Perhaps having a stressful week and being sick has made me feel like today is Friday, instead of Saturday. It’s disorienting. The sunrise looked more like a sunset, so incredibly stunning in blues and pinks. I have little interest now though in watching the actual sunset. I think it’s just laziness.
I completed a job this afternoon. I must be underestimating myself because I don’t usually pay attention to how many words I read in a day. I am very pleased to have this one behind me, it was incredibly quick and painless. I have several jobs waiting in the wings, minus the contracts. Until the contracts are signed, I get a brief respite. One contract will be printed, signed, and scanned tonight. Hopefully that will keep me busy for a while, especially since the only part of it I’ve worked on thus far is the first two pages.
I am fighting off something ugly (Kindly pull the knives out of my back so that I can feel my lungs, thank you.), so I’m trying to get better rest and do what I can to de-stress. All easier said than done. One day I was fine, the next day I was coughing so badly that my ribs feel bruised. Being sick like this has a way of making you feel far more fragile than you actually are.
I’m exhausted. Physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. I’d like my own personal cave, complete with WiFi.
Yesterday, while in the middle of cooking, I finally got to see Gone Girl. The book was excellent, and I’m pretty sure it reiterated by issues with marriage, but the movie was also well done. Kudos to Gillian Flynn for not only writing the book, but also writing the screenplay. Next up will be The Judge. I’m looking forward to that.
I’m happy to say that two weeks in a row, I managed to score a good two hours of “me time”, with no interruptions. It really helps ones’ psyche to place themselves first at times and not allow anyone to interfere with that. I will be busy this week, but I still intend to set aside a few hours for myself, even if only to breathe or catch up on all the shows I’ve been missing.
This is an actual conversation I had, verbatim, yesterday morning.
Him: “I’m out of body wash?”
Me: “If the bottle isn’t there, then yes, it would appear so.”
Him: “You didn’t think to replace it?”
Me: <left eyebrow raised> “Do I LOOK like your mother?”
Him: “No. Do you have something I can use for today?”
Me: “I’m sure there’s something in there. In fact, I know there’s plenty in there.”
Him: “Yeah, but they all smell…girly.”
Me: “They rinse clean, just fucking use it.”
Him: “Don’t you have a bar of regular soap?”
Me: “I’m a woman, I use body wash.”
This incites grumbling.
Halfway through the shower I hear this,
Him: “There’s nothing left in this bottle.” (There’s a good three squeezes left in there. I have it upside down right now. 24 ounces is 24 ounces and the bottle is see-thru, I’m not an idiot.)
Me: “It was plenty for an entire shower less than five minutes ago.”
Him: “But now it’s empty.” (There was whining and sighing, it was ridiculous.)
Me: “Here, use this.”
Him: “What does it smell like?”
Me: “It smells fine, just use it. Rinse the shower thoroughly when you’re done so it doesn’t stain. Sometimes this one stains.”
Him: alarmed “Wait, what?! Why will it stain? What IS it?”
I’d already walked out.
Him: “Seriously, what IS this stuff? I’m going to smell like a giant Hershey’s Kiss!”
Philosophy Chocolate Covered Cherry, for the win!
Him, before he shaves and gets dressed: “Be honest. I smell like chocolate, right?”
Lesson to be learned: Don’t be a douche-bag if you want the fancy unisex stuff. Moreover, you’re an adult. Buy your own damn soap!
Be certain of them though. There’s no more room for bodies in the trunk.
Conditions
There is a moment when you realize that the relationship you are/were in has more conditions placed on it than you ever realized. This can easily apply to friendships as well.
If you abandon, do not expect my loyalty.
If you disrespect, do not expect my respect.
If you are genuine, don’t turn on falseness when it suits you.
If you care, then care all the time, not as a matter of convenience.
If you’re truly concerned, then do something. Don’t ask what can be done, listen and actually help.
Don’t make promises that you can’t keep.
You never know when the walls you place up against someone else might be what destroys them. It’s not healthy or wise to treat someone as lesser than you simply because they are different.
Or where they live…
The flip side is this:
No matter what I may be going through, I will still be present for you.
If you ask, then expect honesty.
If you show me you don’t care, don’t expect me to be blind to that.
