Month: September 2020

It Is Safe To Assume…

Quote Miss Poison Depression, Quotes , , , , , , ,

“It is safe to assume that, no matter how it appears, the attempt probably did not come out of the blue. Look for clues. Some possibilities include a family history of mental illness, a history of abuse, unusual or stressful family dynamics, prior diagnosis or evidence of a psychiatric disorder, and/or bizarre behavior long before, or in the days or weeks immediately preceding the crisis. Part of your job is to be a detective, assembling the pieces in the puzzle that is depression.” ―Andrew Slaby

#WorldSuicidePreventionDay

Chronic Pain Awareness Month: Part II

Miss Poison Chronic Pain, Chronic Pain Awareness Month , , , , , ,

I had x-rays done of half my body over the weekend. My results show nothing new (The radiologist was able to compare two to previous x-rays from 2018 and 2019.), and they completely denounce a phone diagnosis from late May; a diagnosis I did not believe for a second.

Even with natural pain remedies at hand, I’m suffering. They wear off so suddenly, you have no time to regroup. Despite having a prescription on hand, I haven’t touched it other than to verify the count. 😦 The deeper reality is: I have no idea when or if I will be prescribed pain medication again. I’m not “stocking up”, but I am saving them for “the worst”. The worst can be at a moment’s notice, tomorrow, or a week from now. It can be so sudden, so I am trying to be prepared.

My doctor is inconsistent regarding treatment methods, and he is out of the office this week. I sent him a brief e-mail letting him know I’d discuss this with him when he is back in the office.

Reading the x-rays was upsetting. Slight changes in the cervical spine, where I’ve already been diagnosed with arthritis. Slight changes to lower lumbar spine, where I was hit in the lower back in January of 2019. The radiologist recommended additional imaging and tests to rule certain things out. My doctor e-mailed a reply and glossed over this completely. He tried to say I have a pinched nerve; which did NOT show up on the x-rays. I came away angry, because if you’re going to make a claim like that, I want imagine to show I have it. I don’t want to be told I should, “Have a nerve block performed.” Where would it go?!

I’m tired. Tired of suffering. Tired of being in pain. Tired of the isolation. Tired of not being able to talk to too many people. And tired of the media hyping up ADDICTION in order to punish patients who suffer from chronic pain. I’m a patient. I have never used heroin, cocaine, illegal Fentanyl, ecstasy, you get the drift. I’ve never been attached to drugs; regardless of their status. But I do believe the DEA needs to get the fuck away from doctors and mind their own damn business regarding how patients are treated in terms of access to medication.

Every single day, I worry if I will be a device victim. Someone who is told, “We can put a pain pump in and refill it each month.”, in order to restore me to 25-50% quality of life. There are other things one has to worry about when a device is installed into their body; like leakage. I know people who’ve nearly died and had to sue the device company over the medication overdosing them, or not dosing them properly at all. Devices aren’t an exact science, despite what they will all have you believe. Their safety comes into question, and I know a lot of people with spinal cord stimulators who are waiting to have them removed because the device completely failed them. They are marketed as the “answer”. They are not.

I keep hoping for the right doctors, but today, I feel dejected.

Chronic Pain Awareness Month 2020: Part I

Miss Poison Chronic Pain Awareness Month, September , , ,

September is #ChronicPainAwarenessMonth. Throughout the month, I will try to feature as many pain disorders as possible to help raise awareness across the board.

That “healthy” friend or family member who you don’t see much of (even without a pandemic), but who you’ve seen talk about pain issues on social media? They’re SUFFERING and STRUGGLING. Think of something kind this month and do it for them. However large or small, it will be received with immense appreciation. Yes, I practice what I preach, even when I’m the sufferer. #ActsOfKindness #PainDisorders #InSeptemberWeWearPurple💜

You’ve Got Me

Video Miss Poison Music ,

I haven’t listened to this song in a while, but today, I think I needed to hear it. Gavin is basically the perfect artist for any mood, any time, anywhere. He is one of the most underrated artists, but as a fan from day one, I love how much he has grown and how distinctive his voice and songs are. We need more artists who are this talented.

Sending him and his entire family my deepest condolences on the loss of their father.

With Emotional Abuse…

Miss Poison Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Quotes , , , , , , , , , , , ,

“With emotional abuse, the insults, insinuations, criticism, and accusations slowly eat away at the victim’s self-esteem until he or she is incapable of judging a situation realistically. He or she may begin to believe that there is something wrong with them or even fear they are losing their mind. They have become so beaten down emotionally that they blame themselves for the abuse.” ―Beverly Engel

A Caturday of Silence

Image Miss Poison Caturday, September , , ,
X-rays of half my body tomorrow. 😦 I’m trying not to work myself up into a stress frenzy. Ultimately, the results will be whatever they are. There’s nothing I can do to change anything. I just have to move forward the best way I know how. Surgery is not on the table and I’d never agree to it, but this pain… There are a a LOT of days when I consider giving up. More to follow, as it is Chronic Pain Awareness Month.