A Professional…

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I disagree with this slightly. There are way too many amateurs who think they’re professionals when they aren’t. There are also too many professionals who behave like amateurs. ‘Being professional’ doesn’t necessarily mean published for the world to read. Some of the most brilliant writers have yet to see publication. A lot of time ‘being professional’ is how you handle yourself within the writing community. It’s a small community, even if it seems quite large. People talk. You want other writers to speak well of you, even if they don’t personally know you.

A Short Week

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A Short Week

As we steadily approach Thanksgiving here in the States, it means a short work week for many, and for others, it means a miserable time of year where you have no choice, BUT to work because you work in a mall or an individual store that will be absolutely PACKED as of Thursday afternoon or early evening. Retail employees should be paid quadruple during this time of year, it makes me cringe knowing the conditions they are forced into and the schedules that take them away from their families.

I know some people think I am “so lucky” to work for myself. In some ways, this is true. I set my own hours and I choose the jobs I want, but it also means I have to work my tail off on every single job, or I am completely unable to pay my bills. Some years are definitely better than others. Here’s hoping the holiday season leaves me booked solid, and with some decent eBay sales to help keep me moving in the right direction.

I’m still not feeling great. Today was pretty awful, so I am glad I took the time to rest and focus on myself for a little while, without pressuring myself and allowing negative thoughts to enter my mind.

Sometimes I think if we keep moving forward, we move towards better things, better people, better situations, inevitably moving towards the finish line of each goal we set.

May every goal you set for yourself, however large or small, not be hell to attain.

copyright © 2014 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

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After Midnight Musings

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Writers are a very different breed of artist. We create differently. We all have different “methods to our madness”, which, in my opinion, is a good thing.

I have friends from all different professional walks of life, but I am drawn to the creative, unique, and quirky. I am drawn to well thought out opinions, to creativity I would never have personally imagined, and to those that understand the deep nature of those of us who commit ink to paper.

People often expect me to be left-brained and all about logic because I come from a fact-based, opinionated background in my work. The truth is, I am predominantly right-brained. I know that if I make all of my decisions logically, I am putting tiny fragments of glass into my soul, constantly leaving open wounds. While making clear, concise decisions is important to me, I also trust my intuition to guide me in the right direction. It’s not about living a life of logic, or of heart-based decision, but a life entirely focused on my internal and external senses. It has yet to guide me in the wrong direction.

Not everyone believes in or understands extra-sensory perception, but I was raised to understand it, and I am trained to understand it, so to live a life where I ignore it isn’t going to fly with me. If my intuition tells me that a glass is going to spill and I walk away, I am going to be pissed when the glass spills because I ignored my own inner voice AND I have a mess to clean up that could have been avoided. That same inner voice is a bit of a guide-post. It can help save your life, and it can help you write something amazing. All you have to do is pay close enough attention.
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Recently it was brought to my attention that I am maybe “too venomous”. I’m not, but this was slightly enlightening to hear. Interestingly enough, only one person feels this way, and if anyone else does, please, by all means, start a club.

I promised myself that this platform would be 100% authentic in every single way. I promised myself that I wasn’t going to tone myself down, dumb myself down, edit my words, over-think anything, or be present “just to exist” and take up space. That’s not being true to who I am as a person, nor is it being true to who I am as a writer.

I absolutely refuse to edit my soul. Like most intelligent people, I know when to keep my mouth shut, I know when to back off, and I know when to stand up and speak. I am not passive or shy. I am a great observer, but I’m also not psycho-analyzing others for the sheer joy of it. If I’m taking the time to psycho-analyze something or someone, there is probably reason for it. I truly prefer to be an introverted extrovert and I am almost never bored because my brain is constantly creating. However, I’d rather be focused on what truly makes me happy, what truly inspires me, than be worrying about whether or not my words are being misconstrued.

So for future reference, if you think I’m “not nice”, you’re probably right. If I write something and it makes someone uncomfortable, then they don’t have to read it. I make avid use of the FOLLOW button too, and everyone has the right to read what they like, to read what inspires them, whatever is encouraging and supportive to them, basically, whatever helps nourish the creative soul.

