“When I write, I make discoveries about my feelings.” ―Gail Carson Levine
Year: 2014
Writer Struggles: Part One
One of the things I struggle with as a writer is friends and family reading my work. If it’s fiction, they really don’t spend a lot of time reading personal things into it, but when it’s on a platform like this? UGH!
I cannot tell you how many times I have received e-mails, text messages, or phone calls that goes something like this: A- “Is this about me?”, with an attached link to something I’ve written. (It might be, but unless I’ve named names, you might not want to assume so much self-importance. Did you really print it so you could read it back to me?! Seriously?!!?) B- “Are you angry with me?” (Do I seem like the shy type?) C- “I don’t understand why you would write this…” (That’s why I’m a writer and you aren’t.) The best part is when they write to “advise me” on a situation I have written about that really doesn’t require a response. Unless I specifically ask for advice, chances are, I’m doing just fine with the thoughts in my head and don’t need mixed messages, but thanks for thinking of me. It is frustrating, to say the least.
I think the most profound thing anyone can say to me, which happened this past weekend, is “I am so proud of you.” For someone to acknowledge how I have grown in my talent and how I am not hesitant to tackle difficult subjects that make other people uncomfortable is something I value and respect. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it is sincerely appreciated. (Hugs Aunt L.)
I generalize a lot of what I write because too many people assume it’s about them, when the truth is, it could be about anyone in the world. Most of the time someone will stumble upon something I have written, leave a comment about their own experiences on the subject, I will respond in kind, and dialogue is born. It’s one of the reasons you write; To have other people read your work, understand it, relate to it, remember it, share it, etc. It’s not meant for me to throw random shit at anyone, it’s meant to be thought-provoking, and often times it is therapeutic, as the writer, for me to write things out of my system. If I didn’t, I’d have murdered someone by now. So thank you Mom, for realizing I was a writer and encouraging me to be what I am today. It is far better than what I ever imagined it could be. I wish you were here for all of this, because I think now, I understand what your vision for me really was.
For most of my years as a writer, I covered facts, life, death, grief, women’s issues, and sports. That’s what makes up the majority of my portfolio. I can revert back to any of those things on a dime, and tackle a subject quite competently. I do go out of my comfort zone at times to really challenge myself, but I also know what I’m good at. There is a way, no matter what genre you write in, to still adhere to your values and be yourself.
I would rather be myself and not make any apologies for it, than be spoon-feeding my readers bullshit on gilt plates. But hey, that’s me, and I refuse to apologize for doing something that is not wrong.
copyright © 2014 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Success Is Not Final…
“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” -Winston Churchill
Believe It Or Not, I DO Have Boundaries
“There are two kinds of friendship: the beneficial friendship and the erroneous friendship. The erroneous friendship balances on the principle of “The closer we are, the more okay it is for me to say anything I want to you and for me to treat you any way that I want to, and for me to disrespect you and take advantage of you.”, while a true friendship is rooted in this principle: “The closer we are, the more respect I have for you, the better I will treat you, the higher I will regard you, the more good things I will wish for you.”
You will know someone is a true friend by basis of observing their actions towards you as the friendship grows deeper. A true friend will continue to hold you in higher and higher regard, while the error of a friend will see your goodwill and newfound fondness as basis to do and say whatever he/she wants, that is disrespectful and non-beneficial to you.” C. JoyBell C.
Believe It Or Not, I DO Have Boundaries
Generally I say what I mean and I mean what I say, but when you push my buttons and you keep pushing, you’re going up against the wrong woman. You cannot win, you will not win, and here’s why.
I am not so comfortable with the people in my life that I will over-step my boundaries intentionally. However, yesterday someone SERIOUSLY over-stepped with me, and unless I write my feelings out, I won’t ever speak to this person again, so I’m sorry for involving my readers in something they may not fully understand.
As a friend, and as a person, I am incredibly devoted. Loyal to a fault and “Ride or Die” are the usual terms used to describe the type of friend I am. What I am NOT, is inconsiderate, thoughtless, selfish, rude, bitchy, disrespectful, unappreciative, or a habitual line-stepper. It’s okay to tell me to back off, so long as you do it politely. It’s okay to say “I can’t talk about this now.”, I’ll keep my mouth shut. Basically, it’s okay, so long as you communicate with me properly.
Here’s what is, under no circumstances, NOT EVER okay: Attacking me, accusing, and/or assuming. If you intend to provoke me, do so solely at your own risk, but be forewarned: It might very well be the last thing you ever say or do to another living being.
I do not have the time, patience, or inclination to babysit everyone’s egos. Yes, I have more than one friend in my life. Get.Over.It. I once had a friend who would say “Don’t worry about it, more Lisa for me!”, because she didn’t like to share me with other people. Where is she now? I’d answer, but just in case she stumbles upon this, I will simply say: “ALMOST FIVE YEARS, what are you waiting for? God to say go?!”
I don’t need anyone to pat me on the back for a good deed. You say thank you, and we move on. However, if you’ve done, or are doing, something for me and then you throw it back in my face every opportunity you get, we’re going to either throw down or I am going to throw you right out of my life. I don’t need the drama or the bullshit. Again, I don’t have the time to babysit egos. If you’re feeling “unloved”, hire a hooker, but don’t insult the very kind, respectful, genuine things I say to you, especially after I have just praised you and told you how wonderful I feel you are. When given a compliment of the highest order, say thank you, take it to heart, especially since you know me, but do NOT attack me to the point where I ask myself if you’re worth it any more because I have been betrayed enough to know that walking away from someone is the absolute healthiest choice I can make at times.
