
Writing
Falling Apart
I apologize for not writing yesterday. I fully intended to do so, I’ve had a few things partially fleshed out, but by 8:00 a.m., I was not in a position to do anything. I couldn’t even bend down!
Something in my lower back popped yesterday morning while I was scrolling through messages on my cell phone. For most people, that wouldn’t mean an awful lot. It might mean popping a few OTC pain meds and resting for a few days, no real damage done, but for someone with lower lumbar spinal issues, this meant shooting pain in more directions than I could fathom at the time. As the day progressed, it became pain in my entire body. I have no idea the what/why/how of any of it, just that I am having immense difficulty struggling through so much pain because there’s no end in sight.
As of this moment, the pain has settled into my head as a migraine with maddening sinus pain and pressure. It’s past the point of my normal pain threshold, so if you hear screaming in the distance, it’s me.
All written posts will be suspended until I figure out what the hell this is and how long it’s going to affect me. I’m no good to anyone if I cannot see past the pain and cannot sit long enough to type anything worth reading.
I hope everyone has a good Sunday. Life is short, make it count.
Migraines: Part One

I went to bed last night with what I consider a “mild migraine”. Most of mine are horrific in their intensity, so hopefully this post will help someone.
I have suffered from migraines for almost 18 years. I have a family history of migraines, but that’s not the case for all sufferers. Technically if someone in your family has experienced just one migraine in their life, that is considered a “history”, and even if they never get another migraine again, they are still considered someone who suffers from migraines.
I have a pretty high threshold for pain, so when a migraine takes me down, it messes with my mood and view of the world a lot more than the previous migraine.

I am extremely photosensitive, so on any normal day I avoid the sun, bright lights, and anything that bothers my vision. I wear sunglasses before I leave the house and I wear them after dark if I am coming home with a migraine, even if it looks off to someone else, it saves me.
A cool, dark room is my preference as I’m going through the “coping”, but this really works best during Spring & Summer when you don’t have to justify it in any capacity. In the Winter, no one wants to be freezing through a migraine. I am also highly sensitive to smell, and it becomes more intense when I’m in “migraine mode”.
When things are really bad and I’m dizzy and nauseous beyond belief on top of all that, I find that not moving around a lot helps, as does ginger (Ginger ale, even though it’s basically liquid candy, ginger candy, ginger tea, etc.). When I’m going through a really bad bout of repetitive migraines, I subsist on soup and ginger ale almost exclusively, with ginger tea and ginger-snaps being the only things I can truly keep down. I didn’t have nausea with my migraines until a few years ago. The fabulous benefit of getting older. For some weird reason, diet root beer (It has to be A&W. Every other brand, except for Pennsylvania Dutch Birch Beer, is absolutely disgusting to me.) and anything with wintergreen also helps with the nausea.

