“Being a good writer is 3% talent, 97% not being distracted by the internet.” ―Unknown
*This doesn’t apply to me, but it’s cute.*
“Being a good writer is 3% talent, 97% not being distracted by the internet.” ―Unknown
*This doesn’t apply to me, but it’s cute.*
It always helps to have a plan, but some days, it’s perfectly acceptable to wing it.
Over the last ten years or so, I’ve had a deep, abiding urge to tell a long list of people precisely what I think of them. In many instances, I have chosen to refrain. Not out of fear, but out of the fact that it doesn’t make me a better person, and it does not allow me to grow. If someone is a piece of shit to you, sometimes the very best thing for you is to walk away, not say anything, and keep on moving forward. Of course, if a person persistently pursues you for an answer, let them fucking have it.
Who is on my list? Family, a best friend of almost 19 years, and more recently, some “friends” that have proven themselves to be so incredibly full of shit, I am amazed they can breathe actual air. I am pretty sure they are walking EPA violations.
Family is always a mixed bag for a lot of people. Does anyone truly come from the perfect family? I used to think some of my relatives were so pulled together, until one particular funeral when I realized exactly how fucked up and dysfunctional every single person truly is. It was as if their masks had come off at a masquerade ball and I was suddenly able to see them for exactly what they truly are. It’s scary when people put up such good false identities, even to their own family, that you start buying into their bullshit. It’s all a facade, because in the end, no family is perfect, not everyone loves each other, hell, most of them don’t even like each other. In truth, it’s perfectly okay. Moreover, it clarified a lot for me.
Not every friendship is perfect either. The best friend I have issues with is someone who has been a part of my life for an exceptionally long time. We haven’t spoken in four years, yet she occasionally “likes” one of my Facebook posts or comments on something I write. That’s confusing to me, because if I mean anything to her, she should have apologized a long time ago for the crap she’s pulled. I love her, but I also hate her, all in the same sentence. There are moments when I just can’t imagine having allowed her to become a part of my life, and in the same breath, I sometimes wonder how she & I can not speak for so long, and then, out of nowhere, pick up like it was yesterday, like nothing has changed. The truth is, a lot has changed. I have changed. I think this time she knows that, and she’s afraid of what the outcome will be when she inevitably slithers her way back to me. She has no idea what I have in store for her. No, she doesn’t read this.
As for false “friends”, I have no use and even less time for delusional people who think their shit doesn’t stink, or who take offense to things that aren’t offensive, like the truth. If you’re my friend, then you’re my friend all of the time, not when it is convenient for you to be. If you’re not “Ride or Die”, then get the fuck away from me, period. I don’t have time for drama, petty nonsense, or bullshit. I would much rather close ranks than allow some two-faced degenerate anywhere near me, my heart, or my work.
90% of the time, I am an incredibly professional, driven, hard-working woman, and I’m a lady. The other 10% of the time I’m silently contemplating the benefits of letting a person know what I think of them, only to decide it’s not worth it, that they’ll reveal their snake-like personalities to others all in due time, and I can just sit back and let it unfold, without ever having to say a single nasty thing, however deserved it may be.
Sometimes, no matter who the person is, they’re not fucking worth it, and it is perfectly okay to come to that conclusion. The one thing that bothers me though is knowing that as I rise through the ranks, these very same people will return in an attempt to ride my coat-tails. I am going to have to employ a few people to physically and publicly sever the ties.
In short, be careful how you treat people. You never know where they’re going, or how high.
copyright © 2014 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Rudeness
I’ve recently come to see precisely how intolerant I am towards a key group of people in this world. This isn’t about race or religion, it’s about basic common courtesy and manners. At the core of who I am, I am supremely fair and I am all about having exceptional manners.
Is it rude for me to politely and respectfully request that someone not come along and post my work, without asking, on their own blogs? I don’t think that’s a disrespectful request, not in the least. I suppose if I was a real bitch about it, it could be perceived as rude, but a polite, respectful, properly worded “Can you please remove this?” or “If you are going to do this, please ask first.” is not a great sin.
I realize most bloggers don’t care much who reblogs their stuff, but I am a writer who blogs, as opposed to a blogger, and I own all of my own copyrights. If someone comes along who I do not know and they don’t leave a comment saying “This is wonderful. I love it, is it all right for me to share it on my blog?”, and they assume it’s ok to do so because there’s a Reblog button available to everyone, then I am going to respectfully ask that it be removed. I’m not being a bitch, I am encouraging others to be original, and I am asking them not to place what I have chosen to do somewhere else. Asking if you can share it is pretty much an automatic “Yes”, not asking me is going to make me angry. No one here was born yesterday, we all know about manners & decency. Moreover, I don’t care if it shows my blog as the originator, it still feels like plagiarism to me. That is the ultimate NO for all writers.
