After Midnight Musings

yourlimits

Writers are a very different breed of artist. We create differently. We all have different “methods to our madness”, which, in my opinion, is a good thing.

I have friends from all different professional walks of life, but I am drawn to the creative, unique, and quirky. I am drawn to well thought out opinions, to creativity I would never have personally imagined, and to those that understand the deep nature of those of us who commit ink to paper.

People often expect me to be left-brained and all about logic because I come from a fact-based, opinionated background in my work. The truth is, I am predominantly right-brained. I know that if I make all of my decisions logically, I am putting tiny fragments of glass into my soul, constantly leaving open wounds. While making clear, concise decisions is important to me, I also trust my intuition to guide me in the right direction. It’s not about living a life of logic, or of heart-based decision, but a life entirely focused on my internal and external senses. It has yet to guide me in the wrong direction.

Not everyone believes in or understands extra-sensory perception, but I was raised to understand it, and I am trained to understand it, so to live a life where I ignore it isn’t going to fly with me. If my intuition tells me that a glass is going to spill and I walk away, I am going to be pissed when the glass spills because I ignored my own inner voice AND I have a mess to clean up that could have been avoided. That same inner voice is a bit of a guide-post. It can help save your life, and it can help you write something amazing. All you have to do is pay close enough attention.
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Recently it was brought to my attention that I am maybe “too venomous”. I’m not, but this was slightly enlightening to hear. Interestingly enough, only one person feels this way, and if anyone else does, please, by all means, start a club.

I promised myself that this platform would be 100% authentic in every single way. I promised myself that I wasn’t going to tone myself down, dumb myself down, edit my words, over-think anything, or be present “just to exist” and take up space. That’s not being true to who I am as a person, nor is it being true to who I am as a writer.

I absolutely refuse to edit my soul. Like most intelligent people, I know when to keep my mouth shut, I know when to back off, and I know when to stand up and speak. I am not passive or shy. I am a great observer, but I’m also not psycho-analyzing others for the sheer joy of it. If I’m taking the time to psycho-analyze something or someone, there is probably reason for it. I truly prefer to be an introverted extrovert and I am almost never bored because my brain is constantly creating. However, I’d rather be focused on what truly makes me happy, what truly inspires me, than be worrying about whether or not my words are being misconstrued.

So for future reference, if you think I’m “not nice”, you’re probably right. If I write something and it makes someone uncomfortable, then they don’t have to read it. I make avid use of the FOLLOW button too, and everyone has the right to read what they like, to read what inspires them, whatever is encouraging and supportive to them, basically, whatever helps nourish the creative soul.

When I have time, I read things. It might not be daily, but I do read your comments and I will almost always pay your blog a visit if you’ve left me several comments or liked a lot of my work. A lot of people are looking to connect with fellow writers and I think that is one of the best things about the writing community. We are a close-knit, quirky bunch. Some are very easy to get along with, others not so much, but it’s okay. We are all individuals, we all write what we write, and never should we feel the need to compete against one another or be negative because there is room for everyone.

Writing is about growth, it is about creativity, it is honest, refreshing, and a form of communication that I have always found to be quite freeing. If I can inspire someone else, or make them think outside the box, then I am proud to be able to do that. If I can encourage or support someone, then I absolutely will. I am not afraid to discuss the work of other writers or talk about books. In fact, I’m not afraid of much. However, I won’t ever be told by anyone to not be who I am, nor will I be told what to write. A friend once asked me not to be myself, and I am no longer friends with that person. Unless a person is hurting themselves or hurting others, they should be allowed to be who they are, and no one has the right to tell them they’re wrong simply for being themselves.

“An it harm none, do what ye will” are eight words that fulfill the Wiccan Rede. They are part of a moral compass, a guiding principle. What I perceive as harm might be different from what someone else perceives as harm, and the same holds true for many. There’s a difference between physical and emotional harm, I will not denounce either as harm. However, I do denounce perceived harm because that is open to interpretation. I cannot be held accountable for perception, and only I know my true intent.

Every single person perceives things differently. We do not all agree on every single thing in this world, nor would I ever expect us to. That is part of what makes the world go ‘round. Difference of opinion can bring us together or push us apart. I choose to always hold true to my beliefs, leaving room for change if I am somehow getting the impression that my feelings might be wrong on something. As human beings, we are all entitled to that. This is not a place for group-think, it is a place for individuality.

If nothing and nowhere else, allow this to be your place of freedom. It is, without question, without fail, one of mine.

copyright © 2014 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

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Anger Management

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For about six years, I’ve diligently tried to work on my personal anger issues. It took me on an interesting journey. I learned so much about myself that I was a little astounded by the epiphany I had several months ago.

During all of the time where I walked away from arguments and fights, kept my mouth shut, disengaged from negativity, discussed how I felt in therapy, and then took all of that knowledge into my daily life, I lost something big. There is a fine line between taming an issue, working on yourself for betterment, and changing yourself to accommodate other people. That fine line is where you completely lose the unique aspect that makes you, YOU.

Somehow, all the “this is how you handle this situation” crap turned me into some kind of tame pet. Therapy only skims the surface, depending on the therapist. It changes you if you allow it, but what if the core of who you are didn’t truly need changing? Again, the result is being turned into a a tame pet, a person who no longer reacts intensely to anything or anyone. Somewhere along the line, my “on” button was turned “off” almost completely.

A very common misconception with me is that I am “sweet” and“nice”, which somehow loosely translates to “passive”. I’m not. Not on any count. However, I’d allowed therapy and the tools I had learned there to take the fiercer aspects of who I am away. I’d become less apt to say “Fuck you.” and more apt to say nothing. There’s only so much you can hold in before you lose it. A few months ago, I LOST IT. However, in the loss, I also gained.

Sometimes you have to be reminded of exactly who you are and what you’re capable of. You need those reminders, otherwise life becomes monotonous and you have no answers or problem-solving abilities. You’re so wrapped up in being a tame pet, that you forget how fierce you are. You forget all the things you have done, and continue to do. It’s an easy mistake, and easily corrected.

I think therapy is good if you truly need it for very serious issues. I thought my anger WAS a very serious issue, but therapy taught me that I was angry at the right things and the right people, that the anger was not self-directed. However, it did turn me into something I am not, and in many respects, I’m glad to no longer be going weekly, even though I still feel I had finally found someone great. Maybe in the future, I will return.

But for now, what you read is what you get. This is who I am. I might not have a vicious reaction to everything and everyone, I don’t usually break out the “bitch card”, but I am fully capable of being a complete version of myself now. I’ve been reminded that it’s okay to honor my emotions and be myself. It takes nothing away from me to be angry at the right time, directing it at the right person, and not allowing it to BE me.

Generally, I’m not an angry, hateful, mean person. If you push me, I will unleash my wrath, but generally, I’m pretty laid back. Intense, yes. Fierce, absolutely. I can’t sit and be a tame little bunny, I have to be me.

From here on out, if something is going on in my life, no matter how good or bad, I feel capable of handling it. I was always capable of handling it, I simply needed to be reminded that I’m lethal.

Mess with me, and the poison flows. Stay on my good side, and you will receive loyalty and respect. It’s probably easier for everyone to stay on one side, as opposed to the other. I’ve noticed recently that I’ve become a little more fierce than usual, but I’m accepting of that. In fact, I now fully see that there’s nothing wrong with it.

Looking in the mirror each day and being the absolute best version of yourself is, above all else, the most important thing you can do.

Honor yourself and honor those in your life. Be you, be untamed, be honest, be real, don’t be a fucking pet!

copyright © 2014 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED