Sleepless Nights & A Cold

10626488_942603892425268_7386275037467944617_n

My fatal flaw of yesterday was falling asleep at some point during the later afternoon hours. Granted, it was a snowy/rainy day and seemed darker, and far later, than it actually was. I’d worked for 10 hours (I am halfway through the big manuscript and have already submitted part 1 of the second job back to the client.) and I was beat. To add insult to injury, I’m coming down with a cold and there’s only so much coughing and sneezing you can do before exhaustion sets in. By the time I woke up, I was completely shocked by the time. My first thought was “Great! Now I won’t sleep tonight!” I was right. I’ve tried going back to sleep a few times between 12:30 and sometime around 4:00 a.m. For some reason, I kept getting up and going back to proofing the big manuscript or reading. Neither of which is deeply fascinating, I am simply wired because a nap turned into what could have been a full night of sleep.

I cannot blame this on caffeine. I had exactly one cup of green tea yesterday and didn’t even finish it. I thought it would help with the cold symptoms because my throat felt like a desert had moved in. When I get the early stages of a cold there are very few things that work, but my ultimate dry throat remedy at this early stage is diet root beer. I have no idea why it works, but it does. Pennsylvania Dutch makes a diet Birch Beer that is also really great at moisturizing the throat and does a better job than Nyquil at calming the cough so I can sleep or function. Regular root beer doesn’t work, I’ve tried. I bought the diet one year by accident and have been hooked ever since. It not only helps with my throat, but if my stomach gets queasy for any reason, it often helps with that as well. If this gets worse, my other homemade remedies become more substantial in power. I don’t care what other people think: Chicken soup is a great healer. Unfortunately when I’m sick, there’s no way I’m going to make it myself from scratch. The few local places that make soup all know when I’m really sick because I’m way too weak to do anything, but call them to deliver it. It’s pathetic, but when you are sick, you do what makes you feel better and helps you recover as quickly as possible. Sometimes it also means Walmart and Walgreens are raided as well, but I do try to use natural courses before I grab the healer I hate the most: Zicam. Yes, it works. However, after a few doses it tastes like blood and there’s nothing that makes me feel worse than having that crap in my system.

During the start of writing this to now, I’ve actually gotten sicker. There’s a level of sick I hate reaching, but it’s happening for hours and I cannot deny now that this isn’t a 24 hour bug. I’m nursing a mug of mint tea and contemplating what will stay down for breakfast. If it’s not going to stay down, I’m not eating it. I’ll wait until later today when my stomach is less liable to reject food. I hate that I’m spending a Sunday morning like this when I could be productive in some way. Bleh! I worked, and that’s more than I probably should have done.

Here’s hoping your weekend has been filled with happier problems. Note to self: Buy stock in Kleenex, Ricola, Celestial Seasonings, Bigelow Tea, and any major producer of root beer.

If you don’t hear from me for a while, send soup. No, I’m not kidding. 

 copyright © 2015 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Brain Fog

It feels like a horrible Monday, the way my brain is fogged up and refusing to fire on all cylinders. No, I haven’t been drinking, but apparently having a holiday in the middle of the week has screwed me up, BIG TIME.

I did manage to get a lot of work done this morning. Considering I have a migraine that is coming and going, that’s astounding. I did have to remind myself not to edit this person’s work (When I edit, it’s probably because it’s necessary, but also because I am a fixer of words.), merely to critique it and give an honest opinion. That is going to prove VERY hard. I sat here for over an hour with my jaw damn near on the floor while I read.

I am professional. I adhere to very specific guidelines, but I am truly astounded by the idiocy submitted to me at times. It’s easy to miss a word here and there, to lose track of little things, but it’s another thing entirely to write for the sake of writing. It’s like listening to a person talk, except you’ve tuned them out after the first 100 words and now you’re staring at them in utter amazement that they haven’t noticed that you’re just not listening. When I space out, I often feel disconnected. For me, it’s not entirely dissimilar to an out-of-body experience. However, when I’m reading something that feels like someone is rambling for the sake of rambling, I stare at the screen and think “Did someone REALLY write this or is there a hidden camera here somewhere?” I’ve contemplated looking.

For today, I think the best thing to do is focus on my health. I’ve already done some work, far more than I originally intended to do, so tomorrow is another day, or later perhaps, if I feel like being masochistic.

I’m in excruciating pain from this migraine and the rest of me from the neck down to mid-thigh doesn’t feel so hot either. I’m disturbed that today is Friday, but will take the weekend to really rest (and work). Next week has its own battles, none of which I am looking forward to. However, my faith is strong and I believe everything will work itself out. Not because I’m being unrealistic, but because I have a very good sense of self and most of what I am attached to. Sometimes I think we’re trapped in the middle of someone else’s major life lesson, and while it doesn’t always feel good while we’re in it, it’s important to remember who you are and exactly what you are capable of.

I know many people teach their children that they can “be anything they want to be”. It wasn’t much different for me, however my mother never would have encouraged or supported anything short of talent. If I wasn’t good at something, she would say “Don’t quit your day job.” Not to be mean, but because she was a firm believer in my talents and did not believe in sugar-coating anything regarding her children.

I’ve heavily doubted and questioned a lot of my talent over the last year or so. Maybe I’ve had those issues deep inside my own head without even realizing it for far longer than I know. I’ve made myself sick from the doubt and unending questions in my mind. It’s a bit like being brainwashed, except you’ve done it with one negative moment where you allowed yourself not to fully be you. The second you allow a sliver of doubt in, it takes over.

I adamantly refuse to allow anything or anyone to tell me who I am. I refuse to be defined by other people’s beliefs or opinions. Ultimately I can refuse these things because I know who and what I am. At the beginning and end of each day, I am a fighter. There is great power in that, I just have to remember to allow the fog to clear.

copyright © 2015 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

10805609_1663060923920502_8375026196997656129_n

We Can’t Be Afraid Of Change…

“We can’t be afraid of change. You may feel very secure in the pond that you are in, but if you never venture out of it, you will never know that there is such a thing as an ocean, a sea. Holding onto something that is good for you now, may be the very reason why you don’t have something better.” ―C. JoyBell C.