I was blessed with amazing angelic beings. VF & MMB- Mommy loves you. Extra love to the angels of Bastet (FB & TB) who watch over us all.
I am a firm believer that the right animals and people find us at precisely the right times.
Kittens
Utterly Useless
Hello everyone! I’m sorry that I’ve been completely and utterly useless for the last few days, which explains my lack of posts. I got slammed by allergies and haven’t really been able to function a whole lot. The shift into Spring is difficult for those of us with allergies, especially if you live on the East Coast and you’re experiencing the incredibly odd shift each day. The nights are either cold or mild, the days are mild, warm, sometimes way too hot, and if the pollen count is high, forget it. There is nothing consistent about this, it’s all incredibly random. This time around, my allergies are seemingly pet related. I’m not giving cat and kitten to someone else, so I just have to suck it up. Clawing at my face and eyes all day isn’t exactly a clear picture of who I am, so I think it’s best to handle it and get on with my life. I’m fine, until the Benadryl wears off. Basically that means I’m fine, so long as I am knocked out on Benadryl and resting, to some extent. My eye drops haven’t been very helpful either, which makes me grouchy. In my attempt to “make it better”, I obsessively laundered every single thing either of them has touched or slept on that could affect me, because naturally they both insist on fussing over my things and only sleeping on their own when convenient. I discovered one additional item this morning. If I contemplate it for too long, I will end up in an allergists’ office demanding allergy shots. Alas, it can take years for those to work, if they work at all.
If it hasn’t been killer allergies, it’s been other things keeping my “under the weather”, for lack of a better expression. I simply do not feel right these days. My Fibromyalgia has been so bad that I feel bruised, achy, and sore from the top of my spine down to my calves. The sparring I did Sunday night resulted in a bruised right hand from a knuckle on knuckle hit. Properly job is apparently equals out to “more pain”. Unfortunately, it’s one of the few things I can do for several hours that doesn’t make me want to rip my limbs off. I have to chalk that up to a cruel joke.
Beyond that, there’s really not much to report or say. I am working on some ideas, letting them stew. There simply aren’t enough hours in the day for what I want and need to do, especially when I feel like crap. This, I suspect, is the chronic fatigue aspect of Fibromyalgia that often rears its ugly head when you’ve done too much in a short period of time. It certainly explains my intense desire to take naps when I normally power through the afternoons with writing or editing projects.
Here’s hoping all of this passes soon and that I can return to status quo. Pain is still pain, but sleeping like a coma patient and acting like a zombie the rest of the time is disturbing.
I hope your week is turning out to be far more productive. Just don’t brag if it is. No one appreciates a smart ass. 😛
copyright © 2015 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
Long Days, Short Nights
The days are way too long. The nights are too fucking short. Sleep is hard to come by, but man, I’m trying. I was raised to believe that doing your best is “enough”, providing it is truly “your best”.
I suffer from “Superwoman Syndrome”. This is a real thing. I’m an overachiever that has this unbelievable difficulty asking for help. Perhaps it stems from constantly being stabbed in the back when I HAVE asked for help in the past, or because people like to throw things in your face as if they are owed something. “I was there for you when…” are probably not wise words to hurl in my direction. If I’m there for someone, it is genuine, and I don’t have to say “I told you so.” years down the road. If you don’t want to be there for someone, don’t be, but that’s on you.
Fibromyalgia makes life harder than it needs to be. I used to be able to walk for miles on end, doing countless things along the way, and then walk back. It was never a big deal. Now, I actually have to gather strength to run errands and take care of very basic needs. It’s pathetic. And the last thing in the world I need is for anyone to point it out to me, as if I don’t already know that I’m slow. “We just went without you because we didn’t want to wait three hours for you to get ready.” NICE. Yes, that’s sarcasm.
Even without Fibromyalgia, I was already a pretty isolated individual. I had (and still have) a very small group of close friends and my family. I spent my days writing and editing, and I still do. It’s not the kind of thing I do in public. I’m an introverted extrovert. The people that see me work my ass off are cat and kitten, they know Mommy’s working. Pretty much everyone else thinks I do absolutely nothing, because I’m very quiet and they rarely see me. When you don’t do what everyone else does in terms of “normal”, people automatically make wild assumptions. It would be very nice indeed to do absolutely nothing. Attach a six figure salary to that and I will sign up immediately. Shit, I’d love to do “nothing” by spending my days at the mall, or the bookstore, or any number of places that I haven’t been in the last four years, or longer.
The most important thing to me now is having emotional support. I’m going into some horrific, tough battles and all I really want is to be heard, understood, and cared about. I’d rather a person not have the right words, and say a prayer for me.
There are no heroes in this. I have my Superwoman cape and I’m not giving it back, but all kidding aside, being supported means a great deal to me. The simple fact that I’m asking for it shows me that I’ve grown. Help and support, that’s all I need at the moment.
copyright © 2015 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
It’s Friday, Let’s Celebrate!
I have no idea why Friday, Saturday, and Sunday have become my favorite days of the week, but lately, I just can’t handle week days. Does anyone else feel like this?
I’ve had a rough week. I’ve been in a lot of pain and have required way more sleep than any single person my age should need (Still young, still fabulous. 😛 ). I work and then I look at the time, realizing that I’ve done a lot in short bursts of time, but that now that I’ve gotten work done, it’s time to close my eyes “for a little while”. The next thing I know, the day is over. I wake up from that brief little “nap”, check the time, and my cat and kitten are wrapped around each other. Apparently some kind of love fest goes on when I’m down for the count. I almost always have to be in bed and half asleep or completely out of it before they go into “love mode”.
Passive, sweet cat. Troublesome, but incredibly loving kitten. (You can see their photos on my About page.) They’re good for each other and they’re good for me, because without them, I wouldn’t get out of bed at all. There are many mornings when they’re both pacing around me, marking my face with theirs (kitten does this), to encourage me to go downstairs and give them breakfast. If that doesn’t work, they start bringing toys into the bed. I have no idea where either of them are, but I know that if the food is not delivered in a timely fashion, they will try to curry my favor with gifts. I can’t tell you how many times they’ve both placed gifts in my bathtub as a reminder, as if I’ve ever forgotten to feed them.
I’m VERY lucky, they’re relatively well-behaved and sweet. They’ve got attitude, but mostly, they know that they are loved and safe. When I’m in a terrible amount of pain, one or both of them will get into bed as soon as I’m comfortable and either lay by my feet or by my head, and they do not move until they see me calm down and fall asleep, and even then, I still wake up with them close by. There is a sweetness to that which makes me emotional at times. My cat is a lot less openly loving than my kitten, but I have a bond with both of them and I see how they call for me and come to visit me when I’m working. Basically, I get treated like one of them. Perhaps this is why they often place toys under my butt and then try to bite me awake. Sassy’s been doing this since she was a baby, and at 19 months, it wasn’t that long ago that she was the ruler of the roost and tiny, aggressively shoving me awake and demanding food constantly. Now that there are two little beasts, I have them on a schedule. She’s no longer interested in most games (my little one wants to play, but also self-entertains), but is happy to bite my feet or grab my ankle for a nip if she’s feel froggy.
Now that Miss Sass has a constant playmate, she’s no longer ripping me to shreds and biting me. Her breed isn’t known for a lot of verbal communication, so she spent ten months aggressively hurting me several times a day until I found her the perfect little companion. It was NOT love at first sight. It took about a week or so, and they slowly became obsessed with each other. Mini is also incredibly obsessed with me, but she’s still a baby.
☆•*¨*•.¸¸❤❤¸.•*¨*•☆☆•*¨*•.¸¸❤❤☆•*¨*•.¸¸❤❤¸.•*¨*•☆☆•*¨*•.¸¸❤❤
What else is going on? Oh, yes! Because I’m a total hypocrite (And honest enough to admit it.), I am back on Facebook. My original account is still up in the air. Facebook and I have exchanged countless e-mails, and nothing has been worked out, so I waited a while and established a new account. I intentionally linked it to my cell phone which somehow authenticates that I am indeed a “real person” and not the countless things I was accused of in all of their e-mails back in January. If you want to pal around with me, let me know and I will send you my new hypocritical info.
Speaking of which, Facebook has changed quite a bit since I was gone. I am pretty sure someone peed in everyone’s coffee this morning because for every 30 people who liked something I said, I had one person go ballistic. To avoid future problems, I’m keeping a low profile. However, when subjects are open for discussion and you don’t know a person, I think it’s crucial not to call them “OCD” or “rude”, especially since you’re clearly not understanding the context. I was called both this morning by two absolute idiots. Mind you, gutless wonders like to hide behind their computers and spew horse shit.
My first thought was “Go fuck yourself!”, but I decided not to lower myself to their levels. Second, throwing obsessive compulsive disorder around as some sort of joke or insult is incredibly rude, and when one is not a healthcare professional, one has no right to say that to someone they do not know and have never met. That actually IS rude. Disagreeing with someone isn’t rude, we’re all entitled to do so.
I’m a supportive writer. I’m going to be honest, polite, and concise because that’s how I am. I’ve NEVER been rude on Facebook or any form of social media that I am aware of. If anyone has ever read my work and deemed me rude, then that was YOUR perception and not the facts. I’m not Ms. Sweetness & Light, I do not throw rainbows at you, nor do I shoot sugared unicorns when one deserves venom.
There is a fine line between sharing thoughts and being a bitch. I don’t bring out the bitch side unless it is warranted and I don’t do it on Facebook because I have a professional reputation to uphold. If I wouldn’t say something to your face, then I certainly wouldn’t say it behind your back or in a public forum. That’s not how I operate.
People like to throw my astrological sign into play in their “defense” quite a bit, but the truth is, I’m a pretty controlled Scorpio female. I might not always have been, but I learned a long time ago to get the negative aspects under control or they would control me. Lesson learned, and once broken of those habits, I did not return to them.
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” That’s a load of shit. Words can hurt, they do hurt, and people throw them out there like it’s no big deal. I’m known for my “say anything” policy, but there ARE things I absolutely won’t say because I have morals, dignity, manners, self-respect, and boundaries. Some things are so below the belt that you simply don’t go there. You can think them, but then you must let them go because that kind of negativity breeds more negativity, and it’s unhealthy.
More and more, people are offended by anything and everything, but they care little for who THEY might offend. They have no manners or coping mechanisms for difference of opinion or basic relationship skills. Junior high school drama wasn’t cute in junior high school, and I won’t tolerate it as an adult. By all means, disagree with me. That’s fine. If you don’t know the context in which I mean something, don’t assume, ask. Judge not lest ye be judged.
Overall, I’m glad to have the account for my cousins and the few real friends I have, and for specific things that I’ve discussed here many times, but outside of that, I realize that I don’t miss it and that it’s a terrible waste of time. Who knew I’d grow to love Twitter?! By the way, thank you Lillian for suggesting it, and for clearly being a friend to me when others are full of crap (Link to her blog is attached to her name.). You go away for less than two months and you actually find out who your REAL friends & family are, both on and off social media. How utterly pathetic. True colors are shining bright and a lot of people are chicken-shit yellow. C’est la vie.
Also, there is a brand new blog, started by one of my best friends, that I am going to be interviewed for. I will make sure the link goes up ASAP.
And on that note, I hope you all have a lovely weekend. If you’re an NCAA fan, I hope you’re cheering for my team tonight in the Sweet 16. 🙂 GO DUKE!
copyright © 2015 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
Felines Of New York
This should lighten the mood for many of you. I was once asked why I went to North Shore Animal League to adopt two kittens when I could have gone someplace local. My response was “I’m from New York. I want cats with attitude.” 😉 Of course, as I speak, there’s more attitude in my house than necessary. People talk about certain types of cats having more personality or attitude than others, and they’re right. However, I would not trade that in for anything.
Earl Grey Snow Day
Hello everyone! I was terribly sick yesterday, so I apologize for not posting. Happy Purim & Happy Full Crow Moon. Believe me when I say, I won’t be able to see the moon tonight. The snow blind is murderous and the sky is so white, it’s creepy.
I’m recovering from a series of migraines that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Anyone who is lucky enough to have their migraines get better as they get older is truly blessed. I have doubts mine will cease completely without the use of a sledgehammer. Thankfully, three rounds of medication and my blood pressure lowering seems to have helped considerably. And yet, I’m too smart to fully trust that because they’re evil. Migraine sufferers know what I’m talking about.
