This article infuriated me. I know how I was treated as a child with pain and it wasn’t very different, but I feel like the practices have become worse as an adult with pain, not better. You have to fight for everything, and that is unacceptable to me, but for anyone to denounce the pain of a child just plain rattles my cage!
An acquaintance of mine mentioned the other day that she threw a birthday party for her eight year old daughter. That part of the story started off innocent enough. After all, it’s a child’s birthday party, not a caviar tasting.
She planned the party and sent out invites, ten in total. When her daughter’s birthday rolled around this past weekend; her daughter sat, all dressed up, waiting for her “friends” to arrive. Not a single child came.
There is something seriously wrong with an exceptionally large group of parents and it makes me sick.
Children are innocent. There is no eight year old on this planet that should know that kind of rejection by peers or general treatment from adults. Especially not on their birthday. The more I think about it, the angrier I get.
Manners, decency, common courtesy, and respect are things we are all taught. I am supremely polite and chock full of manners…until you piss me off. This incident pisses me off. I realize this is becoming a common trend. It is disgusting and it has to stop.
I vividly remember a childhood birthday party that was somewhere between age eight and ten. I still have the crown my mother carefully made somewhere, but I’m certain on the age bracket. It was a surprise party. I knew something was up because everyone was acting really weird and telling me blatant lies. Somehow no one was available to do something the day of my birthday. One parent actually said she was taking her child Christmas shopping. In October. That could have gone very wrong, very fast, but it didn’t. I read the lie and thought it incredibly bizarre. And when my mother claimed we had to stop at a place we never went the afternoon of my birthday, I thought nothing of walking in, until I saw the crowd of friends and family waiting to surprise me. I openly admit, I was NOT happy about it. I had a bit of a tantrum because I didn’t approve of what she’d done. The fact that she had to leave the party to go on a job interview was even more heartbreaking to me, but I will never forget that she went out of her way to do something special for me. The people who wanted to be there were there, and the party still stands out in my mind to this day.
The fact that people now RSVP to children’s birthday parties (or in some cases, ignore the invite altogether), but no longer bring their children to the parties they have committed to attending is disgusting. Why would you not show up with your child in tow? What do you gain out of that level of cruelty aimed at a child? It’s not normal. In fact, it is quite sick. I don’t really care how fucked up parents treat each other, but I DO care about how children are treated, and this birthday party crap is an absolute NO.
Her mother has basically said “No more parties. I’m not going to subject my child to this crap ever again.” That saddens me because if you’d seen this little girl’s face, you’d be sad too. I was proud of her for putting all of the parents on blast via social media, letting them know that her daughter, who always attended all of their children’s parties and brought a great gift with her, along with her fantastic personality, would no longer be attending any of the parties she normally went to. She finished the statement by saying she’d better not see any of them in public. Again, we’re talking about the parents of eight year olds. It’s not uncommon if one or two people can’t make it on the day you’ve scheduled the party, and it’s always a possibility that a child is sick and cannot attend, but as a PARENT, you make a fucking phone call to let the other parent(s) know in advance AND, if you’ve got any real class, you drop off the gift so that the other child doesn’t have to feel like she’s unimportant, cast out, and that her birthday is no longer “special”. Yes, there’s always the chance a few people won’t be there, but all ten? That’s not a coincidence.
I’ve never been an immense social butterfly, but I feel that children shouldn’t be subjected to this kind of crap. Usually this level of shit is reserved for junior high and high school, but now it’s occurring in elementary school and it’s a terrible message to be sending our children. There is nothing normal about this behavior. In fact, it is parents openly encouraging the early stages of bullying. What kind of human-beings are they going to raise with that kind of attitude?! Is this world going to get worse based on this generation of rampant bullying?
I was taught crucial things as a child, and bullying wasn’t on the list. #1- Not everyone is going to like you and you’re not going to like everyone, but you do have to co-exist. In life, in business, in social situations. #2- Treat people the way you want to be treated. #3- Don’t say you’re going to attend anything unless you’re truly going to show up. The only reason not to go is illness you don’t want other people/children to get (I was kept home from several parties due to strep throat, which was absolutely the right call.). #4- Always say please and thank you. Obviously, there were many other things, but that’s the short list for this situation and it all holds true today.
I don’t know what to take away from this scenario other than the fact that far too many parents do not practice what they preach and it scares me to write this from an emotional standpoint, wondering how many of them are lurking behind false smiles. So for all the parents reading this, please don’t spread your douchebaggery to your kids. They might get your DNA, but they do not need poor social skills, nor do they need to be bullies that grow into passive-aggressive adults who attack civilized human-beings in the professional world.
If you’re a parent that has ever pulled this kind of crap, there is a proverbial kick in the ass waiting for you. Harming a child in any capacity is a direct line to some form of hell and quite frankly, if you perpetuate this kind of behavior, you deserve it.
