“It is important for me to focus on positive actions taken to heal instead of beating myself up over what I did wrong each day. It shifts my perspective, thus making my body and mind more hospitable places for healing and positive energy.” ―Sharon E. Rainey
Month: November 2018
This Too…
As someone who had a vicious kidney stone last December (and a few smaller ones I was unaware of for a few months prior. I wrote them off as ovary pain, believe it or not.), I can only hope things pass FAR easier than a kidney stone. I don’t know how I survived it.
Positive Energy Is Unleashed
“Positive energy is unleashed when leaders give themselves permission to connect and express themselves from the core of who they are. When leaders practice authenticity, creativity, engagement, confidence, and a sense of inner resourcefulness emerge.” ―Henna Inam
Election Day 2018
I voted via absentee ballot for the first time in over a decade. I had an appointment this morning with my headache specialist and despite the fact that I desperately wanted to cancel, I knew I needed a letter for my migraine medication to maybe be approved. Here’s hoping it’ll make a difference at next week’s hearing.
Voting, more often than not, feels like a choice of the lesser of two evils, regardless of party. I was surprised by the Massachusetts ballot this year. I was taken aback by some of it, the questions will probably bug me no matter which way they go, but at the end of the day I know I voted for people I think are relatively decent human-beings. You can’t fool everyone, and that’s a fact for another day.
This Is Quite Wrong
“Killing oneself is, anyway, a misnomer. We don’t kill ourselves. We are simply defeated by the long, hard struggle to stay alive. When somebody dies after a long illness, people are apt to say, with a note of approval, “He fought so hard.” And they are inclined to think, about a suicide, that no fight was involved, that somebody simply gave up. This is quite wrong.” ―Sally Brampton
What We Don’t Need
I’m going through a rough time right now. I’m only discussing it fully with a few people, but it’s difficult as hell and I live in constant fear that someone else’s mistakes, which I have been informed are likely good in nature, yet illegal, will destroy what little of a life I have. Every single day, I pray for my sanity and safety. I’ve been extremely honest and transparent about what I need, but no one seems to be listening. Or maybe, they don’t think what I’m saying applies to them. I don’t know. The silent treatment isn’t very productive.
If it weren’t for my doctor and therapist, I would be dead. When your own family makes you feel unsafe, unloved, and leads you to believe that their lives would genuinely be better off without you in them, it makes you question your existence. No one should ever have to feel the way I do, or feel like they can’t stop taking medication because, without it, they’ll crash and burn and not care at all.
I’m trying to get caught up on everything here, and I apologize that I’ve been unable to get things set-up precisely as they usually are. I’m not perfect and lately, I am on my laptop less and less, though I’ve recently written under 20,000 words. That’s great, but I need a little more time to edit it before some of you will see what I have to say. I won’t sugarcoat it; it’s extremely personal, painful, and I cried while I wrote the majority of it, but hopefully someone, somewhere, will start to understand that I really DO need a cushion of calm right now.
I am very infrequently deeply afraid for myself, but right now, I am. It’s honest. It’s real. It’s an illness. I keep all of my appointments. I take the medication prescribed and I try to keep my head down, because G-d forbid I be the person I truly am in all of this.
I’m hurting and I’m upset, but I pray for strength and guidance.
Thank you to everyone who has stood by me, who keep on reading my words, and who help me remain connected to the parts of myself that are Heaven Sent ability. I hope you’re all well. I will post more soon.
XO,
Lisa
Written by LISA MARINO-Molchanova 