When I have time, I read things. It might not be daily, but I do read your comments and I will almost always pay your blog a visit if you’ve left me several comments or liked a lot of my work. A lot of people are looking to connect with fellow writers and I think that is one of the best things about the writing community. We are a close-knit, quirky bunch. Some are very easy to get along with, others not so much, but it’s okay. We are all individuals, we all write what we write, and never should we feel the need to compete against one another or be negative because there is room for everyone.

Writing is about growth, it is about creativity, it is honest, refreshing, and a form of communication that I have always found to be quite freeing. If I can inspire someone else, or make them think outside the box, then I am proud to be able to do that. If I can encourage or support someone, then I absolutely will. I am not afraid to discuss the work of other writers or talk about books. In fact, I’m not afraid of much. However, I won’t ever be told by anyone to not be who I am, nor will I be told what to write. A friend once asked me not to be myself, and I am no longer friends with that person. Unless a person is hurting themselves or hurting others, they should be allowed to be who they are, and no one has the right to tell them they’re wrong simply for being themselves.

“An it harm none, do what ye will” are eight words that fulfill the Wiccan Rede. They are part of a moral compass, a guiding principle. What I perceive as harm might be different from what someone else perceives as harm, and the same holds true for many. There’s a difference between physical and emotional harm, I will not denounce either as harm. However, I do denounce perceived harm because that is open to interpretation. I cannot be held accountable for perception, and only I know my true intent.

Every single person perceives things differently. We do not all agree on every single thing in this world, nor would I ever expect us to. That is part of what makes the world go ‘round. Difference of opinion can bring us together or push us apart. I choose to always hold true to my beliefs, leaving room for change if I am somehow getting the impression that my feelings might be wrong on something. As human beings, we are all entitled to that. This is not a place for group-think, it is a place for individuality.

If nothing and nowhere else, allow this to be your place of freedom. It is, without question, without fail, one of mine.

copyright © 2014 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

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Exhausted

I am physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. I’d like to sit and cry, but I don’t even have the emotional capacity to do so today. I can’t remember the last time I felt so incredibly deadened.

I’ve spent an enormous chunk of my life taking care of others, being the dutiful daughter, being responsible and reliable, but now, all I want to do is not be anything. It’s not depression, per se, it’s having reached burnout. I’m not burnt out on work, but I am burnt out on almost all the exterior aspects of my life. Not all, because I am grateful for who and what I have in my life, but almost all.  Sometimes you just have to say “Enough!” to all the nonsense and all the craziness, and retreat. You’re not defeated, you just need rest. You need love and support, and people who can be relied upon no matter what. You don’t want or need drama. And that is precisely how I feel. To sit here today and write would be false, and I’m not going to do it.

In fact, I am going to go back to sleep and give myself some “self-care”. I slept horribly last night, and woke feeling like I’d waged war. It feels very “Lord Of The Rings” inside my head. Maybe after a few hours of sleep and a shower, I will start feeling human again. I cannot speak for tomorrow or anything else, I can only say I have to take care of me.

I hope everyone has a phenomenal Saturday. Don’t forget to do something nice for yourself this weekend.

copyright © 2014 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

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Another One Bites The Dust

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At approximately 9:00 this morning, I submitted a completed, edited manuscript back to my current client. Ten days, four revisions, and I am DONE. I felt incredibly exhilarated by that. I think it is, by far, the fastest I have edited in a while, but factoring in that everyone gives me projects with different word counts, I still think I did rather well. I delivered way ahead of schedule since this wasn’t an absolute must until January 1st. All in all, I am pleased.

I had a little health scare this week that I didn’t mention, but now that I know I’m okay, I feel like I can breathe a little easier. By the Grace of God, it wasn’t what I thought it was, and I am eternally grateful for that.

It’s hard to believe Thanksgiving is less than a week away. I have been trying to plan my “menu” here and there this past week. Last year, while not traditional, I did break out my recipe for stuffing. If a recipe is passed down to me, I have perfected it over the years. The stuffing was my Mom’s original recipe. I don’t know where she got it from because my Grandmother didn’t cook, but my Great-Grandmother did. Even still, this stuffing is not typical of what one might expect. It is very easily made vegetarian with a few little tweaks, but I’m not making it this year. In fact, I don’t plan on making anything even remotely traditional. No turkey, no stuffing, no cranberry sauce, nothing one might expect. It’s one big plain NO. After some consideration, I found a happy alternative.