I was reblogged a handful of times over the last few weeks and I very kindly asked those people to ask me first before doing it, and to please take it down. I wasn’t rude, I wasn’t nasty. I know the difference between my words and the tone. I then receive an e-mail, as if I am some kind of idiot or small child, with a list of instructions on how to ward off idiots on social media. My hand to God, I had the HARDEST time not unleashing my wrath. It might still happen, except for the simple fact that I like to maintain my level professionalism, even when dealing with complete and utter morons.
Here’s the most important thing for people to know on any form of social media: If it’s public domain, do what you will. Tweets, photos, memes, they’re going to be all over the place, it’s a given. However, if there is a copyright on something, especially on a blog or writer’s platform, DON’T FUCKING ASSUME YOU CAN USE IT. Even if you don’t see a copyright posted, quickly ask the blogger, writer, creator, just in case. It is not beneath me, the writer, to issue a Cease & Desist. I’ve had to do it in the past to someone overseas who stole my work and my photos and declared all of it her own, and I will not hesitate to do it again. If you wouldn’t steal out of a person’s wallet on line at a store, why would you steal on the Internet? Again, if something is public domain, have at it, but if it’s not? Ask first, because good manners goes a long way with someone like me, and many other writers don’t take kindly to their work being stolen. Again, it is tantamount to plagiarism and for me, that puts you on my Bitch Slap list. There’s no nice way to say it.
I don’t reblog a lot of things. When I do, I tend to go to great lengths to ask whomever it is if it’s all right with them. If it is public domain, I issue credit to the person when I post it. If I post a quote, I make sure whomever the quote came from is credited. If I post a photo that is not my own, I do not remove any of the tags or copyrights that might be pending on the photo. I don’t Photoshop anything in an attempt to make it my own. I have rules and boundaries, and we all should.
I would rather be overly cautious and polite, than rude and presumptive. I realize that in this day and age, I am a rarity, but I’ve gotten this far with my ethos, so I’m not worried about continuing with this particular cycle.
You will, inevitably, encounter a lot of rude idiots on the Internet and all across the board on various social media platforms. I’m happy to say I will never be one of them.
© 2014 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Hello everyone!
I’m sorry I haven’t been able to complete the three new pieces I started writing since my last post. I prefer to give you all brand new material, as opposed to recycling, though I suppose it’s all right, so long as it is MY work and original, which it always is.
My daily life has been hectic, stressful, and unpleasant, but that doesn’t ever truly stop the writing. I simply refuse to post something until it is as close to perfect as I can get. There’s always a moment or something that occurs during the course of each day that inspires me to take a moment and jot something down. I’ve got so many notebooks filled with thoughts and ideas for new posts, or half written posts, and sometimes I just have to organize it and type, other times I type from scratch.
I hope that everyone in this hemisphere is enjoying the end of Summer, and looking forward to Fall. Fall is, by far, my favorite time of year. It’s not just the crisper, but not overly cold weather, but it’s also being able to grab a light jacket, the lead in to the High Holy Days, my brother’s birthday, my birthday, Samhain, and my little pumpkin’s “Adoption Day”. It’s a great time of reflection, prayer, grounding, and self-awareness.
I’m moving towards a mid-life birthday this year (based primarily on how old my parents were when they passed away), and while not really looking forward to it, I am still wondering exactly when I stopped being 17 (FYI: I have always been this mature and introspective.). I suppose we all have moments in our lives when we look at our personal growth or we look in the mirror, and we feel the growth, but we say “How old AM I? This feels no different from <insert age here>.” I suppose I’m all right, I’m still being carded at the liquor store and on the rare occasion when I buy a lottery ticket. I could have so many other things to complain about, but I don’t. I am trying very hard to focus on the positive and not allow myself to delve deeply into the negative.
Apart from certain things, like Fibromyalgia and migraines from hell, I am healthy, I’m loved, I have amazing people in my life, and it is my firm belief that things can get better, and will.
So, as I return to work, I wish you a day of self-reflection and blessings. I’ll be back as soon as I can.
A Writer…
“A writer, I think, is someone who pays attention to the world.” -Susan Sontag
Writing Is A Job…
“Writing is a job, a talent, but it’s also the place to go in your head. It is the imaginary friend you drink your tea with in the afternoon.” –Ann Patchett
Into The Flame
In attempting to establish this beautiful new blog, I realize that my writing style has changed a bit from all those years ago. I haven’t changed, the core of who I am has made some adjustments, but with my writing, I’ve simply polished the diamond.
