Irritability Isn’t Cute

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I HURT. There’s no getting around that. After nearly two straight weeks where I haven’t missed a single dose of Topamax, a migraine broke through last night. I was waiting for it. I expected it. It wasn’t nearly as bad as a migraine without a preventive in my system, but after almost two weeks with just an occasional mild headache, it was still an awful lot of pain during a time when the rest of my body was flaring up something fierce. It was only made worse by the fact that I couldn’t sleep.

This morning I decided not to punish the medication. It didn’t fail me, there will always be migraines that break through, so I took my dose, managed a little water, made a quick phone call, and now I am sitting here waiting for that call to be returned. I have documents to proof for printing later today and honestly, I am OUT after that. Just put my whiny, bitchy ass to bed and leave me here until my attitude improves. No one ever said irritability is cute, but when you can hear yourself sound utterly miserable, all you want to do is duct tape your mouth shut. Or maybe that’s just me?

Update on Maggie: This poor dog is STILL being mistreated. Apparently her paperwork checked out and the father backed off, but my next door neighbor (the husband) is expecting to be sued over the dog bite. He never added the dog to his insurance when they agreed to take the dog on temporarily for six months. His wife’s son is across the country doing some sort of mandatory USMC training and left the dog with his mother. I’m not sure if he’s ever MET his mother, but last night, while I was trying to do I don’t even remember what in silence, all I could hear was her screaming “Maggie, NO!” at the top of her lungs. I was already sick, or I would have gone outside and said “Hey bitch! What the fuck is this poor dog doing that is worth yelling at her for? Have you ever heard of a dog trainer? Perhaps they can take you for a few weeks and train you how to behave. All the dog ever does is bark and run away from you. That should tell you everything you need to know.” Alas, I was stopped because someone (not me) thought that was “a bit harsh”. I truly don’t think it could be harsh enough. Yelling and screaming at an animal is tantamount to abuse. Surely there are other family members that could take her and care for her until November/December. If you love an animal, you don’t leave it behind with an insane person. You also don’t name it like it’s a person, but hey, to each their own. People do tend to do that with dogs.

Animals don’t understand or respond to yelling. It is simply traumatic for them. I’ve seen animals run and hide if a person is simply speaking loudly, not even yelling, so some animals are more traumatized than other from being in a shelter, foster situation, from being re-homed, etc. Much like people, animals have triggers too and it is important to pay attention and be able to identify them.

In this, animals are a lot less dramatic and wishy-washy than people are. They either love you or they don’t, but once they do, they are with you ’til the end. Animals understand loyalty far better than people do.

When I come back in my next life, I am coming back as a cat.

copyright © 2015 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

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This Week Is Over

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I’ve had yet another rough, stressful week. I am emotionally exhausted. I’m also in pain that no one should have to be in. In an ideal world, I’d be able to curl up this weekend and not have to face anything until next weekend. No, I’m not delusional, I’ve just had enough.

I am sitting here nursing green tea. I don’t feel well. I woke up with a myriad of health issues. I went to bed in pain, needing Aleve to fall asleep in a state of slightly less pain, but since I forgot to take the medicine that protects my stomach from NSAID use, I’m paying for it.

Upon inspection this morning, I found two chemical burns on the back of my neck. I’m not 100% certain of the cause, but I have my suspicions. One stings, the other is seemingly in the healing phase. I hope they’ll look better tomorrow because the last thing I want to do is be seen in public with what looks like brand marks. Note to self: Must find Aquaphor. How do you cover the back of your neck in August when your hair isn’t as long as it used to be and you normally wear it up? #GirlProblems

Due to the crazy influx of migraines over the last few weeks, I began taking Topamax this morning. I’ve been off of it for three years, so I am hoping it will help prevent some of what I am experiencing. If not, I will have at least made an effort and will know that another treatment method must be found. It is better to try than to dismiss something that has worked so well for me in the past. Today is the start of a month on 25 mgs. Here’s hoping it does more than make carbonated drinks taste funny.

Was anyone able to see the meteor shower? I looked for about 30 minutes last night and all I saw were a few constellations. I couldn’t keep looking, so I went to bed. I’m betting all the fun started the second my head hit the pillow. I’ve only seen a few photos from earlier in the week.

