Sleepless Nights & A Cold

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My fatal flaw of yesterday was falling asleep at some point during the later afternoon hours. Granted, it was a snowy/rainy day and seemed darker, and far later, than it actually was. I’d worked for 10 hours (I am halfway through the big manuscript and have already submitted part 1 of the second job back to the client.) and I was beat. To add insult to injury, I’m coming down with a cold and there’s only so much coughing and sneezing you can do before exhaustion sets in. By the time I woke up, I was completely shocked by the time. My first thought was “Great! Now I won’t sleep tonight!” I was right. I’ve tried going back to sleep a few times between 12:30 and sometime around 4:00 a.m. For some reason, I kept getting up and going back to proofing the big manuscript or reading. Neither of which is deeply fascinating, I am simply wired because a nap turned into what could have been a full night of sleep.

I cannot blame this on caffeine. I had exactly one cup of green tea yesterday and didn’t even finish it. I thought it would help with the cold symptoms because my throat felt like a desert had moved in. When I get the early stages of a cold there are very few things that work, but my ultimate dry throat remedy at this early stage is diet root beer. I have no idea why it works, but it does. Pennsylvania Dutch makes a diet Birch Beer that is also really great at moisturizing the throat and does a better job than Nyquil at calming the cough so I can sleep or function. Regular root beer doesn’t work, I’ve tried. I bought the diet one year by accident and have been hooked ever since. It not only helps with my throat, but if my stomach gets queasy for any reason, it often helps with that as well. If this gets worse, my other homemade remedies become more substantial in power. I don’t care what other people think: Chicken soup is a great healer. Unfortunately when I’m sick, there’s no way I’m going to make it myself from scratch. The few local places that make soup all know when I’m really sick because I’m way too weak to do anything, but call them to deliver it. It’s pathetic, but when you are sick, you do what makes you feel better and helps you recover as quickly as possible. Sometimes it also means Walmart and Walgreens are raided as well, but I do try to use natural courses before I grab the healer I hate the most: Zicam. Yes, it works. However, after a few doses it tastes like blood and there’s nothing that makes me feel worse than having that crap in my system.

During the start of writing this to now, I’ve actually gotten sicker. There’s a level of sick I hate reaching, but it’s happening for hours and I cannot deny now that this isn’t a 24 hour bug. I’m nursing a mug of mint tea and contemplating what will stay down for breakfast. If it’s not going to stay down, I’m not eating it. I’ll wait until later today when my stomach is less liable to reject food. I hate that I’m spending a Sunday morning like this when I could be productive in some way. Bleh! I worked, and that’s more than I probably should have done.

Here’s hoping your weekend has been filled with happier problems. Note to self: Buy stock in Kleenex, Ricola, Celestial Seasonings, Bigelow Tea, and any major producer of root beer.

If you don’t hear from me for a while, send soup. No, I’m not kidding. 

 copyright © 2015 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Where The Hell Does The Year Go?

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Where The Hell Does The Year Go?

Every year I’m semi-amazed I’ve survived and gotten this far: Both in life and in the day-to-day struggle. I have a lot to be grateful for.

I’ve had an incredibly rough two years. The years before that were not perfect, some were horrific in their lack of kindness, many had their battles, but this past year has humbled me in ways I never thought possible. It is very easy to lose sight of what we have in life, basic things we should all have. It’s a little too easy to take those basics for granted, until they’re taken away for long periods of time.

I read so many things where people are going through difficult shit. I choose not to advertise my problems because I do have some semblance of privacy and dignity. I also don’t feel that’s what people come here for. I know I can bitch and be myself, but do I really want to dwell on that crap? No. I want things to get better, I want to be positive, and I want to move forward. By whining, you drown in your own crap. On top of being a disgusting visual, it’s also very negative and I don’t want that, for myself or for anyone else.

I am eternally grateful for being blessed with the ability to project my voice through the written and spoken word. As I watch so many people struggle with something that comes so easy to me, I can’t help but see the differences between art and mere words. I openly admit it leaves me frustrated with a lot of people at times.

The very small group of people that matter in my life: THANK YOU. You all know who you are. I am blessed with people who talk me down from my various ledges, entertain my insanity, listen to me, commiserate with me, support me, and are loyal with kind, caring, generous hearts. I respect and appreciate the lack of drama. I respect and appreciate your love, friendship, humor, and the things so many of you go out of your way to do to make me laugh, smile, and/or cheer me up. The thoughtfulness knows no boundaries. It is amazing to know that there are people who have my back, as opposed to those who would prefer to stab me in it. Please know how appreciated you all are. I have an outrageous amount of love in my heart for all of you.