The bio for this blog is pretty simple, but I like it that way. It gives you, the reader, the opportunity to get to know me from one post to the next. So, in keeping with that “get to know you” phase, I thought I’d elaborate a bit on the difference between enjoying sharing your thoughts via the written word and being an experienced writer. Two very different beasts indeed.
It galls me at times when people ask what I do. I can tell you for a fact that I could care less what another person does professionally, so long as they’re a decent person and they treat me with respect. I’m not sure when relationships and friendships all became a fucking job interview. I blame Facebook. People are always trying to impress one another with their professions, the vacations they take, family photos, the houses they purchase, the parties they throw, the cars they drive, etc. And we wonder why there is STILL a mortgage crisis? We wonder WHY people are losing their jobs, their homes, their health?!? It’s because no one has any priorities, they are all too fucking busy with their smart-phones in their faces checking Facebook statuses. I have seen this in every professional setting I have encountered. I have seen this in every doctor’s office I have been in. Hell, I’ve seen this in hospital waiting rooms! It’s fucking ridiculous, and obviously, a major pet peeve of mine.
Last week, a person asked me what I do, and I said what I always say “I’m a writer.” I did not elaborate any further. I think it’s pretty self-explanatory, for the most part. And yet, they were immediately impressed. I have no idea why, because often times, being a writer means struggling and suffering for your art. And make no mistake, any writer of real quality IS an artist. Some people think that by having a blog where they post jumbled words, or random thoughts, it automatically makes them a writer. It doesn’t, but before you jump down my throat, allow me to explain. (And no, I am not insulting anyone. You’ll certainly know it when I do. I have no qualms and will call anyone out on their bullshit.)
I am a writer because it’s God given ability. I come from a long line of great communicators of the written word. We all tend to speak the exact same way we write. My parents, God Rest & Bless Their Souls, were both gifted writers, but not by trade. My Grandfather was an amazing writer, again, not by trade. My Aunt has had a lot of her work published, and she is also not a writer by trade.
I knew very early on that 1) I’d never work a 9-5 job that I’d hate, 2) That I was a creative type, and always would be, and 3) That I would NEVER answer to anyone. In turn, people have always published my work unedited.
I had to put my foot down the first time a person cut my work to shreds and published it without first running it past me. I told him “Do you REALLY think you’re qualified to do that? You destroyed the entire piece!” The rage I felt was unreal. He mulled it over and came to a decision: He didn’t think he was qualified, and he never did it again. He, and everyone thereafter, was afraid to touch what I’d worked so hard on. They decided they had to accept it “as is”, and the fact of the matter is, I knew exactly what I was doing by being a challenging pain in the ass. People stopped being concerned about space and started being more concerned about making sure I was a part of their projects.
That is precisely how “Poison In Lethal Doses” came to be the very special thing I have always considered it. Some of the first reviews I ever received said things like “She will say ANYTHING, beautifully spreading her words like poison from a wound.” or “Looking forward to the next dose of poison.” The original name was Black & Red Roses, and the material was thorny, pardon the pun. My words and reputation quickly solidified me as far from flowery. I then chose the new title, and kept going, always pushing boundaries. If anyone in that particular community disliked it, they simply did not have the power to stop me or shut me up.
I have always been more impressed with web-site and blog content, as opposed to design. I have seen some beautiful sites with horrible content. I have seen some stunning blogs that made me cringe when I saw the run on sentences, the lack of commas, improper sentence structure, poor grammar, and, on occasion, the particular style of writing. In this, I am a perfectionist. If I catch an error in my own work, or one slips past me, I will correct it as soon as I see it. Mistakes do happen, but the essence of the written word on anything I place my name on is going to be of quality. It is going to be real and done with a measure of finesse.
There are words I loathe, and there are things people do with words that makes me want to physically harm them. Some of which are, but are never limited to the following:
#1- Any version of ya’ll. I don’t care how it’s used or spelled, it is wrong. I LOVE being in Texas, but I cringe when people speak and use that word. It just plain drives me insane. If you live south of the Mason-Dixon line or you’re from the Midwest, don’t be offended that I said this, realize it’s a regional difference in how people speak.
#2- Anyone that cannot spell “all right”. It’s two words people, not one. English 101 teaches you this. Hell, elementary school English teaches you this basic fact!