Yes, I am angry. Yes, I am pissed off. I’m not going to accept this kind of attitude and behavior from anyone simply because they have been in my life for a long time. I have learned that not every relationship in life will stand the test of time, and while it saddens me to feel this way, maybe saying goodbye (Okay, that would be if I were feeling polite. I don’t feel polite.) is really the best thing for everyone involved.
I have found that people are much more apt to say shit to me via e-mail or social media, than they are to ever so much as consider saying it to my face. There’s a reason for that. Once my tone of voice changes, you might as well just lay down and die, because you will wish for death by the time I’m done with you.
I understand that part of this issue is genuine jealousy and insecurity, and I have no words in ANY language to respond to that. I think the best thing I can say is that I will NEVER understand the way other women’s brains work. I understand myself just fine, but the basic female psyche alludes me. They say that “Men are simple creatures.” (Whoever “they” are.), but the fact of the matter is, men are often a lot less complicated. I say this as a total Girl’s Girl. I have maybe a handful of laid back, easy-going friendships with women, but the rest of them are SO incredibly complicated that it gives me a fucking headache.
Ultimately, I think it is perfectly acceptable to be open about your needs in any relationship. However, your delivery has to be flawless. This is a sad truth. If you say the right thing to a person at the precise right time, you both win. If you say the wrong thing to a person at the wrong time, I don’t expect them to just accept that and say “Okay.” Maybe some people do, but I do not. I’ve been calling people out on their crap since the day I was born, and today is no different.
There is a person in my life who really needs to decide if they are going to “shit or get off the pot.” But make no mistake, once I make the decision that I am done with you, I am truly done. There is no revolving door in my life for bullshit, drama, negativity, childishness, or stupidity. If you go from friend to enemy, you do not go back to friend, not EVER. I do not suffer fools. If you’re going to be a bitch or an asshole, please, do so on your own time, and with someone else entirely. I value my time. Next to my name on the Tree Of Life it says “No time for idiots.” So mote it be.
copyright © 2014 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Remember That People Who Know…
Sometimes people over-estimate their comfort level with me and say the most heinous things, all under the guise of “friendship” and/or “honesty”. It’s something I have absolutely no respect for.
I am taking a “sick day” today to work through that because no one deserves to receive my work when I’m pissed off to the point of seeing red. In fact, no one deserves to hear anything I have to say today because it’s only going to come off volatile, even though my intentions are good. Silence is truly golden.
I Love…
“I love cats because I enjoy my home; and little by little, they become its visible soul.” ~Jean Cocteau
Enchanted
After being seriously insulted this afternoon, this song makes me smile.
My Thoughts On Ghost Writing
My Thoughts On Ghost Writing
One of the first things I learned as a writer is that if you can’t do it yourself, don’t fucking do it. Yes, it’s really that simple, at least for me.
Walk into any bookstore and you will find millions of books. Sadly, many of them are not written by the person whose name is branded on the cover.
I am NOT talking about the people who have their name and then, underneath their name in smaller print it says “With…” That’s not truly ghost writing, but in some instances it can be. A lot depends on things that are generally discussed behind closed doors. Most people will never admit to using a ghost writer, even if they do.
One example I constantly get asked about is Brandi Glanville, who I absolutely adore. If you’ve read either of her books, while secondly credited to Leslie Bruce as a writer, you can tell that it’s Brandi’s voice. She has gone on record saying that Leslie helped put her thoughts into a cohesive manner, helped talk her out of certain things, and that her editor helped even further, but that everything else was all her. Leslie has gone on record saying the exact same thing. Her book agent, Michael Broussard, has also publicly stated that it is indeed her work. I don’t, for a single second, doubt this to be true. In other instances, with other people, I DO doubt the validity of their claim because I know for a fact that they handed someone else some notes and got their name published as the sole person involved with what is clearly a shit-ton of work, without so much as crediting the person who did the actual work.
I am not a fan of the ghost writer. The concept itself annoys the shit out of me. Why the hell would I pay someone else to do what I am personally talented and capable of doing myself? I wouldn’t.
I see ads all the time. “Ghost writer wanted for….”, and then I see what people are willing to pay. It is not uncommon, especially with e-books. One person wanted a 250 page Sci-Fi story done in ten days or less, not just written perfectly, but completely edited as well. Not only did they want to take full credit for it, asking you to sign a waiver absolving yourself of any involvement whatsoever, but they were only willing to pay $30 to whomever would take the job. Do you know how insulting that is to a writer of quality?
If you’re a ghost-writer and it has been, or is, profitable for you, then good luck & God Bless, but I think it’s important for young writers not to allow themselves to get caught up in this idea.
Don’t ever give your hard work away for free, and don’t ever let someone else take credit for the work that you do.
Don’t toil for hours, days, weeks, months, or years and allow someone else to be the one signing those books at a book signing. Write your own material, even if it DOES take you years to accomplish. Pour your soul into it, that will show the reader something about you. Don’t fall into a cookie-cutter mold of what you THINK you should be writing, saying, or thinking. Dare to be original. Dare to be yourself. Dare to dream and inspire.
If you allow yourself to be the writer of your own work, you also become the writer of your own destiny. Isn’t that what life is all about?
copyright © 2014 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Written by LISA MARINO-Molchanova 