Dosvedanya Yanvar (Goodbye January)

I mostly rank this month with a gigantic middle finger. January did me dirty in more ways than one. I don’t really know how, when, or if I’ll recover from the deeper damage caused. 

I saw the spine specialist this week. He gave me three options as a potential diagnosis and then tried to send me to physical therapy and aqua therapy. I was disgusted by the “It’ll probably heal in a few more weeks because you’re VERY pain sensitive.” attitude, and said, “I really need to know if there’s internal damage. Can we do x-rays so I know for certain if there’s more wrong?” I love when a doctor tells me, “I’m not opposed to ordering x-rays.” Yeah, the look on my face wasn’t pretty, but his back was turned and I wouldn’t have cared, regardless. I’m having the x-rays done Saturday. I could have attempted to do them when I was there, but the place was jam-packed with sick people, tissues, masks, the whole nine yards, and a lot of people were there for sonograms and ultrasounds, so I did the math and said I’d come back. Quite frankly, I was grossed out and wanted to Lysol the entire building. I have had a bit of a cold for about a month or so, and the last thing I want to do is be exposed to people who have the flu and apparently, every other person has it at the moment. 😦 Flu shots aren’t helping everyone, please keep this in mind. 

If the outcome is what I suspect, I’m hoping to avoid surgery. It’s my spine and that’s dangerous territory since I know the procedure and it’s failure rate. My Mom had it done and it left her partially paralyzed. I’m not ever going to trust a surgeon again. If it’s permanent, I’m worried about pain management and how my body will cope moving forward. It’s all shits and giggles until it’s permanent and you need to have quality of life for the rest of your life. Certain types of internal damage will not show up on an x-ray or an MRI. That makes it worse. You can have something and not even be able to prove it, except for the fact that I now limp around like I’m 104 and I am really struggling with sitting and turning. I love being able to walk and get toxic energy out of my system in a healthy manner, so not being able to get in 3-4 miles once or twice a week is messing with my head. I feel trapped and I hate it. 

He prescribed (PLEASE LAUGH, because I nearly did. My exact words were, “Is it 1985?”) 2000 mgs of Tylenol and prescription strength Aleve, along with weaker muscle relaxers than the ones I currently take. Once again, he did not believe my pain. He’s the second doctor this month to not take my pain seriously. I called his office Wednesday afternoon and let him know that this combination immediately caused stomach pains and I’m not moving forward with it. Did he get back to me? No. Am I disgusted? Hell yes.

I loved being told that if I’m not better in two or three weeks, he’ll order an MRI. Really? We’re negotiating tests regarding my health? What kind of shit is this?! I trust him to wash a car, but I don’t trust him to treat me properly or take my pain seriously, so I will definitely be getting a second opinion, regardless of the outcome of the tests. I’m obviously upset, but mostly, I want to be able to move on with my life in some way. There’s no amount of money that can be thrown at me that will alleviate the suffering I have endured and will continue to endure. When you’re throwing up from pain for nearly two weeks, it’s not good. For a doctor to not empathize or understand that is mind-blowing to me. I am hoping to start CBD taffy as soon as possible. I can’t really afford to blow the $50, but I can’t afford to be in pain, either. I pray it works.

I have to thank my incredibly supportive friends who have helped me tremendously this past month, and always. I am blessed with amazing friends and one pointed out that I’m blessed with these friendships because I am an amazing friend in kind. Sometimes, you need to hear that and feel it.

I hope and pray that February is kinder and gentler to me, and to us all. Thank you for reading, for leaving me messages, and for being my place to go and share my life in a deeply personal way, at times. I will be back with something new soon.

lisa1

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Very cool t-shirt I received in this morning’s mail. Thank you, Stef! I can’t wait to wear it!! 

copyright 2019 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. All written work may not be re-posted anywhere without express written consent from the author. This authors’ work and personal photos are protected under United States and International copyright laws. Additional protection is covered under the Digital Millennium Copyright Act.        