A migraine starts in my head, as it does for most of us, but it’s not truly gone until it has affected my stomach. I refer to this as the “head to toe” phenomenon. It starts above and doesn’t truly leave until it has wrecked my stomach. (This is where proper hydration comes in to the picture later on.)
If you suspect you suffer from migraines, find a really good neurologist who specializes almost exclusively in headaches. Let he/she run all the necessary tests to eliminate any other possibilities, but don’t just take over-the-counter analgesics and allow yourself to suffer. My methods are tried and true, and they work. Unfortunately every migraine is a little different.
I try not to treat a migraine medically if I’ve had to take more than three rounds of medication in a 12 hour time period. If it requires that much medication, sometimes a trip the emergency room is necessary. There are several drugs that can stop the migraine completely and others that are used to treat the pain. Be sure to have a copy of your migraine plan from your doctor with you, or you might not be received very well, or be treated properly, in most ER’s. One of the last times I went to the ER for my doctor-ordered shot of morphine (FYI: I’d NEVER gone before, always suffering through it no matter how bad, and I’d NEVER been given morphine for anything. I’d never wanted to risk the “last straw”. To this day, I’ve somehow managed to avoid getting a shot in the ER for my migraines, but believe me when I say, sometimes I wish I would just go.), they refused to follow his instructions. The nurses stood off to the side with the doctor whispering (which to my ears, sounded like a fucking freight train) that I “might be faking it”, as they “suspected I could be a junkie looking for a fix”. I was SO sick, the mere mention of the word “junkie” ensured I would never again seek treatment at that hospital, nor would I ever return to their emergency room for anything. I did not receive any treatment that day, except for a cat scan which, as we all know, proves absolutely NOTHING in regard to migraines. When I later told my doctor what happened, he was ENRAGED. Hell, they’d called him for the authorization and he faxed them my migraine plan. They couldn’t and wouldn’t follow simple instructions from an on-staff neurologist. If I hadn’t been so sick at the time, I would have asked him to come down and give me the shot himself. He had privileges to do so, but I was truly too ill to make the call.
My first step to coping when I feel the pain come on is to try to remain calm (I often fail here.). I won’t lie, migraines can ruin more than just a single day and when I feel the pain, I panic. Anyone who suffers from them knows that you can be out of the game for over four hours, or a week, depending on the severity of the pain, how long it took the pain to stop completely, and the recovery process. If the first migraine tapered off for a few hours and you got hit with a second one soon after, it makes your recovery time hard to pinpoint because it can suck the life out of you fast. The second I feel that “Uh Oh” twinge anywhere in my head, I take what I’m supposed to, which is supposed to stop the migraine in its tracks before my stomach shuts down, which is roughly 30 minutes or so from when you feel that first burst of pain.
When I am on Relpax (I’m not paid to say this, but it’s the only medication that truly works for me.), which is a prescription-only migraine medicine, I find relief generally without having to take more than 1-3 pills in a 24 hour period. These suckers are expensive, even with insurance, and I only get 6 at a time when they’re prescribed because my insurance doesn’t like paying over $22 per pill (and there’s no way in hell I am paying $240 out-of-pocket for it several times a month), but there are other ways to get them to pay for this if you need it. If this medicine works for you, stick with it. If it doesn’t, don’t worry, because there are a lot of other migraine medicines on the market that help to prevent migraines, and so many others that handle the pain when you suffer an attack. There is also a long list of preventives.

I am not a doctor, but when you suffer from something consistently, you start to feel like one at times. It took about two and half years before I was put on a preventative medicine that lowered my percentage of migraines. Before that, it was one drug after the other that did not work, and the side effects were almost as bad as the constant headaches. Many of them made the headaches worse. I lost my patience with the first neurologist who didn’t believe in managing the pain once it was trying to tear its way through my head. The one time I had to have him paged in the middle of the night because I was a step away from the emergency room, his response was obnoxious. He called something into the pharmacy for me that night, the headache stopped after a few days, but I never went back to see him because I felt he wasn’t properly handling things. If I’ve been a patient of yours for a year or two, and you can’t seem to think outside the box, I do have the right to seek a second opinion. Be your own best friend here. If you and a doctor fundamentally disagree on how you should be treated, find a new doctor. You’re the patient, you don’t deserve to be treated like someone’s science experiment.
Neurologist #2 saved me from drastic measures. To this day, he is someone I respect highly and trust to help me. I have recommended him to other people and will continue to do so. The very first medication he put me on dropped my almost daily migraines down by about 75%. I took it on and off for close to ten years before it stopped working completely. For me, that was still considerable progress. It’s a drug that doesn’t work for everyone and I was the first patient he’d ever given it to for migraines. Because of my initial success with it, he felt comfortable prescribing it to others that were experiencing the same level of pain as I was.
A lot of people who are on the homeopathic route should know this: Certain essential oils might help. I use Lavender. Sometimes I add a little Vanilla to the Lavender because that’s a calming combination for me, but Chamomile is also really helpful. I purchase these oils from TheOrganicWitch.com. Her prices are very reasonable for a 1 ounce bottle, and she often has a Buy 3 or 4, Get 1 Free deal going, so you get the oil you need, and often find a new one that helps with something else. Find out which oils work best for you, but know that not every one of them is safe for direct skin contact. Peppermint needs a carrier oil (in a pinch, olive oil works just fine since most of us have that on hand.). I find that Spearmint doesn’t irritate me or my skin when applied directly, and it’s easier on the senses, especially if you are super sensitive to fragrance, which I am. With Lavender I literally dip a Q-tip into it and apply a little to my temples, the spot on the forehead that is the “Third Eye”, behind my ears, and on my wrists. When using these oils, try to stay away from your pets to avoid direct contact with the oil itself. Over time, some of them are poisonous to cats if inhaled, so be aware of this. Occasional exposure will not kill your dog/cat. Tea Tree Oil is the only exception, they shouldn’t EVER be exposed to it as it is 100% toxic. Cat and kitten automatically move away from anything they find repulsive scent wise, so I don’t worry about them being curious. If you can’t flush the used Q-tip, toss it at the very bottom of your garbage can/bag. Your garbage will smell fantastic, and it will keep your pet(s) away from the remnants of the oil. If you have smaller pets that like to chew on Q-tips, find an alternative disposal method.