#3- Improper grammar and not completing a word. Unless you’re a Platinum selling rapper, don’t write like one.
#4- Using the word “‘cause”. Unless there is cause to use the word, try using because. It makes you look a little more put together, even if you aren’t. It brings no character to your work whatsoever, unless, perhaps, it is character driven dialogue.
#5- Most slang words. Call me crazy, I do not find them charming.
Regional and cultural phrases sometimes bother me, but as a person with a prominent accent when tired or pissed off, this is one thing I tend to let slide. I’m educated enough to know what people mean, thank God and Goddess. I have accents all around me and I like it that way.
I am an immense fan of the written word. My own work, and the work of a great many others. I am a Bibliophile personified. I collect first edition hard-covers of books that I feel are amazing bodies of work. I am not a fan of anything considered to be “classic literature”, I have very specific reading tastes. In most cases, if it is considered “classic”, I have chosen not to read it. If you’re a “classics” fan, I assure you I’ve read things you’ve never even heard of.
I have a long list of authors whose work I follow religiously. My year starts out with a list of books I have to pre-order and another list of holds to place at my local library for books I want to read, but know I will never read twice. I re-read several different collections from a handful of authors at least twice a year, sometimes more if I have the time. It is not uncommon for me to write extensive book reviews on eBay, Amazon, Goodreads, or on “…..And The Moon Sees All”. I’ve simply reached a point where, on the other blog, I don’t feel my individual writing efforts are truly being appreciated, so I am bringing it all here. There will be fresh material and material you have never seen before. If it is new to your eyes and is enlightening or encourages you to think, then that’s what I intended for it to do.
My love of the written word also carries over to quotes, song lyrics, and movie scripts. I know the entire Harry Potter movie collection by heart, and I do all of the voices. My current cats’ middle name is “Firebolt”, need I say more? (And if you saw her run around, you’d find it apropos. Sometimes I have to see if hellhounds are chasing her butt. She’s a sneaky little ninja.)
I’ve been writing for a long time. When I began writing, I had no idea what I was doing. The advice gifted to me was this: “Write what you think and write what you feel, and if someone doesn’t like it, tough shit.” To this day, that makes me smile. My mother knew what she was doing, but she had no idea what she was going to create by encouraging my inner voice to become so much bigger and bolder. I realize that as a quiet, shy, introverted kid, she was giving me the tools to become someone strong who spoke her mind eloquently, and fiercely. On days when I don’t know what to say or think, I remember those words and remind myself that being myself is the very best gift I can give others with my work, and as a person.
Being a writer of quality takes time. It means writing a lot of things and throwing them out. It means that not everything you write is going to be fabulous. It means having notebooks full of things you’ve written, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Being a good writer requires a serious dose of keen observation of others and the world at large. It’s not all humor and anecdotes, and it’s not all rants and complaints. In this, we all bring something varied to the table on a blog. However, if you’re anything like me, I am betting the work that stands out the most is that which you know took dedicated time, care, devotion, and slivers of their soul.
For some people, writing is a hobby, or something they love to do, but for me, writing is part of who I am. It is ability and talent, and I don’t place a lot of ego into it, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t know what I am good at. When writing is topic based, I focus on the topic and my views. When it is character based, I slip into the skin of my characters and allow them to speak. Each day, I grow. Each platform affords me the opportunity to broaden my horizons and be this much better than I was the day before. It’s about honing artistic talent every single day of my life. Because for me, writing is my art.
copyright © 2014 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
If there’s anything I truly hate in this world, it’s people not knowing how to be decent friends. It takes two, truly. Both people have to be committed to the same cause, which is the core of the friendship and what it is built upon. Unfortunately, you will often find that the other person generally doesn’t know your intentions and you may not figure out theirs until it’s too late.
Throughout the course of my life I have had both friends and “friends”, and it’s fair to say that we all have. The latter are the bottom feeders in this world who only come to you with falseness in their hearts. They pretend to be genuine, but they’re either intimidated by you, scared of your strength, jealous of you, or never have good intentions towards anyone. Sometimes it’s a mass combination of all of the above, and so much more. They are the types of people that are 1000 shades of fucked up and, no matter how sweet, kind, entertaining, genuine, or funny they appear to be, they are hiding behind a facade and not only lying to you, but lying to themselves. They will seem selfless, but they’re selfish, self-possessed, and have cruelty and hatred residing within their souls, and they choose to take it out on people that do not deserve it, as opposed to directing it at those that do.
I can only use myself as an example here. I give a LOT to the relationships in my life. I don’t know any other way to be. Need advice? I’m your girl. Need help hiding a body? What body? No one will ever find it. I have helped friends whenever they have needed help, regardless of what that help entailed. I feel that is the right thing to do. I do not like seeing my friends struggle and suffer if I am in a position to do something about it. I will talk to you for hours about anything and nothing, and I will truly listen to you. I’m not on the other end of the phone rolling my eyes or making faces, I am fully engaged. I am loyal and I am devoted. In short, I know my worth and value in all things, but especially as a friend. It is one of the things in life I am most certain of.
A lot of missteps in friendship are based on poor communication. If you choose not to say something to someone when, and if, it bothers you, that is YOUR fault, not THEIRS. Take ownership of your short-comings. I have my own faults here too. Sometimes it will take me a few days, weeks, or months to call somebody out on something I feel was inappropriate, wrong, and/or offensive. I don’t allow disrespect. However, even if it takes me some time, I will still do it. I do not avoid confrontation, and I always feel better once I’ve clarified with someone what is, or isn’t, going on and how to come back to a good place. It doesn’t happen with every single friendship, sometimes a friendship has run its course, reached an end and that, too, is ok, but the effort still needs to be made.
If ever you want to end a friendship, as in all relationships, it is crucial to tell the other person. For one, it shows good manners and two, it brings closure to the relationship. It doesn’t matter if you were friends for three months, six months, a year, or if you’ve been friends for 30 years, have some fucking decency in your dealings with others, lest you gain a reputation for the way you handle your personal relationships. Especially with other women. I can assure you that women talk. If you’ve been a bitch to a woman and later become friends with someone she knows really well, she won’t hesitate to tell that friend exactly what your deal is. I’ve had more than one or two of my close friends warn me about other women, and they were always right. Thankfully, I wasn’t fully invested into the new people, so it wasn’t a big deal or the end of the world.
I always encourage people to communicate with me. If you don’t like something I’ve said, come to me and Spit.It.Out. Just be honest. You’re not sure what I meant by something? FUCKING ASK. Things like that frustrate me. I don’t like wasting my time with anyone, nor do I like it when people attach my name to bullshit stories that are fictional beyond words, and delusional by half.
If you have an issue with me, say it to my face. Be direct. Don’t run and hide like a toddler, and don’t tell lies. I may not be perfect, I’m certainly not winning any awards for warmth, fuzziness, or coddling, but at least I know what respect, loyalty, and real friendship is all about. Once I lose respect for you, you do not exist. If you close the door, I will put Wolverine’s adamantium claws on my end of the door so that if you ever try re-opening it, you get to hang on your own sword, and your own mistakes. That’s how it works. If you want to be someone’s friend, have honor and dignity. Unless you’re incredibly self-absorbed and shallow. I assure you, NO ONE wants a false friend.
Choosing to be a part of someone’s life as their friend is something so many take for granted. Extending the hand of friendship, to me, is a big deal. If you bite that hand, be prepared for what comes next. People often underestimate my nice factor, which I can tell you from experience, is limited. Treat people the way you want to be treated. If you want love and acceptance, be loving and accepting. If you want or need a certain thing in a friendship, as in any relationship, it is perfectly ok to ask for it. If you’re going through a rough time and you feel like you need a little extra emotional support, say so. Don’t expect everyone to be a mind reader, because the simple fact of the matter is, there’s no such thing as mind readers.
If friends or family treat you like shit and you always allow them to return to your life, you are allowing the behavior and accepting it. In fact, you’re encouraging the cycle to continue. Over time, you lose sight of what it’s like to be treated the right way. In the grand scheme, your acceptance of such negativity allows the chains to wrap around you. This extends to all relationships in ones’ life. Allowing bad behavior, accepting it, and never saying anything in response is encouraging it. If I, as your friend, have encouraged you to put your foot down and you ignore me, I lack sympathy when it continues to happen to you. Not because I’m a cruel person, but because you have been repeatedly given sound advice. I do not mince words and I do not suffer fools gladly. I mean what I say, unless I’m pissed, in which case I will probably say nothing until I cool off. If I am wrong and I know I am wrong, I will always apologize.
This was not written for any particular reason, so do not presume it is directed at you, the reader, in any way, shape, or form, except maybe in an advisory capacity. I’ve had this on my mind for a while and felt it cathartic to put it into action.
We have three different types of friends throughout the course of our lives, and in some instances, for many, many lives, until we learn our lessons and get it right. The different types of friends are “those for a reason, a season, or a lifetime”. If you’re going to be the type of friend to me that I am to you, then you’re ride or die, and you are in my life for a reason and a lifetime. I will always be loyal and devoted to you. However, if you’re only sticking around long enough to use me, please, fuck off now, and take your insane monkeys with you.
