“I didn’t expect to recover from my second operation but since I did, I consider that I’m living on borrowed time. Every day that dawns is a gift to me and I take it in that way. I accept it gratefully without looking beyond it. I completely forget my physical suffering and all the unpleasantness of my present condition and I think only of the joy of seeing the sun rise once more and of being able to work a little bit, even under difficult conditions.” ―Henri Matisse
Illness
My Silences Had Not Protected Me
“My silences had not protected me. Your silence will not protect you. But for every real word spoken, for every attempt I had ever made to speak those truths for which I am still seeking, I had made contact with other women while we examined the words to fit a world in which we all believed, bridging our differences.” ―Audre Lorde
One Of The Things That Baffles Me…
“One of the things that baffles me (and there are quite a few) is how there can be so much lingering stigma with regards to mental illness, specifically bipolar disorder. In my opinion, living with manic depression takes a tremendous amount of balls. Not unlike a tour of Afghanistan (though the bombs and bullets, in this case, come from the inside). At times, being bipolar can be an all-consuming challenge, requiring a lot of stamina and even more courage, so if you’re living with this illness and functioning at all, it’s something to be proud of, not ashamed of. They should issue medals along with the steady stream of medication.”
―Carrie Fisher
The Lotus
“The lotus is the most beautiful flower, whose petals open one by one. But it will only grow in the mud. In order to grow and gain wisdom, first you must have the mud — the obstacles of life and its suffering. … The mud speaks of the common ground that humans share, no matter what our stations in life. … Whether we have it all or we have nothing, we are all faced with the same obstacles: sadness, loss, illness, dying and death. If we are to strive as human beings to gain more wisdom, more kindness and more compassion, we must have the intention to grow as a lotus and open each petal one by one. ” ―Goldie Hawn
Others Imply…
“Others imply that they know what it is like to be depressed because they have gone through a divorce, lost a job, or broken up with someone. But these experiences carry with them feelings. Depression, instead, is flat, hollow, and unendurable. It is also tiresome. People cannot abide being around you when you are depressed. They might think that they ought to, and they might even try, but you know and they know that you are tedious beyond belief: you are irritable and paranoid and humorless and lifeless and critical and demanding and no reassurance is ever enough. You’re frightened, and you’re frightening, and you’re ‘not at all like yourself but will be soon’, but you know you won’t.” ―Kay Redfield Jamison
When You’re Too Sick To Go To The Doctor
https://themighty.com/2017/05/being-too-sick-to-see-doctor/
She’s right. A large majority of people would never understand this, but I’m in the percentage who understands, without further explanation.
The Fact That We…
“The fact that we are living does not mean we are not sick.” ―Joseph Brodsky
Okay, Here’s The Deal…
Fall is still in “full bloom”. The trees are lush with color, but there aren’t a lot of completely leaf free trees, mine included. Naturally, this is right about the time when I might get sick.
It’s slowly been affecting me for about a week now, but I kept saying “Oh, the time is about to change, I just need more rest.” Turns out, I am SICK. I would betray you right now for a constant influx of hot tea, soup, mashed potatoes, and a few other choice comfort foods.
It’s hard to tell if you’re actually sick when you have Fibromyalgia. I take all the necessary precautions. Vitamins, balanced diet, as much exercise as I can do without ending up in a body cast, and I wipe down everything with Lysol at home, and antibacterial wipes in public. It might seem a little OCD, and it is, but I’d rather be safe than sorry. I keep a bottle of hand sanitizer in my purse. Bath & Body Works has the best purse size versions and they smell awesome. You can get them in store, or buy a few on clearance on eBay. I usually buy 4-5 at a time and keep them in different spots. They’re lifesavers.
I know I am sick because I have swollen glands. That doesn’t happen for me with Fibro. I don’t have a fever, but I feel frozen down to my bones, and this is with the heat on. I finally bit the bullet and took a multi-symptom tablet with all the things I think it should have because whatever I have, it’s all from the neck up, save the physical aches and pains, and the weakness and exhaustion.
If you know me, you know I HATE being sick. I’ve had illnesses that have left me in bed for weeks wanting my mother (who is sadly, no longer there to call upon.), and other times, I bear it through weeks of soup, tea, ginger ale (for some reason, diet root beer is immensely helpful when I’m sick. I discovered this a few years ago and now I’m obsessed with it.), and toast because the thought of anything else being in my stomach just isn’t going to happen.
I definitely don’t have the flu. A close friend thinks I’m having sympathy pains, which is not unheard of. In fact, it’s entirely possible.
So, if you see a woman running around the Northeast with a purse size bottle of Lysol and hand sanitizer, stop and say hello, but make sure she’s a short brunette, or you might end up looking like an idiot. LOL. (My friend is writing me a letter of permission to carry said objects with me, lest I be arrested for trying to disinfect every store I go to.)
copyright © 2014 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Written by LISA MARINO-Molchanova 