I hope I will be able to concentrate on the shit I need to do over the next few days. I want to get as much work done as humanly possible. I haven’t been able to focus on a large page count with any regularity, but I am certainly trying. All one can do is their best. If that’s not good enough for someone, tough shit.

Summer is nearly over, and soon it will be Fall in the Northern Hemisphere. It’s my favorite time of year. The nights are already getting a bit cooler, but there’s something about the crispness of October air that rejuvenates my spirit.

Wishing you all a wonderful weekend.

copyright © 2015 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. 

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How Did Your Day Go Yesterday?

FYI: My hair isn't a mess, but I am in my PJ's.
FYI: My hair isn’t a mess, but I am in my PJ’s.

The best laid plans. 😦

I was in so much pain yesterday that I decided a “quick nap” was in order around 1:00 PM. We will not discuss that I slept way too long. In turn, I didn’t get any editing done. I fed cat and kitten because they were both staring at me pathetically, doing tricks, and bringing me toys as if they were forgotten street urchins. Meows and chirps were also involved. Mind you, they had full bowls of dry food, they simply like the can opening routine. After that I made sure my laundry was dry (Towels and bath sheets are screwing with me lately when they are normally dry in 40 minutes. It now takes an additional 10-20 minutes for them to be thoroughly dry. Perhaps I need to put them on a second spin cycle before drying from now on?), and then a migraine took me down, thus resulting in me retreating to bed at 9:04 PM. That was migraine #11. This morning, migraine #12 decided to pay me a visit. FML.

I am sitting here contemplating how bad the headache is (Can I clean my microwave and fridge without puking? Can I strip my bed and wash all of the linens without falling down the stairs from the newfound vertigo? Should I wait before I shower so I don’t hit my head and pass out?) because I still have things that need to get done. Essentially, these are all things that can wait until this passes (Please God, let it pass. I have exactly one Excedrin Tension Headache left and it is sold out in four different stores, including the generic version. WTH?!), but I really don’t want to “take a nap” and pray that I’ll be okay later on because migraines are fickle bastards and I am not in control of how long they stick around. 😦 I also wanted to do something fun because learning new things is a positive thing, but I don’t know if I can stomach that at the moment. When I’m in pain, i don’t have a lot of patience for minutia. When I’m not in pain I don’t have a lot of patience, so it is what it is.

I remember a time when Saturday was an enjoyable time to sleep in, do something fun in the afternoon, and leisurely enjoy the weekend to the fullest. Apparently that’s in the past for now, but I long for the days when the pain is gone and I can live my life without scheduling every last detail around migraines or Fibromyalgia.

Here’s hoping & praying there are cures in sight, or at the very least, reliable forms of treatment.

copyright © 2015 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

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The Moon Brings Out The Loons

“Sometimes the most powerful person in the room is filled with senseless doubt.” -Lisa M. Marino

Normally I don’t comment on the lunacy of the Full Moon, but this Blue Moon? Good Lord, it’s brought out the crazy!

There are very few people in the past two weeks who have not lost their mind and said something ridiculous beyond words to me, outright started a fight, or got uppity with me. It’s quite interesting how obsessed, self-absorbed, and repressed some people are. It’s even more interesting to me when anyone comes at me with newborn kitten claws and expects me not to have fangs. Cat and kitten are smarter than 99% of the people I know. That’s not my opinion, it’s a proven fact based on the behavioral patterns of the past two weeks.

I live by some very simple rules when it pertains to certain things.

#1- I do not apologize unless I am 100% in the wrong and truly sorry about it. I’m not going to apologize because someone misunderstood me when I was clear and concise and feels “hurt”. Take the whining somewhere else; compassion is not my strong suit. You cannot guilt me into an apology when I did nothing wrong. Victimizing yourself only irritates me.

#2- If you attack me like a child, I will sleep on it. I can be vicious and it is not beneath me to hit back hard, but some people simply aren’t worth the effort.

#3- Temper your words. It’s not always necessary to come out guns blazing. If someone brings a knife to a metaphorical gun fight though, all bets are off.

