll!)
If you need me, I’ll be here for the next few hours. Drinking coconut water. Praying that it helps. If it doesn’t, I’m seriously considering an ER visit because this level of pain is out of control.
Have a great weekend everyone! And please, stay out of the heat and wear sunscreen.
copyright © 2015 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
How To Be A Client An Editor Wants To Work With
Author’s Note: These are all true experiences. I will never name names, but I’m not going to filter my honesty either. If something I say here offends you, then you probably don’t want to be a writer.
Not every client I work with is a breeze, but a small percentage are truly fabulous (One I had this week was wonderful.). There has been a tiny percentage over the last 20 years that have enraged me with their constant inquiries, rude comments, whining, tantrums, or those who simply do not understand the process.
It’s 2015, so I think it’s important for writers, especially new writers seeking publication by any means, to understand that editors are human beings. We have families, we have things that go wrong in our lives, and no matter how much we may love what we do, we’re just like everyone else. We have bills to pay, we have responsibilities, children to raise, meals to prepare, animals to care for, homes to clean, clothes that have to be washed, etc. Why would you treat your editor as a lower life form and expect them to respond well to you? I wouldn’t treat a stranger the way some people treat their editors, so here are a few things I feel are crucial information for you to have.
If you’re about to work with an editor or are currently in the process, even for the smallest project, here are some surefire ways to be a good client and not make said editor contemplate a move to a Brazilian rainforest (Another good goal is not to end up on a list of clients they’ll refuse to do business with in the future.)
#1- Don’t call or e-mail within 15 minutes of sending them your manuscript to ask if they’re finished. I JUST started. I’m on page three. Why are you asking if I’ve read the entire thing that you JUST sent to me? Precisely how does one get it into their head that a non-magical entity has just inhaled 100,000 words (or more) in 15 minutes?! It is annoying to the point of something more severe. Here, let me whip out my magic wand… Don’t do it, and if you’re thinking about doing it, lock your phone in a drawer and change all of your passwords to stifle yourself.
A good editor will update you during the process, there is no need to nag. You may find yourself so excited that you can’t help but constantly send your editor messages, but eventually, even the best editor is going to lose their patience with repetitive questions. The only time it’s acceptable to keep track of them is, if by some strike of lightning, you never hear from them again, which happens to people on occasion. However, a person that responds to you and keeps you updated is working, and you probably aren’t their only job, so be patient. Take this from a person who is being nagged every few days by a client. If strangling were legal…
#2- Don’t say rude, insensitive, inappropriate, idiotic shit. If an editor lets you know right away that they are dealing with any kind of emergency (We’re people, life/shit happens and it’s not always good.) decide whether or not you can hold out. If they are in the middle of the work, let them finish. Continuity is important. Hiring another editor to do what they’ve been working on is a headache because that person will only start from the beginning and make changes more suitable to their style, and that’s additional time, and money, being spent.
If they just started working and you’ve barely paid them, it’s okay to move on if need be, but don’t take hostility out on them or, if you agree that you can wait, don’t send them messages every few days, or weekly, to ask about the progress. Let them work. If I have to stop what I’m doing to answer your repetitive e-mails, I might not be pleasant, polite, or anywhere near the word “professional”. I might give you one word answers. If I respond three days later, that does not mean I was ignoring you. It means I was working. Don’t make assumptions.
#3- Realize that every freelance editor does not have a team behind them and/or a slew of assistants. I’m a one-woman show. There are days I knock out 25,000 words in the editing and/or proofreading process and there are days I am only able to get through a few pages. The dirtier the manuscript, the more face time it requires.
#4- Read your work in advance before you submit it. You might even want to read it twice. Use spell check. Hell, use a grammatical tool so I don’t stare at the page flabbergasted by your complete and utter lack of knowledge regarding the use of the English language. “Did she actually write “ancestory” instead of “ancestry”? I think I’m having a stroke. (This happened to me Thursday.) That is not a typo (look at where each letter is on your keyboard), it’s someone trying to sound out a word and failing, miserably.
#5- You may have a few self-published titles under your belt, but that doesn’t make you a writer. Yeah, I said it. Anyone can self-publish. If you don’t have an audience to sell to and a solid story, don’t make it out to be more than it is. There are some exceptions to this rule and they are people who have properly marketed themselves as a brand. I know a few of them and their decency measures up to the quality of their writing.
#6- You cannot self-promote anything that isn’t edited, clean, and ready to go. It’s childish and unprofessional, and it’s not going to work in your favor the second a prospective agent Googles you and finds your blatant self-promotion, for a book they may or may not want to buy, in places they probably don’t want to see it. They might like your chutzpah, because you will need those skills later on, but they’re not going to want unedited excerpts on every writing web-site from here to Calcutta. Know when to hold things close and even better, know when to keep your mouth shut. Unless something is a done deal contractually, zip it. Afterwards, I’d still refrain.
#7- Write what you know. If you’re choosing a place you have never been and will never visit, you’re not going to capture the essence of the most crucial things, and a local resident or someone who has been there is going to pick up on that immediately. There may be a lot of competition to write about things in major cities, but if you’ve actually made the statement that Johns Hopkins University and their respective Hospital are in New York City when it most certainly is not (Hello, have you ever heard of Baltimore, Maryland?! Unless I’ve had a recent lobotomy, they’re both still there.), I strongly recommend NOT making New York City your setting. (Yes, this happened. I had to walk away from the crazy because insistence does not make something truth.)
#8- Speak to me, on the phone & in e-mails, the same way you want to be spoken to. If you’re incessantly rude, eventually even the nicest person is going to snap. Ultimately, treat people the way you want to be treated, in all things.
#9- You may love your editor, but he/she is not your bestie. Unless we’re genuine friends outside of work, I cannot take time to counsel you on your marriage, friendships, parents, or children. Not when you constantly ask me “Is it done yet?” It’s NOT a piece of chicken.
#10- An editor who knows his or her shit is going to push you to be better. We are going to tell you to re-write, revise, and altogether tell a better story. It’s our job to dissect what you’ve written and help you make it into a cohesive, readable body of work. Telling you it’s the most fabulous thing I’ve ever read when it is not and kissing your ass for writing it “in three months” is NOT in my job description. I can tell when something took no time at all.
#11- There is a relatively long list of words I will cut out of a manuscript the second I see them in an overly repetitive fashion. “Very”, “Awesome”, “Seriously”, “Really” “Totally”, “Umm”, “Just” “Ya” as opposed to “Yeah”, are merely a few. The deal-breaker is “Alright”. I flip my lid every time I see it and you’re out there calling yourself a writer. Don’t insult me, I’ve been writing for 28 years and I’m almost positive I have always known that “all right” is two fucking words, not a creative amalgamation for the lazy. If ever I DID make errors like that, there was always someone present to correct me.
The occasional slip-up is not the end of the world, but if you regularly use the word “Y’all”, or any variation thereof, please exit stage door left so I don’t throw something. I realize it’s a part of some people’s daily vernacular, but if you’ve written it into a book that does not take place south of the Mason-Dixon line, I’m cutting it.
#12- If you want five hundred pages edited in 1-3 days, you’re either looking to hire a machine or highly intelligent zoo animals. Let me know how that works out for you. (This is a regular request. These are the same people who think this level of editing shouldn’t cost more than $30 U.S., not Canadian. I would rather starve for a week than do that much work for so little money. That’s not even my current hourly rate!)
The very best editor for you is someone you have fostered some sort of professional, communicative relationship with, maybe even someone you know who edits and who you have come to respect, but it’s not the person you picked out of a line-up as the cheapest person for the job. Unfortunately, sometimes you get what you pay for and other times you find someone amazing. It’s the luck of the draw.
At the end of the day, I do not have all the answers. I have 95% of them, but not all of them. 😉
copyright © 2015 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
It’s Back
June. It’s like most four letter words for me. Thanks to global warming, it’s only a precursor to the heat that will undoubtedly blast my little portion of the world. This past weekend the heat and humidity were so thick in the air it was like being slapped the second I opened the door to go to the car. Summer, in my life, is synonymous with the word “hibernation”. When heat, humidity, and the sun make you deathly ill, it’s wise to take precautions.
When I do have to be outdoors, sunscreen and cool/cold water are two of the most important factors next to going from one air-conditioned place to another. I also keep a travel size tube of sunscreen with me in case I need to reapply. I’m pretty sure it is now expired, so I will be replacing it with a fresh one ASAP.
Heat causes me to slowly lose my mind. During a very severe, storm-related power outage last July, I got sick. The first thing that slipped was my ability to think straight. I was able to lay in my bed silently, but the second someone called my cell phone, every word was slurred. It was as if my tongue weighed 20 pounds, I sounded completely psychotic, even to myself. Unfortunately, my brain and my mouth couldn’t do anything about it because I was severely dehydrated after just an hour or so.
Luckily, someone brought me a lantern flashlight with extra batteries, a small battery operated fan, also with extra batteries (which I still use to this day during weather related outages or if it’s too cold outside to truly reduce the heat, but I still need air around my head. It has an attached adjustable stand, but I usually just prop it up against a pillow. There’s something about the cool air that helps me fall asleep.), and, because they were unable to find coconut water, which is an absolute miracle worker when I’m dehydrated or recovering from a migraine, two bottles of Gatorade. This was during a an outage where even stores were knocked out power-wise, except for Walgreens. Certain areas were hit pretty hard. I started feeling slightly more normal after half a bottle of Gatorade, but I was pretty incoherent beforehand. I know I’m dehydrated when it tastes like the best thing on earth. And yes, it does alarm me that I dehydrate so quickly. For someone who drinks an absolute ton of water, I should be able to float around the world on that alone, but I’ve learned to adapt.
It’s truly the start of June and already I am inundated with thunder, lightning, and both serious and not so serious levels of rainfall. None of that bothers me, but every once in a while, a storm can scare the crap out of you. Much like the astrological sign for most of this month, the weather certainly matches the Gemini tone, temperament, and overall attitude.
Most people spend all Winter looking forward to the sun and the warmth. Me, I’m looking forward to Fall. The second it’s crisp and stays that way for a few months, it’s my time of year. 🙂 So for those of you enjoying this, I’m counting the days down ’til it’s over.
copyright © 2015 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
Written by LISA MARINO-Molchanova 