If you abandon, do not expect to be forgiven.
If you get ugly with me, please don’t expect me to eat that politely with a knife and fork.
If you isolate me, I will make certain that you know you no longer exist in my eyes.
And while they do it, they pretend they’ve been wronged!!
People ask for different things in relationships and friendships, but often times when they get what they ask for, they run and hide. It’s hard for me to take someone seriously when I see that kind of behavior.
Sometimes a person’s behavior actually has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them. However, lack of communication is usually what starts fights, hostility, anger, and resentment.
Communicate, appreciate, validate, and don’t disrespect the people in your life. If your needs change, SPEAK UP. No one is a mind reader. There are no results in sitting around bitching, whining, and complaining about something. There ARE results in communicating and letting the other person know precisely what is going on.
If you’re going to dissolve any type of relationship, have the balls to do it to a person’s face. Don’t do it via Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or text message. That’s low, and classless. Treat people the way you want to be treated. And if you cheated, do everyone involved a favor and don’t make that shit public. Isn’t it bad enough you’re a piece of shit, does the world really need to know about it too?!
Happy Imbolc fellow Wiccans and/or Pagans. Happy Groundhog Day for everyone else in the Western Hemisphere. One Groundhog saw its shadow and the other did not. With wintery weather currently affecting so many, myself included, it’s not an immense stretch to believe that we’ll have six more weeks of winter. The weird thing? The bunnies in my yard and the birds that have already begun nesting in my trees, which does lead me to believe that maybe that six weeks will be shortened. I suppose only time will tell.
I intended to get some work done today. I am doing an editing job to help someone out from a writer’s group I previously belonged to. I am also doing an editing job because it’s my job to do so. However, with no set deadline, I found myself procrastinating on opening the file. I’ve already done several pages on it already and the author hasn’t stated when she wants or needs it back. Considering she’s just blown the last week, I don’t feel like I need to be putting in 10-12 hour days on it just yet. In turn, I feel no guilt whatsoever in taking it easy today.
I’ve answered almost all of my e-mails, no easy feat that. I’ve watched my British Bombay (a breed of solid black cat. The major difference between them and an American Bombay are the shape of their face, ears, and their eye color. Plus, she’s all mine and looks so sweet and innocent while curled up like a bum.) sleep in various positions in front of me. The little lamb chop purred all through her nail-clipping, as if she was being brushed instead of having her nails cut down by half. (It was long overdue. She’s been slippery in her methods of escaping me whenever she sees the handle of the special nail trimmer I have.) I tooled around with the new Twitter page for this platform, @PoisonPlatform. It’s not much at the moment, but it will get there, though it feels slightly pointless. And then, for actual fun, I watched Arrow, The Originals, and the last two episodes of Stalker, which I missed. Perhaps later I’ll watch something else. (Banshee, definitely Banshee.)
After more than a week of being the exact opposite of myself, I am thinking very sharply today and feeling next to no pain from the Fibromyalgia. A little back soreness, yes, but none of the severe pain from neck to toe that I feel every single day of my life. I’m sure it will return with a vengeance the second I think about it too much.
Monday is Imbolc/Groundhog Day. My one sign that Spring is around the corner is that the bunnies have returned to my backyard. They’re chewing away at the grass that has peeped up beneath the melting snow. Clearly they’ve been all over the yard, as the snow is chock full of bunny paw prints. CUTEST.THING.THIS.WEEK. The morning doves are also visiting regularly. The thought of fresh-cut grass sends me into a horrific sneezing fit, and yet I would welcome it over the somewhat Siberian temperatures. Siberia is in my blood, but knowing that it will be -10 with the wind chill doesn’t exactly do anything for me.
Originally I prepared a different post for today, but I want a few days to re-evaluate it (read: psychoanalyze it to death). It has the potential to make some people uncomfortable, which isn’t my intention, but philosophical and theological debates are quite interesting to me and I think it’s important to cover subject matter that is personally interesting, even if it might make a few people think a lot more closely than they normally do.
This is the first Super Bowl that I will probably miss. I’m a Patriots fan (and a New York Giants fan), but right now I’m about as interested in football as I am in watching snow melt. So long as everyone is safe, live and let live.