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I, myself, have had a rough week. One bad day became three migraines and a horrible Fibro flare that sent me into a tailspin. And now? The remnants of Migraine #10. That is 10 full-blown migraines in five days. Chronic Migraine is classified as 15 or more headache days per month. I’ve had five days of multiple migraines, because apparently one isn’t enough.

Chronic Migraine is considered “chronic” if you experience 8 migraines in one month, but have 15 headache days that make it unbearable to function. What the hell does a person have to do to get some relief? Being told I “don’t actually have migraines” when I’ve had them since 1997 is an immense slap in the face. Perhaps one might like to explain the ice picks in my head and all the other lovely side effects of a migraine that have gotten worsen as I’ve gotten older. Clean MRI’s means it’s not my imagination, that it is indeed migraines.

I thought my very first migraine was the absolute worst. It went on for a week, it was probably the most horrific thing I had physically experienced up to that point, and that doesn’t even include the injuries I acquired in sports, so by my calculations, that means it was off-the-charts BAD.

I would never take migraine medication if I was merely experiencing the occasional headache. There is an immense difference between migraines, tension headaches, sinus headaches, and regular headaches. None of these things are “normal”, but I would never denounce someone else’s pain and dismiss it. When people tell others that “pain is weakness leaving the body” or other such anecdotes, I would like them to experience the suffering many of us experience daily for a few hours. They would come away singing a whole other tune, that much I’m sure of. No one who suffers from any form of chronic pain needs to be told there’s nothing wrong with them or that it’s “all in their head”. It’s disrespectful.

I hope everyone is having a healthy, positive, pain-free weekend. I’m simply taking things hourly. I can’t function on a grander scale at the moment.

copyright © 2015 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

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Migraines: Part II

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As a follow-up to part one, many migraine sufferers know that we have to be careful of what we eat. Sometimes it plays a role in whether or not we are triggering a migraine, and many people experience cravings days in advance of an actual episode, so it’s often hard to pinpoint the more difficult triggers. (On occasion I’ll have a major sugar craving 2-3 days before a massive attack. Other times they come barreling towards me without any warning.)

There are many external factors as well. Avoiding loud noises, bright lights, strong odors, extreme temperatures, etc., but there is also the underlying dietary concerns for many. Not all of these will apply to you, many do not apply to me, but it’s definitely good information to have.

Potential Food & Drink Triggers Include But Are Not Limited To: Chocolate, ice-cold foods, aged cheese (Blue, Swiss, Brie, Cheddar, Gorgonzola, Muenster, Smoked Provolone, Parmesan, Feta, Stilton, Mozzarella, and all processed cheeses.), pickles, soy sauce, certain types of red wine & saki, certain types of beercitrus fruits, ripe bananas, kiwi, raspberries, red plums, papaya, pineapple, dried fruit (figs, raisins, dates, & apricots), tofu, processed soy (like a lot of veggie burgers), eggs, garlic, onions, olives, beans (broad, fava, pinto, lima, & garbanzo), cultured dairy products (yogurt, sour cream, buttermilk, etc.), peanuts, peanut butter, pizza, potato chips, chicken livers and other organ meats, smoked or dried fish, Sourdough bread, freshly baked yeast goods (donuts, cakes, homemade bread, & rolls), crackers, soups made from meat extracts or bouillon (homemade broth is different), aspartame and other artificial sweeteners, caffeine found in chocolate, cocoa, coffee, tea, colas, beverages like Mountain Dew, and certain medications.

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This is precisely what woke me up this morning.

Some of these were new for me, and some were things I’ve known forever about myself. I’ll go down the list.

Milk chocolate is a problem for me at times. White chocolate isn’t real chocolate, it is pure fat. I eat dark chocolate almost exclusively. A small amount (often less than an ounce) curbs my cravings. I’ve found that dark chocolate with chili peppers helps alleviate a migraine at times. You can normally find this particular type of chocolate in the candy section of every store. A single bar is about $2. It’s nowhere near as spicy as you might think. In fact, the chili pepper in the chocolate is subtle.

Cheese wise I’m pretty strange. I eliminated cow’s milk from my diet five years ago. I only buy Coconut milk or Almond milk (Vanilla flavored on both. Also, there is an AMAZING Dark Chocolate Almond milk that I have a hard time keeping in my fridge. It’s a great mid-day snack, but is also awesome first thing in the morning.). You won’t find me buying or using milk or cream unless a recipe calls for it and I cannot substitute. With certain things, substitution is downright evil. I hate fake sugar and I hate fake butter. I’m part Italian and I’m almost never without mozzarella cheese. I would take it with me to a deserted island, I love it. I have threatened to cut people’s fingers off if they steal it out of my fridge, I take it seriously. Mozzarella has very simple ingredients in it (less than four), so whether you prefer whole milk or part skim, you should be fine. Don’t bother with the Fat Free version, it’s disgusting beyond words. Who wants to eat grey rubber?

I grew up with a real love for pickles and even though I’m not supposed to eat them, I can’t resist a good Sour Pickle. They trigger a migraine once in a while, but I don’t eat them often enough for it to be a real issue. I wouldn’t eat them at all if they were any kind of consistent problem. Regular pickles don’t bother me, but sometimes 30 minutes later, I’m sick. I’m never 100% sure if regular ones will get me or not, but since they’re not a constant in my life, I let it slide.

I never eat ripe bananas, that’s a rule of mine. I like them when they’re still a little green (the first day I’ve bought them or within two days before they start to turn really yellow) and that seems to avoid the chemical in them that can trigger migraines. Kiwi, pineapple, plums, raspberries, and papaya don’t affect me either. I’m a big fruit person, but I tend to stick to strawberries, blueberries, avocado, cantaloupe, peaches, and watermelon. I find that buying precisely what’s in season works well for me. Of late, I’ve been craving apples and since I stopped eating them years ago, I don’t make a big issue out of having the occasional apple because I know it’s not a trigger. Citrus fruit sometimes gets me, but it’s usually oranges or grapefruit.

Eggs, garlic, and onions are three of the worst offenders because of their high sulfur content. I love to cook, and garlic and onions are in so many of the starting ingredients to a lot of what I make, so I have to be careful and reduce the amounts I use at times. If I use fresh garlic I don’t eat it in the finished product, which helps eliminate the issue for me because sliced, cooked garlic will make me really sick. I choose Vidalia onions for most recipes because they’re naturally sweeter and don’t tend to affect me as much as yellow, Spanish, and white onions do. Red onions don’t affect me much either, but onions can still sneak up on me at times, so I have to be careful when I’m making salads or stir-frying vegetables. My life has gotten a lot healthier since I increased my spinach and kale intake. If you can incorporate these veggies into your diet without any fuss, it will help detox a lot of the negative things that cause migraines.

I love hummus, it borders on obsession, so clearly garbanzo beans don’t bother me. I have started to get sick from certain things that aren’t on this list, but sometimes it’s hard to decide if something is genuine food allergy, an intolerance, or something triggering headaches.

I used to eat tofu at least once a week. Sometimes it would make me sick and other times it wouldn’t. Processed soy can trigger a migraine for me, fresh tofu is different, but can still pose a problem for some.

Under normal circumstances I try only to drink water, seltzer, iced green tea, or iced herbal teas. I’ve got a slight addiction to Diet Cherry Dr. Pepper, but a 12-20 ounce cup once a day (on occasion) that is mostly ice and rarely ever gets finished is not the issue. If I drank it every single day, all day long, I’d be jumping off the walls from the caffeine. I know people who do that (it takes me forever to finish a 2 liter bottle) and they get headaches from the lack of caffeine, so it becomes a vicious cycle.