Today is one of those snow days where the roads are so bad, all you can really do is shovel, get out the snowblower, and drink hot beverages while reading, working, or watching TV/listening to music. Earlier I discovered that my next door neighbor (I’ve mentioned them before. Everyone agreed that she’s an absolute psycho. Today, I strongly suspect her husband is off his rocker as well.) took it upon himself to “borrow” my snowblower. I wasn’t asked, so imagine the expression on my face when I saw him outside with a snowblower he doesn’t even know how to use. That thing cost me a LOT of money several years ago, so if he breaks it, I expect an immediate delivery of the purchase price because I truly don’t think what he did was cool. Who does that?! If you ask me, we’re fine, but if you help yourself, I take issue with it. I’m much more apt to help a person than they are, but I also don’t use someone else’s property or tools without asking. If it wasn’t snowing heavily, I might have gone outside and said something, but right now the point is moot. Suffice it to say, I am annoyed. When did manners go out of style?!
What did I learn about myself this morning? That I’m raising a disrespectful, unappreciative, rude cat. Sassy McSasserson (No, that’s not her real name.) bunny kicked me in the head when I gave her hugs and kisses to comfort her because snow is scary to her and she doesn’t like to see it. She spent a few hours trying to attack it as it fell, before getting bored. When I went to brush her later on (because she’d shedding almost as much hair as I do on a daily basis, perhaps more), she bit me, claws came out, and there was blood. I was NOT pleased. Now she’s under my bed attacking her sister, simply for existing. I am happy to say that Mini (Also, not her real name.) has emerged unscathed. As the smaller, younger of the two, she is normally the aggressor, but today she is far more interested in learning how to truly meow and steal all of my pens in systematic fashion, when not standing up at her full height to “attack” the birds that are trying to build their nests for Spring. How she expects to do that through glass, I do not know, but hey, you’ve got to let them figure this shit out on their own. Of course, if you’re me, you do so while responding to all said chirps and meows, so that they know you speak their language. It’s a great way to ensure that you don’t get returned to the shelter as the “inappropriate human”. I’ve caught Sassy over the past year or so staring at me and I suspect that Ms. Goldeneyes has been contemplating trading me in for a newer, fancier model. Feed, love, groom, keep them safe, make sure they’re healthy. If she thinks she can do better, I have news for her; they just don’t make them like me any more. Not only did they break the mold, but they beat the hell out of the mold maker too. (Yes, this used to make my mother laugh.) Shout out to Shay for that hilarious birthday card of old. This is the first time in a long time that it made me smile.
What else do I have to say? I’m not sure. It’s really just random silliness. Well, the last bit was, the rest was absolute seriousness.
Perhaps I should have another cup of tea. It’s decaf Earl Grey, but it’s my newest tea addiction.
copyright © 2015 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
The Kitten That Lives Here…
“When your Mommy is a writer, sometimes it is necessary to take a little nap on her laptop and remind her that cuteness should never be ignored.”
Introducing my little opal eyed baby to the world. I was writing, closed my laptop for a few minutes, and came back to this little minx. It was too cute not to capture. I am positive she is one of the happiest kittens on the planet. 🙂
copyright © 2014 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
The Animal Shall Not…
“The animal shall not be measured by man. In a world older and more complete than ours, they move finished and complete, gifted with extension of the senses we have lost or never attained, living by voices we shall never hear. They are not brethren; they are not underlings; they are other nations, caught with ourselves in the net of life and time, fellow prisoners of the splendor and travail of the earth.” — Henry Beston
An excellent quote, and a perfect way to announce that there is a new member of my family! The tiny little monkey arrived last night and has since taken over the entire top half of the house. And by tiny, I mean she’s not much bigger than my Kindle Fire.
Caring For Pets With Chronic Pain/Fibromyalgia
Caring For Pets With Chronic Pain/Fibromyalgia
Across the scale of Chronic Pain/Fibro sufferers, I have noticed a very high percentage of us are pet owners. I, myself, adopted a kitten last Fall. The tiny, under three pounds, kitten I brought home (see photo in the About section) that fell asleep in my lap after a few hours of being home that first night is now a rambunctious, troublesome, cheeky, full sized cat, but she’s still got a lot of kitten in her in terms of youth and spirit.
When I want to sleep, she wants to play. When she’s asleep, I’m usually working. This does not bother her, she curls up into a ball and sleeps deeply, or she sprawls out like royalty and takes over half the bed. Of course, there are also times where she’s off being a cat. She has a lot of odd little hiding places.
