“Cherish those who seek the truth, but beware of those who find it.” –Voltaire
Truth
The Pure And Simple Truth
“The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.” –Oscar Wilde
Every Story Is Based On A Truth
It’s no secret I have been ass-deep in alligators on the novel I started writing earlier this year. Nearly seven hundred pages have been written for the final draft, and there is still much work to be done. It’s limited my time because it’s an all-consuming type of story. However, I’m a firm believer in getting it right. So if you’re wondering what I’m up to, in all likelihood, I am probably working on the final draft of this particular manuscript, knowing there are many more like it up ahead.
It’s Been A While…
Hello everyone! It’s been a little over a month since I last wrote something for this platform. I don’t feel the need to apologize, though. Trust me, sometimes it’s better for me to be quiet than it is for me to say what I really believe, at the time, is the right thing to say.
I’ve needed the time “away” (I was very much still here) to focus on my health, diligently apply myself to my NaNoWriMo commitment, and detox from people, and things, that anger and upset me. I’m not really there yet with the detoxification, but I’m working on it.
The holiday season is an exceptionally hard time for me. And yet, an entire month swept past me in what seemed to be a blink of an eye. At this stage, I am simply trying to avoid perky people, and anyone who put their Christmas decorations up on November 1st. I am pretty sure within the next few days, my neighbors will begin to blind me with their lights. To each their own.
When I am not immersed in reading, writing, or extensive research, I am try to “wind down” my brain a bit, okay, a LOT. It is naturally hyperactive, so nothing is really helping. I find it disturbing that my brain is “always on”, for lack of a better term. With a brain that is always at work, you take the good with the bad. Would I rather be dim-witted or sharp with my wit? I think we all know the answer to that. I’m not giving up my snark. 😉
I hope my U.S. based readers had a lovely Thanksgiving and that my readers who span the globe are healthy, happy, pain-free, and able to enjoy the things many people take for granted.
A large part of me would have loved to be writing the past two months about major news headlines that affect all of us in one way or another, but I chose to leave that to other people while I focused on the final draft of my novel. NaNoWriMo, simply because it’s a challenge, encouraged me to write a new introduction to the story, allowed me to fill in areas that needed depth and growth, helped me with character development, and has helped me decide that every month, I am going to keep challenging myself to produce something enjoyable. Because it’s a genre I wouldn’t normally touch with a fifty foot pole, I have to give myself credit for allowing myself to be vulnerable to the writing and storytelling process. I wanted to write something that is organic, but in doing so, I had to reach deep into who I am and find the part of me that still believes in the things I’m writing. I’ve had great encouragement from my friend, Christy, and her support has meant the world to me.
There’s an important saying, “Pay attention to who steps up when others step away.” These past two months have allowed me to assess my friendships and relationships on an increasingly deep level. The important thing I’ve set my mind on is that I cannot be the one who does all the work in any relationship. If I always have to call, text, and reach out, then the other person clearly doesn’t value me a whole lot. I don’t need people like that in my life. Communication is give and take. If you text me, I will answer it as soon as I see it. If you e-mail me, I will answer you ASAP. If you call me and you’re on my “priority list”, I will answer the phone. I programmed my phone so it won’t ring if you’re not on the list. Mostly because I hate the sound of a phone ringing no matter who it may be, and because a five a.m. phone call is jarring. It’s no big deal if I’m awake, but it’s a huge deal if I went to bed early or I’m suffering from a migraine, etc. Overall, I am extremely sensitive to noise. In the past two years I have only gone short periods of time without a migraine, and of late, the physical pain of suffering from Fibromyalgia has been crushing. I hope and pray these things can be handled properly, and soon, by someone who will have my best interests at heart. This year, apart from one good experience, has made me angrier than ever before at the medical community. Greed, politics, and disrespect runs rampant. I’ve never used this expression before, but I feel completely victimized by “the system”, and only a fool would pretend that it’s okay. It isn’t.
These next few weeks are going to be filled with writing letters, filling out paperwork, doing research, fighting for justice, and trying to go into 2018 with positive thoughts.
As I sit here unable to sleep, with my heart racing (For the record, it shouldn’t be doing that, but I am SO stressed and dealing with so much pain and heartache; I simply can’t control how my body attempts to cope.), I am trying to figure out how to pack a seemingly endless task into the next two days. I’m going to say a prayer and hope for the best. Someone told me the other day to “give it to God and go to bed”. That might be the correct advice, after all. I guess I’ll find out.
Wishing you all the best,
L.
copyright © 2017 Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
Brave Enough To Be Angry
This is incredibly well-written. It also triggered some memories for me that I knew might surface eventually. With many of my close friends coming to me with their stories, which range from offensive to disturbing and terrifying, I find myself a lot quieter.
The other day I was viciously attacked by two women, absolute strangers, for having a definitive opinion about someone/something. These people do not know me, they don’t know where I come from or what I have been through, but like so much on social media; people love to attack from behind a device. They feel safe in saying ugly things because you don’t live next door to them, or across the street. I find that cowardly. I actually expect that from most men (Not all, just most. There was a HUGE argument the other night when some douche bag attacked my cousin on social media. Instead of keeping the horrors of what occurred in Texas to a civilized discussion, and just discussing the facts, which is exactly what was happening until this guy took a cheap shot, an ugly low blow, and then deleted it, like a punk. I wanted to punch him in the face. You can say a lot of things to or about me, but you’ll never say I’m disloyal or that I don’t have your back. In fact, my cousin immediately texted me to say “Thank you for having my back in that discussion.”), but women should know better. I wish we, as women, judged less and respected more. However, we don’t. We collectively preach certain things, but so many do not practice what they preach. I’m not perfect. I can judge without realizing I’m doing it. I’ve often looked at it as intuition, as opposed to making a judgment call, especially when I end up being right.