If one person is a flake, don’t take it personally. If one person is over-sensitive and cannot handle the truth, then that person needs to work on themselves and letting them fly is the best thing to do when they refuse to listen. Not every friendship is forever, but maybe that’s because the ones that are, are so much more valuable, and are built on a solid foundation, as opposed to being built on one person’s immediate interests.
In closing, I am incredibly GRATEFUL for the lovely, talented, graceful, elegant, mature, beautiful on the inside and outside, kind, generous, hilarious, devoted, loyal friends in my life. I can count them on two hands, but quality is far superior to quantity. Some have been a part of my life for a short period of time, but are no less special to me. Many have been with me for 18-25 years and, despite our imperfections and character flaws, despite agreeing to disagree, we love each other, we care about each other so very much, and we’d do anything for each other. A friend recently told me that I have been there for her through EVERYTHING, the good, the bad, and the ugly, and she thanks God for me. Another told me how people are always using her, but that I am the bright spot in her life. In friendship, things should be positive. If they aren’t, detox yourself from the poison. You’ll find a lot of clarity there.
copyright © 2014 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
“Why Do You Write?”
Recently a friend asked me an interesting question. It was related to what I do as a writer; What I write about and who I write for. It was asked in a place where an elongated answer was too complicated to process, so I decided to “answer” via this post. It’ll probably be helpful for anyone that has never really heard me talk about my work before.
~As a quiet, ultra-observant child, communication was often an issue for me. I was shy and introverted (shocking when you read my work, I know.), and after a few initial “first words”, I spoke in full sentences once I began speaking. I remember looking at my Aunt like she was insane when I was about two years old and saying “That is obnoxious. Please stop doing that.” She was astounded at how direct I was, but because my childhood was a difficult one, my Aunt tried very hard to bring a sense of fun and silliness to my life. It didn’t really stick. I was definitely born ancient.
I am still relatively quiet, but now I know full well that I am an introverted extrovert. In the proper setting, I somehow become the center of attention, the life of the conversation, and I honestly have no idea I’m even doing it. I have no idea what makes me interesting to others or why they listen when I speak, but they do.
Before I started writing, getting my point across often meant I was greatly misunderstood. It somehow gave the impression that I was different than I actually am. A few weeks ago my brother informed me that I’m not a bitch, I’m simply misunderstood. It was an insightful remark, and amusing as hell.
I began writing as an alternative form of communication. I was lucky to be published in most school related publications in regard to poetry and extended avenues. I didn’t always have a choice what was submitted and published, so I decided to do something about that.
In 1994, along with one of my best friends, I decided to produce a by subscription only newsletter. This was prior to the Internet becoming so popular and easily accessed. At this particular juncture in time, newsletters were all the rage. A year into that project, a different opportunity presented itself. I became President & Editor-In-Chief of a fan based organization for a professional athlete. I had his permission and carte blanche, and soon found myself catering to about 1200 people from all over the world. On an extremely regular basis, I’d receive inquiries from people in countries so small, most people had never even heard of them. It was impressive, and I took it in stride. After all, I was just being myself.
I was producing membership newsletters from scratch. Design, layout, photography, and written material. It all had to be put together by me, and I did at least 90% of the writing. I was also handling merchandise, t-shirts and other custom-made paraphernalia. Word of mouth was pretty astounding. I quickly developed a reputation for my no bullshit approach. It’s something I treasure to this day, despite the very sour end to all that hard work.
When I made the decision to leave, to stop completely, it was after the loss of my Grandmother. About two and a half months later a friend died in that sport. No one should EVER fall to their death and have it blown off with a “The show must go on.” attitude. No one, but especially not someone so undeserving of such a tragic end. I backed away slowly, but surely. I was done. I had not only had enough, but I was traumatized, without truly knowing it at the time.
Coming off the heels of that, I threw myself into two other pro-sports related projects involving other athletes, but eventually stopped altogether right about the time my father’s cancer returned for the third time.
I took time to re-focus my interests. I began writing a book around that time, and it remains half completed. I truly doubt it will ever see the light of day, and I am more than ok with that. My heart no longer resides with that body of work, so I’ve made peace with the fact that it won’t be completed.
I’ve never truly stopped writing. I’ve taken breaks for my health, for my sanity. I’ve gone off and done other things temporarily to gain knowledge, but writing has always been a gift for me. It allows me to be heard on so many levels, and gives strength to a voice that, clearly, someone in this world wants to hear.