Hydration during a migraine and throughout the recovery process is crucial. I’ve had people say “You need to drink more fluids. When you get a headache your brain is thirsty.” I honestly don’t think it’s possible for anyone to drink more water than I do, but in the beginning, I did have to work on this theory of the dehydrated brain. Initially I experimented with things like Gatorade and Powerade (not in large amounts, as I was once concerned about the sodium content), but have since moved on to coconut water, which is 100% natural. I tend to keep Zico Dark Chocolate Coconut Water on hand for migraines (and assorted forms of dehydration) and I buy it by the liter, which is cheaper. If it’s not cold, I pour it over a couple of ice cubes and sip as much of it as I can, slowly. I cannot begin to tell you how many times this has saved me from additional pain and suffering. There are many times I drink it as soon as I’ve taken migraine medication, and if I then take a short nap, I wake up feeling like I never had pain in my head. Not all the time, but a high percentage of the time. I recommend Zico’s Coconut Water because all of the other brands I’ve tried tasted vile to me, including Zico’s Natural and other flavored products (They have several. Check out their web-site.). If you’re already used to the taste, go for it, but the one I’ve recommended is, by far, the superior tasting product and when you have a migraine, taste does often count. I have used their coconut water consistently for five years. It has not failed me.

I’ve got other migraine tips, and that will be in part two.
Do you have any migraine or pain related tip(s) you’d like to share? If so, leave a message in the comments section.
Wishing you all a pain-free day. 🙂
Portions of this are copyright © 2013-2015 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. This may not be re-blogged or posted anywhere without express written consent from the author.
When I First Started Writing…
When I first started writing, the advice that has stayed with me for 28 years is this: Write what you think, write what you feel, and write what you know. It doesn’t matter if someone doesn’t like it.
There may have been some profanity thrown into the mix, but that was the gist of it. I’ve been writing ever since.
I was a quiet, shy, observant child. Painfully so. Writing became this exemplary form of communication for me. It is through writing that I discovered my voice, the strength in that voice, and it allowed me to become incredibly comfortable speaking in public. I used to avoid eye contact and concentrate on the words I’d written, but now I make a point of making eye contact with people as I speak and memorizing several lines in advance to avoid looking down at what I’ve prepared. I’ve found that this alternative form of being even more direct than usual actually makes people uncomfortable. They look away, but they don’t stop listening.
To this day, I am still quiet and observant. I’m not the type of person that pushes herself upon anyone in terms of friendship, or even conversation. I don’t walk up to strangers and have conversations with them for no reason. I tend to keep to myself and my circle of friends, a circle that I am drawing tighter each day.
In my core group of friends, I am the only writer. I’m also the one who communicates differently than everyone else, probably because I do write and putting my thoughts down, in any form, is generally how I keep from killing others, but it’s also how I fight for the things that are most important to me.
Of late I’ve been reading a lot of different statements about writing from people on different levels of the spectrum, and I either find myself inspired or irritated.
I’ve said it before, but it bears saying again: Proverbial puking words onto a page does not make you a writer. Cohesiveness in storytelling might not even make you a writer. Sad, but true. We are all different. The people who drive me insane are the ones who have, quite literally, been writing for 15 minutes and expect fame and fortune.
Getting published traditionally and being successful to the point where you can quit your day job is a longshot. You might very well have a greater shot at winning Powerball or Mega Millions. A writer I love talks about that a lot, but apparently no one is listening to him. However, I’ve read all of his books since about 2003, so I don’t perceive my work as “perfect”, “fantastic”, or “superior” because I see greatness in so many people’s work. It might be someone on the New York Times Best Sellers’ List, but it might also be a little-known blogger or an Indie author. So many people have great stories to tell, and many more do not.
Several years ago I was in Barnes & Noble with my Aunt. They were remodeling that particular store and the genre I write in had been moved around. There were probably several thousand books, all one genre, all potential “competition”. I could have had an outright panic attack looking closely at them, but I didn’t. I decided that there was room left on the shelf for me. I did have a moment of serious doubt, but it quickly passed. The fact that people have told me they love my characters and would buy my books, based solely on reading a few chapters, is special to me.
This platform is where I come to be myself. There can be a plethora of emotion here, and I do not judge myself, or others, for any of it. In my professional work as an editor, I am supremely honest and direct, just as I am in every other aspect of my life. And when I’m dealing with my fiction material, it’s not that different. It’s still my voice, harsh honesty, and intensely strong characters that you will either like, love, or love-to-hate. I like, respect, and appreciate the honesty within the fiction because that’s what helps breathe life into it.
In the future, I hope to be able to share it all with you. For now, I’ll be here… Writing what I think, feel, and know. I don’t care if it’s liked or not.
copyright © 2015 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Days
The days are filled with terror. Problems piled up so high.
Panic sets in, as soon as the birds start chirping.
Sleepless nights, filled with anguish.
Nothing solved from day-to-day, constantly being turned away.
No one has answers and no one seems to care, absolving themselves of any and all responsibility.
Reliability is rare, it cannot be depended on.
Seemingly, everything is rare, and nothing can truly be trusted.
Pain is a constant, from head to toe.
But there’s no one there to listen, because they’ve all made it clear they don’t care.
The sound is overwhelming, discovering the noise is all within my mind.
These days don’t get better, and I just drift away…
copyright © 2015 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
Unpreachable
(Author’s Note: Happy Canada Day!)
I don’t like being preached to. I’m sure most of us don’t. By “preach”, I mean someone on their high horse with an agenda who is an absolute know-it-all and doesn’t know when to stop.
Initially I let it slide because it wasn’t a daily diet, but now… It’s gotten so bad that I’ve nearly said “Enough!” and “Shut the fuck up!” multiple times within a few days, as if I’m a cast member on The Real Housewives of insert whichever city you watch. Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about.
I know someone who talks to me like I am an uneducated moron (she’s one of many, but I’ll stay on topic) with the I.Q. of a donkey. I liken it to when I’m blonde and people talk to me slowly, as if I won’t catch half of what they’re saying. This changes the second I go back to being a brunette, but I digress… She has been a part of something for about eight years compared to my involvement for, oh, my ENTIRE LIFE. Call me insane, but I feel that gives me the advantage in terms of knowledge, but you know how know-it-alls are. If it’s not coming from them, it’s as if it’s never been said before. The fact that there’s mileage between us is the only reason I haven’t choked her to death. I’ve actually said “This has to stop.” repeatedly, but she doesn’t seem to be able to comprehend what I am saying.
I do not believe in getting into arguments via social media. If I have something to say, I will say it. I don’t need to hide behind my computer, tablet, or phone. I’m direct to the point of being terrifying, and I really don’t care if that bothers someone. I don’t care if you’re a friend, family member, or a fucking stranger, I am NOT going to engage with an asshole. Factoring in that this particular subject has been brought up repeatedly via phone calls, e-mail, text message, and now Facebook, I’ve HAD IT. I tried listening. I tried being kind. Hell, I repeatedly tried changing the subject. But no… The insanity is ever-present.

I’m not two. Even at two, I still made a lot of my own decisions. No one has ever told me what to think, how to believe, who to trust, how to view the world, etc. So please explain to me why anyone that knows me for even 20 minutes feels the need to do so?! I haven’t had a lobotomy. I am aware of what goes on in this world, but it is not my life’s work to “convince” people and bring them over to my way of thinking. I’m not a recruiter. Telling people they should think for themselves and then telling them what to think is called hypocrisy and I am many things, but a hypocrite isn’t one of them. I suspect she gets this nasty little habit from her mother. (She’s not going to read this and yes, we are related.)
We are all entitled to think the way we want to think and have our own personal beliefs. Even if you’re a moron or a douchebag, your thoughts are something no one can steal from you. I wish they would, but I stand by my word. However, I’m not going to be told I should “feel guilty” for “not doing more” to help with what she has decided is her life’s work when I know for a fact that it is not mine. I don’t need to come over to anyone else’s way of thinking if my beliefs do not coincide. Unlike the person in question, I know my limitations. I know when to say no, I know when to say enough, and I know when to say STOP.
I’ve decided that the healthiest thing to do is put some serious space between this person and I. If I allow the nuttiness to continue, the next words out of my mouth will be “Shut.The.Fuck.Up! Learn something else to talk about.” Harsh? Not if you knew this person. There is only so much I can listen to on a loop and the same topic every single day isn’t exactly a Billboard Top 100. So, I am going to ignore all e-mails, phone calls, and text messages until she buys a clue, or a vowel.
How do you deal with preachy nut jobs? Please let me know in the comments.