Yes, women are a force. I wish all of us stood for the same things and truly understood the bonds of sisterhood.
When Someone You Love…
“When someone you love makes compassion, kindness, forgiveness, respect, and God an option, you can be sure they have made you an option, as well.” ―Shannon L. Alder
Things I’m Thinking About
Every once in a while, I believe we all slip into a “funk” or a mood we simply can’t shake. It then translates into lack of interest in things we’d normally be incredibly involved in. I know where my mood stems from, and why, but nevertheless, it is causing more harm than good. What else is new, right?
I was feeling pretty awful earlier this week after spending several days pretty much bed-ridden in pain. I made mention of this and several friends and family members told me I was “one of the strongest people they know”. As per usual, someone tried to take that away from me by insinuating I am “not that strong” or maybe “not strong at all”. Before speaking, I suggest you live in my shoes for six months, experience my pain and suffering, and THEN you might be allowed to imply this or that, but ultimately, take into consideration the very real possibility that you don’t know me as well as others do. Or maybe you choose to see what they do not. Regardless, kicking a person while they’re down is pretty damn low, not to mention, greatly unappreciated. And yet, I wasn’t entirely shocked, just ticked off.
When someone sees you suffering and takes shots at you for no reason; it’s not about you.
There are days I push so hard to survive from one minute to the next, and there are days that take me out completely. It doesn’t mean I don’t want to do something, it means I’m listening to my body. When your body says “I can’t do this today. I need care.”, you have to listen. Just because you pushed your body the day before does not mean it will be kind to you today. Between being physically burnt out, enduring high levels of pain, and disrupted sleep patterns, I feel confident when I listen to my body. There are days I force myself to be “normal” and get things done, and there are days when my body just plain shuts down. It doesn’t mean one thing was more important than the other, but it does mean I have limitations.
In a few days, it will be my third month on muscle relaxers. They helped considerably when I badly hurt my lower back and it was one spasm after another, requiring me to take muscle relaxers, an anti-inflammatory, and spend hours with a heating pad directly where the issues were. Beyond that, they’re doing NOTHING for my neck, unless I’ve been writing all day and my neck feels tight from how I look at the screen for hours on end. I rarely look at the keyboard, which is an interesting little fact I only recently noticed about myself.
I’m writing, trying to complete the final draft of my manuscript. It was going very well, until I decided I needed to re-work the entire first portion of the book. Yes, I’m a perfectionist and a pain in the ass, but I’d rather write something amazing as opposed to something half-assed that seems familiar. Overall, anything one can think of under the sun has already been thought of already (A fancy way of saying “It’s all been done before.”), but can one put a new spin on it? Yes. And so, I have spent hours trying to figure out how to give it an alternative beginning. This involved a prologue I’m really proud of, and as I do my umpteenth read-through, it will involve some major changes throughout the storyline. I’m not pressuring myself about any of this work, but goal-wise, I am going to try writing as much as humanly possible during NaNoWriMo, next month. I’m averaging several thousand words on my good days, so why not take the new word count and see where it leads me? It doesn’t hurt to try. Again, I’m not going to pressure myself, but I AM going to work hard and write to the best of my ability.
If you did/do your best with the written word you put your name on, then you will have achieved much.
I hope everyone enjoys the rest of their week!
copyright © 2017 Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
Getting Your Head To Shut Up
This is SO me at the moment.
Sometimes In Life
“Sometimes in life, we may have to experience solitude, the baseless accusations of people, the betrayal and misunderstanding of trusted and loyal ones, the great judgments and suggestions of ‘they that know better’, and a moment of a state of double mindedness. But those are also for good, for they are the very things that shape and prepare our mind, body and spirit to face the world and to accomplish our mission with great zeal, tenacity and distinctiveness.” ―Ernest Agyemang Yeboah
*In light of an accusation/thought, it feels appropriate to share this quote.
If I speak about someone with respect and enthusiasm, please know that it is because I am being respectful and enthusiastic, and am probably stunned that someone is actually treating me well in some capacity, but it is NOT because I have unprofessional or unrealistic feelings for them.
I’ve discussed relationships I’ve been in and am currently in, and I think my readers would know if I was A) Cheating on someone or B) Having an affair. We all have tells. I am proud to say I have done neither in my life. However, if you know me long enough, or well enough, to question such a thing, then I feel I have the right to turn around and say “Are you fucking kidding me?!” That isn’t something you laugh about with me; it’s a serious accusation. It’s one I will never respond kindly to. I may be single (as in, not married), but that does not mean I feel anyone else’s husband is “up for grabs”. I don’t. It doesn’t matter what the capacity is; if I know a man and he is in a relationship, he is 100% OFF LIMITS. He can be a great friend who I respect and trust, he can be anyone, really, but that does not mean I’m going to hit on him, or that I’d allow him to hit on me. That I even feel I have to clarify this means I am well and truly upset.
So to anyone who has every wondered; your boyfriends and husbands are 100% safe in my presence. In fact, they might as well be eunuchs as far as I’m concerned.*
Written by LISA MARINO-Molchanova 