Initially, I ran myself ragged caring for her. She was so tiny, I didn’t want her to get trapped someplace or be afraid, especially since she’s one of those rare breeds that doesn’t really meow. After a short confinement period, she took over the entire house. The shelter told me she was my property, but I don’t think she quite sees it that way. I am pretty sure she’s got Kitty LoJack on my ass.
As we’ve slowly gotten to know one another, the daily care is minimal. I feed her, I change her water multiple times a day, I brush her (for a short-haired cat, her belly is similar to that of a medium-to-long haired cat. I can brush it daily and a ton of hair will come off. She finds this rude. Why am I stealing her hair?!), I clean her ears and clip her nails, I talk to her, and throw toys for her, because “playing fetch” is one of her favorite things to do. She runs around with a toy in her mouth, brings it to you eagerly, plops down, and then waits to see what you will do with it. And then, she’s off and running on her next fetch adventure. This can go on for hours.
She came from a very cat filled household, but since all of her siblings had already been adopted out, I decided she could be the solo kitty for a while. However, for the past few months I have been communicating with a foster parent and I am about to embark on kittens again, this time slightly older than she was when I got her. The shelter told me they feel she is the right age to accept them, but that I can return them within 21 days if things don’t work out. I’d feel terrible if she rejected them or hurt them, but they’re bonded siblings, they’ll have each other to play with if she’s being a shit for a while. I expect she will be. I expect she’ll wonder who these encroachers are in HER home, especially if Mommy is sweet to them.
In all fairness, I have been telling her about them for months. I have used soft, dulcet tones to tell her how excited she’ll be to have a little brother and sister to play with. How they’ll get to do all the fun stuff together that Mommy can’t do because she’s in too much pain. I use their potential names when I tell her about her siblings, and I try to make sure she understands that some sharing will be involved.
And then, anxiety set in. I can barely get out of bed and see to her needs each day, what am I THINKING bringing in two additional little creatures? The shelter and my vet’s office said I was “A shining example of what all adopters should be.” Color my ass surprised, and flattered. However, is this realistic? I am deeply concerned.
Strictly speaking, I fly solo in almost all things, but especially when it pertains to pet care. I may not do all of the playing, but everything else, it’s 100% Mommy. I’ve never truly had just one cat before, except as a child and much later on in life, when my cat’s sister passed away, leaving her the solo cat. That was different. This time I see my little espresso bean wanting to play, looking bored and unhappy at times, and all I can think is “She needs a friend.”
Initially I only wanted one, but I ended up falling in love with the 2nd of a bonded pair of siblings. They’re utterly adorable and closing in on six months in foster care. I am deeply concerned about my little girl A) Rejecting them, B) Acting out because she thinks she’s being replaced, and C) Hurting one, or both, of them. I’m also concerned with my health getting worse and what it will be like for me to have to handle two litter boxes per week instead of one (at least for now), feeding the little ones at meal times because they’re on a schedule and espresso bean is not, playing with all of them when I’m already exhausted from just the one, and then sleep time. The little bean sleeps when she feels like it, especially since Mommy doesn’t feel well, writes when she can, and sleeps when she’s ready to pass out. She will sleep with me when she feels like it, and other times I look over and she’s standing on my night-stand staring at me, making little chirping sounds. The little ones go to sleep each night, sleeping next to their foster mother. What will the bean do when she finds two new cats in my bed?!? Will she kick them out, act out, be violent?! This is completely and utterly freaking me out.
So, I ask my fellow pain sufferers: How do you handle multiple animals in your home? Do you have help, do your pets act out towards one another, am I just over-thinking this? I expect an adjustment period, obviously, but should I be questioning whether or not to just take one, or should I take them both and let the chips fall where they may?
A small part of me is also concerned about the adoption fees. I got the bean for a steal because she’s an all black cat and no one wanted to adopt her. Her adoption fee was so cheap, I felt like I stole her, except I didn’t, I got an awesome little friend. If I wait a few more weeks, the fees will be considerably less than if I do it now, and the truth is, I have to wait a few weeks regardless because I am already dealing with some heavy shit and that must be handled first. Only then can I handle stocking up on cat litter and their current kitten food, and setting them up for their new life with me.
Am I being ridiculous, unreasonable, unfair, or thinking this through intelligently? Please leave your comments and let me know what you think. Generally I am not an advice seeker, but I’ve been freaking out over this for weeks now and I need to make a decision soon. Is three too many, or is two more realistic?
Written by LISA MARINO-Molchanova 