“There is no point treating a depressed person as though she were just feeling sad, saying, ‘There now, hang on, you’ll get over it.’ Sadness is more or less like a head cold- with patience, it passes. Depression is like cancer.” ―Barbara Kingsolver
I am not minimizing cancer, for those of you that might be thinking along those lines. You’d be incredibly mistaken to think I ever would. I’ve lost more than half of my family to cancer, I am not being insensitive.
This made my day; Happy Halloween!
The past ten days has been incredibly LIFE CHANGING. I’m SO grateful to have my spark back. 🙏🏻 Whoever the fuck I was, I don’t even remember her anymore. I have NO clue who I left behind, but I’m relieved.
Turns out, I missed ME; the person I truly am. NOT someone else’s presumptuous bullshit about who I am, but MY TRUE SELF.
To everyone who was by my side in different ways during this particular journey: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR KEEPING ME SAFE AND SANE, and hey, no one was killed during this process.😉 Though two of you are aware it came close.
I’m burying the person I’ve been; the one who has been through too much, and was still trying to be nice to people who don’t deserve the kindness or respect. No mas. I’m done with that shit. The real me has returned. Buckle up, because I’M not tolerating ANYTHING anymore from miserable people who are intimidated by true strength, or people pleasers who I have nothing in common with. I’m not obligated to anyone except myself now, and while some will think that’s selfish, those are the same people who don’t know shit about me. Get to know me; I’m exactly as advertised.
To be told I’m the most inspiring and empowering woman to be around was a VERY touching moment between myself and a new friend. I’m NEVER NOT going to let another woman know that she has a voice and a backbone. I’m a girl’s girl to my core, but I’ve also proven I can hang with giants.
I’m walking, talking, and mentally myself again. Everything has changed. Life is about to become EPIC. I’m grateful for those I’m closest to because they are the only one’s who will share in the joy and stick it out with me.
Social media makes people think they have insight. No one does just by exploring a glimpse. Some people are, by proxy, insightful because they know you in real life. They have experienced your honesty, loyalty, friendship, direct nature, laughed with you, cried with or for you, and keep you in their prayers. I’m keeping only what’s real from this moment on.
Please don’t presume anything here. Just fucking ask me directly, like an adult.
“I am so tired – so tired of being of being whirled on through all these phases of my life, in which nothing abides by me, no creature, no place; it is like the circle in which the victims of earthly passion eddy continually.” ―Elizabeth Gaskell
Someone told me this sounds like something I would write. It really does.
“You were born, and with you endless possibilities―very few ever to be realized. It’s okay. Life was never about what you could do, but what you would do. ” ―Richelle E. Goodrich
This year, I blinked and it was my birthday. What happened to March?! When did June end? What’s that saying about how time flies when you’re having fun? It’s a lie; time fucking flies when you’re working on yourself. Period.
I look forward to this time of year all year, but this birthday has left me with so many life-changing feelings and decisions to make. I’m on the precipice of huge things, and the impact of this has hit me hard. I’ve had to stop myself today from multiple breakdowns in public, because the emotion of it all is SO heavy. The goal is to make sure you’re surrounded by the right people. Those who most love you. Those who respect and admire you. Those who will always choose you and have your back. For lack of a better expression, the people who are your team. As someone who is anything BUT a team player, this has been a struggle for me, but I love my team more than they will ever possibly know.
Moving into another year of life is a gift most people will not see today or tomorrow, or the day after that. It’s my responsibility to honor my very existence with gratitude. I’m quite lucky. I know what/who my blessings are. I’m grounded in my strength. I feel like a new person. I feel like the person I used to be, before life went in shitty directions, and took me down to the depths of hell. I disengaged from that fall, but I fell into a different trap along the way. That’s all about to change. It’s already changing, because I’ve recovered my former self.
I am a firm believer in finding your bliss. Finding where you belong. Finding who you belong with. Finding HAPPINESS, LOVE, JOY, CALM, COMFORT, and the purity of being certain. That’s my goal for the coming year. New beginnings. More privacy. More downtime. More calm. More joy. And every other good thing I could ever possibly hope for; not just for myself, but for those I love. These are goals I’ve set for myself. They aren’t what I was thinking about when I blew out my lone candle, but I’m the only one who knows precisely what I wished for, and I tend to keep it that way.
Thank you to my friends who were so supportive of me today. Three, above all else. I would like to thank other people, as well, but I am maintaining my privacy and everyone knows who they are. I love some of you far more than others. 😉
My birthday fundraiser for To Write Love On Her Arms ends in early January (Link is attached to my Instagram page.). It’s a worthy cause, and I am happy to support them for the second year in a row.
I will be back with other views another day. For now, thank you to everyone who worked to make my birthday special. Besos.
copyright © 2012-2023 by Lisa Marino-Molchanova & Poison In Lethal Doses, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Poison In Lethal Doses®™ is a registered trademark. Written work by author may not be shared or posted anywhere without express written consent from the author.
“Was it the infinite sadness of her eyes that drew him or the mirror of himself that he found in the gorgeous clarity of her mind?” ―F. Scott Fitzgerald
Written by LISA MARINO-Molchanova 