Artificial sweetener is a slippery slope. As I previously stated, I hate fake sugar. This time of year I become a bit obsessed with lemonade, but I find that regular lemonade is way too sweet, even with a lot of ice, even if I make it myself. Several years ago I decided to start using the “On The Go” packs from Crystal Light in Pink Lemonade or Raspberry Lemonade. Yes, it’s got sweetener in it, but for some reason, I’m numb to it, so long as it’s one of these two lemonades. I’d gotten a bunch of them with a water bottle I purchased for Breast Cancer Awareness one year. When I opened the sealed bottle, it was full of pink drink packets from Crystal Light. I set them aside, but one day I got desperate to drink something that wasn’t plain, and now I’m hooked. It increases my water intake, but on occasion, too much sweetener is way too much for me. It’s in almost all diet sodas, so if it’s a trigger for you, go on Pinterest and learn how to make your own flavor infused water. I’m a big fan of Decaf Mint Green Tea. Twinings has an awesome one, you just throw the tea bags into a water pitcher and within a few hours, you’ve got really good tea. On top of being refreshing, it’s completely sugar-free and doesn’t require a sweetener unless you choose to add it. Plus, it’s easy to tote along in a BPA free bottle wherever you go. I fill my bottle with ice and tea and even on a really hot day, it’s amazingly hydrating. I go through a pitcher a day, sometimes two. It’s that good.

Red wine is a mixed bag. I almost always order/buy Merlot. I aim for the fruitier ones as they don’t tend to bother me, aside from making me sleepy. Sometimes I do a lot better with a mixed drink as opposed to wine, but it all depends on my mood. White wine also contains sulfites, so it is just as likely to give you (or me) a migraine as red wine.

Most of the other things on the list are things I don’t eat at all, or rarely eat.

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I think it’s important to pay attention to preservatives. If you can’t pronounce what’s in your food, you might want to avoid it. TBHQ is one that scares me a bit. It is being studied to find out if it causes stomach tumors. Some studies say it does, others say it inhibits the growth of stomach cancer completely. Either way, it’s cause for concern. I only recently realized it was in some of the things I buy. It’s more commonly used on dog food and both the EU and FDA have decided it is safe for human consumption. It’s your body, you be the judge.

Some people believe that going gluten-free will help eliminate some, if not all, of their migraines. I tried it for a period of time, along with several months of vegetarian bordering on vegan. It didn’t help me, it drove me insane, so do what works best for your body and overall health. Consult with a doctor before attempting a gluten-free diet. Many recommend you only go gluten-free is you have a genuine intolerance or Celiac disease, saying that it will not do anything for you if you don’t have one or the other. There’s a big difference between the two.

In the end, we are all different. It is extremely important for each of us to know our bodies and know that works for us. What triggers a migraine for you may not be an issue for me, but the second you become a migraine sufferer, it is extremely important that you find out what food and drink items have to be eliminated from your diet. Initially I cut everything out and slowly worked an item back into my diet here and there, and that worked for me, so I highly recommend that route for others. If one item affects you, eliminate it and move on to the next. See what helps and hinders, it will help you make the best choices for yourself.

The next part of this piece will talk about various herbs, essential oils, and a few treatments that some consider radical, but are bringing immense relief to others. Relief is the ultimate dream when you suffer from migraines, and many people will do anything to achieve that goal.

If you have any info you’d like to share or pass along to me, feel free to send me a message or leave a comment. 🙂

copyright © 2013-2015 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

NIH
Many sufferers experience all of these or 2-3. Just one is too many, if you ask me.

Falling Apart

I apologize for not writing yesterday. I fully intended to do so, I’ve had a few things partially fleshed out, but by 8:00 a.m., I was not in a position to do anything. I couldn’t even bend down!

Something in my lower back popped yesterday morning while I was scrolling through messages on my cell phone. For most people, that wouldn’t mean an awful lot. It might mean popping a few OTC pain meds and resting for a few days, no real damage done, but for someone with lower lumbar spinal issues, this meant shooting pain in more directions than I could fathom at the time. As the day progressed, it became pain in my entire body. I have no idea the what/why/how of any of it, just that I am having immense difficulty struggling through so much pain because there’s no end in sight.

As of this moment, the pain has settled into my head as a migraine with maddening sinus pain and pressure. It’s past the point of my normal pain threshold, so if you hear screaming in the distance, it’s me.

All written posts will be suspended until I figure out what the hell this is and how long it’s going to affect me. I’m no good to anyone if I cannot see past the pain and cannot sit long enough to type anything worth reading.

I hope everyone has a good Sunday. Life is short, make it count.

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migraine is godzilla