It gives me an endless amount of professional pleasure and pride to be able to bring you “Poison In Lethal Doses”. Tomorrow marks 20 years of both my experience as an editor and the amount of time I have spent writing “Poison” pieces. It feels like it all just started yesterday. I’ve grown so much as a writer that I know time has passed, yet it feels surreal to me. What I used to do and what I do today are two very different beasts. The evolution is amazing for me to see.

2015 will challenge me in my personal and professional lives. I pray it is not quite as challenging for all of you because I would not wish aspects of my life on anyone, but I do hope it challenges you in positive ways that brings an abundance of happiness into your lives.

Ultimately, my vow is to be here and be present for all of you, and for myself. I vow to finish the unfinished and move forward with things that are of the utmost importance. On a smaller note, I am going to attempt to be 98% caffeine free by February. I would prefer to use it just when I have a migraine, as opposed to using it as a stress crutch.

Big things, little things, good things, bad things. No matter what, let us be grateful for it all and what it teaches us. Life is short. It’s not always easy, and it’s a very lonely place without someone in life to turn to that understands. Tonight, no matter what it is you’re doing or believe in, stop and say a little prayer for everyone that matters to you in life. It’s not about religion or belief systems, it’s about humanity. Once you lose sight of that, it’s all downhill, so I think it’s important to remain in touch with what makes you a human-being. While not the most friendly person on the planet, I still have compassion and empathy for others. I still make an effort. I am always present for those I care about, no excuses. Practice a random act of kindness, you’ll see how good it makes you feel as well, thus serving a dual purpose. That which you send out into the world comes back to you threefold. Make it count.

Wishing you all a happy, healthy, and safe New Year!

copyright © 2014 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

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Timing Is Crucial

Your voice is one of the most important tools you are given in life. Sadly, it is an under-utilized tool that we are born with.

While I do often say that sometimes people take “freedom of speech” way too far, I also believe that far too many believe hold back for fear of what others will think and say.

One of my best friends admonished me for pulling yesterday’s piece, saying that I should not have to edit myself to appease other people’s issues. I agree, but since this is a newer platform, maybe next year would be a better time to bring up the points I would like to make, and by then, there might be additional like-minded people who wouldn’t be hurt by opinions and basic facts. However, while she’s right about me holding back my voice so as not to stir up drama, I also believe there’s a time and a place, for everything. Yesterday wasn’t the right time, but this will always be the place.

I’ve been accused of having “no filter”, and that’s partially true. I will filter myself in public to some extent, and I will filter myself in a room full of people who I don’t know, but I will still adhere to some basic principles. One of which is: Always be yourself. So many people worry what others will think of them, for one thing or another. I don’t. In fact, if you’re reading this and you DO worry about what people think of you, stop right now.

Ask yourself if other people’s opinions truly matter at the beginning and end of each day. I assure you, they do not. Opinions do not make or break you. What matters most is how you feel about yourself. It’s not ego, it’s not cockiness, it’s confidence and grace. Know thyself, and in doing so, be true to yourself. Don’t tell yourself negative things because that’s what others tell you. For one, it’s unhealthy and two, it’s what I call “self-abuse”.

When your inner voice (not your intuition, but your internal dialogue) turns against you and whispers negativity in your head, tell it to fuck off. I’m not kidding, tell it to fuck off. Do not allow yourself to take any of that negativity to heart. If you do, you’ll spend a lifetime with self-doubt and you’ll spend a fortune on therapy that could be better spent elsewhere.

Ultimately, it comes down to judgement. It’s your call. Speak up and speak out, be yourself, and live a more fulfilling life. In the same vein, sometimes you have to know when to let something rest. Just because you file something away for another time doesn’t mean you have failed in any way. It’s important to know when the time is truly right, even if for something as simple as the written word.

copyright © 2014 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Seven Years

Seven years can change everything. 

I walked out of the house the other day and for the first time, I did not have issues about this moment. It’s not about ‘coming to terms’, but maybe it’s about ‘coming to a new place’. Maybe it is a sign that my soul has learned how to handle this from year to year. 

Seven years… It can change how you see the world, how you see yourself, how you see your relationships, and how you see the future.

I have hardened. I have softened. I have strengthened. I have focused on myself, and I have grown. I see how much growth from last year to today.

I have fought battles, and won. I have fought battles that weren’t worth fighting, and walked away unscathed. I have tended wounds, and worked on scars. I have loved and been loved. I have seen beauty, and I have seen the dark underbelly.

I have accomplished things people told me I would never attain on my own. I have risen out of the ashes, as the infinite phoenix of my own destiny. Most importantly, I have stood on my own two feet. No matter where life takes me, I know who I am. I know my worth and value.

In Memory of my father, who knows why these things are all so very important.

…May You Never Be Broken Again.

copyright © 2014 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Portions of this are copyright © 2013 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.