To the little girl affected by this: I promise you that not all children and parents are alike. You will learn this as you get older. Happy Belated Birthday, little one. One bad birthday doesn’t mean they’re all going to be like this. Shake it off, show no fear, do not be ashamed, and grow up to be strong and determined. In 20 years, you’ll be more accomplished than all of these twits.
copyright © 2015 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
Fibromyalgia Pain. Chronic Pain. Migraines. They are just a few of the evils that millions suffer from. Some suffer loudly, but many more suffer in dark rooms, alone, in silence. You’re screaming on the inside, but you don’t make a sound.
There is something about the temperature shifting drastically that changes my “Pain Game” to new levels of insanity. I’ve had a migraine on and off for three days, and after last week, I’d hoped it was just a passing tornado, so to speak. This morning I reached that “insane from pain” stage that is quite scary. You hear yourself saying crazy things, but you truly cannot stop your mouth from moving. You’ve been strong for too long and now you’re venting.
I’m usually up pretty early and by early, I mean still dark. Suffering from migraines last week into this week has meant that I’m finding justified reasons to A) Go back to sleep or B) Take naps. This morning I woke up at 7:24. I’d been up an hour before and truly saw no reason to make a bigger effort, so back to bed I went. Unfortunately, when you have animals and/or young children, you don’t get “the morning off”. I suspect if I bled out of my eyeballs, maybe. The girls were being particularly aggressive this morning, so I fed them at exactly 7:25 and then stomped back up the stairs like an insane person. Once they’re fed, they usually leave me alone. In true form, they had no interest in bothering me whatsoever once they’d been fed. But once I officially woke up, I had a little stalker doing all sorts of wrong to draw my attention. I’ve reached that pain point where saying “No.” or “Get down from there!” isn’t even worth it. If I spritz them with water, they stop doing it. However, they’re fearless and like to lick the water off right in front of me, as if to say “Really Mommy, that’s all you’ve got?” I’m not in the mood to be challenged by anything with four legs and fur, and I don’t negotiate with terrorists that look like children. 😛
Migraines that affect your neck, shoulder(s), face, and spine are fucking scary. There is always someone telling me a wild story about how “so and so had a migraine, and thus thought nothing of it, until they ended up in emergency surgery.” Yeah, that’s what I need to hear. That is totally going to make me feel better, thanks for sharing! I have no idea why so many people use the “this one has it worse” crap on you, as if that is somehow going to magically stop your suffering (and not just with a migraine, but with ALL things in life). FYI: It doesn’t curb your suffering at all, but it does piss you off, which isn’t good because that raises your blood pressure and damn near guarantees that this migraine isn’t going anywhere any time soon.
My biggest problem with this particular migraine is that I also hurt from my spine down to my calves. If it’s not severe pain, it’s a horrific ache or serious soreness. There is a 50% chance of rain and honestly, I’d like to see it rain a bit because that would explain the sudden increase in pain from my daily 8-9 to DEFCON 1. Historically we have never reached such a level of “readiness”, but I’m betting that a vast majority of pain patients HAVE reached that threshold. It is pain that is so bad, you’d rather feel ANYTHING ELSE but that pain. It applies to more than just the physical.
Doctors have often told me “It gets better as you get older.” That’s what they told my mother when I had horrible growing pains and constantly felt like my muscles and bones were going to pop off. Now, doctors ask whether or not you can remember if you had bad growing pains as a child, because that often signifies whether or not you might suffer from a form of chronic pain later on in life. They ask about your long-dead relatives medical histories, as if you know all about your “dead before I was born” Grandparents and Great-Grandparents. Unfortunately, I remember those growing pains the same way I will remember my current pain a month from now, with 100% muscle memory.
I fully intended to get some serious editing done today. I have a client crawling up my butt (I have more to say on this subject, but it’s unprofessional, so I’m going to shut my mouth) asking for a timeline for delivery. We’ve never discussed one before, but as I go through pages and pages of work that requires severe corrections with every sentence, I had to be honest (I chose professional honesty as opposed to niceness because I don’t have niceness in me at the moment.) and tell exactly her how much work is involved. The cleaner the manuscript, the less work there is for me, but as a developmental editor, I fact check and do way more than I’m being paid for, and yet from a writer’s perspective, I cannot tell if it’s just excitement at the prospect of having never been edited before, or anxiety that a professional is dissecting your work. I don’t know, I suspect it could be a lot of both, but I’m also in too much pain and under too much stress to sit and psycho-analyze it. I also hesitate to ask because I’m about .1 seconds from losing it on just about anyone. I’ve never failed a client before; it’ll get done, but work stops when I’m in agony and being nagged.
Right now, today is turning into another “Must Take Care Of Me” day. I truly don’t feel there are enough days like this because I often turn my attention to helping someone with a problem, or doing something else to shift my internal focus off the pain. Focusing solely on my own needs is slightly unnatural to me, but for now, it MUST be a priority.
Here’s hoping that none of my readers are hurting like this today. 😦 This is the kind of pain only Hitler deserves!
copyright © 2015 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
Written by LISA MARINO-Molchanova 