I have absolutely nothing against traditional Thanksgiving Day fare, I’m simply not going to do all that prep work for less than 4 people. It’s a lot of work and since I am the one cooking, I make the rules. A 12-16 pound turkey is a waste when only the white meat will be eaten. It’s wasteful, but it’s the truth. So, no turkey. If I do happen to qualify for the free bird at my local store, I will donate it to one of the churches in the area or give it to a neighbor who I am sure will either cook it or donate it. Either way, someone wins. The store I go to does offer some alternatives, but if none of them can be utilized by me, it’s best to donate.

I know the stores will be jam-packed next week, but since I’m not going near anything traditional, I should be okay. I can listen to the playlist for my book instead of the Christmas music I am almost certain to be attacked by upon entering, and go about my business. It will take two trips to two different stores to get everything I need, but I will be incredibly grateful if I am able to do so, and still come in under budget. What I’m planning will last for 3-5 days, but it will get better from the first bite ’til the very last and I’m looking forward to having some fun with it. I am also considering a little baking. I considered it last year and ended up not doing it. Two different types of cake have been requested, and each of them sounds really refreshing for some reason, so I am going to try. They can both bake at the same time, cool at the same time, and be frosted next to one another. Easy. They’ll both last about a day, only because everyone here has a sweet tooth. At least by baking them, I know exactly what’s going into them, as opposed to buying them, where the ingredients are listed, but make me cringe. What I have planned, even with the baking, won’t even take me two hours to pull together. Another person is in charge of an add-on that he suggested, but everything else is me. He did offer to help, but I hate it when anyone hovers over me in the kitchen like I’m fine china and might break. UGH!

What are your plans for Thanksgiving? Do you have any traditional dishes you make that are absolute MUSTS? Leave me a comment and let me know. Also, how many people are making dishes that are Pinterest inspired?

 copyright © 2014 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Stick A Fork In Me!

I have been hard at work for hours now. The plus side, I am getting closer to being done, which is fantastic. The downside, I am completely and utterly exhausted. I don’t know if it’s the shock of the bitter cold or if the excruciating pain of the past few weeks has simply drained me of my life force, but all I want to truly do is sleep. Mind you, without deadlines, stress, cries, or meows, I might stay in bed for a week. Realistically speaking, I know full well that I cannot do that, so all I can do is rest when I need to.

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There is something so incredibly disturbing about Fibromyalgia pain. Aside from being completely unnatural; It’s constantly with you. It is a never-ending cycle that makes you want to remove your own muscles and bones, and set them aside. When you cannot sit, stand, or walk, and all you want to do is scream because the pain is THAT bad, you lose the ability to feel a whole lot (if any) of sympathy for the people who DO find automatic pain relief. There’s no medication that will “fix” this and make it better. None whatsoever. I’ve tried pretty much everything available, so I can only hope and pray that when someone new is finally FDA approved, that it won’t be an epic fail.

I am certain regular use of Icy/Hot, while topical, probably isn’t very healthy for the body overall. And yet, I am convinced I should be buying them in cases of 12, as opposed to one bottle at a time. I’m pretty sure Walmart would find it odd if I bought more than 2 or 3 in one shot, but I honestly cannot take much more of this. I don’t want to die, I just want the pain to stop. I want to be able to live my life the way I used to. I don’t want exercise to mean I will be bloody and bruised, and completely unable to move, but exhilarated with a sense of accomplishment. When I walk, I am faced with the consequences of bruised, aching muscles. If I turn in the wrong direction, I might not be able to move for a week, or longer. There is no over-the-counter medicine that can touch this pain. I’ve taken my fair share of pain medications and eventually, they cease to work. At this point, I’m not even sure if a pain pump would be “enough”, but I am going to bring it up to a specialist next year.

In the meantime, my stressful morning has led to a migraine. Thankfully the medication for that DOES tend to work, and I’ve just taken two. My work day is officially over right now, at least until the migraine passes and darkness falls. Here’s looking forward to 5:00 PM.

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copyright © 2014 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED