My Life Is Not an ‘Acceptable Loss’ During the COVID-19 Pandemic

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My Life Is Not an ‘Acceptable Loss’ During the COVID-19 Pandemic

I, too, have noticed what is most important to people. The shallow depths are obnoxious as hell. People are behaving as if this is suddenly over and life can go back to “normal”. Life is doing no such thing, and the sooner you come to terms with it, the better off you’ll be. The fact that people are now traveling to different countries by choice and going on vacations is a bit much for me. They aren’t wearing masks, gloves, or doing anything to protect themselves or those around them. And they’re taking great lengths to justify traveling with a newborn, and traveling in general. All of that to be at the beach? Really?! Perhaps I take it for granted because I am so close to the beach, but I’m not spending my time at a packed beach, park, or anywhere that involves crowds. It can wait, and it will.

I am at risk every time I pick up groceries in between Whole Foods and Amazon Fresh deliveries, which, let’s face it, is a privilege. Not everyone can have the bulk of their groceries delivered. It took me several months to even get a delivery slot. Once you have it, you’re good for future slots. I only have one complaint about my order, but that’s for Whole Foods to deal with. I am still going to places like Walgreens, PetSmart, and Trader Joe’s because they’re close by, and I still have medication and other things that I normally replace every few weeks. Trader Joe’s is doing the most to keep things clean, like sanitizing the shopping carts in front of you, and putting distancing labels on the floor so you can get what you need, get on line, and get out quickly. They’re still limiting how many shoppers are in the store at a time, so I don’t feel overwhelmed in there. PetSmart is predominantly empty. My cats still need supplies each month, so I do my best to make sure they have what they need.

I am usually a regular at my nail salon; rarely going as long as three weeks in between manicures. I worried they might not survive being closed for several months, yet I have not been back since they’ve reopened. I may not return until September or October. I’ve reached a new level of , “Who cares?” regarding my own nails because many regulars are over 70 and require people to socially distance. I would feel like an absolute  hypocrite if I went running in for an appointment immediately, as so many people did. I say this out of concern. One person I am semi-familiar with went running to her salon for a mani/pedi and two days later she had a staph infection. I trust my salon and I’m friendly with the owners. You will never see me post a photo of an infection asking people online what I should do about it. I would NEVER go back to a place that made me ill in any way,  and I would definitely report it to the owners, and to the board of health. Where there’s one staph infection, there are others. I will pass, for now. I can use foot masks temporarily until I feel safe enough to return to a “new normal”. It’s important to find out what they’ve done to make their customers, and themselves, safer. I know when I do call for an appointment, they will have answers for me. Yes, going in might make me feel better after the past four months of pure isolation, depression, pain, and misery, but at what cost?

My hair salon went out of business. I knew this was a strong possibility, especially when my colorist left a few years ago (Her new place of business was looted during a protest in Boston, so the owners don’t know if they can rebuild or not. This woman has been amazing to me from day one. She has guided me with maintaining a difficult hair color, got it sponsored for two straight years which saved me a fortune, responds to questions I have each month regarding what to use, especially when I am unsure about making it darker, richer, extremely vibrant, or lighter. We came to an agreement about lightening it up a bit for summer, in case I want to go back to my natural color in a few months.). I want to stay with the same stylist, but I have no idea where she will end up working or if she even feels safe to return to any environment involving hair right now. In the meantime, I found two alternative options and I am definitely going to get a significant trim as soon as possible, but I am doing so after reading all of the precautions put in place in order to protect their customers and employees. If your employees don’t feel safe, then the customer will pick up on that very quickly. Knowing that Ulta took care of their employees the entire time the stores were closed makes me much more willing to give them my business. The places that didn’t take care of their employees, well, it shows.

My point in all of this is that I am okay to run and get a much-needed hair cut, but I am not going to put myself or others at risk for something I view as frivolous. I wear a mask, I wear gloves, I carry hand sanitizer with me (I have actually done this for ten years. Mini sanitizers from Bath & Body Works are especially perfect for your purse. They are about to begin their semi-annual clearance sale, so if you don’t have a little one for even the shortest outings, theirs are fantastic and you can shop the sale online. Dr. Bronner’s has sprayable hand sanitizers, which are an excellent backup or first choice. I’m currently carrying one of theirs, along with a Warm Vanilla Sugar from B&BW. Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s are carrying Dr. B’s, and their website has them for direct purchase, as well.), etc. I wipe down everything that comes inside with Clorox wipes. I’m sure I look nuts when I’m doing this, but these are necessary precautions. Every little bit helps.

If you’re refusing to wear a mask, think about the possibility of you infecting those you love the most in life. Plenty of people are asymptomatic and don’t know they’re walking carriers, so every time they walk past someone who is already at risk, they can be making that person sick or leading them to their death. We aren’t being punished by being asked to wear a damn mask while in stores.

I am choosing to be smart this summer. I don’t have to go anywhere weekly, but I can get my hair cut and it’ll remain in good shape until Fall. In this, I feel like it’s all right, but if I had to go monthly, I don’t know if I’d take that risk seeing as how I will be going to someplace unfamiliar. And because there will only be one or two people there at the same time, it’s okay. There’s some distancing involved and I’ll still be wearing a mask. I’ll still be washing my hands and the stylist will be following specific protocols, as well. 

At my next essential doctor’s appointment in August, I very well might be the only person in the waiting room, and that is perfectly fine. It went well in May, and I know it will be fine moving forward. I’m not ready for crowds and I don’t think any doctor’s office is prepared for this, either.

I agree with nearly everything this writer mentioned. I have gone as far as refusing to discuss the virus with people because they’re obsessed and I am not. I would rather read a book, do some research, or write, than listen to people’s fears. Only one person took offense to my saying that I could not be a Covid 19 dumping ground. They took this personally and turned it into a fight. Via text. Did you just roll your eyes? Trust me, it gets worse and I will be discussing it, but I feel like many of us have had enough of the constant influx. I do NOT want to sit in front of any news coverage via television, online, or the radio. There’s a limit and I have met mine. There’s no point complaining about it because everyone is going to do whatever the hell they want. I want to continue to make the smartest choices possible. 

I’ll be here; keeping my distance and trying to maintain a sense of normalcy within my own day-to-day activities. I encourage everyone to do whatever makes them feel safe. We’ve never lived through something like this, so there’s an obvious learning curve, but it’s also a necessary one.

Wishing you all a healthy, safe 4th of July weekend.

Objects In The Rearview Mirror Are A Mindfuck

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A few days ago, a Facebook group claiming to aid in eradicating anti-Semitism decided to start harassing me to an intolerable degree. For the past two years, which is how long they’ve run their page, they would immediately attack anything I said that interfered with their hateful “message”. They are trying to mask hatred under the guise of, “educating people”. It took a few minutes to realize they are malicious AF. Sometimes, it’s important to keep your eye on people like that. They are dangerous and spreading the wrong message. Hate ISN’T faith.

They are trying to malign my name, my work, and how I represent my portion of the Jewish community. They have gone as far as to tell me I can’t possibly be Jewish, as well as be multicultural. 🙄 DNA and genetics don’t lie. I KNOW who I am. I know where my ancestors come from. And I KNOW my faith/spirituality is different and may be confusing for those who aren’t open-minded. But it isn’t for anyone to judge. This is a (relatively) free country.

I have reported them to Facebook, taken screenshots of their harassment, and blocked them. They are still persisting in their harassment, and I feel forced to send them a cease and desist order. I don’t tolerate harassment because that’s when you cross a line. It isn’t acceptable. 

Apparently, being honest in the community automatically labels you one thing or another, and they like to assume it’s all political. It isn’t. Honesty doesn’t automatically make you right or wrong, nor does it make you left or right. Sharing different opinions and views is part of being human.

Let me set things straight: I’m not a hateful person. I am direct. I KNOW my faults. I’ll apologize in a New York Minute if I’m wrong. There’s no shame in admitting you were incorrect, but there IS a problem with attacking a person, name-calling, and threats of physical, mental, or emotional harm towards another person’s friends and family. I don’t know who the fuck this person thinks they are, but they have NO CLUE about who I am am or what I stand for. 

I am an established writer. It’s not a hobby; it’s my full-time job. Not all writers can say that. I’m genuinely blessed in this arena, and no one is going to fuck with that. My reputation speaks volumes. Being on the right side of history means being FAIR to others; not rabidly hateful.

Should you see something negative posted online with any reference to me, please take a screenshot and share it with me immediately. Legal action is a final effort, but they’re making it necessary.

Ultimately, I have decided to remove myself from all of these so-called “groups” claiming to be a “community”. That’s not what they are. They are supporting different levels of hate, and I’m the only person they’ve repeatedly singled out. Radical fundamentalism in ANY faith is taking things much further than necessary. I will be filing a police report locally. I refuse to be told I am lesser than other Jews, and attacked for the perception of ONE asshole. 

In-fighting is disgusting. It’s the side most people don’t know about, or see, in Judaism, but I assure you it exists. I’m making it known in order to protect myself and my family.

Anti-Semitism ISN’T okay. Nor is harassment of someone who is a private citizen who you’re choosing to single out and demonize. Fuck that.

Since they feel safe behind their devices of choice, I am committed to putting them out of “business”. They are part of what’s wrong with the community at large. It’s time to remove that which is rotten to the core.

For the most part, Jews are thoughtful, kind, peaceful, supportive individuals. Most, not all. They are focused, hard-working, and many members of the community are brilliant in their fields of choice. I was primarily raised by two Jewish mothers; my mother and Grandmother. I was taught to excel, to listen, to be independent and kind, to compete in sports I loved, and to always be myself. My Grandmother wanted a silent, pretty, smart doll to show off to her friends. My mother wanted the fierce warrior she gave birth to. It would probably be easier for a lot of people if I was silent and pretty, with very few thoughts or opinions. <Shrugs> Sorry, Grandma, Mom ordered a dragon slayer.

I do not blame any sect of Judaism for the harassment I am experiencing. This is how the cookie crumbles, and it’s almost certainly coming from someone who is unhappy with their own life above anything else. I mean, who else would have to time to jump on someone every other second? Removing myself from the equation was the best thing I could do, and Facebook can deal with the rest, along with the police. Believe it or not, constant harassment and threats of harm, as well as blatant slander, are considered cyber crimes. Only a true moron thinks all of this is permitted under the first amendment. I’m not one hundred percent certain what country they are in, but it wouldn’t be my first C&D and may not be my last. Knowing the rules,  and adhering to my own personal list of dos and do nots, is important to me. Having integrity and character is important. 

Before you run your mouth on the Internet, make sure nothing you say can be misconstrued. 

copyright © 2020 by Lisa Marino and Poison In Lethal Doses, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. 

Blind Love

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There aren’t many Bon Jovi songs I don’t know, but I happened upon this a few minutes ago while listening to my entire digital music catalog while I do some writing. I rarely do that; music can be distracting when I’m typing racing thoughts and ideas.

This one takes me back to certain songs of theirs which probably saved my life at times. I remember when I first starting listening to Bon Jovi and how the songs all seemed to speak to me and my life. There are a few I can no longer listen to for deeply personal reasons.

Are you a Bon Jovi fan? If so, what’s your favorite song?

Mars and Venus Issues

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“Margaret Atwood, the Canadian novelist, once asked a group of women at a university why they felt threatened by men. The women said they were afraid of being beaten, raped, or killed by men. She then asked a group of men why they felt threatened by women. They said they were afraid women would laugh at them.” ―Molly Ivins

*Reading this makes me incredibly sad, and a little angry.

Growing up in an abusive home, I was never truly afraid of my father. Most of his threats were empty and the few times he came close enough to possibly hurting my mother or brother, I would physically intervene and put them behind me. I was nine/ten/eleven, and I never once thought that protecting them was wrong. One day he pushed too far and I knocked him on his ass. I was already well into my teens at that point. Eventually, my mother was afraid I’d kill him, which is ultimately what gave her the strength to begin the process of leaving him. 

People used to ask my mother all the time if she was afraid for me. “Aren’t you worried or afraid of the guys she dates trying to take advantage or harm her?” Her response was, “Nope. They should be more afraid of her. Just because they’re taller or weigh more doesn’t mean she isn’t prepared to take them down. I trust her judgment.” This conversation came up a little too often with her colleagues and friends. It played into the gender roles that are “expected”; hell, they still are. Telling a group of women she trusted me to make the right decisions and take someone out, if need be, was quite alarming to these privileged individuals whose daughters moved across the country (or to another country, entirely) to get away from their overbearing behavior. Not all girls/women are delicate little flowers. Some of us know better, and aren’t into being treated in such a manner. I will stare a man down if he acts like I can’t do things without assistance. If I need an assist, I will ask for it, but I dislike presumptions of weakness. 

Why do we, as a society, (still) act like women, by proxy, are automatically victims? Why do women feel victimized enough to say these are their fears of men? Those are very big fears for women to have. They should be concerns, as opposed to fears. It makes me question who these women are and what they’ve already experienced in order to feel this way.

Yes, I know women who have been raped and sexually assaulted, and many of them blame themselves. They are often too afraid to report the incident and between the police and the legal system, they are failed by both from start to finish. This is NOT acceptable. We cannot blame ourselves for the actions of violent men. While I’m on the subject, why aren’t men smart enough to stop fearing whether or not they will be laughed at when their true fear is being rejected? Why do men think they’re owed sex because you agreed to have dinner with them? There’s no meal on this planet that is deserving of sex as a “reward” or as “payment”. Get the fuck out of here with that thought process! Obviously, not all men view it this way. There are good men in this world, but far too many do think like this. We have to keep educating both men and women regarding these matters. 

Gender roles are changing, but not enough. I am the first one to suggest that women take self-defense classes. I was lucky enough to be one of the only females in a family full of men. I can shoot straight, throw straight, and put a three hundred pound man on the ground with just a few moves. When people were concerned for my safety as a writer, I had to tell them this, and they were shocked. If you can learn something that will give you peace of mind, I encourage it and support you. 

There’s a popular quote that says, “Here’s to strong women. May we know them, be them, and raise them.”

No one is questioning the strength of men, but the mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual strength of women is challenged daily. I’m used to being underestimated. By men, and by other women. But I’m not bothered about it for myself. I am bothered by it for other women. And to be fair, I am also bothered by good men being accused of things they haven’t done. Yes, we should believe men & women when they are brave enough to report something awful, but people are still innocent until proven guilty in the United States. Except Harvey Weinstein. He makes the Devil seem like a kindhearted concept.

Do you have anything to add to what I’ve said? If so, please leave your comments below.

Copyright ©2020 by Lisa Marino and Poison In Lethal Doses, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.