I tend to live in my own head quite a bit. The genres in which I read are just a peek into what’s bubbling in my writing psyche at the moment.
Four years ago this month, I broke down a system for a dark urban fantasy series. It’s leaning more towards being mythological fiction steeped in history, set in present day. It has had time to simmer and bubble and become something very different from what I originally began writing. It has developed beautifully into something I’m really proud of. I originally set it up as a 17 novel set where each book is an extension of the previous one. I have since pared it down to 8, but at any given moment can twist it and put it in a new direction that extends the story-line out. The first book is nearing completion, and large chunks of the second and third books have been written. I’ve worked in chapters for books four and five as well. I dislike the “write straight through” phenomenon. It’s wonderful if it works for you, but it doesn’t work for me.
You will often read or hear genre writers speak of their characters “coming to them” out of the blue with information, advice, etc. I have not a single weak character, so for me, it’s about slipping into their skin and writing their thoughts, explaining their appearances and mannerisms, and dipping ink into each personality. I LOVE my characters like a dog loves a bone. Anytime someone annoys me, they get cut from the story completely. Pretty much all of my characters are based on someone in my life, however loosely interpreted they may be, but several are immense amalgamations of too many different people to count. Perhaps that is why I love them the way I do. They don’t really talk back, they don’t give me attitude, they don’t judge me, and they’re not rude. Hmm, now that I think about it I realize I like them over pretty much everyone I know!
Writers are artists and I know that I am precise, efficient, and conveying exactly what I want to convey when I write, be it fiction or non-fiction. Some people are simply gifted writers, and I’m egotistical enough to know I’m not some poor man’s imitation of anything or anyone. I know my strengths and I will always, always use them to the very best of my advantage. In a world where writers are a dime a dozen, you have to be unique to stand out. You have to bring something different to the table and God, the competition is fierce. At the beginning and end of each day, the only person I compete with is myself. If I break a previous record on word count or I complete a chapter so that it fits in seamlessly, that is really all that matters. You write for your audience, yes, but your first audience is yourself, and maybe a few trusted friends, and before a finished body of work is submitted to a publisher, you aim to please audience #1.
Editing? I self-edit because I always have, and yes, I know what I’m doing, however I am not opposed to cutting material under advisement that I trust. There are days I delete nearly everything I have written and start from scratch, and I am almost always better for it, even if it’s painful to cut material. When you’re skilled, you know what works and what does not. When you’re intelligent and skilled, you know sentence structure, how to place dialogue, and you do not use run-on sentences. It’s important to know what you are best at. Not everyone is a writer, this is a given. I am not self-important and I do not need to pat myself on the back or call myself anything I’m not. I know who I am and I know the direction I am taking.
I’m not sure if this answers the why and what, but maybe it provides some insight into what I do when I’m not on here. In short, I create.
“Why Do You Write?” is copyright © 2014 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
*Originally published on “…..And The Moon Sees All” on 14 July 2014. Feel free to swing over there to see what else I do.*
Out Of The Ashes
One of the first PILD pieces I ever wrote was about drug addiction. It was an incredibly poignant piece of prose, but the basic theme was this: Anyone can become addicted to prescription pain medicine. This is a simple fact.
This is a new blog, and since many of the readers may not know me from “…..And The Moon Sees All”, let me clarify why I am writing about this particular subject.
In 2003, I believe, after years of bizarre pain and recurring injuries that I could not explain, a doctor sat me down and said “All of your tests have come back negative. Your blood work is good, everything’s negative. Your MRI is clear. Your x-rays only show the spinal issues that the MRI showed 4 years ago. Have you ever heard of Fibromyalgia?” I had only heard about it in passing, I did not know a lot about it. Not much was known about it on a whole, but in all honesty, I was a little too distracted, because knowing that what I had was not Lupus was much more prevalent in my mind.
My world changed that afternoon, and has continued to change every day since then. I finally had answers for what was plaguing me. Unfortunately, I did not know just how much the disease itself would plague my life, what it would take away, the time it would rob me of, and I still have no idea what it will do to me in the future.
When all of the pain began, I was put on several different types of pain medication and a muscle relaxer as the standard operating procedure. Coming from a background where I had worked for a professional athlete who’d had his demons with pain medication, I was not a fan of what this entailed. I was not going to become a person that lived her life based on her next dose, nor was I going to become this person that abused what she was given. To this day, I am still one of the most responsible users of medication that I know.
As the years have come and gone, I’ve pretty much adhered to a 2-3 times a day policy, even on my worst days. Technically I am allowed 8-10 pills per day. Many years ago, when the medication simply wasn’t strong enough because I’d been on it for so long, I was taking the maximum allowed dose every single day. Eventually, it all stopped working and I lost my patience. I then weaned myself off of it and now, on the absolute worst days, I will only take something at night. During the day I will take Tylenol or Aleve, but at night, I allow myself the prescription. On days when I cannot move a muscle or get out of bed, I might allow myself a morning pill, but I’ll definitely chastise myself over it.
Millions of people suffer from Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain. There are a laundry list of side effects from each and the truth is, to this day, I still don’t know for sure if I have one or the other, or a combination thereof. My doctors have been lax. They have found it easier to refill prescriptions and try to refer me elsewhere because what I am going through is truly out of their wheelhouse.
I took very high doses of Cymbalta for 8 years and it did give me aspects of my life back. I almost felt like a regular person again. However, once it stopped working, I could no longer go back on it. I have tried multiple times at the 20 mg level (the lowest dose possible) and even that is too high a dose for my body now. I have tried Lyrica and while I know it helps some people, for me personally, I think it is a seriously awful drug. It was like being 100% aware in a coma. In turn, I’m not touching Savella with a ten foot pole.
My first referral was to a pain management center where they spend the entire day performing epidurals and nerve blocks. Strictly speaking, unless you are done having kids (which I am NOT, and obviously this only applies to women), you shouldn’t be using this as a form of pain relief unless you’ve chosen not to have kids. The risk of an epidural wearing off for me in the future in the middle of childbirth is a risk I am not willing to take. I spoke with my doctor about it and he was mortified that this was the only option being made available to me. He agreed with my perspective and said that if I went through with it, I would absolutely have one fail during childbirth. At that point, I was left without options.
I have tried experimental medications, some of which have only recently been approved for the treatment of Chronic Pain. One in particular robbed me of a week of my life, I will never take it again. I have done several courses of Eastern Medicine and while some of it worked well, others were so temporary that I don’t feel like two hours of pain relief is worth spending a week in bed. Herbs are not addictive, but you do continue to seek pain relief from them if they work. It becomes a different type of pattern, albeit a natural one that isn’t habit-forming.
My next step in this lengthy, exhausting process is a Fibromyalgia specialist. Yes, they do exist, but they’re hard to find and it’s not easy to get on a waiting list to see one. Many of them do not take any form of insurance, except Medicare, so they definitely don’t make it easy for you to seek out pain relief and the proper treatment method for your body. However, I am determined to get in to see the one in my area, even if that means a 6+ month wait, or longer.
I did nothing to cause the Fibromyalgia from creeping into my body and systematically trying to take over. There is a widespread belief that it is caused by physical and/or emotional trauma in your life, and the on-set is different for everyone. It is widely speculated that mine was caused due to a gymnastics injury that lingers to this day, but the truth is, my doctor was simply going over my history and looking for a particular physically traumatic event to try to help me find some closure as to how it may have happened. We will never truly know with any certainty.
Some people have Fibromyalgia or Chronic Pain so mildly, that their flare-ups are just a few days per month. Others are experiencing pain so severe that they cannot function or take care of themselves, their lives change in the blink of an eye. None of us WANT to end up in wheelchairs, but I keep hearing about it and that is incredibly scary to me.
This disease is like many, it is a predator. It targets anyone, it does not discriminate. It can, and it does, happen to anyone.
So, the next time someone tells you they have Fibromyalgia, do not tell them they “don’t look sick”. I can’t tell you how often I get told that I “look great”. Yes, and it takes me 5 hours to look that way.
Don’t judge someone with any form of Chronic Pain or Fibromyalgia. Do some research and do what you can to lighten their load, even if it means cleaning a room for them when you can, taking them to doctors appointments when you are able, or cooking for them so that they don’t have to struggle in their attempts to put a meal together for themselves and/or their family. Be a supportive ear, and don’t take it personally when they inevitably have to cancel plans with you constantly because the pain is too much. They aren’t doing it on purpose, they don’t hate or dislike you, but they DO hate their pain. Do what you can to put their mind at ease. Be kind, be courteous, and above all, treat them the way you’d want to be treated if you found yourself in the same position tomorrow. If they weren’t able to go with you to see that movie, bring it to them when it comes out on DVD and provide them with a fun movie night at home. Make them comfortable. Show them that you care. Take their pain seriously and they will respect you for that. If you walk away from them thinking that they’re faking it or that it’s “all in their head”, pause for a second and factor in the simplicity of karma.