How are you spending your end-of-January/Super Bowl weekend? If it’s in Hawaii, do me a favor and skip the comments.
This is how men shop at the grocery store. Every single one of them.
Be Honest
Many of us use specific ringtones to let us know precisely who is calling. A standardized boring ringtone might mean we have no idea who the caller is, and thus, we do not answer the phone. Special songs have special meanings. We don’t even have to look to see who is calling, we already know.
Oftentimes I am out running errands and a person’s ringtone will make me laugh out loud, or want to run and hide because it’s appalling to the ears. My phone very rarely rings, but when it does, my ringtones stop people in their tracks. What can I say? I have an extremely warped sense of humor.
My favorites? I have a special one I use for my brother, which is a head turner. It’s an iconic song, so unless one has been living in a cave for the last 50 years, they’ve heard it at least once.
I have special ones for close friends and family. The songs make me smile, because they’re personal and related to private things I share with each person. The ringtone I use for people I don’t particularly care for is from The Wizard Of Oz. It truly brings me back to the very first time I ever saw the movie and the Wicked Witch appeared on-screen. It has a total flying monkeys effect on me. Whenever I hear it, it makes me laugh.
Now I am not the person that presses “Ignore” or “Decline” when a call comes in. It’s incredibly rude when the phone rings once and you’re immediately sent to voice mail. If someone ever does that to you, know that they’re doing it on purpose, especially if they don’t call you back within an hour and apologize. If my phone is off, you automatically get sent to voice mail, but if it’s on, it rings a good 4-6 times before one is rolled over to voice mail. It’s a few extra seconds of listening to a song, but in the end, you’re not the douche-bag that just hit “Ignore” or “Decline”.
There’s someone in my life that ALWAYS hits “Ignore” on a good 70% of my calls. The first time he did it, I called his flat little ass out on it and told him “Do you KNOW what a douche move that is? Just let it go to voice mail or answer for two seconds and tell me you’ll call me back, but don’t EVER hit IGNORE, or I’ll gladly do it to you when you call me in an emergency.” It’s such a shit move, it makes me want to knock someone’s teeth out.
I don’t take a lot of calls in public. I’m usually around a lot of other people and because a lot of my conversations are A) Super private, B) Hilarious beyond measure, or C) About as interesting as watching paint dry, so I try to keep public phone use to a minimum. I don’t ever want to be the woman sitting in the pedicure chair discussing a friend’s STD in front of an entire spa or salon full of people who are trying to relax. That has never happened, and even if it did, I’m not at liberty to disclose that information. I am not the loud woman in public talking on the phone as if she’s behind closed doors. No matter where I go, there is always at least one person doing this, be they male or female. It drives me insane.
Men, you’ve all grocery shopped on your own before at least once in your lives, right? Whomever you are in a relationship with gave you a list and sent you off with specific details, yes? Then please tell me why every single man I see shopping on his own is on the phone asking his wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/husband about things like this: “It’s not on the list, but do we want blueberries?” Note that “we” was used. “Hi, I just thought I’d call to see if you want tomatoes.” Dude, seriously? If they don’t, you won’t get in trouble for buying them, unless they’re deathly allergic and you’re being an idiot. “Hey honey, do we need milk? Yes, I’m at Walmart. No, I am not standing in front of it yet. Hold on, let me walk over there.” Mind you, he was at the front door.
I can’t help but overhear these people because they’re either really loud and/or right in my face, often taking up space where I need to reach for an item. They will just stand there like I have on my Invisibility Cloak and I’m not actually reaching for tomato paste while they’re right there, over six feet tall, and can grab it for me while wasting time on the phone. It is truly sad when short people shop by themselves and need to flag down much taller people to be able to reach the stupidest items that are somehow placed somewhere directly between clouds and Heaven.
Honestly, I would rather send someone a discreet text about fucking tomatoes as opposed to having an actual full-blown tomato conversation in an aisle full of people. Perhaps it’s a female thing, but we know you’re going to eat whatever we bring home and be grateful you were fed at all. And by God, if I want blueberries, I’ll fucking buy them without asking for your permission!
Be honest, what drives you insane about others when you’re running errands and just trying to get shit done with the time you have?
Written by LISA MARINO-Molchanova 