Fighting Your Internal Dialogue

Hello everyone! I hope you’re all doing well. I’m not going to lie; today was a rough one. 😦

I made an appointment sometime last month to meet with a spine specialist (read: anesthesiologist). My new doctor had asked me to meet with the in-house substance abuse doctor as well, so she could prescribe the one controlled substance I take, until I find a new doctor who would then take the prescribing duties on full-time. She said “You only have to meet her once.” I don’t know what my face looked like when she dropped that bombshell on me, but she tried to reassure me that this is merely procedure. I was okay with that. However, after today I can tell you that once was ENOUGH. I physically had to keep myself in my seat, choose my words carefully, and fight my own body so I wouldn’t lean over her desk and punch her in the face. Yeah, it was one of THOSE days. I am going to be seeing red for a while.

My day started out stressful. I didn’t get a lot of sleep, and I’d fasted for blood work, so I was functioning on next to nothing. No amount of water makes up for the fact that you feel weak and dizzy by the time you get to the lab, because at that point it had been well over twelve hours and if I don’t eat, I will inevitably get a migraine.

I arrived at my first appointment of the day; the spine specialist. I’d read his reviews in advance and was very mixed going into this appointment, but decided to keep an open mind and hear him out. I am happy to report that he was one of the nicest doctors I’ve ever met. How often do I say that? Almost never.

He took notes, did a physical examination of my spine, was very careful with my neck because the range of motion is poor, and he agreed that I definitely have weakness on the left side of my body. Before he made any decisions he turned to me and said “Do you WANT an MRI?” He told me “I will never order a test or force a treatment on you that you don’t agree with.” I thought my jaw might hit the floor from the kind, respectful treatment, but I remained in check. We agreed on the MRI, and he even ordered an open MRI so I won’t have to deal with any potential claustrophobia, which I experienced during my last few MRIs. Generally, I am not claustrophobic at all, but I felt he should know about it, just in case. He then said “Go when you’re ready, they’ll send me the results, and we’ll follow-up then.” Non-aggressive, highly respectful, and extremely laid back. I walked out and said “The doctor was LOVELY.” I don’t usually say things like that, but in this case, it was true.

We did talk about injections, which I am against, and he said “There might be some medications we could try again at different doses.” and he even said he might refer me out, depending on the results of the updated MRI. He doesn’t think an epidural in my neck would help with the pain that travels down my spine, into my left arm and leg. He believes they are two separate issues, but is wondering if I have a narrowing of my spine, which is highly possible. I remember my mother having it, but I shouldn’t have it this young. He looked at my x-ray results and explained that where the technician said, in the reports, that I had a muscle spasm or a shadow in my spine in two different areas, it was likely just my body’s natural response to being in so much pain for so long. He said it was probably residual tension, as opposed to an actual spasm. I inquired about a steroid pack, because so many people have suggested this to me, and he said he doesn’t think they would help because I’ve suffered for so long, or he would have prescribed it immediately.

I left his office feeling positive, mostly because the appointment went well and I was treated like a human-being, which is always a shock. Because I had a little less than two hours to kill in between appointments, I went downstairs to the lab. That took longer than my consult with the doctor, but I was already there and it wasn’t that big a deal. Four vials of blood and I was out of there. Most of the tests are similar to what I had done last May, except this time, my doctor will be calling me with the results because she actually gives a damn about her patients. I am concerned about one of the tests, but here’s hoping it’s normal. I will say the lab tech did a great job, because I don’t have a bruise the size of my hand on my left forearm. I still bruised right away, but it’s small enough that I’m not concerned. I’ll use some Arnica on it until it heals. The last one took a long time to heal and it was hideous.

When the “substance abuse” doctor was ready to see me, I immediately knew where things were headed. Doctors really ought to be more careful with their approach to patients they’ve never met and do not know. One day, behavior like hers will result in someone taking action. That may seem sad, but it’s the truth. I am not going to sugar-coat this woman’s behavior.

I was drug-tested for the first time in my life, and told to leave the test in a public restroom. Yeah, because that seems smart! I was outraged by this. As anyone who has ever had a urinalysis knows, those things are not sealed. Anyone could have gone into that bathroom after me and done G-d knows what with the test. This is a test that they bill approximately $1100-$1700 to the insurance company for, which is INSANE because you can buy them over-the-counter at Walgreens. Because I had fasted for the lab work, and had already gone to the bathroom ahead of seeing her, there wasn’t much for her to work with, providing they don’t call me tomorrow to tell me my test is missing or needs to be redone. Downstairs, in the lab, they had to call a woman who’d been there earlier in the morning to say she needed to come back and have hers redone. The entire office heard this phone call, there was nothing private about this person’s medical information, and that’s a blatant violation. Whatever did or didn’t happen with her test is an epic screw-up from where I’m sitting. If they fucked up mine, I REFUSE to go back there for a drug test. They can bite me. I’m surprised she didn’t also ask for a cheek swab, a hair sample, and DNA. DO NOT read this and say “Lisa, she’s just doing her job.” There is a correct way to do this job, and that does not involve making law-abiding citizens feel like they’re doing something wrong by following a doctor’s instructions where a prescription is concerned.

When I returned to her office, she had no idea why I was there, asked if we’d met before, couldn’t find my file, and then proceeded with a list of questions my own mother (G-d Rest and Bless Her Soul) would not have asked me in a million years.

I was asked approximately six times if I use marijuana or cocaine. I’m sitting there trying not to roll my eyes as I give her the same answer each time; NO. Is this person forgetful or fucking testing me? I don’t care, because the answer is no, and the drug test will prove it.

To my face I was, once again, told I was an addict. I’m not, and because I have known addicts and been around addiction, I do know the difference. I can spot it in other people. I have responsibly taken medication that I assure you, is the ONLY reason I did not knock this bitch out. That and learning how to rein my temper in slowly.

It’s one thing to be doing your job with the questions, that’s fine, but it’s a whole other ballgame when you ask me to relive the worst trauma of my life because you don’t understand why I have a specific diagnosis (to which I nearly said “Talk to the fucking treating physician! Don’t repeat that question again.”), repeatedly ask the same fucking questions as if the answer is suddenly going to change, and demand to know where my doctor’s notes are. I cannot see what you’re looking at behind the desk/computer, so my answer was very nearly “Beats the shit out of me!” Instead I said “I can’t access them, either. Your guess is as good as mine. Would you like his phone number?” When I give someone professional, cold answers, it is a WARNING. Apparently, this woman did not see the red fucking flag waved in front of her face, and kept pushing.

“Do you drink coffee?” she suddenly asks me. I live a mostly caffeine-free life because of my migraines, but for the past few weeks I have been drinking coffee at all hours. Maybe a cup a day, sometimes two, but I’m not sucking down gallons of the stuff. She should take the psychoanalysis to the local Starbucks, because rest assured, caffeine is not an “addiction” for me. It’s something I’m drinking because I like the taste. I don’t have it behind me in an IV.

“Do you smoke?” No. “Do you drink alcohol?” No. “Is there a reason you don’t drink alcohol?” Mind you, the spine specialist asked me these questions earlier in the day, except when I replied no, each time, he said “That’s great.” and only when I said I don’t drink did he ask if there was a specific reason for that, and quickly asked if I was pregnant. Light, calm tone, no rudeness or insinuations. Not from her, though. She’s a first class bitch, in all caps.

She aggressively pushed every last button I had, until I thought about the one person on this planet who keeps me calm and grounded, and I told myself “This office is small and you could strangle her and/or rip her fucking throat out in less than thirty seconds, but it’s not worth it. Let it go.” When you’re fighting with your internal dialogue, it’s not always a good thing. My creative process on murder astounds me. I’m only half-kidding, but no one needs to worry.

I had already answered her questions regarding my diagnosis of Complex-PTSD and where it potentially stems from, so when she asked where my parents lived, that was IT. I knew she was intentionally trying to break me, because she desperately wanted to know if I am an addict. She has reached the point where she cannot tell the difference between a patient and an addict, two very different beasts. I should have informed her that there is an immense difference between patients and addicts, and that I don’t appreciate her aggressive behavior, but I knew she would go back to my doctor and say I was a combative addict, or whatever she chooses to say in order to appease herself.

When she told me it wouldn’t take 2-3 years for me to be taken off this medication, I nearly laughed in her face. My doctor told me it WOULD take 2-3 years to safely take me off of this medication in order to put me on something else, something safer. He was concerned about seizures and other side effects that I have only been made aware of in the past four or five years, and he felt that I wasn’t ready to begin tapering because of all that I am going through, both health-wise and emotionally. He’s right, and I stand by what he said to me. Here she is though, suddenly telling me I can be detoxed off of this quickly (NOT true. Yanking me off this medication could kill me, and it does kill people when it’s not done properly.) and that forty or fifty years from now, this medication MIGHT  cause dementia. I wanted to say “I probably won’t live that long and quite frankly, I am NOT going to worry about what ‘could cause dementia or ‘might cause dementia’. Are you SURE you went to medical school?” I know people who take medication to improve their quality of life and that’s all this medication does for me, albeit not that well any more. From a medical perspective, it IS a high dose, but I’ve always been responsible with how I take it.

In June, my doctor asked me to start taking smaller doses, whenever possible, and I have done that. I am two months behind on my prescription and I still have enough medication for a few weeks. Instead of seeing this as a responsible thing, which is exactly what it is, this bitch took issue with that because she cannot understand what he said to me, because she can’t find his notes, and why I am being responsible and discerning with it. This didn’t sit right with her majesty.

She finally told me she will talk to my doctors and “figure something out”. She had about a hundred case files on her desk and as she desperately searched for mine, there wasn’t one. I suspect it’s because I am NOT a red flag to my doctor, who was a sweetheart to me and said she has no problem prescribing it, so long as this other doctor approves me. I don’t know if she will.

When I got home, I had to contact one of my doctors who she said she wanted to speak to. She does not have authorization to do so, because I didn’t sign a consent form, but I wanted this doctor to know, just in case. I didn’t want her to be side-swiped by this woman. She is the physical embodiment of a drive-by shooting, with all the subtly.

When she complained about the doctor who left, and not having his notes and diagnoses, I told her “This is where he works now. I’m sure you can find him.” She suddenly decided I need a “case manager” to get me in to see someone. Here’s a fact; I am NOT special. There is a LONG waiting list to be seen by so many specialists, and no one is going to move me up the list “just because”. I called before Thanksgiving to get an appointment with a migraine specialist and just last week, they told me I could be seen…at the end of May. I’m lucky they didn’t say “in 2019” after they said May. So, despite it being something I’d normally bitch about, I simply took the appointment and the receptionist promised she’d call me if there were any cancellations so I could get in sooner, after apologizing for twenty minutes because no one ever returned my call. The doctor has a five star rating which is the highest you can give a doctor, so I hope she’ll be able to help me.

Chronic pain patients put up with a LOT of crap. For me, this was unnecessary drama that raised my blood pressure to the point of a migraine. The sad thing is, I would have received more kindness, compassion, and far better treatment if I had walked in with track marks and an active addiction that was visible. Instead, I walked in with flawless makeup (It’s force of habit, I’m not trying to impress any one.), dressed like a normal person, and once again, I was judged for that. It’s NOT acceptable and it’s NOT okay.

When I told a family member that I wanted to talk to my primary care doctor about how this woman treated me, I received a lecture about how it’s “her job to ask questions like that, it’s all a form”. Yes, it’s her job to determine who is an addict and who is not, but no matter what I did, this woman was determined to find fault with me. I was waiting for Homeland Security to be on hand as I left for a fucking cavity search! I’ve never had anyone tell me, after a medical appointment, to “Just leave, go out.” I wouldn’t talk to a dog like that!

I don’t want to live in a society where patients are treated like dirt for taking necessary prescription medication, which means they’re smart enough to know something is wrong and seek treatment for whatever ails them, and addicts are being accommodated for choosing to use street drugs. The message this sends to patients is a horrible one, indeed. If I didn’t suffer terribly every single day of my life, I would throw all the prescriptions I have in the trash. We ALL would. Pharmaceutical companies would be out of business, or would have to look for other ways to make money. What would happen to pharmacies if, suddenly, we were all healthy? It’s an amazing idea, for a dystopian novel. In the real world, illness exists. No one asks for it.

When a doctor is annoyed because you don’t drink, smoke, or do drugs of any kind, that is your sign that something is wrong with them. It’s not you. Every other doctor I’ve met has noted those things as positive. Not her, because she is determined that everyone she meets is an addict of some kind. As she judgmentally sips her tea.

To make sure it wasn’t my imagination, I went and read her reviews. She has a one and a half star rating, which is basically unheard of, but I am glad I saw it because it validated me. The review that is posted, before my own, states that “She should have her medical license revoked because she is a real piece of shit.”, and that was merely the end of the lengthy review that was a mere glimpse at my own interaction with her. This person states they were repeatedly asked the same questions I was, and that they were also threatened by her. To add insult to injury, this is an award-winning doctor! I have NO idea how that’s even possible, but if she fucks with my medication and my health, she is just another doctor whose unprofessional, aggressive behavior is something I will happily report to the state licensing board. She seems incredibly overworked and I’d like to provide her with a permanent vacation.

There are great doctors out there, and I will always honor one with a great review and my full respect, but there are also bottom feeders that make you sick to your stomach. I encourage you to read reviews whenever possible, and I encourage you to write reviews, for the good and the bad. More often than not, it’s the doctor, NOT you.

Patients with chronic illnesses are still PATIENTS. We don’t deserve to be treated like garbage simply because a doctor assumes we’re all secretly addicts. I am shaking my head tonight, knowing in my heart that I didn’t do anything wrong.

Stay safe, smart, and warm, my lovely readers. And if you’ve ever experienced anything like this, I want you to know I stand behind you, and with you. 

copyright © 2018 Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

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Doctors Soak Up Profits With Drug Tests

https://www.painnewsnetwork.org/stories/2017/11/6/zj8hhgroy36lfd9m0t3v2xnq7zvl18

I am the Administrator for a small pain group on Facebook. Many of the members have been telling me about this over the past year or so, and it was disgusting to hear each person tell a similar story. Or tell me they’re drug tested twice a year, and paying $3500 for the “privilege”!

When I first met with my current primary care physician, I noticed a pain contract in her office and every restroom was fully stocked for drug tests. It was an immediate turn-off, and her behavior towards me didn’t help matters.

At one appointment I watched a woman pull out roughly twenty prescriptions for the doctor to count the pills. I don’t know about most of you, but I’m extremely careful, and mindful, when I have a controlled substance on my person. I worry about theft, or simply being accused, or arrested for possession, as there are certainly people in this world who are selling their medication. I only take one controlled substance, and it isn’t for pain, but I make sure there are only 4-6 in the prescription bottle if I’m going out. If I’ve just picked it up, I put it in my bag and go straight home.

After receiving little-to-no treatment from this physician since April, I will be leaving to consult with someone further away. I genuinely hope this doctor will be able to help me, without treating me like an addict for suffering from chronic pain. I don’t have anything to hide, but monthly drug testing is, genuinely, taking advantage of the system. Drug test people if you suspect addiction issues, or because it is required by law, otherwise I expect to be treated like a patient.

The only things I’m addicted to are Polar seltzer, hummus, dark chocolate, and warm socks. Yeah, drug test me yesterday!

You Only Get One Chance

I showed up for my doctor’s appointment today and the office staff, who I can only describe as idiotically incompetent, something I don’t normally say about this particular office, waited about ten minutes before informing me that my insurance had been terminated. To say I was outraged is a vast understatement.

When they ask you to confirm a week prior to your appointment THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO RUN YOUR INSURANCE. Every office is supposed to do this to avoid people showing up for appointments without coverage. Apparently, they’re too fucking lazy to do their jobs. Instead of doing their due diligence, they get me up early on a Friday morning, I arrive on time, and I get handed a huge pile of horse shit shortly after trying to gear up to be seen. I stepped out to find out what was going on because you don’t have private conversations in a waiting room.

I called my insurance company and they immediately passed the buck, claiming it “wasn’t their fault and they didn’t know anything”, thus leaving me to call the “parent company”. After being on hold for nearly twenty minutes, “the parent” made claims that I was notified of termination in March. I didn’t even have my insurance for a full two months in March, and I’d know if I had received a letter requesting information. I open everything they send me because if they need something, I make sure to handle it right away. I can’t afford to be without coverage. They told me they’re “missing a document”, but the document in question is one I provided them with before I was approved for insurance in the first place. How did it suddenly “go missing”? How is it that they waited until July 29th to cancel me?! They told me they sent me a letter on July 14th to notify me that they needed this document by the 28th. I would know if I’d received such a letter, but I didn’t. I have only received a few pieces of mail in the past few weeks and none of it was from them. The only thing I have received from them recently involved open enrollment for this Fall; which gives me the opportunity to change the secondary company and try something new out for three months, and either keep it after that for a full year or switch back to the current “child company”. Why would you send that to me if you were going to terminate me? It makes no sense.

I called them at the end of June to ask a question and I was assured that I was active with zero issues regarding my insurance. That would have been a good time to say “Hey, did you get the letter we sent you in March?”, or at least one would think so. I’ve spoken with the “child company” a handful of times and not once was this mentioned to me. Instead, the “parent” told me I did not have to do anything until the end of my first insured year when they ask you to verify your address and other information for the umpteenth time, “to keep everything current”. Their words, not mine. I don’t know about you, but I call and change my address with companies if need be, I don’t wait until they ask me to verify.

Being told “Please write a letter verifying your address and fax it to us immediately.” pissed me off because I missed out on two appointments I’ve had planned for the past month as a result of this idiocy. Even better, they told me to call them Monday (I’ve already faxed them the document.) to “make sure they got the fax”. These are the same people who, for months, told me they were handling my application and in the end, I was forced to re-apply because they’d somehow “only gotten one page” of a twenty plus page fax. I find this very hard to believe after being told “You’re in the system, we just haven’t processed you yet.”. I was told it would take 48 hours for the fax to be processed, but up to two weeks for me to be reinstated. I nearly lost it. I have appointments pending this month and I NEED to be seen. I cannot imagine going to the ER, something I had planned on doing due to my pain escalating, and being told I was not covered. I’m so outraged, and yet I am told this “happens all the time”. How is this acceptable? If I don’t receive notification of something, then I cannot provide you with a ridiculous document I’ve already given you.

The doctor’s office tried to get me to sign a waiver to be seen, claiming my insurance would “back date” me. My insurance company said “We don’t do that; don’t sign anything.” The woman in the office was asked twice how much one appointment was without insurance, just to get in and be seen, and she actually said “$800.” Did your jaw just hit the floor? She can’t possibly know what she’s talking about because that is so beyond unrealistic, it’s not even funny. Who the hell made up such nonsense? That she repeated it with a straight face more than once was truly appalling. Why can’t you just say “I honestly don’t know.”? Why lie and claim it’s “high because it’s billed through the hospital”? Trust me, that is NOT what you bill the insurance company and if you do, that is laughable because you’re probably lucky to get $80 from them. I know how this shit works.

The main reason I was there was to meet a new doctor and get medication. After dealing with the insurance and feeling like an absolute moron for not canceling when it’s genuinely what I wanted to do in the first place, the doctor calls me into her office, ostensibly to discuss what she is going to do, etc. It went from “I’ll give you a one month supply of your medicine.” to “I can’t prescribe that.” She was rude, dismissive, judgmental, and then tried to back-track with me and pretend to be nice after she’d already judged me for medication I’ve taken for fourteen years and insulted my intelligence. For the record, I hadn’t said a word to her before she started in on me. When I give you direct eye contact and it’s an icy look, and I’m being deadly silent, I am giving you the opportunity not to dig yourself a deeper hole. She kept digging. I immediately knew she was NOT going to work out. I may have to see her in a month, just to be prescribed the medicine, but I’ve already asked someone else in her office to “find me another doctor”, and I explained why in the shortest way possible.

My former doctor hasn’t actually left, which did not shock me at all. His name kept coming up in conversations to me and I nearly walked into his office and left him a note about the Oxford English dictionary definition of “I’m leaving on July 7th.” (I’m legitimately going to offer to pack his office for him. He is WAY too good for that place.). I haven’t spoken to him in a month, so he’ll know something is wrong if I’m calling. I both want to call and don’t want to, because I’m really unsure what he can do at this point. I am not sure what he was thinking when he recommended her, saying she was “really warm and caring” (I couldn’t warm up to this woman if we were cremated together. I can’t wait to hear his reaction when I tell him that. He knows me well enough to know I am not joking around.), but I hope to G-d he’s got someone else in mind because I will NOT tolerate someone like her ever again. Her behavior is the precise reason I started seeing male doctors almost exclusively. I don’t need bullshit from a doctor simply because she’s female. I’m a woman, too, but I don’t have anything to prove simply because I’m female.

I walked out of her office politely, but being told to “call my primary care physician” for medicine she was too afraid to prescribe pissed me off. It wasn’t merely what she said, it was the way she said it and how disrespectful she was overall. The one thing my PCP did do right is prescribe it without argument. I was shocked. I can make a month’s supply last about six weeks or so, but I shouldn’t have to, and that’s the point. This doctor was beyond rude and then tried to pretend like she was a good person. That sort of behavior doesn’t fly with me. This is a medication easily called into my pharmacy, so it’s not a serious drug (not in my eyes, any way), it’s just not prescribed as regularly as it once was. My former doctor didn’t have enough experience with it to prescribe it or to try tapering me off of it because he wasn’t going to be there much longer, so we simply discussed my taking a lower dose of it whenever possible, and I have done that. I take it as needed, but I don’t take the entire prescribed amount each day.

Walking out angry from a maybe five-minute conversation is not a good first impression to make on ANY patient. Being rude, dismissive, condescending, refusing to listen and actually hear me, and being passive-aggressive are not qualities one wants in a doctor. You only get one chance with me. There is no way I can have a working relationship with someone like that. And sadly, I knew I didn’t like her the second I saw her. My intuition screamed “That’s the new doctor. Get out while you can!” You aren’t going to get anywhere with me using the “bitch card”. If that’s how you want to make your first impression, so be it, but I do not have to allow you to be a treating physician in MY life.

Hopefully this gets straightened out soon and I can move on to a different doctor who isn’t a rude snit. I am fine going elsewhere if they don’t have someone who can handle themselves in a professional manner.

I know a lot of people who only want to deal with female doctors, and by all means, have at it. I’m a girl’s girl to the core, but my experience with most female doctors has been horrible. This one was exactly how I thought she’d be, and that’s sad. I had zero hope for her when I made the appointment to begin with, and now, I am sorry I didn’t push harder for someone else.

Ultimately I will do what I have to do to take care of myself and prioritize MY health, but I’m not going to do it with anyone who cannot be respectful of me. Note to self: Listen to your intuition, and don’t ever take shit from someone simply because they’re a doctor.

copyright © 2017 Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.